Labor Day Weekend 2014 in Pigeon Forge, TN

After the events of the past couple weeks, my wife and I were both at a point (emotionally, physically, and whatever other words you can think of that ends in "ally" that would imply having experienced a whole bunch of stress) where we needed some time away from home to rest, relax, and hopefully get our minds back to where they needed to be. The Labor Day holiday presented us with an opportunity to do exactly that as we whipped up a plan with haste to get ourselves to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee for the three-day weekend.

My family & I used to go to Pigeon Forge quite frequently when I was a child. I have many, many fond memories of having stayed at a hotel there called the River Lodge and of floating down the river behind it in a tube. (What, you expected there not to be a river near a joint called the River Lodge?) Even so, I want to say it has been more than 15 years since I was last there. I was certain that a lot would have changed to the town in that time but I was also confident that the quaint nature of it would still be intact.

Since this was a spur of the moment trip we had a few issues finding accommodations. Nothing major that put a chink in our plans, we just had to take what we could get instead of what we would've typically looked for in a hotel room. As an aside to this topic I'd like to say that it boggles my mind how a hotel room with a normal nightly rate of $45 suddenly becomes $100 a night just because of the demand created by a holiday - all I can say to that is I am most definitely in the wrong line of work. After having looked at condos, cabins, and rooms (some of which were recommended to us by friends and family), we settled on the Ramada Pigeon Forge South as it would be where we would call home for the next few days.

The estimated time it would take us to get there made it seem like we'd be able to make it without our arrival being too late in the evening, which is why we decided to hit the road after work on August 29. My wife & I work similar schedules so we packed up her car in advance to be ready for when the final whistle of the day sounded. After we dropped off our dog Roddy at my Mom's house for safe keeping (she's always willing to do anything for us and I can never be thankful enough for the fact that she's as generous as she is in this regard), we began to make our way along I-26 towards the upstate of South Carolina. We stopped along the way for supper at a Taco Bell - and yes, all you single guys out there, that's how you woo your lady right there. Tacos.

Having ingested our sustenance, we continued onward and upward (an accurate description if ever there was one seeing as how we'd be going up into the Smoky Mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee). I was in the driver's seat as Jill did not want to face the task of handling the winding roadways ahead. I have to say that the drive wasn't too challenging at first but as the sun set and darkness took over those mountain roads became a real test. Add in the volume of cars on the road due to the holiday as well as having to navigate in amongst the big rig trucks that dominate the highways and you can understand why my hands were cramping from having had a vice-like grip on the steering wheel.

Things took a turn for the worse along I-40 as we neared Pigeon Forge. I say that as if we had car trouble or something of the sort - in reality we had GPS trouble. Not in that it stopped working and we had no idea where to go, rather that the Google Maps application on my phone we were using to get us to where we were going decided that we would be better off to leave the interstate and take a road that wasn't much more than a goat path! (If you're ever going to Pigeon Forge or somewhere nearby and your GPS suggests that you take Hartford Road, DON'T DO IT.) I am not exaggerating when I tell you that this was the most insane stretch of road to encounter at night. It was barely wide enough for one car. There were a lot of hairpin turns and absolutely zero signage to indicate that you were coming up on them. You've heard the term "low shoulder"? Well in this case, "low shoulder" equated to a 20 foot drop off the side of the road into some random field. It was a terrifying ordeal but even so we eventually did get to our destination - we were mentally frazzled and in need of a good, stiff drink but we got there!

We checked into our room just shy of 11:30 PM. Seeing as how we got on the road around 5 PM, that meant we'd been at it for almost 6 and a half hours and my tailbone was feeling every bit of it. The rooms at the Ramada might not have been the most luxurious we've ever stayed in but the beds (yes, beds - try as we might we couldn't find a room with a single king) were quite the welcome sight for a pair of weary travelers like us.

The next morning we got up relatively early, as in around 8 AM, got ready for the day then wandered over to the breakfast area in the hotel lobby. (I use the phrase "wandered over" because of the fact that our room was on the first floor not more than 50 feet away from the lobby.) Continental breakfasts are a crap shoot - sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you wind up with a gut full of doughy carbohydrates. In this instance it was the latter, but we at least got to enjoy some tasty biscuits & gravy. Any meal that includes gravy is a victory in my eyes.

After breakfast we roamed around some of the shops near the Old Mill District, which (as you might assume) is a cluster of merchants set up around an old corn mill situated on the banks of the Pigeon River. The shops are, for the most part, all filled with the kind of wares that appeal only to tourists - baubles that will help someone remember the time they spent in Pigeon Forge. T-shirts, pottery, engraved word work, that sort of thing.

Moonshine distilleries have become a real draw for the area as there are quite a few of them set up along Pigeon Forge as well as in nearby Gatlinburg. One such operation is in the Old Mill District, that being the Old Forge Distillery. Seeing as how I had a stomach full of biscuits and danishes, I ponied up to the sampling bar and partook in a few selections. I have to say that if you're not a fan of whiskey no amount of trying it is going to change your mind. I happen to like it and I was really caught back by how many diverse flavor profiles the cooks behind the scenes in these operations have been able to come up with. I fell in love with their chocolate moonshine and purchased a jar of it!

After we'd been around the shops we decided it was time to eat lunch. On this day, that involved us visiting the Old Mill Restaurant, an eatery that came very highly recommended to us. Trust me when I say that we were not lead astray by those recommendations!

Everyone who eats at the Old Mill is greeted with a serving of their corn chowder and a basket of corn fritters served with maple-infused butter. I probably could have made a meal out of those alone! For our main courses, Jill selected the catfish fillets and I opted for the turkey & dressing. All meals off the lunch menu come served with two side items, green beans and mashed potatoes. I want to share the following photos of our meals before I tell you how much they cost us.

How much do you think you'd pay for a couple plates like those? Because they cost us $10.50 each, which is what every lunch menu item will cost you at the Old Mill. I had close to a pound of turkey on that plate - I cannot begin to tell you how tasty it was, and what an awesome value!

After that great meal we decided an adventure was in order. We had seen several advertisements and brochures for the Forbidden Caverns - I remembered visiting them from when I was a child but Jill had never been to a set of caverns, period. Getting there was easy as it's not much more than a short drive out of town and you're there; if you should decide to visit them yourself just be mindful of the fact that the road to the caverns is like a lot of the rural roadways in the area, that being narrow and winding.

The name "forbidden caverns" comes from a Native American story of a princess who died after she became trapped "in a hollow mountain of two streams", and because of this they considered the cave to be a place not too dissimilar from what other cultures might refer to as purgatory or Hades. Later on the caves were used by moonshiners as the constant flow of fresh spring water therein made it an ideal locale for their bootlegging operations. These days the caves are a popular tourist attraction that brings in visitors from all over the world.

After we toured the caverns we played what will hopefully go down as the most expensive game of putt-putt we'll ever play, that being a round of 18 holes at Old MacDonald's Farm Mini Golf. (It cost about $32 for the two of us!) The course was a lot of fun with its theming being all about Old MacDonald and the animals that make up his farm. Pigs, sheep, goats, and more will entertain you along the way. We played the Porky Putts course which was a par 43 - Jill & I both played quite well as we both finished under par but I got the Duke this particular round, besting her by the score of 41 to 42.

After our round of putt-putt we did a little bit more shopping before eating dinner at Blue Moose Burgers & Wings, a local sports bar & grill we happened upon that seemed like as good an option as any given that by that time of day the Clemson/Georgia football game was on television. Ironically enough, Jill & I were on a trip to Asheville, North Carolina last year when that game took place and we watched part of it from a Buffalo Wild Wings location. And just like last year at that restaurant, there were Clemson and Georgia faithful seemingly separated into their own sections at the Blue Moose. I half expected a knife fight to break out at any moment! The game was interesting, the crowd mostly civil, and the wings were tasty, which made the whole thing a great way to cap off our first full day in Tennessee.

For breakfast on the morning of Sunday, August 31 we decided to try another local favorite eatery, that being the Applewood Restaurant which is one of the primary components of the Apple Barn "campus" (for lack of a better term). The Applewood Restaurant is built out of what was once an old farmhouse - it's been modified since then, obviously, but the qualities that made it a home are reflected in the fact that everyone who dines there receives an experience crafted from the traditions of food, family, and fellowship.

We arrived at the restaurant very early as I thoroughly expected to have to wait an hour or more to get in. As it would turn out, we walked in and were seated immediately. (Jill says she never gets to sleep in on our vacations; I can't say I'm not at least partially responsible for that.) All guests at the Applewood Restaurant are initially treated to a basket of apple fritters and muffins served with their homemade apple butter (I could drown myself in apple butter, just so you know; it's one of my favorite things in the world) and a tasty concoction they call an apple julep - a combination of apple, pineapple, and citrus juices. For our meals, I chose the Farmhouse Special Breakfast and Jill had the Wild Blueberry Pancakes.

 

They are certainly selections meant to stick-to-your-ribs because you're going to be working in the fields all day - or, in our case, because you're going to be walking around Gatlinburg all day.

If you've never been there, the best way I can describe Gatlinburg, TN is to try to have you imagine a Walmart that sells nothing but tacky, themed merchandise chopped up into individual storefronts and stretched out along both sides of a roughly two mile long highway. If you've been to Ocean Boulevard in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina during the peak season when all the shops there are open you've more or less also been to Gatlinburg. Just swap out all the YOLO and SWAG t-shirts for ones with black bears or University of Tennessee logos. There are other attractions in the area, of course, like the Ripley's Aquarium and a number of fantastic restaurants (the highlight of our time there, for me, was seeing the Ole Smoky Moonshine Holler production facility and store), but they seem to be dwarfed in comparison to everything else. What blew us away was the sheer number of people and cars that were in town the day we were there. (Fortunately we got into Gatlinburg around 10 AM and were able to find a parking space.) The congestion seemed especially horrible, which I can only blame on the fact that we were there on a holiday weekend.

Once we'd had our fill of Gatlinburg we came back into Pigeon Forge to knock around town a bit before our dinner date - an evening of music, laughs, and food at the Hatfield & McCoy Dinner Show!

The Hatfield & McCoy Dinner Show is a comical take on the historical family feud that also involves dancers and bluegrass musicians. It's kind of odd that a rivalry so violent as to have spurred on a number of grisly murders could be turned into the subject of a comedy act - I'm sure the descendants of those families have been rewarded handsomely, monetarily speaking, for their involvement in the production.

Even so, the show itself was a fantastic presentation. You're fed a meal consisting of fried chicken, pulled pork bar-b-que, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, cole slaw, and biscuits before the performance begins. In my opinion, this is an area where they are doing things better than similar shows like Medieval Times or Dixie Stampede as I've always felt at those arenas your attention isn't on the performance because you've got a piece of chicken in your mouth. The whole event runs about 2 hours in length. If you enjoy comedic storytelling and country cooking, you won't get a much better combination of the two than at the Hatfield & McCoy theater. (That said, I will add that this show has a lot in common with the Hoop-Dee-Doo Musical Revue we saw at the Fort Wilderness Resort on the Walt Disney World property. It's close but I'm going to give the edge to Disney in comparing the two.)

Before we knew it, Monday morning rolled around and our time in Tennessee had drawn to a close. All there was left to do was check out of the hotel and deal with traffic. I'm not kidding when I say that it took us just shy of an hour to make our way along the stretch of I-40 where it connects with I-26. Other than that, the ride back was mostly uneventful which was great considering how stressful the ride up became.

Looking back on our time in Pigeon Forge, we sure did cram a lot into just two days worth of vacation. That seems to be how we live our lives, though - doing the best we can to take advantage of every opportunity we have to enjoy that with which we've been blessed. I wouldn't trade times like these for anything in this world.

Official Rules for The Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship

In the Summer of 2009, I went on my first actual camping trip. I joined my wife's family in spending a week at the Pirateland Campground in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Before you outdoor-types start criticizing me for never having been camping prior to then, bear in mind that my folks were not into sleeping in tents, foraging for food or using pine cones as toilet paper - or whatever it is that people who are actually into camping do when they go camping. We never went anywhere on vacation that didn't have accommodations complete with all the comforts of home as we'd either stay in a hotel or sometimes rent a condo. That said, this occasion wasn't exactly hardcore camping as we were staying in a camper equipped with air conditioning, a full kitchen, cable television, a bathroom, and WiFi (technically the WiFi came from the campground's facilities - even so, it was there and available). That was almost 4 years ago. I still haven't slept in a tent and to be perfectly honest with you I'm quite alright with that.

That initial camping experience was a marvelous event as I got to see and do things I'd never had the chance to take part in previously, such as sleeping on the floor of a camper while laying on an inflatable mattress. It was filled with firsts for my wife & I as we were still dating then but well on our way to making memories and traditions as a couple. One such tradition to be born out of this trip was a putt-putt competition. I don't recall how many rounds we played but Jill and I quickly realized that this was something we both loved as I think each of us has something of a competitive spirit. From those meager beginnings evolved what has now become known as the Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship - or the ATMBPPCC for short.

The ATMBPPCC trophy - constructed by A1TROPHY (http://www.a1trophy.com)

Pretty sweet trophy, right? I designed it myself - I'd originally intended to make something rather absurd as there was a point during its development that the golf ball/club symbols on the second tier were going to be cows (yes, I'm serious). I'm happy that I went another route, needless to say, as it turned out even better than the conceptual artwork made it look. At some point I'd like to add to this by having a plaque made with panels that can be updated so that we can record who wins each year.

Suffice to say that what started out as a cheeky competition has taken on a slightly more serious vibe since we first began challenging one another to several rounds of mini-golf during our annual Myrtle Beach vacation. Surely something so grandiose as to be recognized by an actual trophy must have a set of official rules?

Right?

Well, no, to be perfectly honest with you. We just never wrote any down, although we had some loose parameters in mind while playing. That said, what follows is my attempt at laying down the law as it pertains to the ATMBPPCC.

ANNUAL TRUESDALE MYRTLE BEACH

PUTT-PUTT CHALLENGE CHAMPIONSHIP

OFFICIAL RULES

FORWARD

It is declared this, the 1st day of May in the year of our Lord 2013, that from henceforth all Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship (referenced as ATMBPPCC hereafter) activities shall be conducted according to the rules presented herein. The statements making up this document are considered fluid and may be added to, updated, adjusted or removed in the event that such action is deemed necessary.

FOUNDATION

1) The ATMBPPCC is to be held in no locale other than Myrtle Beach, SC.

2) The ATMBPPCC is an annual event, taking place once each calendar year.

3) The ATMBPPCC shall consist of a best 3-out-of-5 scenario. A warm-up practice round, the results of which will not count towards the final tally, may be played if a consensus of agreement is reached by the participants that it is needed.

COURSE SELECTION

Each round of the ATMBPPCC will consist of 18 holes and must be played at a course unique to that particular year's event. In other words, no course may be played twice in a single year. A course played in an earlier ATMBPPCC may be used in the current event and a course played during the current year may serve as host in subsequent competitions.

If a chosen putt-putt facility offers multiple courses, the course advertised or denoted as being the most challenging course available at said facility must be used for ATMBPPCC play. Should there be no signage or other notification regarding course difficulty, facility staff will be consulted and whichever course they proclaim to be most challenging shall be played.

PARTICIPATION

Robert Jonathan Truesdale and Jill Moak Truesdale are the only allowed participants in ATMBPPCC competition. In the event of offspring, any children Robert and Jill may spawn will be allowed to participate once they have displayed competency, interest and a general understanding for the game of putt-putt.

Other individuals may play with Robert and Jill while they are engaged in ATMBPPCC competition however the scores of these individuals will not figure into the final outcome of the ATMBPPCC.

Accompanying players may provide moral support and strategic assistance to Robert and Jill but they absolutely may not physically interfere with the competition in any way. This includes, but is not limited to, the following: Moving of balls, malicious handling of equipment and clubs, engaging in annoying conversation, and otherwise being a distraction from ATMBPPCC competition. Doing so will result in the offender being immediately thrown into the nearest water hazard and left for dead. Play of the current round may continue but the ATMBPPCC participant associated with the offending guest shall forfeit the current round to their competitor.

ETIQUETTE

In an effort to maintain high standards of play, it should be noted that any attempt to distract or otherwise interfere with an opposing player will result in the imposition of harsh penalties (see PARTICIPATION, second paragraph).

Good sportsmanship is to be observed at all times during ATMBPPCC play. It is permissible to express frustration, albeit to a point of understandability (for example, letting out a subtle "Dang!") and not complete outlandishness (for example, throwing your club while shouting something about the course architect's mother being from Tijuana). This also pertains to expressions of being a poor loser - buck up, princess, there's always next year. While there is no direct penalty for these actions, an opposing player may reserve the right to record whatever tirade(s) their counterpart decides to engage in for the purpose of future shaming (such as sharing said recording to various social media outlets).

SCORING, TIE BREAKERS AND DO-OVERS (AKA, "MULLIGANS")

For ATMBPPCC play, the standard scoring rules of putt-putt (as well as any unique declared rules of the course being played) shall be observed. Each stroke counts as one point with the winner of the round being the player with the lowest cumulative point total.

Each player will be allowed one do-over (aka, "Mulligan") per round. Do-overs are not transferable between players and cannot be accumulated over the length of ATMBPPCC play nor can they be held over from one ATMBPPCC to the next. A do-over may be initiated as the result of a poor shot, lost ball, etc. A do-over may not be applied to the 18th hole or any hole which reclaims balls.

If there is no stated out of bounds penalty at the course being played, a 2-stroke penalty shall be applied to the player's score on that particular hole should they make a shot which results in a ball going out of bounds. This scenario would be nullified if the player in question has an available do-over, should they choose to use it at that point.

Regarding out of bounds shots, a player making such a shot will be allowed to place their ball back onto the course at the nearest playable position of the hole in question. The ball shall be placed no further than the distance of one club-head from the retaining structure. The ball must be played from this position regardless of whether or not an obstruction to a player's ideal positioning is present.

If there is no per hole stroke maximum at the course being played, a per hole 6-stroke maximum shall be observed.

In the event of a tie score at the end of a round, the player with the most holes-in-one during that particular round will be declared the winner of the round. Should there be a tie regarding most holes-in-one, the winner shall be determined by a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors with best 3-out-of-5 rules in play.

Remember me?

I'm fine, everything's perfectly all right now.  We're fine.  We're all fine here now, thank you.  How are you?

10 points to your house if you get the reference...

I feel the need to greet you formally as a means of kicking off this particular blog post seeing as how it's been more than a month since my prose graced your eyes, and quite frankly I'm a bit bummed out about that.  I felt like I was getting on something of a roll with my entries to this blog and I felt rather upset about not having had the free time to keep that momentum going. (At least I'm doing better than I was when I was attempting to run a full site of my own - I paid for hosting for almost a year and a half on a site that I didn't touch for lack of time to do anything with it.) This may seem like a trivial thing to certain people, putting your innermost thoughts out into the ether for God only knows who to read them, but I rather enjoy the experience as I've grown to be fairly fond of writing.  I don't need to be sitting on a psychiatrist's couch to vocalize my feelings, I just need an open network protocol with access to this here Internet thingie.

To say that the last few weeks have been tumultuous at times would be a vast understatement.  Some of it was the good kind of tumult, which is when you're busy and wrapped up in things that bring you joy or that you otherwise appreciate the opportunity to be involved with.  Of course in life we can't have the good without our fair share of the negative - there was plenty of sadness to be had in the time between now and when I last wrote as well.

Back in the middle of June, my wife (Jill/Wifey/J-Tru, if you don't know her - you should really read her blog, too, if you don't already) and I made our annual trip to Pirate Land Campground in Myrtle Beach, SC for a week-long vacation.  This is a tradition which we've picked up from her family as they make something of a yearly pilgrimage to this same campground and have done so for the better part of Jill's lifetime.  When I say "her family", it helps if I can give you a gauge of just how many people we're talking about because it's significantly more than what you're probably thinking.  The caravan of campers that migrates from Lugoff, SC to Myrtle Beach is between 7 and 10 units strong; I have to leave myself some leeway with the estimation by saying it's between X and Y because I know I'd be wrong if I tried to assign a specific value (yes, that's my way of admitting that I have no idea who some of her family members are - the extended ones, mostly - even though we've been together for almost three years now).  Figure in that there will be anywhere from 2 to 6 people staying in each of those campers and you start to get an idea of how many people are included in this trek.  It's an impressive assembly and it makes for a great event seeing as how it seems that so few people do something like this these days.

I'll never forget the first time I joined Jill's family on this trip because it was my first legitimate camping experience.  No, I've never slept in a tent and I never intend to do so.  Yes, this was a "camping experience" in that we stayed in Jill's parents camper.  While that might not count as roughing it for some people, I will counter your snide remarks contradicting my seasoned camper status by letting you know that I did sleep on the floor of the camper for the duration of that first trip.  I was on an air mattress with a pillow and positioned directly under an air conditioning vent, mind you, but still on the floor!

Since that trip, Jill and I have moved on from staying with her parents to renting a camper that's on one of the permanent sites within Pirate Land.  The campers on these sites have been modified so that they don't resemble campers in many cases.  They feature Florida rooms, improved bathroom facilities, custom kitchens, and a range of other amenities.

The camper we rent is in an absolutely picturesque area as it is nestled in between several trees and situated immediately beside an inlet.  Not surprisingly, the trees are home to quite a few squirrels and these squirrels have become a welcome, albeit noisy addition to memories of our beach vacations.  They will often drop their acorns onto the metal roof of the camper then drop down and trot across in an attempt to reclaim their lost vittles.  The first time we heard them do this we had literally no idea what was going on and it startled us (we lovingly refer to them as terrorists).  I would never claim to know much about fishing (seeing as how I do it so infrequently that I have to ask Jill to give me a refresher on the operation of the reel; she grew up with a master fisherman in the form of my father in-law, who is a talented angler and sportsman), although the inlet has allowed me to do something I hadn't done since I was a boy fishing on the banks of a pond back home with my Grandpa.  We have yet to catch a fish (we know they're there seeing as how they routinely jump out of the water as if to taunt us with their refusal to take the bait) but that doesn't make the experience any less enjoyable.

Jill's family has many traditions that they engage in while at the beach, my favorite of which involves everyone getting together for breakfast each morning (I know, it's shocking that I would enjoy an event centered around bacon above so many others).  The most prominent traditions that Wifey & I have developed on our own for our beach vacations are: 1) a trip to Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament and 2) the Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship.

Jill and I are both fans of professional wrestling and Medieval Times isn't too far removed from wrestling, but at Medieval Times you get served a fantastic meal while the action is unfolding before you, making it instantly better than most wrestling cards.  Vegetable soup, garlic bread, an oven-roasted half chicken, ribs, baked potato, and desert - it's a meal fit for a king, which is appropriate seeing as how it's customary for everyone to wear paper crowns while you're there.  If you've never been to MT, I highly recommend it.  It's not exactly a cheap date, however it is a lot of fun and a unique experience.

Wifey & I at Medieval Times - BLUE KNIGHT, FTW!

The Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship (or ATMBPPCC for short) is an event that evolved from Wifey and myself placing wagers on our putt-putt matches. (Not wagers in a monetary sense, rather things like doing the dishes for a week.) During our first vacation to Pirate Land, Jill may or may not have conned me into a  bet by having us play on the course located within the campground.  Keep in mind that Jill and her family have been coming to Pirate Land for upwards of 10 years - point being, she had an advantage over me in that she knew the course whereas I was flying blind.  She bested me that day, but rest assured I haven't forgotten her clever maneuver...

Since that first match we've taken to playing at random courses so as to even the playing field.  In addition, we've changed the format from a one match scenario to a best 2-out-of-3 contest.  For the 2010 edition of the ATMBPPCC, we played at Cancun Lagoon and Jurassic Golf with yours beardly pulling out a pair of close victories to take home the title.  This year, I decided it was time to build the legacy of the ATMBPPCC by making it more than just a made up championship with an absurdly long acronym by creating a trophy to represent it.

The ATMBPPCC trophy - Lord Stanley's cup is officially weaksauce!

The fine folks over at A-1 Custom Trophies assembled that beauty for us.  Their handy online utility for designing a trophy of your own is an excellent tool as you'll be able to see your trophy before it's constructed.

Round one of the 2011 ATMBPPCC was held at Jungle Safari Golf.  It was appropriate that we selected a course with an Amazonian-theme seeing as how the weather in Myrtle Beach was what you'd expect to encounter in the jungles of some far-off land, that being humid, hot, and generally unpleasant. (Adding to these environmental hazards was the fact that we were down-wind of smoke coming off of a large wildfire north of Myrtle Beach that was drifting south along the coast.) Indeed, the air was so thick with moisture and heat that I would describe the experience as walking around in a bucket of hot water. (To quote Matthew Broderick's character from the 1988 film Biloxi Blues, "Man it's hot. It's like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.") Our matches always seem to be close and this one was no different.  I prevailed and by the narrowest of margins, a single stroke, despite being drenched with sweat and feeling like the inside of a used gym sock.

To her credit, I believe Wifey may have been a bit put off her game by the fact that about mid-way through the match a young lady driving by gave me a cat call - yes, a quite scandalous turn of events it was, but far be it from me to deny a strategic advantage of any sort.  Nevertheless, we moved on to round two which was played at Captain Hook's Adventure Golf.

Putt-putt is, as you would expect, a very popular past time around Myrtle Beach as it is an activity anyone, families on vacation in particular, can do and enjoy (this despite the expense involved - I'd like someone to explain to me why it costs $20 for 2 people to play one round of mini-golf; for that price I should get a commemorative mug or something equally useless that would at least let me feel like I received something of value for my money).  As it would turn out, the evening we played at Captain Hook's was a busy one as our match took more than 2 hours to complete.  Jill and I were both feeling the effects of the prolonged match as we were growing frustrated not only with those players ahead of us but with the course itself.  Captain Hook's is not a cakewalk by any means; I can appreciate a course with a decent amount of difficulty, but certain of the holes there seemed to have been designed to cause grief more than anything.

Yet again, our scores were close throughout most of the match.  The sixteenth hole would prove to be Wifey's ultimate undoing in this, the second round of the 2011 ATMBPPCC, as its cup was set upon a plateau that featured several treacherous contours. She was forced to take the maximum stroke count for the hole, giving me a clear advantage going into the final two stages.  I was able to hold off her attempt at a rally despite having not been able to finish the game as my ball went careening off the course during the eighteenth hole, nowhere to be found.  With that, I won my second straight ATMBPPCC title and I look forward to defending this prestigious championship again next year!

Yours Beardly with the ATMBPPCC trophy

Our beach trip was not without a bit of drama.  Jill's Grandmother became ill and was forced to spend a majority of the week in an area hospital.  She gave us all a scare and it was rough goings for a few days but the silver lining of the situation was that she had plenty of family around to assist her and stay with her.  She's since made a full recovery from those ailments and is back in the comfort of her home with her husband.

The weeks after our beach vacation were mostly normal.  Jill and I went back to work, returning to our everyday grind, wishing all the while we could be back on vacation.  Not long after getting back home I received a jury duty summons for municipal court.  Some people might cringe at an assignment like that but I was genuinely looking forward to it.  I'd served as a juror years ago and found the legal process fascinating with all its posturing and technicalities.  It appealed to my meticulous nature, I guess you could say.  This more recent experience would prove to be far less rewarding.

I reported for jury duty as instructed (Commanded?) and went through the usual attendance-taking procedure. (I was shocked at how many people didn't appear; there were probably 70 names called with barely over half being present.) When it came time to hear the first case it turned out that the prosecutor was forced to ask for a continuance because an officer who was to testify before the court didn't show up.  The defense rejected the offer for a continuance and the judge agreed that all parties had had plenty of advance knowledge of the trial to have made it to the proceedings on time.  With that the juror pool was dismissed until after lunch.  When we all returned, the second case of the day appeared to be lined up and ready for launch - or so it was until the defense attorney mentioned to the judge that he had "a matter" which he needed to address with him regarding the case, and he recommended that the jury pool be dismissed while they discussed the "matter".  The judge called both attorneys into his chambers where they would stay for nearly 90 minutes.  An hour and a half isn't a brief intermission when you're sitting in what amounts to a church pew with no padding on it whatsoever, which is why I got up and walked around for a while until the counselors and judge returned.  We (the jurors) were told that because of the "matter" the case would not be heard.  Myself and the rest of the juror pool were dismissed for the remainder of the week.  We never found out what the "matter" was, much to my chagrin (I would've liked to have found out if for no other reason than to satisfy my own curiosity).  Late last week I received my payment for having been a willing juror - a whole $6.  I haven't cashed the check yet, mainly because I don't quite feel like I did anything deserving of being paid, but I may do so sometime this week so I can go buy myself a Snickers and a Pepsi.

Two weeks after our vacation, Jill & I received word that my Grandmother had been taken to Springs Memorial Hospital in Lancaster, SC with elevated blood pressure and blood sugar levels.  She'd had episodes similar to this in the past and had been able to shake them off after a few days of treatment, so I didn't think it was much more than the same.  This was far worse, it would turn out.

My childhood was different than most in that my Mom (who had gotten a divorce from my "sperm donor" as I've grown to call him over the years) and I lived with my Grandparents.  My Grandfather passed away in 1993, and after that it was just the three of us.  Mom was an elementary school teacher (a damn good one, too) and for the bulk of my formative years I spent time at home with my Grandma while Mom was working.  We'd go shopping, out to eat, to the movies - I basically became her traveling buddy and I loved it. (My Grandma loved to travel, especially throughout the old West, as proven by the fact that she'd taken numerous bus tours across the United States.) That said, it's easy to see why I've felt as if I had two moms for my entire life.

My Grandma & I on vacation, somewhere near the mountains of North Carolina or Tennessee

My Grandma, myself, and my Mom on one of our many trips to Florida

My Grandma and I with George W. Bush before he was President

Jill and I drove to Lancaster the Sunday after Grandma was taken to the hospital.  We'd learned that she might have possibly had a stroke as she had stopped moving the left side of her body but the main concern was that she had developed a blood infection.  I can't describe how difficult it was seeing her when we arrived at the hospital.  I don't think any members of our family were prepared for her health to have taken such an immediate turn for the worse.  She seemed to have been fine in the days prior and yet here she was suddenly struggling to breathe, to live.

My Grandma passed away two days later, Tuesday, July 12.  She was such a vivacious, strong woman who lived her life to the fullest, and I miss her very much.

Grandma died exactly one month to the day after Sara Edwards, a dear friend of hers, had passed.  She missed her friend, and she missed her husband.  I hope they're all together again now in a much better place than here.

Jill and I have added a new member to our family, a furry, four-legged son as we've begun to refer to him.  Roddy "Hot Rod" Truesdale, a miniature dachshund who is of the black & tan variety but who also has a very unique set of dapple markings.  We adopted him from Johnnie & Allan Judy who operate Rosegarden Dachshunds out of Lugoff, SC.  He was born May 17, 2011 and as of this writing he's about 10 weeks old.  So far he's proving to be quite the smartie as he's already picked up on some basic lessons and is learning to play fetch with a set of mini-tennis balls.  Needless to say, we're looking forward to spoiling him and making him feel loved.

Jill & I on the day we picked up Roddy

If you've managed to read this entire blog entry I commend you because I'm not sure that even I would want to read something of this length unless I was coerced into doing so.  I feel like I should be posting a coupon for a free order of Crazy Bread from Little Caesar's or something similar as a reward. (Not that I have that kind of authority, just that it would seem appropriate.) This is what happens when I let too much material accumulate, I churn out a blog that's the length of Yao Ming's legs.  I'll try to do better with being more concise in the future.  Maybe.  If I feel like it, that is.  Which is doubtful, honestly.