Parenting: Year One – Lessons Learned

As of this writing it has been roughly a year since we were blessed with the opportunity to welcome our boy, Jonathan, into the family. Suffice that we have been through a lot since October 21, 2014, emotionally, physically, and every other adjective that ends with the “-ally” suffix. Rather than recapitulate a whole bunch of memories, I thought I might spend this blog entry (the first I’ve written in a number of months; more on that later) talking about some of the lessons I’ve learned from then to now.

10) Everyone thinks they know what’s best for our child

We get a lot of input from others about things that we share regarding how J-Man is developing, changing, and becoming this unique little person. I don’t think some folks have the ability to discern that there’s a difference between genuinely asking for advice and merely telling you something because we happen to be engaged in conversation. For example, when I tell you my kid has 8 teeth, that’s not an invitation for you to tell me I should go buy Product X because it will help soothe their gums. I’m just telling you he has teeth, period. Feel free to add in your own quip or anecdote, but don’t take it into “I know more than you territory”.

9) We have no idea what’s best for our child

I’m just being honest because we really don’t, but in admitting that I’m also stating that we’re not unlike every other parental unit in that we have to work through scenarios in order to take care of our boy.

Case in point, not that long ago Duke was having trouble one evening getting comfortable in his crib. He whined and carried on to a point where we didn’t know what to do – milk, rocking, nothing was soothing him. I was ready to give him some Tylenol because he appeared to be in pain for one reason or another. This went on for about 20 minutes and then by pure happenstance we somehow got him to let out a massive burp and he was fine afterwards. Neither of us even thought of that because we haven’t had to burp him in months (he usually does it himself just fine).

Being a parent really is like having to maintain a knowledge base that has to be updated 24/7.

8) Logistics, logistics, logistics

In my line of work (IT), logistics management is a part of everyday life. I guess it helps me keep my mind in gear because it’s rather amazing how keeping a child functional (for lack of a better word) is about successfully maintaining a flow of necessary supplies. Everything from feeding spoons to diapers, formula to bibs, clean bottles to albuterol vials – our being able to provide him with an environment in which he will thrive is all about logistics, ultimately.

7) Travel is as much about timing as it is anything else

When you have a baby, it’s important that they get onto a schedule. It helps them but, more importantly, it helps you as a parent to stay in a rhythm of daily life. My wife & I know what to expect out of Jonathan every day, more often than not, because of the fact that we’ve worked with him enough to know when his needs – food, a fresh diaper, naps, etc. – are likely to arise. As such it is very important that we keep those aspects of his life in mind before we head off down the road to visit NeNe (pronounced “knee-knee”) & Paw Paw (Jill’s Mom & Dad, FYI), Walmart, a restaurant, or anywhere else for that matter.

6) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is the bomb

Have you ever watched an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? You should, it’s rather amazing.

Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, and an assorted cast of recurring characters (I like the little piggies from the barnyard, personally) make up the fun little objective-based world where there’s always some minor problem getting in the way of the goal of the day. They’re assisted by their super-helpful artificial intelligence friend, Toodles, who has the ability to transport objects from some ethereal realm to wherever the Clubhouse gang may be in order to help them in whatever task they’re facing. The best part of it all is that every episode ends with everyone doing the Hot Dog dance, which is like an Irish jig only with less whiskey involved.

5) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is infuriating

I say that as someone who admits that the part of my brain that is responsible for logical deduction connects directly to that of my sense of sarcasm. For example, Mickey & Minnie are giant mice; how much sense does it make then that Minnie has a pet cat named Figaro? Are there smaller mice that Figaro can chase? Are these mice somehow lower on the Disney evolutionary scale or are they proof that Mickey, Minnie, and the rest of the Clubhouse gang are all escapees of a genetics research laboratory that succeeded in creating humanoid animals who all somehow speak English?

That comment isn’t aimed just at Mickey Mouse Clubhouse but a lot of children’s programming. Doc McStuffin’s is another one that I’ve spent too much time analyzing. What is the origin of her stethoscope’s power? Does it contain some shard of a crystal used in ancient Egyptian burial ceremonies? Is it even terrestrial in nature, as in could it be an alien technology that somehow wound up being incorporated into a child’s plaything?

I wish I could turn my brain off, I really do.

4) You can’t draw blood from a turnip

What I mean by this is that there is only so much you can do in terms of encouraging a child like our boy towards engaging in one activity or another, namely crawling or walking. He’s a year old and he’s only now really started to show signs of wanting to get moving in ways that don’t involve him rolling from back to belly over & over again in order to get where he wants. It’s just one of these things that as a parent you can’t help but notice other kids who are younger than him who are already crawling, standing, or walking meanwhile he’s still on his booty. It’ll come to him, in his own time.

3) Baby food is revoltingly bland

I taste Duke’s food – yes, all of it, because I feel like I know what he likes and dislikes, and if odds are that he’s going to dislike something I’m certainly not going to force it on him. If you’re a parent and you don’t at least taste a tiny bit of the foods you’re giving your baby, you’re a douchebag. You open a jar of what’s described as being “mixed vegetables” and blindly give it to your kid without first seeing what it’s like? That’s a good way to foster discontent in my mind, but you go ahead and be you.

My personal thoughts on sampling our child’s food having been aired, I will add that I find a majority of it to be rather disgusting. Don’t get me wrong, there are some very good jarred baby foods out there (my current favorite is apples & cinnamon with granola) but there is also a lot that you couldn’t pay me to let past my lips. (Any of the varieties that involve meat, for instance.) The worst part of it all, I think, is that none of these foods are seasoned. It’s essentially a boiled or steamed, mashed up, pulverized version of whatever it was in its whole form. I’m sure it’s fine for him because he’s never known the benefits of proper seasoning when it comes to food. The squash might not be so bad if it was warm with a bit of salt, pepper, and butter – then again, what isn’t better with a bit of salt, pepper, and butter?

2) I don’t know what we’d do without Grandparents

It makes me very happy to know that my Mom and Jill’s parents live within an hour’s drive of our home, because quite frankly there are times where we need the help.

Not to say that we can’t manage Duke ourselves, rather that there are occasions to where having a convenient fourth option behind the two of us and his daycare for supervising him when we aren’t able is a real stress reliever. We’re not unlike any other working couple in that we have a finite amount of leave we can take, so having a trustworthy, reliable, competent resource we can ask to fill in for us occasionally is a huge help. He’s had a rather odd propensity for developing ear infections while cutting teeth and he’s had 11 teeth come in thus far – you do the math on how often we’ve had to take him to the doctor. That’s not counting the few other times we’ve had to take him to be seen or when he’s had to be away from daycare due to having fever or otherwise being contagious such as when he had Hand, Foot & Mouth disease (something I contracted a touch of as well).

Of course it helps that his Grandparents love him dearly. They would do absolutely anything for him, which I guess is somewhat expected of Grandparents but for them it’s never a labor of love – it’s just love. It puts a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart when I see our boy interacting with my Mom as well as Jill’s Mom & Dad. I know he’s being cared for and I know he’s safe.

1) I’m only scratching the surface

I kept this blog in the “top 10” list format more for the sake of an attempt at brevity than anything. As usual, you see how that effort has turned out.

Truth of the matter is that any attempt at condensing what we’ve learned this past year into one easily consumable piece of content would be impossible seeing as there was a beginning but there is no end. It would be a living element, to borrow a phrase, constantly growing and changing on a daily basis much like Duke himself does. And so it goes that we will continue to learn about him as he learns about the world around him. I hope we’re at least putting him on the right path and that he understands the decisions we make. I mean, he’ll be the one to decide what nursing home we wind up in, so we’d best do a good job.

WHY DON’T YOU BLOG ANYMORE: I do miss this blog because I’ve always enjoyed writing, however I’ve been putting my creative juices more into Rasslin’ with Redbeard than anything else these days. If you don’t know what that is, I run a Facebook page and YouTube channel (I have a Twitter feed too but I don’t use it as frequently) focused on talking about professional wrestling and the talent/companies in the Carolinas (as well as a bit of Georgia). If you’re into that kind of thing, please check out what I’ve got going on via the links below.

https://www.Facebook.com/RasslinWithRedbeard

https://www.Twitter.com/RasslinRedbeard

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdGYmL8mA9q-KvcLNTw7jQA

ADOPTION UPDATE: I get asked, sometimes several times a day, where we stand in the adoption process. People we know are aware of the fact that we’ve been at this for more than a year now and unfortunately it appears as though we’re going to be waiting for the next steps to be carried through longer than we’d anticipated.

As I understand it, at present we’re waiting for paperwork from the Orangeburg County DSS office to be completed and assembled into a packet that will then be submitted to South Carolina’s DSS for final approval. Once that’s done we will be given a letter legally authorizing the adoption and can then contact our attorney who will assist us in scheduling a court date when the adoption can be finalized before a judge. We had originally hoped to have all of this done by his first birthday but at this point my best guess is that we’ll be waiting until sometime in 2016 for everyone involved in this matter to get their ducks in a row.

To say Jill & I are frustrated would be putting it lightly. We’ve done all that’s been asked of us and been more than patient. The only silver linings I can find right now are: 1) that because the packet is still in Orangeburg it wasn’t in the state DSS offices in Columbia that were ravaged by the recent catastrophic flooding that’s impacted our part of the world, and 2) we know he’s ours regardless of how long the process takes.