Prom Dresses - Another Reason I Hope to Never Have a Daughter

I didn't realize this but apparently it's prom season - not that I have any reason to realize it's prom season, obviously, being a man approaching 33 years of age with no association to anyone who'll be attending such an event. Writing this entry forced me to realize that in a few short weeks it will have, in fact, been 15 years since I graduated as a member of the class of 1998 from Buford High School in Lancaster, SC. I attended several proms during my years as a student there and while I can't say that I particularly enjoyed them (after the 1997 prom, I was forced to watch Jerry Maguire in a packed movie theater while wearing a tuxedo and shoes that I'm sure defied some portion of the Geneva Convention) the experience of going to prom is one of those things that high school kids should go through as a right of passage, much like awkward sex ed classes made even more so because of the fact they're being taught by a member of the athletic staff instead of someone who actually knows a thing or two about anatomy and biology. Even so, it's my opinion that students and school faculty members should work to make prom a memorable and classy occasion.

Judging by a prom dress my wife & I saw recently while out to dinner at a local hibachi restaurant, I question whether or not maintaining the classy aspect is all that popular these days.

My wife & I had already been seated at a grill and we were enjoying our soup and salads when the group of prom-goers in question entered. I immediately noticed the dress and the young lady wearing it because quite frankly it was impossible not to acknowledge its presence in the room. It was kind of like someone wandering in with a giant, blinking neon sign reading "LOOK AT ME!" over their head while dancing an Irish jig and playing a kazoo. Okay, maybe the dress wasn't that absurd but it wasn't far from that.

The dress she was wearing resembled a sleeveless tutu as the top was designed to look like a corset. I assume ordinary tutus have sleeves - forgive me for being a dunce when it comes to the names of dress components; I've gotten through life thus far without needing to know what they are and I'm not about to learn them now. It was sequined and quite shiny, kind of like a fishing lure. That's an appropriate analogy seeing as how the top was barely doing its job of keeping her bosoms from an inadvertent deployment, if you catch my drift. That's the sort of thing few men, especially those in the 16-18 years of age demographic, can avert their eyes from gazing upon, hence the lure reference. The skirt-portion of the ensemble had lots of tulle and frills, and it stuck out quite a bit so as to create something of a halo or perimeter around the wearer.

I've tried to describe it as best I can but a visual aide never hurts. This dress is as close as I could find to the one she was wearing.

[SIDE NOTE: We noticed that the girl I'm describing was wearing cowboy boots. Really? I know we live in the South, but wearing cowboy boots to prom? You might as well show up riding your Daddy's best heifer.]

The girl we saw was more ample in the chesticular region than the model above, and the dress was barely doing its job of containing her. I guess you could blame either the dress itself or the girl for having picked a size that wasn't suitable to her physique. I think some strategic usage of duct tape would've helped matters but even so it would've been like putting a band-aid on a shotgun wound in terms of trying to recover some sense of modesty from the entirety of the thing. While the top was revealing enough, the skirt supplied only a bare minimum amount of coverage. A suitable amount of wind or even a poorly timed dance move would've been all that was needed to expose her nethers.

And yes, if you were wondering, this is fairly uncomfortable for me to talk about seeing as how this girl was young enough to make me feel as though I was going to be sent to jail for looking at her. I apologized to my wife in advance but she said my doing so wasn't necessary seeing as how this young lass was the one who was putting herself out there for everyone to see. I have to hand it to her for being reasonable enough to acknowledge the crudity of the scenario.

"What's the difference between this outfit and a bathing suit?", you might ask. That's an entirely different subject but the same standards apply. Ladies can wear a bathing suit that accentuates their features without making themselves look trashy. To me, that's the category this dress falls into - something that is thought to be stylish but winds up being tasteless.

I gather a dress like this is allowed in whatever prom these kids were attending. Truth be told, I think if a girl had come to one of the proms I went to wearing a dress like that they'd have been sent home.  Of course things were different when I was in school; teachers and faculty were still recognized as authority figures whereas now the age of liberal thinking has taken over academia and the inmates seem to be running the asylum in most cases.

Please, someone kick the soapbox out from underneath me before I wander off again...

It somewhat pains me to admit this but it's conceivable that I could have a daughter the age of this girl. The fact that this is acceptable formal wear in this day and age makes me shudder at the thought of what will be seen as being within the boundaries of good taste if/when any daughters my wife & I may have get to that point in their lives. This is yet another reason why I pray we don't have a daughter or daughters - I have enough things to stress myself out over as is. I don't need to spend every day reminding myself that little boys will always be little boys (I include myself in that description) and that my daughter will be in a world filled with them.

Should it come to that, maybe if I maim one or two of them the rest will get the idea? If you've got to go to prison, an assault charge at the expense of defending your child isn't all that bad I'd say.