Maybe next year, Vince...Maybe next year.
As it stands, we're planning on watching the show with some friends from the comfort of a couch or recliner with easy access to a plethora of snacks, frosty beverages, and clean restrooms. This is the preferred method of sports viewing for yours beardly as I find the experience of attending events in modern coliseums akin to being a lone agent of justice dealing with an invading unwashed horde, and the seating equivalent to being made into a human Vienna Sausage and packaged as such. This communal viewing methodology also affords the opportunity to take the frugal way out when it comes to paying for the purchase of the pay-per-view rights, meaning a $65 access fee gets split into several pieces and we get to see the annual "Showcase of the Immortals" for $20 - possibly less.
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| $60 (or more) for a seat in an arena gets you this level of comfort. |
1) Big Show, Kane, Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. The Corre (Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel & Ezekiel Jackson)
PREDICTION: The Corre
This is the first year since 2004 that WrestleMania hasn't included a Money In The Bank ladder match (a match wherein the competitors are all trying to capture a briefcase suspended above the ring which contains a contract good for a match against a champion of their choosing, with the added drama of a time constraint in that the contract can only be used once during the year that follows), and quite frankly I'm disappointed that there isn't one this year. MITB had become one of the sure-fire, big moments of the show that included a large collection of talent. Apparently this match is taking the place of MITB this year. I have scant interest in it because it's a feud that's been cobbled together over the past few weeks. The Corre have more to gain from winning here as they're an established stable, plus their members currently hold the WWE Tag Team and Intercontinental titles. Their losing would not only weaken the group but also the luster of those championships.
2) United States Championship - Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
PREDICTION: Sheamus
Sheamus is Irish, so it makes complete sense that he's the United States Champion. WWE had a European championship years ago and it would be amusing to see them dust it off just to hand it to Sheamus as a short-term replacement of the US strap. That won't happen, though, nor will Bryan win the title back. Regardless, I'm hoping that this leads to something for Bryan because he's a very talented worker - not really showing much in terms of his charisma, but then again that never has been his forte.
3) John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki vs. LayCool (Michelle McCool & Layla El) & Dolph Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero)
PREDICTION: Morrison, Stratus & Snooki
I think I'm one of few people who doesn't give a crap about "Jersey Shore". I don't hate the show or the people on it, I just don't get it or programs like it because they turn people with no discernible talents into the idols of young, impressionable idiots everywhere who don't know better than to want to be like them because they think it'll make them popular. Enter Snooki - a "celebrity" entrant into this particular match. Celebrities who get brought into 'Mania matches rarely wind up losing (the exception being Pete Rose who seems to show up at random just to take a piledriver from Kane every so often), and I see no reason why the trend would change.
4) Rey Mysterio vs. Cody Rhodes
PREDICTION: Rey Mysterio
I think Mysterio wins this match but not via pin fall, rather I think Rhodes will do something to wind up costing himself the match but that will further establish him as a superior heel. It's no secret that Mysterio is getting older and isn't in the physical condition he once was (he's been wrestling for almost 20 years), and I'm sure he recognizes the opportunity for him to use his star power to help establish a younger talent like Rhodes.
5) CM Punk vs. Randy Orton
PREDICTION: CM Punk
A few months back, CM Punk became the leader of a group known as the Nexus - a collective of relatively green wrestlers who'd been part of WWE's NXT reality show. Randy Orton has been systematically eliminating the Nexus members and now Punk stands alone in his quest for revenge against Orton for not only having taken out his flunkies but also having injured him several years prior when Punk was in the middle of the World title picture.
This is definitely one of the more interesting matches on the card for me, mainly because I've been a fan of Punk's ever since his days with Ring of Honor. I've been tossing around this odd idea that when (OK, if) Punk wins, Orton winds up seeing the error of his ways and becomes something of a disciple to Punk (who subscribes to the straight edge lifestyle - no alcohol, drugs, or tobacco). I don't know how likely that turn of events is, but it would definitely give new legs to a feud that has had some strong moments along the way.
6) Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole (with Jack Swagger) (special referee "Stone Cold" Steve Austin)
PREDICTION: Jerry Lawler
I have never particularly cared for Michael Cole, from the time that he was a lowly interviewer all the way to now that he's considered by some to be "the voice of WWE". It hasn't mattered to me that it's only been in the past year or so that they've attempted to develop a heel announcer gimmick around him; I've always had an image of him in my head as some sniveling little piss-ant and the character he's portraying hasn't done anything to improve that perception.
That being the case, I would like nothing more than to see Cole with Jerry Lawler's fist in his mouth. If he winds up taking a few stiff stunners from Stone Cold along the way, that won't bother me any either. Point is, the more roughed up this little jerk gets the happier I'll be with the outcome. And if he ends up having to take time off to recover from a dislocated jaw or reconstructive dental surgery, that's fine by me too - so long as Jim Ross gets to come back in his stead.
7) No Holds Barred - Undertaker vs. Triple H
PREDICTION: Undertaker
The Undertaker is a rare individual in that he has developed such a mythology behind his gimmick that it is highly likely there will never be another like him, ever. It's the type of gimmick that only comes around once, and in the same vein is his undefeated streak at WrestleMania. The Dead Man stands presently with an unblemished 18-0 record at 'Mania, having defeated everyone from Ric Flair to Shawn Michaels along the way.
All that having been said, if there was someone who would be seen as most likely to end Taker's streak it would have to be Triple H. HHH, if you didn't know, has a long history of having been able to influence creative direction within WWE thanks to his relationship to other well-known stars with similar pull, namely Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Shawn Michaels. He's also married to Stephanie McMahon and has recently been named as a senor adviser to Vince McMahon - which, when you boil it down to brass tacks, basically means that when Vince eventually decides to step away from the business it is almost certain that it will be him who takes the reigns of the wrestling end of their operation. It's fitting that his Hunter Hearst Helmsley character originated back in the mid 90's as the "Connecticut Blue-blood", a man of privilege and luxury.
I don't think the streak ends this year, though, as I feel like it is realistically all Undertaker has left in his illustrious career. Next year may be a different story, however; retiring with a perfect 20-0 record at WrestleMania would be a fitting send-off for him.
8) World Heavyweight Championship Match - Edge (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio
PREDICTION: Alberto Del Rio
I'm not giving Edge much of an edge (sometimes the puns write themselves) here because Alberto Del Rio has had nothing short of a meteoric rise upon being brought into WWE's main roster as part of the SmackDOWN brand. Edge has had multiple runs with the world title in recent years, so a bit of new blood in the picture would be very welcome at this point. The Latino market is one that WWE has had good success with thanks primarily to Rey Mysterio's involvement, and I'm sure another Spanish-speaking world champion will do great things for business. Del Rio is one of the best heels to come along in quite some time and I look forward to seeing what they have in store for him.
9) WWE Championship - The Miz (c) vs. John Cena
PREDICTION: John Cena
The Rock is "hosting" WrestleMania 27. What exactly that's going to involve is anyone's guess at this point, but I'm fairly certain he's not going to be manning the fruit tray at Kraft services or going around to freshen up people's drinks. He's been jawing a good bit with both The Miz and John Cena in recent weeks, and quite frankly he's the most interesting part of the dynamic of this match for me as I can't think of two wrestlers I like less in terms of their abilities or presentation than Miz and Cena. Rock never had a true "send off" match before he left WWE to pursue his acting career - given that the location for WrestleMania XXVIII has been announced as his home town of Miami, FL it's made a lot of people wonder if there hasn't already been a plan hatched to have a program involving him start now that might end next year. That is purely speculative at this point, but it is a rather curious thing to consider nonetheless.
I'm giving Cena the advantage here more or less because of the fact that he's somewhat due for another title run. Kids and women love him, needless to say, and they buy merchandise with Cena's mug on it like it was required for functioning in daily life. Miz, on the other hand, makes people want to throw their televisions into the Grand Canyon and forget they ever watched wrestling in the first place. Advantage, Cena.
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