Okay, that last one might have been a bit weird (not to mention physically impossible), but the point of that opening paragraph was to say that the GI Joe toys were a big part of my childhood. It goes without saying that the live-action GI Joe movies are of significant interest to me, if for no other reason than the fact that they project the kind of nostalgic sensations that are, fittingly enough, generally reserved for hero worship. Throw in some of the most well-known action stars in the modern era of movie-making with a whole bunch of explosions and you've got the makings for a fine afternoon of cinema - or, as is the case with GI Joe: Retaliation, an entertaining but ultimately mindless and rather disjointed movie that doesn't live up to the expectations of little boys like me who've gotten older but haven't necessarily grown up yet.
Set not too long after the events of its predecessor, GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra, Retaliation's plot picks up with the world of the Joes mirroring that of our own. Occurrences in countries like Pakistan and North Korea are creating instability in different regions and the Joes are doing what they do best - fighting under the flag of the United States as a group of highly trained and outfitted soldiers using special tactics and covert techniques to prevent dangerous munitions from getting into the hands of the enemies of freedom. Trouble rears it's ugly head when Zartan (Arnold Vosloo), a Cobra operative masquerading as the President of the US since the actual President (Jonathan Pryce) was kidnapped during The of Rise of Cobra, begins setting into motion a plan that will set free Cobra Commander from a suspended animation prison and completely decimate the Joes. Having been set loose by Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson), Cobra Commander lashes out with a diabolical strategy to simultaneously disarm the world's nuclear powers and destroy them using a series of satellites serving as weapon platforms equipped with armaments capable of laying waste to entire cities. With minimal resources and personnel, the surviving Joes - Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Snake Eyes (Ray Park) - must fight back to reclaim America and, in fact, the rest of the world from the evil clutches of Cobra.
I can't talk about Retaliation without mentioning the fact that it sat on a shelf in a somewhat completed state for almost a year before finally being released in theaters. Originally, this movie was supposed to have debuted in June of 2012 but it was delayed by Paramount Pictures as they saw fit to convert the film to 3D and also re-shoot part of the thing in order to increase Channing Tatum's involvement. I fail to understand the benefit of either of these moves. As a moviegoer, 3D does nothing for me - I still see it as a gimmick designed to bilk people out of a few extra bucks at the box office. And regarding Tatum, ladies, please don't kid yourselves - he's not naked in this one. For that matter, he's barely in the movie at all. That's not necessarily a bad thing as I was growing tired of his portrayal of Duke as the cocky high school quarterback by the point in time that he gets blown up (darn, my spoiler alert button appears to be malfunctioning).
Dwayne Johnson is the real star here although with a line-up this big he's got a lot of other players competing with him for screen time. Roadblock is a good role for him as it fits and plays to his abilities, but there's not enough substance here to give him something worth hanging his hat on. Despite his many acting gigs, Johnson is still waiting for the part that makes him an icon, in my opinion. He hasn't yet found his Terminator or Die Hard, is what I'm getting at, but even so he's plenty capable of being entertaining.
On another note, me being the pro wrestling fan that I am it still feels odd to have to refer to him as Dwayne Johnson and not The Rock - even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is weird, although not as bad.
As for the rest of the cast, Bruce Willis is the most recognizable face and definitely the one with the most credentials. His part here is that of the grizzled veteran who knows better than to stand down even though he's been long since taken out of active duty. For all intents and purposes, Ray Stevenson is the most prolific villain in Retaliation but that's mostly due to the fact that his cohorts are all wearing masks of some sort or another. I'm a fan of Stevenson's, even though he's definitely not a household name. If you're into zombie movies or gritty horror mixed with sci-fi, find a copy of a film Stevenson starred in called Outpost - I think you'll be glad you did.
Speaking of actors in masks, Ray Park reprises the role of Snake Eyes in Retaliation, a part which sees him donning a full helmet as was the case with the character originally in the cartoon series. Park is best known for his work as Darth Maul in Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace and also for having played Toad in Bryan Singer's X-Men. He's the type of actor who doesn't receive much fanfare (stuntmen rarely get the respect they deserve), and unfortunately Snake Eyes doesn't get much to do here. There's a major sequence in which he participates but it didn't have any sort of impact upon me. It's an example of a scene that should really grab you by the seat of your pants yet manages to feel mostly flat because of it being rushed and poorly plotted.
D.J. Cotrona is more or less here to fill out a part as his work with Flint isn't at all distinctive, but I blame the script for that more than I do him as an actor; he can only do what's on the page, after all. Adrianne Palicki adds some much-needed femininity to the core group of surviving Joes, however there's not a whole lot of effort put into establishing her character outside of a rather typical "girl who wanted to work hard to prove she could do it" back story. Palicki, if you weren't aware, was cast to play the title part in a Wonder Woman TV series for which NBC filmed a pilot episode but never went further than that.
Shame to see that costume go to waste.
For me, the plot of this film and the writing behind it is a big part of why Retaliation is ultimately rather dull. (Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick penned the script; they had a hit in the form of Zombieland but that magic isn't anywhere to be found in Retaliation.) This is the sort of thing that happens when you're dealing with a story that is trying to include 10 or more primary characters packed into a movie that's not even 2 hours long. You can't establish emotional connectivity and get everything else in, so what gets sacrificed? The emotional connections, I'm sad to say. Oh, Duke died? Go figure! (Spoiler Alert Button Status: still malfunctioning.) It winds up being action and explosions for the sake of having action and explosions, not because there's any substantive reasoning for either. Maybe I'm off my rocker for expecting more out of this material, but I persist in the thought that even something as silly as a kids cartoon can be converted into a piece of work suitable for all audiences that manages to have heart and logic included.
One of my biggest pet peeves about an action movie like Retaliation is the music, specifically the lack of anything resembling recognizable, thematic scoring. Consider classic action heroes and their musical accompaniment. Superman has theme music. Indiana Jones has theme music. James Bond has theme music. Harry Potter has theme music. Hell, for that matter, Forrest Gump has theme music. Why then do the GI Joes not get theme music? The closest thing I heard to a consistent piece of music herein was something that cropped up a couple times in battle sequences which, to my ears, sounded a whole heck of a lot like Rammstein's "Reise Reise". That doesn't pass muster for a true theme, though, not in my book. A theme should be bombastic, consistent, and immediately recognizable - the sounds I point out weren't any of that. I know it would be corny but I'd have sufficed for a revamped version of one of the themes from the GI Joe cartoons - something, anything to add to the ambiance of the movie.
GI Joe: Retaliation isn't a terrible movie by any means although I'd say it certainly does fall into the category of mindless Summer-time action flicks. I've read some criticisms of Retaliation wherein the writer opines that this movie is better than GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Personally, I liked The Rise of Cobra better. With all the technology and gear flying around in addition to the colorful personalities involved, it just felt more like a true GI Joe story whereas Retaliation comes across as being GI Joe interpreted through the eyes of someone who's played a bit too much Call of Duty.
Knowing what I know now, would I pay money to see it again? Probably not, and I certainly wouldn't pony up the extra $4-$5 for the 3D "experience". This is the kind of movie that I would more often than not reserve for an occasion where I'm browsing Netflix at 6 AM on a Saturday because I can't sleep and need something to kill time until my wife is up and around.
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