Official Rules for The Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship

In the Summer of 2009, I went on my first actual camping trip. I joined my wife's family in spending a week at the Pirateland Campground in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Before you outdoor-types start criticizing me for never having been camping prior to then, bear in mind that my folks were not into sleeping in tents, foraging for food or using pine cones as toilet paper - or whatever it is that people who are actually into camping do when they go camping. We never went anywhere on vacation that didn't have accommodations complete with all the comforts of home as we'd either stay in a hotel or sometimes rent a condo. That said, this occasion wasn't exactly hardcore camping as we were staying in a camper equipped with air conditioning, a full kitchen, cable television, a bathroom, and WiFi (technically the WiFi came from the campground's facilities - even so, it was there and available). That was almost 4 years ago. I still haven't slept in a tent and to be perfectly honest with you I'm quite alright with that.

That initial camping experience was a marvelous event as I got to see and do things I'd never had the chance to take part in previously, such as sleeping on the floor of a camper while laying on an inflatable mattress. It was filled with firsts for my wife & I as we were still dating then but well on our way to making memories and traditions as a couple. One such tradition to be born out of this trip was a putt-putt competition. I don't recall how many rounds we played but Jill and I quickly realized that this was something we both loved as I think each of us has something of a competitive spirit. From those meager beginnings evolved what has now become known as the Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship - or the ATMBPPCC for short.

The ATMBPPCC trophy - constructed by A1TROPHY (http://www.a1trophy.com)

Pretty sweet trophy, right? I designed it myself - I'd originally intended to make something rather absurd as there was a point during its development that the golf ball/club symbols on the second tier were going to be cows (yes, I'm serious). I'm happy that I went another route, needless to say, as it turned out even better than the conceptual artwork made it look. At some point I'd like to add to this by having a plaque made with panels that can be updated so that we can record who wins each year.

Suffice to say that what started out as a cheeky competition has taken on a slightly more serious vibe since we first began challenging one another to several rounds of mini-golf during our annual Myrtle Beach vacation. Surely something so grandiose as to be recognized by an actual trophy must have a set of official rules?

Right?

Well, no, to be perfectly honest with you. We just never wrote any down, although we had some loose parameters in mind while playing. That said, what follows is my attempt at laying down the law as it pertains to the ATMBPPCC.

ANNUAL TRUESDALE MYRTLE BEACH

PUTT-PUTT CHALLENGE CHAMPIONSHIP

OFFICIAL RULES

FORWARD

It is declared this, the 1st day of May in the year of our Lord 2013, that from henceforth all Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship (referenced as ATMBPPCC hereafter) activities shall be conducted according to the rules presented herein. The statements making up this document are considered fluid and may be added to, updated, adjusted or removed in the event that such action is deemed necessary.

FOUNDATION

1) The ATMBPPCC is to be held in no locale other than Myrtle Beach, SC.

2) The ATMBPPCC is an annual event, taking place once each calendar year.

3) The ATMBPPCC shall consist of a best 3-out-of-5 scenario. A warm-up practice round, the results of which will not count towards the final tally, may be played if a consensus of agreement is reached by the participants that it is needed.

COURSE SELECTION

Each round of the ATMBPPCC will consist of 18 holes and must be played at a course unique to that particular year's event. In other words, no course may be played twice in a single year. A course played in an earlier ATMBPPCC may be used in the current event and a course played during the current year may serve as host in subsequent competitions.

If a chosen putt-putt facility offers multiple courses, the course advertised or denoted as being the most challenging course available at said facility must be used for ATMBPPCC play. Should there be no signage or other notification regarding course difficulty, facility staff will be consulted and whichever course they proclaim to be most challenging shall be played.

PARTICIPATION

Robert Jonathan Truesdale and Jill Moak Truesdale are the only allowed participants in ATMBPPCC competition. In the event of offspring, any children Robert and Jill may spawn will be allowed to participate once they have displayed competency, interest and a general understanding for the game of putt-putt.

Other individuals may play with Robert and Jill while they are engaged in ATMBPPCC competition however the scores of these individuals will not figure into the final outcome of the ATMBPPCC.

Accompanying players may provide moral support and strategic assistance to Robert and Jill but they absolutely may not physically interfere with the competition in any way. This includes, but is not limited to, the following: Moving of balls, malicious handling of equipment and clubs, engaging in annoying conversation, and otherwise being a distraction from ATMBPPCC competition. Doing so will result in the offender being immediately thrown into the nearest water hazard and left for dead. Play of the current round may continue but the ATMBPPCC participant associated with the offending guest shall forfeit the current round to their competitor.

ETIQUETTE

In an effort to maintain high standards of play, it should be noted that any attempt to distract or otherwise interfere with an opposing player will result in the imposition of harsh penalties (see PARTICIPATION, second paragraph).

Good sportsmanship is to be observed at all times during ATMBPPCC play. It is permissible to express frustration, albeit to a point of understandability (for example, letting out a subtle "Dang!") and not complete outlandishness (for example, throwing your club while shouting something about the course architect's mother being from Tijuana). This also pertains to expressions of being a poor loser - buck up, princess, there's always next year. While there is no direct penalty for these actions, an opposing player may reserve the right to record whatever tirade(s) their counterpart decides to engage in for the purpose of future shaming (such as sharing said recording to various social media outlets).

SCORING, TIE BREAKERS AND DO-OVERS (AKA, "MULLIGANS")

For ATMBPPCC play, the standard scoring rules of putt-putt (as well as any unique declared rules of the course being played) shall be observed. Each stroke counts as one point with the winner of the round being the player with the lowest cumulative point total.

Each player will be allowed one do-over (aka, "Mulligan") per round. Do-overs are not transferable between players and cannot be accumulated over the length of ATMBPPCC play nor can they be held over from one ATMBPPCC to the next. A do-over may be initiated as the result of a poor shot, lost ball, etc. A do-over may not be applied to the 18th hole or any hole which reclaims balls.

If there is no stated out of bounds penalty at the course being played, a 2-stroke penalty shall be applied to the player's score on that particular hole should they make a shot which results in a ball going out of bounds. This scenario would be nullified if the player in question has an available do-over, should they choose to use it at that point.

Regarding out of bounds shots, a player making such a shot will be allowed to place their ball back onto the course at the nearest playable position of the hole in question. The ball shall be placed no further than the distance of one club-head from the retaining structure. The ball must be played from this position regardless of whether or not an obstruction to a player's ideal positioning is present.

If there is no per hole stroke maximum at the course being played, a per hole 6-stroke maximum shall be observed.

In the event of a tie score at the end of a round, the player with the most holes-in-one during that particular round will be declared the winner of the round. Should there be a tie regarding most holes-in-one, the winner shall be determined by a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors with best 3-out-of-5 rules in play.

Am I Having a Mid-life Crisis?

My lifestyle has changed fairly dramatically here lately, not so much since the point in time that my wife & I were married but around a few other life events namely when we bought our house and when I changed jobs. In the past year, we've gone from renting a little shoebox of a house to owning a home with a bit of land attached. Additionally, I went from being Joe Schmoe employee at my previous workplace to being in the position of a director with my current employer. Suffice to say that those are some pretty sizable changes to the dynamic of our everyday lives, especially seeing as how we (I shouldn't speak for us - as in my wife & I - in this instance but I'm going to anyway) were settled in to our routines as they'd been consistent for several years. I don't know if it's that I haven't quite adjusted to things as they are now just yet or if what I'm experiencing is a legitimate mid-life crisis.

I looked up the medical definition of the term "mid-life crisis" online so that I'd have a better understanding of it and I'm not sure that doing so helped matters. I'm of the opinion that if you're suffering from some sort of ailment the absolute worst thing you can do is conduct research on your own via the web. My experience with having done so tells me that you stand a high probability of self-diagnosing yourself as having the worst possible outcome imaginable instead of attaining any useful understanding of what might be going on. For example, you're having headaches? Whoops, it's a brain tumor. You felt a twinge in your chest? Oh gosh, I have heart disease. You cough more than once a day? Well darn, hello emphysema. You're having a hard time kicking a cold? Too bad, you have AIDS. Maybe it's just me, though. I admit that while I do try to be an optimist I also can't deny reality and the realm of possibilities that exist.

From the perspective of psychology, a mid-life crisis refers to a state of mind which people enter into once they realize their own mortality and the potentiality for how much life they have left to live. Talk about a cheery point of view - depending no how you want to interpret that, it's either all down hill from here or the fog has lifted and the hill just got a whole lot steeper! I can't say that I've consciously spent much time dwelling on the concept that I'll soon be 33 years old, although I undoubtedly will now that I've acknowledged it publicly herein, but that seems too young to have heard life's whistle for half-time. Even though there was an era in history of humanity that 33 would've been considered old, nowadays that's quite young. For me to be exhibiting the characteristics of someone who is in a mid-life crisis is kind of rattling, to be perfectly honest with you.

So what are my symptoms? What's led me to believe that I'm in this state of mind? I mentioned the changes to my life earlier in this entry; I think I need to clarify that I'm not attempting to apply any sort of negativity to either of those aspects of my life. I love our home as it's everything we wanted and hoped for when we were shopping around the market. I also really enjoy my job - while I have a ton more responsibility than I ever have had before, it was an opportunity that I could not have turned down. I take that back, I could have turned it down and I almost did but my doing so would've only kept me from excelling professionally and from helping to make a better life for my family. Even so, the whole experience has been overwhelming at times.

The great thing about renting a house is that when something breaks or needs attention it's the landlord's responsibility to keep up the maintenance of the joint. The great thing about owning your home is that it's yours - likewise, the terrifying thing about owning your home is that it's yours. What I mean by that is if the microwave goes out, it's on us to handle it. If our water heater explodes, it's on us to handle it. If a tree in our yard topples over and damages part of the house, it's on us to handle it. Sure, you have homeowner's insurance to help with some of that, but the stressor exists in the chance that any of those scenarios could come true any day of the week and it would be up to us to deal with the consequences. That means enduring a physical and financial burden, and I will be totally honest in saying that the financial aspect is what scares me most.

I've always been a worrier and money is something I worry about more than anything. I guess it goes hand-in-hand with my status as a sufferer of buyer's remorse, another psychological issue of mine that I've tried to handle in one way or another over the years.

In terms of my job, the pressure that I feel comes from within. When I made the transition to where I am now, I left a staff of 8 to become director of a department of 1. I have no real support staff to rely on when issues arise (I say that but there are plenty of knowledgeable individuals here who could [and have] use their talents to help out), and as a result of that I can't help but dread the day that comes when there's a situation that develops which I have no idea how to deal with. The ramifications of that are huge because if I don't perform here there's no one else to be blamed but me. If I don't perform, I could lose this job. If I lose this job, where's the money going to come from to pay our mortgage and my bills? If I can't pay our mortgage or my bills, how will we ever recover?

When you boil the whole thing down, it seems as though my mentality is a product of two things: Fear of failure and worrying about things over which I ultimately have no control. To bring a different aspect of life into this discussion, I'll point out that I'm a Christian. I'm not exactly the most shining example of a man of faith but that's the amazing part of God's love - it exists as a gift we receive in spite of our imperfections. The Bible teaches that as a Christian, we are to lay our concerns before God and allow Him to carry our burdens. As much as I've tried to do that, I can't seem to let go.

Medically speaking, I'm in horrible shape. I exercise a couple times a week but my diet isn't what it should be. I'm overweight and I almost certainly have hypertension and probably high cholesterol as well. Those are guesses, as if you couldn't tell, and I use the word "probably" there because of the fact that I'm one of a whole lot of men (and more than likely a good many women) who don't particularly want to see a doctor on a regular basis unless it's absolutely necessary. The last time I saw a doctor was a couple years ago and I only went then because I had a rash which I'd attempted to treat with over the counter remedies to no avail.

Why don't I go? Partially, it's because I was in various doctor's offices a whole lot as a kid. I had to go at least once a year to a specialist about my seasonal allergies; medicine like Claritin or Allegra wasn't available without a prescription back then. On top of that, I'd go in about once a week for an injection that was supposed to help my allergies. I don't remember when but eventually I just stopped going in for the shots. I want to say I was able to get my prescriptions from a local physician instead of having to go to an allergist but I honestly don't recall the circumstances.

The other reason is my old friend fear. Fear of what the doctor is going to say is wrong with me, the fear of having something inside me that once diagnosed is going to put me on a path I'd just as soon not think about. (I've had family members and friends who've fought cancer; that's something I wouldn't want anyone to have to endure.) I don't believe anyone wants to know that they're sick. You could argue that it would be better to know if it was a serious matter as it would give you an opportunity, borrowing from a Tim McGraw song, "to live like you were dying". (That's a silly concept to me seeing as how we're all going to die someday, so we should all be living life to the fullest regardless of our own unique situations.) But isn't an awareness of your own mortality what's stated as being the primary cause behind this potential mid-life crisis of mine? What an evil cycle I've revealed, indeed.

Despite my state of mind when it comes to doctors, I've agreed to go in for an initial consultation with a physician that my wife has been seeing for quite some time now (I make it sound as if I had some sort of negotiation over the matter). Hooray, an excuse for the fact that I pay for medical insurance! I'm sure I'll get poked and prodded, and with any luck I'll get to wear one of those awesome examination gowns. Who knows, if I'm particularly lucky I may even get the old "Roto-Rooter" treatment!

Beyond seeing a doctor, what am I doing to combat this issue? I've expressed my frustrations to my wife about how I've become so focused on two things - our house and my job - that I've completely lost touch with my own personal interests. Additionally, I have next to no social life whatsoever. I'm going to make a real effort at getting back into the kinds of things I used to enjoy before, specifically my beloved video games and attending pro wrestling cards as well as concerts more often. I think that will help significantly as those are the kinds of entertainment I need, something that will take my mind away from the trappings of normalcy.

I've also got a few other things in mind that I'd like to pick up, those being hobbies that I've felt drawn to in the past but now recognize the opportunity to actually engage in them. One is buying a set of golf clubs and trying my hand at the game; I played a long time ago with my Grandfather and it seems like a sport I could get into relatively easily. I'm not saying that I'll be good at it but I'd at least like to try. The other is getting myself a bass guitar and learning to play. I've been infatuated with bass ever since I was a teenager, and I even tried to put together some money to buy a guitar back then but my parents didn't see that as a good idea so it never panned out. Again, it's something that would take some work on my part in order to develop a set of skills I don't currently have but that's the idea here, to add something to my life that will require dedication but that will also be fulfilling and enjoyable. I don't think either is necessarily a bad decision but between the two I'm leaning towards the golf clubs. Why? They would get me outside and provide some exercise whereas the bass would have me sitting around indoors. We're trying to get healthy here, after all, not worsen matters.

All things considered, am I truly that bad off? No, not really. I live in a beautiful piece of Small Town, USA with a woman that I love dearly. I'm gainfully employed. I have just about everything I've ever wanted. In the grand scheme of things, I should be as happy as a pig in slop. That's the frustrating aspect of psychological issues like a mid-life crisis, though. Sometimes you can't see the good for what's in the way, no matter how miniscule the blockade may seem to others. Giving up is the only real defeat in this set of circumstances, though, and that's something I absolutely won't do. I will adapt, I will overcome, and this will get better.

And who knows, I may start a band.

Movie Review - GI Joe: Retaliation

Like pretty much every other little boy who had the distinct privilege of having been born in the 1980s (a truly epic decade in terms of cultural and technological advancements), I played with Hasbro's GI Joe toys and I truly loved them. To me, they were awesome - I found them so appealing because they combined cutting edge military technology and exciting possibilities for battlefield carnage thanks to the assortment of vehicles & weapons available to both the heroic GI Joes and the villainous forces of Cobra. I would stage battles routinely, both indoors and out; truth be told, I had a sandbox in my Grandparents back yard and I would quite often have burial ceremonies for fallen combatants after the war of the day had concluded. (PRO-TIP: Don't bury GI Joe figures in wet sand, it ruins the joints.) I went so far as to get characters from other series involved in the mix. I know I wasn't the first kid to have He-Man fighting side by side with Snake Eyes or to wonder what would happen if Star Scream hooked up with Baroness.

Okay, that last one might have been a bit weird (not to mention physically impossible), but the point of that opening paragraph was to say that the GI Joe toys were a big part of my childhood. It goes without saying that the live-action GI Joe movies are of significant interest to me, if for no other reason than the fact that they project the kind of nostalgic sensations that are, fittingly enough, generally reserved for hero worship. Throw in some of the most well-known action stars in the modern era of movie-making with a whole bunch of explosions and you've got the makings for a fine afternoon of cinema - or, as is the case with GI Joe: Retaliation, an entertaining but ultimately mindless and rather disjointed movie that doesn't live up to the expectations of little boys like me who've gotten older but haven't necessarily grown up yet.

Set not too long after the events of its predecessor, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Retaliation's plot picks up with the world of the Joes mirroring that of our own. Occurrences in countries like Pakistan and North Korea are creating instability in different regions and the Joes are doing what they do best - fighting under the flag of the United States as a group of highly trained and outfitted soldiers using special tactics and covert techniques to prevent dangerous munitions from getting into the hands of the enemies of freedom. Trouble rears it's ugly head when Zartan (Arnold Vosloo), a Cobra operative masquerading as the President of the US since the actual President (Jonathan Pryce) was kidnapped during The of Rise of Cobra, begins setting into motion a plan that will set free Cobra Commander from a suspended animation prison and completely decimate the Joes. Having been set loose by Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson), Cobra Commander lashes out with a diabolical strategy to simultaneously disarm the world's nuclear powers and destroy them using a series of satellites serving as weapon platforms equipped with armaments capable of laying waste to entire cities. With minimal resources and personnel, the surviving Joes - Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Snake Eyes (Ray Park) - must fight back to reclaim America and, in fact, the rest of the world from the evil clutches of Cobra.

I can't talk about Retaliation without mentioning the fact that it sat on a shelf in a somewhat completed state for almost a year before finally being released in theaters. Originally, this movie was supposed to have debuted in June of 2012 but it was delayed by Paramount Pictures as they saw fit to convert the film to 3D and also re-shoot part of the thing in order to increase Channing Tatum's involvement. I fail to understand the benefit of either of these moves. As a moviegoer, 3D does nothing for me - I still see it as a gimmick designed to bilk people out of a few extra bucks at the box office. And regarding Tatum, ladies, please don't kid yourselves - he's not naked in this one. For that matter, he's barely in the movie at all. That's not necessarily a bad thing as I was growing tired of his portrayal of Duke as the cocky high school quarterback by the point in time that he gets blown up (darn, my spoiler alert button appears to be malfunctioning).

Dwayne Johnson is the real star here although with a line-up this big he's got a lot of other players competing with him for screen time. Roadblock is a good role for him as it fits and plays to his abilities, but there's not enough substance here to give him something worth hanging his hat on. Despite his many acting gigs, Johnson is still waiting for the part that makes him an icon, in my opinion. He hasn't yet found his Terminator or Die Hard, is what I'm getting at, but even so he's plenty capable of being entertaining.

On another note, me being the pro wrestling fan that I am it still feels odd to have to refer to him as Dwayne Johnson and not The Rock - even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is weird, although not as bad.

As for the rest of the cast, Bruce Willis is the most recognizable face and definitely the one with the most credentials. His part here is that of the grizzled veteran who knows better than to stand down even though he's been long since taken out of active duty. For all intents and purposes, Ray Stevenson is the most prolific villain in Retaliation but that's mostly due to the fact that his cohorts are all wearing masks of some sort or another. I'm a fan of Stevenson's, even though he's definitely not a household name. If you're into zombie movies or gritty horror mixed with sci-fi, find a copy of a film Stevenson starred in called Outpost - I think you'll be glad you did.

Speaking of actors in masks, Ray Park reprises the role of Snake Eyes in Retaliation, a part which sees him donning a full helmet as was the case with the character originally in the cartoon series. Park is best known for his work as Darth Maul in Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace and also for having played Toad in Bryan Singer's X-Men. He's the type of actor who doesn't receive much fanfare (stuntmen rarely get the respect they deserve), and unfortunately Snake Eyes doesn't get much to do here. There's a major sequence in which he participates but it didn't have any sort of impact upon me. It's an example of a scene that should really grab you by the seat of your pants yet manages to feel mostly flat because of it being rushed and poorly plotted.

D.J. Cotrona is more or less here to fill out a part as his work with Flint isn't at all distinctive, but I blame the script for that more than I do him as an actor; he can only do what's on the page, after all. Adrianne Palicki adds some much-needed femininity to the core group of surviving Joes, however there's not a whole lot of effort put into establishing her character outside of a rather typical "girl who wanted to work hard to prove she could do it" back story. Palicki, if you weren't aware, was cast to play the title part in a Wonder Woman TV series for which NBC filmed a pilot episode but never went further than that.

Shame to see that costume go to waste.

For me, the plot of this film and the writing behind it is a big part of why Retaliation is ultimately rather dull. (Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick penned the script; they had a hit in the form of Zombieland but that magic isn't anywhere to be found in Retaliation.) This is the sort of thing that happens when you're dealing with a story that is trying to include 10 or more primary characters packed into a movie that's not even 2 hours long. You can't establish emotional connectivity and get everything else in, so what gets sacrificed? The emotional connections, I'm sad to say. Oh, Duke died? Go figure! (Spoiler Alert Button Status: still malfunctioning.) It winds up being action and explosions for the sake of having action and explosions, not because there's any substantive reasoning for either. Maybe I'm off my rocker for expecting more out of this material, but I persist in the thought that even something as silly as a kids cartoon can be converted into a piece of work suitable for all audiences that manages to have heart and logic included.

One of my biggest pet peeves about an action movie like Retaliation is the music, specifically the lack of anything resembling recognizable, thematic scoring. Consider classic action heroes and their musical accompaniment. Superman has theme music. Indiana Jones has theme music. James Bond has theme music. Harry Potter has theme music. Hell, for that matter, Forrest Gump has theme music. Why then do the GI Joes not get theme music? The closest thing I heard to a consistent piece of music herein was something that cropped up a couple times in battle sequences which, to my ears, sounded a whole heck of a lot like Rammstein's "Reise Reise". That doesn't pass muster for a true theme, though, not in my book. A theme should be bombastic, consistent, and immediately recognizable - the sounds I point out weren't any of that. I know it would be corny but I'd have sufficed for a revamped version of one of the themes from the GI Joe cartoons - something, anything to add to the ambiance of the movie.

 

GI Joe: Retaliation isn't a terrible movie by any means although I'd say it certainly does fall into the category of mindless Summer-time action flicks. I've read some criticisms of Retaliation wherein the writer opines that this movie is better than GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Personally, I liked The Rise of Cobra better. With all the technology and gear flying around in addition to the colorful personalities involved, it just felt more like a true GI Joe story whereas Retaliation comes across as being GI Joe interpreted through the eyes of someone who's played a bit too much Call of Duty.

Knowing what I know now, would I pay money to see it again? Probably not, and I certainly wouldn't pony up the extra $4-$5 for the 3D "experience". This is the kind of movie that I would more often than not reserve for an occasion where I'm browsing Netflix at 6 AM on a Saturday because I can't sleep and need something to kill time until my wife is up and around.

Prom Dresses - Another Reason I Hope to Never Have a Daughter

I didn't realize this but apparently it's prom season - not that I have any reason to realize it's prom season, obviously, being a man approaching 33 years of age with no association to anyone who'll be attending such an event. Writing this entry forced me to realize that in a few short weeks it will have, in fact, been 15 years since I graduated as a member of the class of 1998 from Buford High School in Lancaster, SC. I attended several proms during my years as a student there and while I can't say that I particularly enjoyed them (after the 1997 prom, I was forced to watch Jerry Maguire in a packed movie theater while wearing a tuxedo and shoes that I'm sure defied some portion of the Geneva Convention) the experience of going to prom is one of those things that high school kids should go through as a right of passage, much like awkward sex ed classes made even more so because of the fact they're being taught by a member of the athletic staff instead of someone who actually knows a thing or two about anatomy and biology. Even so, it's my opinion that students and school faculty members should work to make prom a memorable and classy occasion.

Judging by a prom dress my wife & I saw recently while out to dinner at a local hibachi restaurant, I question whether or not maintaining the classy aspect is all that popular these days.

My wife & I had already been seated at a grill and we were enjoying our soup and salads when the group of prom-goers in question entered. I immediately noticed the dress and the young lady wearing it because quite frankly it was impossible not to acknowledge its presence in the room. It was kind of like someone wandering in with a giant, blinking neon sign reading "LOOK AT ME!" over their head while dancing an Irish jig and playing a kazoo. Okay, maybe the dress wasn't that absurd but it wasn't far from that.

The dress she was wearing resembled a sleeveless tutu as the top was designed to look like a corset. I assume ordinary tutus have sleeves - forgive me for being a dunce when it comes to the names of dress components; I've gotten through life thus far without needing to know what they are and I'm not about to learn them now. It was sequined and quite shiny, kind of like a fishing lure. That's an appropriate analogy seeing as how the top was barely doing its job of keeping her bosoms from an inadvertent deployment, if you catch my drift. That's the sort of thing few men, especially those in the 16-18 years of age demographic, can avert their eyes from gazing upon, hence the lure reference. The skirt-portion of the ensemble had lots of tulle and frills, and it stuck out quite a bit so as to create something of a halo or perimeter around the wearer.

I've tried to describe it as best I can but a visual aide never hurts. This dress is as close as I could find to the one she was wearing.

[SIDE NOTE: We noticed that the girl I'm describing was wearing cowboy boots. Really? I know we live in the South, but wearing cowboy boots to prom? You might as well show up riding your Daddy's best heifer.]

The girl we saw was more ample in the chesticular region than the model above, and the dress was barely doing its job of containing her. I guess you could blame either the dress itself or the girl for having picked a size that wasn't suitable to her physique. I think some strategic usage of duct tape would've helped matters but even so it would've been like putting a band-aid on a shotgun wound in terms of trying to recover some sense of modesty from the entirety of the thing. While the top was revealing enough, the skirt supplied only a bare minimum amount of coverage. A suitable amount of wind or even a poorly timed dance move would've been all that was needed to expose her nethers.

And yes, if you were wondering, this is fairly uncomfortable for me to talk about seeing as how this girl was young enough to make me feel as though I was going to be sent to jail for looking at her. I apologized to my wife in advance but she said my doing so wasn't necessary seeing as how this young lass was the one who was putting herself out there for everyone to see. I have to hand it to her for being reasonable enough to acknowledge the crudity of the scenario.

"What's the difference between this outfit and a bathing suit?", you might ask. That's an entirely different subject but the same standards apply. Ladies can wear a bathing suit that accentuates their features without making themselves look trashy. To me, that's the category this dress falls into - something that is thought to be stylish but winds up being tasteless.

I gather a dress like this is allowed in whatever prom these kids were attending. Truth be told, I think if a girl had come to one of the proms I went to wearing a dress like that they'd have been sent home.  Of course things were different when I was in school; teachers and faculty were still recognized as authority figures whereas now the age of liberal thinking has taken over academia and the inmates seem to be running the asylum in most cases.

Please, someone kick the soapbox out from underneath me before I wander off again...

It somewhat pains me to admit this but it's conceivable that I could have a daughter the age of this girl. The fact that this is acceptable formal wear in this day and age makes me shudder at the thought of what will be seen as being within the boundaries of good taste if/when any daughters my wife & I may have get to that point in their lives. This is yet another reason why I pray we don't have a daughter or daughters - I have enough things to stress myself out over as is. I don't need to spend every day reminding myself that little boys will always be little boys (I include myself in that description) and that my daughter will be in a world filled with them.

Should it come to that, maybe if I maim one or two of them the rest will get the idea? If you've got to go to prison, an assault charge at the expense of defending your child isn't all that bad I'd say.

How My Wife & I Met

I try to put some thought into my blogs and the topics that I discuss herein. I think, for the most part, I use this here publication of mine as more of a platform from which I shout my opinions rather than as a personal journal. For some reason that's started to bother me - I don't know if it's a matter of me recognizing that visitors to this site may not always give two short shakes of a short sheep's tail about what I have to say or if I've merely gotten into a mindset of sentimentality. Regardless, I feel as though I should share personal stories with my readers on a more frequent basis. That said, with this entry I'd like to detail the series of events that lead up to my wife & I meeting.

Before I begin I'll be totally forthright by saying that our getting together is a bit of an involved story. Do try to keep up, won't you?

I moved from my hometown of Lancaster, South Carolina to Orangeburg, SC in the latter part of January 2008. I'd accepted a job with Orangeburg County's information technology department. The move was necessary seeing as how Orangeburg and Lancaster aren't neighbors, geographically speaking (the two are separated by roughly 105 miles - not exactly what you'd call an agreeable commute). It would mark the second portion of my life I'd lived away from home, the first having been my time in Florence, SC as a student at Francis Marion University. This occasion would be an entirely different experience as I was moving to a city of which I had no real knowledge. For that matter, the only two people in the area I actually knew prior to relocating were my Aunt & Uncle. Of course they were extremely helpful in getting me situated in my new surroundings, but it wasn't too long after I'd moved that I began longing for social interaction - and by "social interaction" I mean the sort involving a lady (bow-chicka-bow-wow).

The problem was I had no idea where to go to meet people in Orangeburg or any of the areas nearby. Women that I'd dated previously were gals that I'd met via an association like school or through some other proxy which made them accessible. In my new workplace, the only women I regularly interacted with were much older than me and usually married - individuals from neither group were suitable for this effort. I considered asking my co-workers if maybe any of them knew someone they could introduce me to, but the more I thought of that the more it began to strike me as being horribly awkward for them and me. The thought of someone, on my behalf, saying to a friend or relative of theirs "Hey, a guy I work with but don't really know all that well is looking for a girlfriend...You interested?" was just too weird. By this point in time I was 28 years old; in my mind, I was too old to try and assimilate into the college crowd of Columbia. The last thing I wanted to do was to join some crazy bar scene. I've never been a fan of bars, period, making the concept of me, the admittedly socially awkward person I am, cruising for chicks in that kind of environment being all the more ridiculous. What options was I left with? Not many, quite frankly, at least not of the traditional variety. Could I find someone interested in me by way of the Internet? It only made sense to try.

I'd seen ads for services like eHarmony that seemed like they would be worth a shot - it wasn't that their services were all that expensive but, me being the frugal person I am, having to pay to get on board with a system like that made me sour to the whole thing. Where to, then? The often crazy world of Craigslist, naturally.

If you're not familiar with it, Craigslist is a site that attracts people because of the fact that it facilitates just about every kind of transaction imaginable between individuals, whether it be trading a bed for a pair of boots or trying to find a roommate. It's not like eBay in that the site functions as an intermediary to funnel the monetary end of the business, rather it is something of a host through which people communicate. Posts made to the site are sorted by region, which is as efficient a mechanism as could be devised. In addition to business dealings, there's also a vast personals section on CL and it was there that I made a submission regarding my search for someone special.

Writing a personal ad is like tiptoeing through a minefield, or at least it was for me. I wanted to say enough about myself that I'd seem appealing but I didn't want to come across as being an egotistical sort of person. That's tough to do seeing as how you're trying to convince a prospective girlfriend that they should want to get to know you better using nothing more than text. I had no idea what sort of response I'd receive, or if I'd even get a response. As fate would have it, I got a few nibbles initially - but none from the woman who would eventually become my wife.

The process was an evolution of sorts. I'd exchange emails with the ladies who'd responded to my ad then if it seemed like it was worthwhile we'd talk on the phone. After that came the actual dates, of which there were 3, not counting my first date with my wife (I'm leaving that out for a reason). The first girl I took out was nice; we met at the Edisto Memorial Gardens and walked around for a while then went to dinner at Applebee's. I must not have left much of an impression on her because I never heard from her again. (Consequently I don't remember her name.) The second willing lass was named Carla. She and I went out a few times, and we got along alright but Carla had two children from a previous relationship. As time went by, I got the feeling that she was trying to find a father for her kids - while it was a noble effort on her part, I didn't feel like I was ready for that. I felt bad at the time for ending the relationship (I could respect her struggle what with my having been raised by a single Mom as well) but it was better to be frank with her about my issues than to lead her on. The third date was with a girl named Courtney.

I'm going to try and handle this as gentlemanly as I can because I could do otherwise and come off as a real prick. Courtney thought highly of herself, for lack of a better way of putting it. We went out for a few weeks and there were times where it seemed like a decent arrangement but realistically we didn't have that much in common. I got the feeling she was using me to help her in getting over another relationship, or trying to, and wasn't quite over it yet.

I knew our relationship was going to end but it became official (in my mind, at least) when Courtney sent me a text message stating that we needed to talk. She didn't want to talk then, though - that would've been too convenient. She wanted to talk the following Saturday afternoon, after we'd gone to Riverbanks Zoo and had a meal at Golden Corral (both of which would be on my dime, naturally). We were sitting in my truck and she more or less told me she thought it would be best if we saw other people. Fine by me, don't let the door hit you in the keister on your way out - I had somewhere else to be, you see.

I mentioned Courtney sent me the "we need to talk" text earlier in the week. I knew we were over at that point in time; it might not have been as official as a signed contract but the fact of the matter is that we were through, right then and there. She knew it (even though she might not have admitted it) and I knew it. This is why I decided it would be worth my while to reply when I got an email from another girl responding to my Craigslist ad.

The email was from a girl named Jill Moak, a girl whose name is now Jill Truesdale.

Jill and I decided to go out, but it was my decision to take her out for our first date on the same day that my previous relationship "officially" ended. Two dates in one day - it's the sort of move that could be classified as brilliant or stupid depending on how the whole thing shakes out. And before anyone gets an idea to the contrary regarding my character, let me say that I'd never done anything like this before. And no, I didn't tell Jill I'd gone out with someone else that morning; I lied and told her I'd been out on the water with a co-worker who had bought a new boat. Yes, it was wrong of me to lie to her, I admit that. All I can say is that it seemed like a better way of handling it than the alternative at the time.

Just to recap what we've learned about me from that previous paragraph: 1) I am of strong moral character when it comes to protecting the integrity of relationships, and 2) I am of terrible moral character when it comes to thinking it's alright to tell a little white lie if it means protecting others' perception of me.

Fortunately for me, things went quite well that first night. I took her to Cracker Barrel (which is the equivalent of a 4-star restaurant for those of us who live in the South) after which we went back to the house I was renting at the time and watched a true cinematic classic, Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles.

Guys, if you want to know how to impress a girl, that's how it's done - feed her food covered in gravy then make her watch a movie with potentially more racially insensitive jokes than any other in the history of Hollywood. If she hangs with you after that, she's a keeper.

I must have known something about how our relationship would go on to develop after that first date. I used to keep receipts back then as I balanced my checkbook using an Excel spreadsheet. I'd shred the receipts after I'd recorded them, but something told me I should hang onto that particular receipt. I still have it to this day.

Remember the part where I said my wife & I meeting was an involved story? This is where the involved part comes in.

The week after Courtney & I broke up and Jill & I first went out was going alright. I'd been with Orangeburg County for almost a year by then and I was settling in well. One day I noticed that I'd gotten a new text message from Courtney. I can't remember the entire message but it went something like this: "I know about Jill...I can't believe you would do this to me! Do you have any idea how I feel now? I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again!"

After I read that, I was angry, I was mad, I was confused, and yet I was somehow amused by her comments. It wasn't as if we were together for all that long (it was maybe a month, tops, that we'd been seeing each other), yet she made it out as if I had been the love of her life and had dashed all her dreams for the future. I won't bore you with the argument that ensued - it amounted to a lot of finger pointing, as you'd expect - but what stuck out in my mind was a single question: How did she know about Jill?

As it would turn out, Jill and Courtney had a mutual friend whose name I won't reveal; for the sake of this blog, we'll refer to her as Gertrude. (True but sad story about my childhood - "Gertrude" was a nickname that got hung on me by one of my best friends in high school. I have no idea where it came from, so don't ask.) Gertrude had heard of me through talking to Courtney. I gather that the two of them were good buddies as they apparently shared a lot of information about me, so much so that Gertrude felt Jill and I had a fair amount of common interests which is why she told Jill about my Craigslist ad. Did Gertrude know that Courtney and I were about to be over? Had Courtney told Gertrude of her plans to break up with me? I have no idea, honestly. Gertrude and I are friends now but I've never asked her those questions - I have no need for the answers at this point in my life, but back then they would've at least helped me to solidify in my mind whether or not Courtney was genuinely emotional about our break-up or if she was being completely unreasonable for the sake of being completely unreasonable.

A week or so later, Courtney sent me another text: "I wish I'd given us a second chance." I never responded to it, I had no reason to. That ship had sailed, to continue my nautical theme, and I was hoping it wouldn't be heard from ever again.

I knew that I had feelings for Jill but I didn't tell her I loved her until a while later when we were sitting in my truck after having seen Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert at the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, SC. What sealed the deal, you ask? A confessed mutual appreciation for a variety of sushi known as a crunch roll. No, really - that was all I needed to hear to affirm that I loved this girl who'd entered my life at a point when I needed someone more than I ever had before.

It's a tired phrase but the rest, as they say, is history. Here we are almost 5 years later, on the verge of celebrating our third wedding anniversary. In the grand scheme of things we really haven't been together that long, certainly not when compared to some other couples that we know who are our age. It feels as though we've been together for much longer, though - don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean to say that it feels as if we should've been together all along but neither of us were quite ready for each other yet. We, us, happened when it was supposed to happen and I've never stopped being thankful that it did.

Wrestlemania 29 - My Picks vs. Reality

Wrestlemania 29 has come and gone, and it seems as though a lot of the IWC (or Internet Wrestling Community, for those of you not in the know - which included me until I looked up that acronym just moments ago) aren't exactly thrilled with the outcomes of the matches. It seems as though WM29 is being looked at as one of the more disappointing Wrestlemania cards of all time and I can't say that I necessarily disagree with that opinion. There were very few surprises coming out of World Wrestling Entertainment's biggest event of the year, which would seemingly continue WWE's progression towards going with storylines & angles which favor maintaining the marketability of the product over taking chances with innovative possibilities. This is where professional wrestling as a form of performance art gets tampered with by stockholders and bean counters. That said, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon just ran an event that drew over 80,000 attendees, generated more than 12 million pay-per-view buys and who runs a billion-dollar industry. Meanwhile, I'm just a guy with a blog - I'll defer to the man who could use $100 bills as toilet paper as opposed to trying to convince anyone that I know better, at least in this context.

As for my WM29 picks, I'd say that I did well overall, finishing with a record of 6-2.  There was one match which I did not pick as a result of it having been added to the pre-show card after I'd published my previous entry, that being the Miz vs. Wade Barrett for Barrett's Intercontinental Championship. Miz defeated Barrett for the title; he's been on an intense climb as of late, and had I been aware of that match prior to releasing my blog with picks I'd have definitely chosen him as the winner. I won't be so bold as to retcon my picks, though, so my record for WM29 shall hold strong at 6-2.

There was another match added to the card after I'd made my predictions in the form an inter-gender 8-person tag team match: Brodus Clay, Tensai & the Funk-adactyls vs. Damien Sandow, Cody Rhodes and the Bella Twins. However, this bout wound up getting bumped off the card at the last minute. I'm not sure if it was because of time restrictions or what exactly but I hate it for all those involved. Performing at Wrestlemania is a dream for every professional wrestler and I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have the rug yanked out from under you in such a way as that. To make matters worse is the fact that WWE, despite having promoted the match in advance of WM29, appears to now be attempting to scrub it from ever having been a part of their planning as all mentions of it have been removed from content associated with the event.

At any rate, here are the full results from WM29 with my remarks tacked onto the matches I failed to correctly project.

1) The Miz def. Wade Barrett to win the Intercontinental Championship

2) The Shield def. Sheamus, Randy Orton & Big Show

3) Mark Henry def. Ryback

If you look back at my predictions, I mentioned the fact that having Mark Henry win here would do a lot towards elevating him as a top heel seeing as how Ryback, up until WM29, had been on a tear. The fact that WWE saw fit to put over Henry in a decisive manner means that he's in someone's good graces at this point in time; I would hope that he is because Henry really has been turning in some quality performances over the past year and looks like a legitimate monster. While Henry hopefully has many more good years of competing in him, I would say that the time is now for Mark seeing as how he's on the verge of his 42nd birthday. Pro wrestling, much like any pro sport, is a young man's game. Mark has shown repeatedly that he's not bulletproof and his being up there in age won't help matters.

I would say that Ryback is due for some repackaging. He just does not come off to me as a guy for whom the fans should be cheering. I would say he could benefit greatly from being taken under the wing of a manager, handler or mouthpiece but those are roles WWE doesn't seem keen on filling these days and that's a real shame. There was a point in time where a guy like Ryback who has obviously tremendous physical gifts could go farther with their potential by being paired up with a great manager. I'm not sure when managers became a bad thing but regardless of that Ryback is a prime example of a guy who could go from being just another ticked-off meat head to a real villain just by giving him a dastardly ally to play off of and rely upon to make the crowd hate them both.

4) Team Hell No (Kane & Daniel Bryan) def. Dolph Ziggler & Big E Langston to retain the WWE Tag Team Championship

5) Fandago def. Chris Jericho

6) Alberto Del Rio def. Jack Swagger to retain the World Championship

7) The Undertaker def. CM Punk

8) HHH def. Brock Lesnar

I'm not surprised at how this match ended. To think that Hunter would ever have someone like Brock Lesnar be the one to retire him was a mistake on my part, however I will say that it seemed like a decent potentiality at the time. Helmsley is an executive within the upper ranks of WWE management now, meaning his in-ring career as a wrestler isn't his sole focus anymore. There will come a point in time where he hangs up his boots, but that time isn't here yet.

Brock Lesnar is left without much direction coming out of this match. He and Hunter have been at each other for quite some time now, and as a result of their feud seemingly coming to an end Brock is - well, Brock is left without a dancing partner, at least not one that naturally springs to mind. I've seen some rumors floating around that WWE is interested in having Brock feud with The Rock in the future, but that shouldn't be taken as anymore more than pure speculation for now.

9) John Cena def. The Rock to win the WWE Championship