Prom Dresses - Another Reason I Hope to Never Have a Daughter

I didn't realize this but apparently it's prom season - not that I have any reason to realize it's prom season, obviously, being a man approaching 33 years of age with no association to anyone who'll be attending such an event. Writing this entry forced me to realize that in a few short weeks it will have, in fact, been 15 years since I graduated as a member of the class of 1998 from Buford High School in Lancaster, SC. I attended several proms during my years as a student there and while I can't say that I particularly enjoyed them (after the 1997 prom, I was forced to watch Jerry Maguire in a packed movie theater while wearing a tuxedo and shoes that I'm sure defied some portion of the Geneva Convention) the experience of going to prom is one of those things that high school kids should go through as a right of passage, much like awkward sex ed classes made even more so because of the fact they're being taught by a member of the athletic staff instead of someone who actually knows a thing or two about anatomy and biology. Even so, it's my opinion that students and school faculty members should work to make prom a memorable and classy occasion.

Judging by a prom dress my wife & I saw recently while out to dinner at a local hibachi restaurant, I question whether or not maintaining the classy aspect is all that popular these days.

My wife & I had already been seated at a grill and we were enjoying our soup and salads when the group of prom-goers in question entered. I immediately noticed the dress and the young lady wearing it because quite frankly it was impossible not to acknowledge its presence in the room. It was kind of like someone wandering in with a giant, blinking neon sign reading "LOOK AT ME!" over their head while dancing an Irish jig and playing a kazoo. Okay, maybe the dress wasn't that absurd but it wasn't far from that.

The dress she was wearing resembled a sleeveless tutu as the top was designed to look like a corset. I assume ordinary tutus have sleeves - forgive me for being a dunce when it comes to the names of dress components; I've gotten through life thus far without needing to know what they are and I'm not about to learn them now. It was sequined and quite shiny, kind of like a fishing lure. That's an appropriate analogy seeing as how the top was barely doing its job of keeping her bosoms from an inadvertent deployment, if you catch my drift. That's the sort of thing few men, especially those in the 16-18 years of age demographic, can avert their eyes from gazing upon, hence the lure reference. The skirt-portion of the ensemble had lots of tulle and frills, and it stuck out quite a bit so as to create something of a halo or perimeter around the wearer.

I've tried to describe it as best I can but a visual aide never hurts. This dress is as close as I could find to the one she was wearing.

[SIDE NOTE: We noticed that the girl I'm describing was wearing cowboy boots. Really? I know we live in the South, but wearing cowboy boots to prom? You might as well show up riding your Daddy's best heifer.]

The girl we saw was more ample in the chesticular region than the model above, and the dress was barely doing its job of containing her. I guess you could blame either the dress itself or the girl for having picked a size that wasn't suitable to her physique. I think some strategic usage of duct tape would've helped matters but even so it would've been like putting a band-aid on a shotgun wound in terms of trying to recover some sense of modesty from the entirety of the thing. While the top was revealing enough, the skirt supplied only a bare minimum amount of coverage. A suitable amount of wind or even a poorly timed dance move would've been all that was needed to expose her nethers.

And yes, if you were wondering, this is fairly uncomfortable for me to talk about seeing as how this girl was young enough to make me feel as though I was going to be sent to jail for looking at her. I apologized to my wife in advance but she said my doing so wasn't necessary seeing as how this young lass was the one who was putting herself out there for everyone to see. I have to hand it to her for being reasonable enough to acknowledge the crudity of the scenario.

"What's the difference between this outfit and a bathing suit?", you might ask. That's an entirely different subject but the same standards apply. Ladies can wear a bathing suit that accentuates their features without making themselves look trashy. To me, that's the category this dress falls into - something that is thought to be stylish but winds up being tasteless.

I gather a dress like this is allowed in whatever prom these kids were attending. Truth be told, I think if a girl had come to one of the proms I went to wearing a dress like that they'd have been sent home.  Of course things were different when I was in school; teachers and faculty were still recognized as authority figures whereas now the age of liberal thinking has taken over academia and the inmates seem to be running the asylum in most cases.

Please, someone kick the soapbox out from underneath me before I wander off again...

It somewhat pains me to admit this but it's conceivable that I could have a daughter the age of this girl. The fact that this is acceptable formal wear in this day and age makes me shudder at the thought of what will be seen as being within the boundaries of good taste if/when any daughters my wife & I may have get to that point in their lives. This is yet another reason why I pray we don't have a daughter or daughters - I have enough things to stress myself out over as is. I don't need to spend every day reminding myself that little boys will always be little boys (I include myself in that description) and that my daughter will be in a world filled with them.

Should it come to that, maybe if I maim one or two of them the rest will get the idea? If you've got to go to prison, an assault charge at the expense of defending your child isn't all that bad I'd say.

Those Crazy Brazilians and Their Steakhouses

It doesn't take much more than a cursory glance at yours beardly to see that I'm a fellow who's rather fond of eating. I always have been, truth be told - it seems like food is an attachment that I have to some of my fondest memories. Case in point, when I was a child someone asked me "Why are you so big?" (I wasn't just a husky kid, I was also a rather tall lad for my age as well.) My response was to tell them that if they ate my Grandmother's cooking all the time they'd probably be big like me, too!

That was meant as a compliment to my Grandma, by the way. I make sure to point that out lest I come off as making it seem like I was implicating her in a negative light for my being the way I am.

I'm writing this entry as a tribute to a restaurant chain that's quickly become a favorite for my wife and I. I don't want this post to push me into the realm of being considered a "foodie" because I can't think of many more ridiculous culturally identifying terms than that and I would just as soon not get lumped into whatever psychosis agreeing to be labeled as such may involve. That said, allow me to introduce you to Cowboy Brazilian Steakhouse.

Cowboy Brazilian Steakhouse

Yes, it's called Cowboy Brazilian Steakhouse, not Cowboy's Brazilian Steakhouse. I'm a stickler when it comes to grammar and mechanics, so trust me when I say I've mulled over the spelling for quite some time. I've come to my own conclusion that the "Brazilian Steakhouse" portion of the name is more than likely there for descriptive purposes than anything else.

Truth be told, I had never heard of a Brazilian steakhouse prior to February of 2012. It was then that while attending a software conference in Greensboro, NC I had my first exposure to an eatery falling into that particular genre in the form of Leblon Churrascaria. I was there with a friend & co-worker from my previous employer; the two of us partnered up with a representative from the company putting on the conference that we'd gotten to know rather well who happens to be from Venezuela (if you're not up on the geography of the region, Brazil and Venezuela aren't that far from one another). The idea was brought up that we try out a local Brazilian steakhouse. Suffice to say that I was blown away by the experience. It wasn't long after we'd returned home that the idea of seeking out other similar restaurants became stuck in my mind.

If you've never been to a Brazilian steakhouse, the presentation could be best described as a procession of awesomeness. You begin with a trip to the salad bar, which in no way does justice to the sort of food you'll find there. The salad bar includes actual salads like potato, tuna and chicken salad but it also has things like shrimp cocktail, smoked salmon (something that I developed an affinity for whilst on our honeymoon cruise to the Bahamas), and fresh mozzarella cheese. Also, there's a hot foods section to the salad bar that features mashed potatoes, broccoli Alfredo, white rice, Brazilian black beans, and, my personal favorite, mushrooms stewed in a balsamic reduction. (PRO-TIP: Use the broth from the mushrooms as a gravy for the mashed potatoes and put the black beans over the rice.) There are too many items on the salad bar for me to name them all individually, and as you might guess it's rather easy to become overwhelmed by its expanse and have it consume your capacity for enjoying the remainder of the meal. Don't let yourself get full just from offerings on the salad bar, in other words - there's a lot of other stuff to enjoy. This is only the opening salvo of your dining experience, after all.

The main event of a meal at any Brazilian steakhouse is the rodizio (the style of service) where gouchos (carvers) bring an assortment of meats to your table for you to sample and enjoy. Your waiter will give you the ins-and-outs of how the serving process works if you've never dined in a restaurant like Cowboy before. (They will also give you something of an appetizer in the form of fried bananas, fried polenta, and Brazilian cheese bread. The bananas and bread are great but the polenta has yet to really do anything for me.) It's a simple premise in that you're given a token - which looks a bit like an over-sized poker chip - that has a green side and a red side. When you're ready to be served, flip your token to the green side and the gouchos will begin visiting your table; when you're in need of a break, just flip the token over to the red side and they'll know you're taking a breather.

This may sound like a tremendously gluttonous comment (which I'm not sure why I'm concerned about seeing as how a restaurant like Cowboy is purpose made for admitted gluttons like myself) but I would recommend that you leave your token on the green side for the majority of your meal. Why? This is an all-you-can eat arrangement, however there's a bit of a challenge to it in that you never know what selection of meat will be coming around or how often it will come around. Better to have the opportunity to accept an offering than to deny it altogether, is essentially what I'm getting at. Just because a goucho offers you a certain cut doesn't mean you have to accept it. Don't want the garlic steak? No problem, politely tell the goucho you'd like to pass or, better yet, do so and ask that he have one of his comrades bring over some of what you're craving.

The meats are prepared and brought out on skewers and the gouchos will serve you a portion of their selection. A small pair of tongs comes bundled with your silverware. You could say the tongs are the interactive portion of the meal as they are what you'll use to assist the gouchos in taking the meat from the skewer to your plate. You can expect to find such cuts as filet Mignon wrapped in bacon, Parmesan-crusted pork tenderloin, leg of lamb, top loin, and many, many more. I'm not kidding - the menu at Cowboy features SIXTEEN cuts of meat. Now you know why I said it's important not to fill yourself up by overdoing it at the salad bar!

Personally speaking, I have yet to try any of the meats which I haven't thoroughly enjoyed, however I'll say that my favorites at Cowboy have to be the filet mignon wrapped in bacon, the house special Picanha (or top/rump loin), and the lamb loin. I wasn't aware of the fact that I enjoy lamb prior to eating at Cowboy - it just goes to show you that an outing like this can open your eyes to a wealth of tastes and flavors that you'd never had previously. That's one of the things I enjoy most about getting out and trying new restaurants, the chance to partake in unique culinary formulations. Some people like to jump out of perfectly good aircraft, I like eating. To each their own.

Of course there are desserts served at Cowboy as well. I can't recall all of the dessert options but I vaguely remember there being traditional New York-style cheesecake, turtle cheesecake, creme brulee, Brazilian flan, and some sort of chocolate layer cake (there may be 1 or 2 others). Should you have room for one, I would recommend trying either the traditional New York-style cheesecake or the turtle cheesecake. I'm a cheesecake fan, though, so you may want to go in a different direction depending on your individual taste. My wife, for example, loves chocolate and adores the chocolate layer cake.

It goes without saying that if you are of the vegetarian or vegan persuasion that you will not find much on the menu at Cowboy to sustain you. There are a few veggie-based items on the salad bar but I'm not quite sure why someone who subscribes to the herbivore lifestyle would even set foot in a steakhouse of any variety.

In terms of price, as you might expect from my description, Cowboy isn't exactly on the cheap end of the spectrum. Unlimited access to the salad bar and full rodizio is $30 per person, however you can have just the salad bar for $17. These price points do not include beverage, dessert, or gratuity. While $30 may seem high, I would contend that if you go to a restaurant like this and don't eat $30 worth of food you've done something wrong. These are brilliant cuts of meat perfectly prepared and served to you with a unique flair. To me, it's worth the expense.

Cowboy has three locations in South Carolina: North Charleston, Columbia, and Spartanburg - so far, my wife & I have dined at the restaurants in Columbia and North Charleston (I'm trying to plot a reason to bother with driving to Spartanburg just to say we've been to all three). Both the locations we've visited delivered consistency in terms of the food but I am going to give a rub to the North Charleston location, which just opened in December of 2012. The food there seemed a smidge better for whatever reason, however that's not to say the food in Columbia has ever been bad as I would (and will) certainly go there again. Another advantage their restaurant in North Charleston has is its location as the property it occupies is a stand-alone building that was a formerly a Piccadilly (a cafeteria-style restaurant chain that once had several outposts in South Carolina; they've all closed, unfortunately). It has great parking and is conveniently located of I526. The Columbia location is in the middle of downtown. If you know anything about downtown Columbia, you know where I'm going with this commentary: Parking and accessibility. While there is free valet parking available to Cowboy patrons, I would just as soon avoid the hassle of getting into downtown Columbia on any given evening as the area is typically a mob scene of cars, pedestrians, and all the craziness an active bar scene tends to generate. I hate to have to level criticism at what is a great restaurant based on where it happens to be but in all fairness it's worth mentioning. Seeing as how that's the only genuinely negative thing I have to say about it should give you real insight as to the quality of these restaurants.