As of this writing it has been roughly a year since we
were blessed with the opportunity to welcome our boy, Jonathan, into the
family. Suffice that we have been through a lot since October 21, 2014,
emotionally, physically, and every other adjective that ends with the “-ally”
suffix. Rather than recapitulate a whole bunch of memories, I thought I might
spend this blog entry (the first I’ve written in a number of months; more on
that later) talking about some of the lessons I’ve learned from then to now.
10) Everyone thinks they know what’s best for our child
We get a lot of input from others about things that we
share regarding how J-Man is developing, changing, and becoming this unique
little person. I don’t think some folks have the ability to discern that
there’s a difference between genuinely asking for advice and merely telling you
something because we happen to be engaged in conversation. For example, when I
tell you my kid has 8 teeth, that’s not an invitation for you to tell me I
should go buy Product X because it will help soothe their gums. I’m just telling
you he has teeth, period. Feel free to add in your own quip or anecdote, but don’t
take it into “I know more than you territory”.
9) We have no idea what’s best for our child
I’m just being honest because we really don’t, but in
admitting that I’m also stating that we’re not unlike every other parental unit
in that we have to work through scenarios in order to take care of our boy.
Case in point, not that long ago Duke was having trouble
one evening getting comfortable in his crib. He whined and carried on to a
point where we didn’t know what to do – milk, rocking, nothing was soothing
him. I was ready to give him some Tylenol because he appeared to be in pain for
one reason or another. This went on for about 20 minutes and then by pure
happenstance we somehow got him to let out a massive burp and he was fine
afterwards. Neither of us even thought of that because we haven’t had to burp
him in months (he usually does it himself just fine).
Being a parent really is like having to maintain a
knowledge base that has to be updated 24/7.
8) Logistics, logistics, logistics
In my line of work (IT), logistics management is a part
of everyday life. I guess it helps me keep my mind in gear because it’s rather
amazing how keeping a child functional (for lack of a better word) is about
successfully maintaining a flow of necessary supplies. Everything from feeding
spoons to diapers, formula to bibs, clean bottles to albuterol vials – our
being able to provide him with an environment in which he will thrive is all
about logistics, ultimately.
7) Travel is as much about timing as it is anything else
When you have a baby, it’s important that they get onto a
schedule. It helps them but, more importantly, it helps you as a parent to stay
in a rhythm of daily life. My wife & I know what to expect out of Jonathan
every day, more often than not, because of the fact that we’ve worked with him
enough to know when his needs – food, a fresh diaper, naps, etc. – are likely
to arise. As such it is very important that we keep those aspects of his life
in mind before we head off down the road to visit NeNe (pronounced “knee-knee”)
& Paw Paw (Jill’s Mom & Dad, FYI), Walmart, a restaurant, or anywhere
else for that matter.
6) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is the bomb
Have you ever watched an episode of Mickey Mouse
Clubhouse? You should, it’s rather amazing.
Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto, and an
assorted cast of recurring characters (I like the little piggies from the
barnyard, personally) make up the fun little objective-based world where
there’s always some minor problem getting in the way of the goal of the day.
They’re assisted by their super-helpful artificial intelligence friend,
Toodles, who has the ability to transport objects from some ethereal realm to
wherever the Clubhouse gang may be in order to help them in whatever task
they’re facing. The best part of it all is that every episode ends with
everyone doing the Hot Dog dance, which is like an Irish jig only with less
whiskey involved.
5) Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is infuriating
I say that as someone who admits that the part of my
brain that is responsible for logical deduction connects directly to that of my
sense of sarcasm. For example, Mickey & Minnie are giant mice; how much
sense does it make then that Minnie has a pet cat named Figaro? Are there smaller mice that Figaro can chase? Are
these mice somehow lower on the Disney evolutionary scale or are they proof
that Mickey, Minnie, and the rest of the Clubhouse gang are all escapees of a
genetics research laboratory that succeeded in creating humanoid animals who
all somehow speak English?
That comment isn’t aimed just at Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
but a lot of children’s programming. Doc McStuffin’s is another one that I’ve
spent too much time analyzing. What is the origin of her stethoscope’s power?
Does it contain some shard of a crystal used in ancient Egyptian burial
ceremonies? Is it even terrestrial in nature, as in could it be an alien technology
that somehow wound up being incorporated into a child’s plaything?
I wish I could turn my brain off, I really do.
4) You can’t draw blood from a turnip
What I mean by this is that there is only so much you can
do in terms of encouraging a child like our boy towards engaging in one
activity or another, namely crawling or walking. He’s a year old and he’s only
now really started to show signs of wanting to get moving in ways that don’t
involve him rolling from back to belly over & over again in order to get
where he wants. It’s just one of these things that as a parent you can’t help
but notice other kids who are younger than him who are already crawling,
standing, or walking meanwhile he’s still on his booty. It’ll come to him, in
his own time.
3) Baby food is revoltingly bland
I taste Duke’s food – yes, all of it, because I feel like
I know what he likes and dislikes, and if odds are that he’s going to dislike
something I’m certainly not going to force it on him. If you’re a parent and
you don’t at least taste a tiny bit of the foods you’re giving your baby, you’re
a douchebag. You open a jar of what’s described as being “mixed vegetables” and
blindly give it to your kid without first seeing what it’s like? That’s a good
way to foster discontent in my mind, but you go ahead and be you.
My personal thoughts on sampling our child’s food having
been aired, I will add that I find a majority of it to be rather disgusting.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some very good jarred baby foods out there (my
current favorite is apples & cinnamon with granola) but there is also a lot
that you couldn’t pay me to let past my lips. (Any of the varieties that
involve meat, for instance.) The worst part of it all, I think, is that none of
these foods are seasoned. It’s essentially a boiled or steamed, mashed up,
pulverized version of whatever it was in its whole form. I’m sure it’s fine for
him because he’s never known the benefits of proper seasoning when it comes to
food. The squash might not be so bad if it was warm with a bit of salt, pepper,
and butter – then again, what isn’t better with a bit of salt, pepper, and
butter?
2) I don’t know what we’d do without Grandparents
It makes me very happy to know that my Mom and Jill’s
parents live within an hour’s drive of our home, because quite frankly there
are times where we need the help.
Not to say that we can’t manage Duke ourselves, rather
that there are occasions to where having a convenient fourth option behind the
two of us and his daycare for supervising him when we aren’t able is a real
stress reliever. We’re not unlike any other working couple in that we have a
finite amount of leave we can take, so having a trustworthy, reliable, competent
resource we can ask to fill in for us occasionally is a huge help. He’s had a
rather odd propensity for developing ear infections while cutting teeth and he’s
had 11 teeth come in thus far – you do the math on how often we’ve had to take
him to the doctor. That’s not counting the few other times we’ve had to take
him to be seen or when he’s had to be away from daycare due to having fever or
otherwise being contagious such as when he had Hand, Foot & Mouth disease (something
I contracted a touch of as well).
Of course it helps that his Grandparents love him dearly.
They would do absolutely anything for him, which I guess is somewhat expected
of Grandparents but for them it’s never a labor of love – it’s just love. It
puts a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my heart when I see our boy
interacting with my Mom as well as Jill’s Mom & Dad. I know he’s being
cared for and I know he’s safe.
1) I’m only scratching the surface
I kept this blog in the “top 10” list format more for the
sake of an attempt at brevity than anything. As usual, you see how that effort
has turned out.
Truth of the matter is that any attempt at condensing
what we’ve learned this past year into one easily consumable piece of content would
be impossible seeing as there was a beginning but there is no end. It would be
a living element, to borrow a phrase, constantly growing and changing on a
daily basis much like Duke himself does. And so it goes that we will continue
to learn about him as he learns about the world around him. I hope we’re at
least putting him on the right path and that he understands the decisions we
make. I mean, he’ll be the one to decide what nursing home we wind up in, so we’d
best do a good job.
WHY DON’T YOU BLOG ANYMORE: I do miss this blog because I’ve
always enjoyed writing, however I’ve been putting my creative juices more into Rasslin’
with Redbeard than anything else these days. If you don’t know what that is, I
run a Facebook page and YouTube channel (I have a Twitter feed too but I don’t
use it as frequently) focused on talking about professional wrestling and the
talent/companies in the Carolinas (as well as a bit of Georgia). If you’re into
that kind of thing, please check out what I’ve got going on via the links
below.
https://www.Facebook.com/RasslinWithRedbeard
https://www.Twitter.com/RasslinRedbeard
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdGYmL8mA9q-KvcLNTw7jQA
ADOPTION UPDATE: I get asked, sometimes several times a
day, where we stand in the adoption process. People we know are aware of the
fact that we’ve been at this for more than a year now and unfortunately it
appears as though we’re going to be waiting for the next steps to be carried
through longer than we’d anticipated.
As I understand it, at present we’re waiting for
paperwork from the Orangeburg County DSS office to be completed and assembled
into a packet that will then be submitted to South Carolina’s DSS for final
approval. Once that’s done we will be given a letter legally authorizing the
adoption and can then contact our attorney who will assist us in scheduling a
court date when the adoption can be finalized before a judge. We had originally
hoped to have all of this done by his first birthday but at this point my best
guess is that we’ll be waiting until sometime in 2016 for everyone involved in
this matter to get their ducks in a row.
To say Jill & I are frustrated would be putting it
lightly. We’ve done all that’s been asked of us and been more than patient. The
only silver linings I can find right now are: 1) that because the packet is
still in Orangeburg it wasn’t in the state DSS offices in Columbia that were
ravaged by the recent catastrophic flooding that’s impacted our part of the
world, and 2) we know he’s ours regardless of how long the process takes.
