The Royal Wedding (aka, Something I Don't Care About)

In case you've been living under a rock that isn't within range of a TV, cell phone, computer, iPad, or any other number of portable devices capable of receiving content related to the news of the world up to and including an overly loud car stereo that happened to be set to an appropriate station, you're undoubtedly aware that two people who, other than being born, have quite literally done nothing their entire lives to warrant the level of attention they're receiving will be getting married later this week.  Yes, you guessed it - I'm talking about the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

If there was ever a mark of successful diversion from anything resembling productivity, the complete and total shutdown of an entire nation so that its inhabitants can watch a wedding ceremony would be it.  I'm sure there will be a handful of folk in the United Kingdom who won't be watching but they more than likely won't own up to it, and I can't say as I blame them.  Being ostracized over there can't be all that pleasant of an experience.  This is the part of the world wherein such torture techniques as being hanged, drawn & quartered originated, after all - while I'm not sure of the modern equivalent, I'm sure it can't be any more pleasant an experience.

Sure, this is a ranking event in the annals of history (as it pertains to Britain's royal family, at least) but it's more significant in the realm of popular culture than anywhere else.  Will history books published 100 years from now (assuming the concept of a book is still in practice by then, of course) mention anything about who designed the bride's dress, who got snubbed on the guest list, or what hors d'oeuvres where served at the reception?  No, more than likely not, unless there's a significant change in what's considered worthy content for textbooks by then in which case I'm certain that I'll be happy to have been dead and buried long before. (The further deterioration of what is and is not actually relevant in our modern culture is a matter that concerns me greatly, which - I admit - in the grand scheme of things is largely irrelevant.) Nevertheless, those are what seem to be the poignant aspect of the story for most of the supposedly hard-hitting news agencies who are providing coverage of this event.

Have they figured out we serve no purpose yet? No? Cool...

Why?  Well, to put it quite bluntly, I feel like they've realized that what they're reporting on is essentially a grossly exaggerated celebrity wedding.  And not the wedding of important celebrities like George Lucas and William Shatner who have actually contributed something to the world at large, either! (If you re-read that sentence you might think I'm implying that George and Bill should get hitched...I'm pretty sure if that ever happened every sci-fi nerd on the planet would spontaneously detonate.) In the grand scheme of things, England's royal family holds very little control in terms of the day-to-day operations of the United Kingdom.  And by "very little" I mean next to none whatsoever.  Seriously, the role of the monarchy in the UK is to function as a literal figurehead of the empire, meaning that they show up to social engagements wearing goofy hats and incredibly fussy outfits, conducting themselves as snootily as possible while gallivanting amongst other similarly dressed dignitaries.  That's their entire purpose, and of course their lifestyle is financed mostly by the "contributions" of taxpayers.

All that having been said, I really hope little Billy and Katie have a great wedding and relationship.  My wife and I got married just shy of a year ago and married life has been nothing short of phenomenal.  I poke fun at the fact that they're a pair of irrelevant people, but theirs will be lives lived under the constant gaze of the media thanks to their (in my opinion) undeserved celebrity.  I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have that level of scrutiny applied to your every move, which is why I feel a significant amount of pity for them as a young couple who are bound to face their fair share of bumps in the road as their life together develops.  No one who was alive and aware of the goings on of the world at the time of Princess Diana's death will forget that scenario and how evil the persistence of the media can be.

Now somebody pass me the tea and crumpets...