How My Wife & I Met

I try to put some thought into my blogs and the topics that I discuss herein. I think, for the most part, I use this here publication of mine as more of a platform from which I shout my opinions rather than as a personal journal. For some reason that's started to bother me - I don't know if it's a matter of me recognizing that visitors to this site may not always give two short shakes of a short sheep's tail about what I have to say or if I've merely gotten into a mindset of sentimentality. Regardless, I feel as though I should share personal stories with my readers on a more frequent basis. That said, with this entry I'd like to detail the series of events that lead up to my wife & I meeting.

Before I begin I'll be totally forthright by saying that our getting together is a bit of an involved story. Do try to keep up, won't you?

I moved from my hometown of Lancaster, South Carolina to Orangeburg, SC in the latter part of January 2008. I'd accepted a job with Orangeburg County's information technology department. The move was necessary seeing as how Orangeburg and Lancaster aren't neighbors, geographically speaking (the two are separated by roughly 105 miles - not exactly what you'd call an agreeable commute). It would mark the second portion of my life I'd lived away from home, the first having been my time in Florence, SC as a student at Francis Marion University. This occasion would be an entirely different experience as I was moving to a city of which I had no real knowledge. For that matter, the only two people in the area I actually knew prior to relocating were my Aunt & Uncle. Of course they were extremely helpful in getting me situated in my new surroundings, but it wasn't too long after I'd moved that I began longing for social interaction - and by "social interaction" I mean the sort involving a lady (bow-chicka-bow-wow).

The problem was I had no idea where to go to meet people in Orangeburg or any of the areas nearby. Women that I'd dated previously were gals that I'd met via an association like school or through some other proxy which made them accessible. In my new workplace, the only women I regularly interacted with were much older than me and usually married - individuals from neither group were suitable for this effort. I considered asking my co-workers if maybe any of them knew someone they could introduce me to, but the more I thought of that the more it began to strike me as being horribly awkward for them and me. The thought of someone, on my behalf, saying to a friend or relative of theirs "Hey, a guy I work with but don't really know all that well is looking for a girlfriend...You interested?" was just too weird. By this point in time I was 28 years old; in my mind, I was too old to try and assimilate into the college crowd of Columbia. The last thing I wanted to do was to join some crazy bar scene. I've never been a fan of bars, period, making the concept of me, the admittedly socially awkward person I am, cruising for chicks in that kind of environment being all the more ridiculous. What options was I left with? Not many, quite frankly, at least not of the traditional variety. Could I find someone interested in me by way of the Internet? It only made sense to try.

I'd seen ads for services like eHarmony that seemed like they would be worth a shot - it wasn't that their services were all that expensive but, me being the frugal person I am, having to pay to get on board with a system like that made me sour to the whole thing. Where to, then? The often crazy world of Craigslist, naturally.

If you're not familiar with it, Craigslist is a site that attracts people because of the fact that it facilitates just about every kind of transaction imaginable between individuals, whether it be trading a bed for a pair of boots or trying to find a roommate. It's not like eBay in that the site functions as an intermediary to funnel the monetary end of the business, rather it is something of a host through which people communicate. Posts made to the site are sorted by region, which is as efficient a mechanism as could be devised. In addition to business dealings, there's also a vast personals section on CL and it was there that I made a submission regarding my search for someone special.

Writing a personal ad is like tiptoeing through a minefield, or at least it was for me. I wanted to say enough about myself that I'd seem appealing but I didn't want to come across as being an egotistical sort of person. That's tough to do seeing as how you're trying to convince a prospective girlfriend that they should want to get to know you better using nothing more than text. I had no idea what sort of response I'd receive, or if I'd even get a response. As fate would have it, I got a few nibbles initially - but none from the woman who would eventually become my wife.

The process was an evolution of sorts. I'd exchange emails with the ladies who'd responded to my ad then if it seemed like it was worthwhile we'd talk on the phone. After that came the actual dates, of which there were 3, not counting my first date with my wife (I'm leaving that out for a reason). The first girl I took out was nice; we met at the Edisto Memorial Gardens and walked around for a while then went to dinner at Applebee's. I must not have left much of an impression on her because I never heard from her again. (Consequently I don't remember her name.) The second willing lass was named Carla. She and I went out a few times, and we got along alright but Carla had two children from a previous relationship. As time went by, I got the feeling that she was trying to find a father for her kids - while it was a noble effort on her part, I didn't feel like I was ready for that. I felt bad at the time for ending the relationship (I could respect her struggle what with my having been raised by a single Mom as well) but it was better to be frank with her about my issues than to lead her on. The third date was with a girl named Courtney.

I'm going to try and handle this as gentlemanly as I can because I could do otherwise and come off as a real prick. Courtney thought highly of herself, for lack of a better way of putting it. We went out for a few weeks and there were times where it seemed like a decent arrangement but realistically we didn't have that much in common. I got the feeling she was using me to help her in getting over another relationship, or trying to, and wasn't quite over it yet.

I knew our relationship was going to end but it became official (in my mind, at least) when Courtney sent me a text message stating that we needed to talk. She didn't want to talk then, though - that would've been too convenient. She wanted to talk the following Saturday afternoon, after we'd gone to Riverbanks Zoo and had a meal at Golden Corral (both of which would be on my dime, naturally). We were sitting in my truck and she more or less told me she thought it would be best if we saw other people. Fine by me, don't let the door hit you in the keister on your way out - I had somewhere else to be, you see.

I mentioned Courtney sent me the "we need to talk" text earlier in the week. I knew we were over at that point in time; it might not have been as official as a signed contract but the fact of the matter is that we were through, right then and there. She knew it (even though she might not have admitted it) and I knew it. This is why I decided it would be worth my while to reply when I got an email from another girl responding to my Craigslist ad.

The email was from a girl named Jill Moak, a girl whose name is now Jill Truesdale.

Jill and I decided to go out, but it was my decision to take her out for our first date on the same day that my previous relationship "officially" ended. Two dates in one day - it's the sort of move that could be classified as brilliant or stupid depending on how the whole thing shakes out. And before anyone gets an idea to the contrary regarding my character, let me say that I'd never done anything like this before. And no, I didn't tell Jill I'd gone out with someone else that morning; I lied and told her I'd been out on the water with a co-worker who had bought a new boat. Yes, it was wrong of me to lie to her, I admit that. All I can say is that it seemed like a better way of handling it than the alternative at the time.

Just to recap what we've learned about me from that previous paragraph: 1) I am of strong moral character when it comes to protecting the integrity of relationships, and 2) I am of terrible moral character when it comes to thinking it's alright to tell a little white lie if it means protecting others' perception of me.

Fortunately for me, things went quite well that first night. I took her to Cracker Barrel (which is the equivalent of a 4-star restaurant for those of us who live in the South) after which we went back to the house I was renting at the time and watched a true cinematic classic, Mel Brooks' Blazing Saddles.

Guys, if you want to know how to impress a girl, that's how it's done - feed her food covered in gravy then make her watch a movie with potentially more racially insensitive jokes than any other in the history of Hollywood. If she hangs with you after that, she's a keeper.

I must have known something about how our relationship would go on to develop after that first date. I used to keep receipts back then as I balanced my checkbook using an Excel spreadsheet. I'd shred the receipts after I'd recorded them, but something told me I should hang onto that particular receipt. I still have it to this day.

Remember the part where I said my wife & I meeting was an involved story? This is where the involved part comes in.

The week after Courtney & I broke up and Jill & I first went out was going alright. I'd been with Orangeburg County for almost a year by then and I was settling in well. One day I noticed that I'd gotten a new text message from Courtney. I can't remember the entire message but it went something like this: "I know about Jill...I can't believe you would do this to me! Do you have any idea how I feel now? I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust anyone ever again!"

After I read that, I was angry, I was mad, I was confused, and yet I was somehow amused by her comments. It wasn't as if we were together for all that long (it was maybe a month, tops, that we'd been seeing each other), yet she made it out as if I had been the love of her life and had dashed all her dreams for the future. I won't bore you with the argument that ensued - it amounted to a lot of finger pointing, as you'd expect - but what stuck out in my mind was a single question: How did she know about Jill?

As it would turn out, Jill and Courtney had a mutual friend whose name I won't reveal; for the sake of this blog, we'll refer to her as Gertrude. (True but sad story about my childhood - "Gertrude" was a nickname that got hung on me by one of my best friends in high school. I have no idea where it came from, so don't ask.) Gertrude had heard of me through talking to Courtney. I gather that the two of them were good buddies as they apparently shared a lot of information about me, so much so that Gertrude felt Jill and I had a fair amount of common interests which is why she told Jill about my Craigslist ad. Did Gertrude know that Courtney and I were about to be over? Had Courtney told Gertrude of her plans to break up with me? I have no idea, honestly. Gertrude and I are friends now but I've never asked her those questions - I have no need for the answers at this point in my life, but back then they would've at least helped me to solidify in my mind whether or not Courtney was genuinely emotional about our break-up or if she was being completely unreasonable for the sake of being completely unreasonable.

A week or so later, Courtney sent me another text: "I wish I'd given us a second chance." I never responded to it, I had no reason to. That ship had sailed, to continue my nautical theme, and I was hoping it wouldn't be heard from ever again.

I knew that I had feelings for Jill but I didn't tell her I loved her until a while later when we were sitting in my truck after having seen Trans-Siberian Orchestra in concert at the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, SC. What sealed the deal, you ask? A confessed mutual appreciation for a variety of sushi known as a crunch roll. No, really - that was all I needed to hear to affirm that I loved this girl who'd entered my life at a point when I needed someone more than I ever had before.

It's a tired phrase but the rest, as they say, is history. Here we are almost 5 years later, on the verge of celebrating our third wedding anniversary. In the grand scheme of things we really haven't been together that long, certainly not when compared to some other couples that we know who are our age. It feels as though we've been together for much longer, though - don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean to say that it feels as if we should've been together all along but neither of us were quite ready for each other yet. We, us, happened when it was supposed to happen and I've never stopped being thankful that it did.