The Sudden Proliferation of Bad Wrestling Posters - Part 2

I kind of hate that there's enough material out there for me to work with that the concept of a "Bad Wrestling Posters" blog could turn into a recurring series of blogs. Then again, I kind of like it because even though I am going to spend a majority of the time nit-picking other people's flaws (serving as host to people who want to complain is what the Internet is for, after all - the part that's not for porn and cat videos, obviously), I'm going to spend at least part of the time by talking about efforts made by federations and individuals who are publishing some really high-quality material when it comes to poster art.

Case in point, the poster below for Firestar Pro Wrestling's June 2014 event, "Path to Glory".

I dig this poster a whole heck of a lot because it's very unique, or at least it is to my eyes. The talent are featured, front and center, with clear, high quality images of each competitor. The logo for the event makes for an attention-getting visual that's also effective in delivering information as the date, location, and address are all there. The color choices make for an easy-to-read layout that doesn't make a viewer have to struggle to find out any pertinent details. It's a great poster and FSPW should be commended for having the wherewithal to treat their product so professionally as to promote it with this kind of work.

Next, we have another strong presentation, this time from WrestleForce. This poster represents their upcoming June event, "Meltdown".

As much as I like this poster for how it succeeds in getting the point across, there is one big issue I've got with it and it is something that I have noticed seems to be a recurring matter with WF's posters. Do you see how the images of the wrestlers look kind of washed out, as if the pixels have been overly smoothed? It's an effect generated by a number of filters that are available in programs like Photoshop. I don't know why anyone would do that, except to either try and put their own spin on how a poster should look or to try and cover up what might be construed as shoddy stock photos. In this situation I think it's the former instead of the latter because I've seen a majority of those images used elsewhere and they most certainly are not shoddy.

The image above is actually the second one I've seen for Meltdown. The first was even more guilty (Guiltier?) of filter abuse. They made Vordell Walker (upper-right) look like Martian Manhunter, for crying out loud, and Bob Keller's face (middle-right) is just plain odd.

The next two posters are another set of examples of what a "tweener" is when it comes to wrestling posters not being entirely bad yet not being all that great either. They come to us from High Volume Pro Wrestling and the North Carolina Wrestling Association.

I am of the opinion that using text to inform your audience that someone is a former this or a current that is an absolute waste. Why? Two reasons: 1) If the talent in question is a current star or legitimate legend, wrestling fans probably already know who they are, and 2) it doesn't make any sense to me to promote talent by using the fact that they got fired from some other company. In some cases, talent are let go not because of budget cuts but because they did something illegal or otherwise against the wishes of the promoter. That would be like me applying for a job at Google after I'd been fired from Yahoo for making all the links in ads redirect to a sub-Reddit about 2 Girls 1 Cup fan fiction.

Before we move to the next poster I want you to retain the image above of "The Boogie Woogie Man" Jimmy Valiant. Hold it where you have it, now move on to the poster below.

Hairstyles change and beards can be shaved but the point I'm trying to make here is that the Jimmy Valiant you see on these posters is not the Jimmy Valiant you'll see at these events. Likewise, Robert Gibson and Ricky Morton have a few more miles on them than they did when the photos used in these posters were taken (Kevin Sullivan actually doesn't look that different, so I won't pick on him). Here is a photo with Valiant, Gibson, and Morton was taken earlier this year.

Pictured left to right are: Ricky Morton, Jimmy Valiant, George South, and Robert Gibson. Do their appearances make them any less able to work a crowd? No, absolutely not. Be that as it may, what bothers me is that promoters use 20 year old photos to promote talent. The thing is, even though it bugs me I get why they do it. You'll never find a more obvious form of promotion via nostalgia than in the confines of pro wrestling. Fans adore their heroes because, in their eyes, the Rock 'N Roll Express are still the Ricky & Robert they grew up watching.

I've already picked on High Volume Pro Wrestling once in this entry and I'm going to do it again. This is the poster for their May 10th event.

What is the deal with all the lens flare effects? Much like the filters used in the WrestleForce posters, these lens flares are out of control. I could see one on the promotion's logo because it looks like it might be a legitimately reflective surface but the rest are just there I assume because whoever designed this thought it would look cool. It's not cool, at all. You know who can use excessive lens flare and get away with it? JJ Abrams, because he's brilliant and rich. You know who can't get away with excessive lens flare? You, because you put them where they have no rightful reason to be!

Before I go further I want to say that I can appreciate the next poster for what it is because it has some good features. Much like why freshly pressed grape juice isn't ever going to pass for wine, this poster from Carolina Wrestling Showcase merely lacks the refinement required to become a quality piece of work.

You could take those stock images and make a really good looking poster. I think this is an example of someone having the desire to make a top notch poster but who might not have the tools or training to make something like the ones I've presented from Premiere Wrestling Experience or Firestar Pro Wrestling. Trust me, I know how frustrating it can be to have an idea in your head that you can't express because you need an airbrush and all you've got to work with is a ball-peen hammer. They're on the right track at CWS, so I hope they continue to move onward and upward.

Did you know that pro wrestling posters can suffer from ADD and ADHD? Well, they can - proof of this comes in the form of this poster from Livewire Wrestling's "RECHARGED!" event.

There's just too much going on here, plain and simple. I understand that you want to promote the card but you cannot get every match nor every wrestler under your employ onto a poster. You wind up with something like this where the text runs together and detail in what might otherwise be high quality stock photos is lost. Additionally, for the love of Pete Sampras, do not put dark text on a dark background! This isn't a game of "Where's Waldo?" - we want people to be able to find what we're selling quickly and easily, and you don't facilitate their doing that by making the pertinent details as difficult to read as possible.

I'm going to single out one aspect of the following poster because even though there's way more I could rip to shreds it's the one thing that caught my eye more than anything else. This is a poster for Ring Wars Carolina.

Hangtyme is the RWC heavyweight champion. Hangtyme? From the look of him it's more like Hightyme. I'd be willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that guy was at least half-baked when this photo was taken. What you're saying to me, as a fan, by having a guy who looks like this as your champion is that your whole promotion is iffy at best in terms of quality. I don't care if he can work better than CM Punk, Eddie Guerrero, and Arn Anderson combined - he looks like he's stoned and his physique is questionable at best. (Seriously, I don't know that I've ever seen a wrestling poster where everyone on it was wearing a shirt.)

Be advised, from here on out we're dealing with the worst of the worst. It gets pretty bad pretty quick thanks to this poster from All Pro Classic Wrestling for their "Over the Line" event.

Don't look at me, I told you it was going to be bad!

No discernible logo or brand presence - check.
Distorted photos - check.
Randomly spaced chunks of text - check
Word Art - check.
Guy with a mullet holding a replica belt - check.

There's nothing there to be considered redeemable. I don't know who made this or what they made it with but I think a 6 year old with a pair of scissors, some stick glue, and half a pack of Crayons (not fresh ones, the ones that have been mostly used and look like the amputated leftovers of Crayons) could've done a better job.

The next two posters are genetically related. I won't call them twins but they're definitely from the same family tree, a tree that doesn't have that many branches if you catch my meaning.

I have an idea of what promotion the poster above is from (Carolina Christian Championship Wrestling, I want to say) but I'm not absolutely certain so I won't drag them through the mud by name. That's a pet peeve of mine; I feel like every promotion should have a striking logo that is identifiable and that elicits a reaction. Another pet peeve of mine is design decisions that make absolutely zero sense. For example, what the heck is going on in the background of this poster? Is the upper half sand and the lower half a chipped block of ice? I have no idea! Regardless of what it may be, why's it there? What's the point? And why are the wrestlers so tiny? (Nevermind the fact that there are referees featured on a poster.) Those don't look like bad stock photos, there's no reason they should be competing with what I assume are droplets of water. It makes no sense! (Remember my comment about wrestling posters where everyone's wearing a shirt? I think in this instance the one guy who should be wearing a shirt isn't but everyone else is.)

I'm not going to spend much time on the next poster because I have a feeling that the same person made it and the one above. Why? Well...

Same main event. Same poorly cropped image of Rage Davidson. This one makes matters worse because I believe the text running down each side of the poster is information on sponsors. I guess that would be clearer if it were printed in an 11" x 17" or larger format but as is it's not at all legible, so I'm sure those folks are happy that their money went towards getting them that level of exposure.

Last and most definitely least is this poster from Modern Day Warriors Pro Wrestling.

This poster literally makes my eyes hurt. It's like looking into a welder's arc while having sulfuric acid injected underneath your eyelids with a hypodermic needle. Whoever made this should never be allowed to touch a digital camera or a computer ever again lest they unleash something like this upon the world again.

The Time That a Twitter Fight Lead to a Blog About Religion & Spirituality

Many years ago (back before my career was where it is today - a point where I was on the verge of considering the prospects of becoming either a truck driver or a bar tender) I sold cellular phones, pagers, and accessories for such devices in order to make a living. We had a representative from the wireless company we were affiliated with who would come by every so often and she was always quick to give us new tips on how to be better salespeople. I remember her telling me that it's never a bad idea to get to know your customer by making small talk but she was quick to point out that there are two subjects that, as a salesman, you should never go near: Politics and religion. She was absolutely correct because there are no other subjects, short rivalries in college athletics, that will divide people as quickly as matters of state or those of spirituality.

It was a lesson I took to heart. To this day, I tend to allow that kind of conversation to happen as the result of some other participant having initiated it, and even then I usually only go so far as to hear out whatever they may have to say without putting myself in alignment with one perspective or another. Certainly, I have my own opinions, however I am very guarded in when, how, and with whom I share them. (The Rush lyric "by choosing not to decide you still have made a choice" doesn't apply to me in this situation, or at least I don't think it does.) Paranoia of either offending someone or of causing an argument gets the best of me every time as I am not an argumentative person. I wasn't always this way but as I've gotten older I find that I'm the kind of guy who would sooner look at things from multiple angles and seek out compromise. Age and maturity dulling a youthful ego, as it were.

I am a Christ-follower and I have been for the better part of my life, however I am also a ponderer of many things. You know how you used to sit and stare out a window as a kid, thinking about toys and the opposite sex? Yeah, I still do that, only I'm thinking about life and the world that surrounds us (and toys - okay, and sometimes the opposite sex, too). Despite my pondering, I haven't solved all the world's problems. I accept that there are things I will never fully understand and I'm content to accept that a great many of those things are mysteries that exist without what would be considered reasonable explanation to we mere mortals. To that end, I also accept that what my spirituality assures me of isn't rooted in logic but in faith.

It would seem to me that a majority of people share this stance, that there is some higher power out there and that the influence of he/she/it is why humanity and the world around us is what it is. There are those, though, who don't subscribe to this line of thought - atheists, who believe that there is no such thing as a deity and that unless it (whatever "it" is) can be proven by science that it cannot possibly be true.

Despite what you may think, I'm not going to try and vilify atheists. I say they're welcome to their own opinion because, who knows, they may be right. Yes, you read that correctly - I'm a Christian and if you aren't a Christ-follower as well I'm not going to try to convince you that you're wrong just because we may not agree on whether or not there is a God (for that matter, if you're Muslim, Buddhist, Wicca, or whatever else I won't bother to argue that my God is "right" and yours is "wrong"). Quite frankly, I think that's the kind of heavy-handedness that's driven people away from spirituality. Too much hellfire & brimstone, not enough tolerance of the fact that we were all blessed with the gift of free will.

All that having been said, a relative of mine who is also a Christian, took to Twitter recently to express some of their thoughts on atheism. The image below is a screen grab of the tweet they made and one reply to it.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the responses that followed were not exactly the most cordial of correspondence. It was very much the opposite as there seemed to be a literal cavalcade of Twitter users who were lined up waiting for their chance to respond with some sort of rebuttal to the stance expressed by my relative.

Theological discussions rarely seem to be able to transpire without breaking down into something that would more readily resemble an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. (Here again, another reason why I was coached to never bring up such things while making chit-chat with customers.) It bothered me to read the back and forth that ensued. Ultimately there were no points to be made, just the noise made by two sets of people aligned against one another.

It bothers me that people can't just talk anymore. Everyone wants to debate their own points without stopping to at least consider an alternative perspective. I blame the influence of the media but that's a blog topic for another time.

Atheists would seem to adore science because it gives them comfort in that it explains things. Spiritual people would seem to adore faith because it assures them they don't have to have an explanation for everything. I see myself somewhere in the middle - I accept that science gives us measurable, quantifiable truths about the world around us yet at the same time I accept that I will never be able to wrap my head around things like how it was that our species, our world, or our universe came to be.

Is it even worth arguing points like these? (I say that knowing that an aspect of most religions, Christianity included, is that in order to be considered a "true believer" one has to accept a given religions' perception of how our world was conceived.) In the grand scheme of things, what difference does it make where we came from? We're here, right now. Does the knowledge that we started back there, somewhere, improve our ability to lead moral, righteous lives? How much more advanced would mankind be if we'd let go of the pursuit of trivialities and instead took up the role of stewards to one another? I think it's about time we spent more effort on teaching the benefits of living considerate, noble lives as opposed to frivolous, self-centered ones.

Fun with Political Ads - Det Bowers & Tim Scott Edition

I don't talk much about my job here in my blog for specific reasons, main among them being the fact that I respect my employer enough for the opportunity they have given me not to bring the goings on of my office into public view. I will tell you, though, that I have been employed in the public sector for almost 7 years now and there was a point during that time where I was heavily involved in preparing election equipment and supporting it during elections. It made for long days (pulling a 15 hour shift on an election day wasn't uncommon), but I enjoyed the work as it had a real sense of importance to it. I recognized that the democratic process we value so highly in the United States could go on as it is intended because of efforts from people like myself. As such, I did my part to try and promote participation in elections, no matter how big or small they might have been - far be it from me to log all those hours then undersell the final product.

2014 is a big year for residents of South Carolina, politically speaking, as we will be casting votes for a number of seats including that of several senators, the lieutenant governor, and the governor (unlike many states, in South Carolina the lieutenant governor and governor do not run as a team although this will change in the future). There are some interesting races out there however it's a situation where the entrenched incumbents are difficult to dislodge, meaning their challengers have a real uphill battle to face.

All that having been said, I haven't been actively involved in elections for the better part of 2 years as my role has changed and I've taken on other responsibilities. I still do a bit of work with them but nothing near what I did previously. I can't say for certain but I feel as though my having moved away from the grunt work of elections has soured me somewhat on the electoral process. It's no longer something that I focus on so it doesn't resonate with me the way it once did, and I will be forthright in saying that's rather pathetic of me. (Self-tough love, it's the new trend in psychology.) The other end of that ignorance is the fact that I don't feel a sense of importance coming from this election because quite frankly I don't feel as though any of these candidates truly represent me. This issue with representation, of course, goes back to the metaphor - brilliantly depicted as only the creators of South Park can - of how political contests in this country typically boil down to a choice of either electing a giant douche or a turd sandwich.



I don't think conditions can be surmised any more plainly than that. As Americans, more often than not we know going into an election that we've got options but none of them are particularly ideal, so we pick the one that seems least likely to lead to regret. It's kind of like being the last man in the world and the only two women left are a Kardashian sister and Paris Hilton - do you attempt to rebuild the human race or just accept the fact that we had a good run but it's time to move on?

How, then, do we know which candidate is a giant douche and which is the turd sandwich? You don't get the luxury of having many secrets if you're running for office these days thanks to the prying claws of the media, a fact I am 100% certain is going to make politics interesting in the future when every candidate has to explain their drunken selfies and those videos they made while on Spring break. That sort of journalism is one way to find out who's who - I would say reporting of that nature is probably the most blunt method imaginable, however it might not be all that valuable seeing as how things can easily be taken out of context - but then you have the candidates speaking for themselves through their own ads, and that's exactly where I'm going with all this.

There are two candidates from South Carolina whose ads have made me laugh and roll my eyes, and for entirely different reasons. They are Det Bowers, a Republican running for his party's nomination in the U.S. Senate race against incumbent Lindsey Graham, and Tim Scott, a Republican and South Carolina's Junior Senator from Charleston. Before you go thinking this is a liberal rant against Republicans, I'll have you know that in terms of my political beliefs I am neither a donkey or an elephant. As I've gotten older I find that I tend to agree with the Libertarian point of view, so take that as you will.

I'm going to talk about these ads as if they exist in a vacuum because I truly believe that for some voters the content of these TV spots will be the only information off of which they'll base their decisions. I'd like for you, dear reader, to try and look at them in the same way even though you may be more informed about matters of politics than the average citizen. First, lets take a look at this ad from Bowers - pay particular attention to the last 5 seconds.



"Vote to restore trust...", said with a tone of voice that's somewhere between pleading for your life pitiful and "Please, sir, may I have a little more?" You can just feel those old puppy dog eyes of his (sitting just below those woeful eyebrows) watering up a tad as he says it for good measure. I can't tell if I should vote for him out of sympathy or if I should be concerned for the fact that he might injure himself on purpose if he doesn't win.

Next is a pair of ads from Senator Tim Scott, who has a number of distinctions for having broken racial barriers in the U.S. Senate as he is the first African American Senator from the South since the late 1800s and only the seventh black Senator, ever. (Let that sink in for a minute or two.) What I want you to take note of in this ad isn't Scott but rather the people around him.





Notice anything peculiar? No? Here's a hint.

  

Still nothing? 

 

How about now?

In this ad, Tim Scott has surrounded himself with a group of people who either have severe elasticity issues with the tendons in their necks or who have been very well coached in that they are to nod along as if to agree with anything he's saying.

Senator Scott: "My name is Tim Scott..."
Audience: *agreeing nod*
Senator Scott: "I like potatoes..."
Audience: *agreeing nod*
Senator Scott: "Han Solo shot first..."
Audience: *agreeing nod*
Senator Scott: "Go Gamecocks..."
Audience: *agreeing nod*
Senator Scott: "Y'all look like a bunch of bobblehead dolls..."
Audience: *agreeing nod*

I'm sure some marketing guru was brought in to assemble that scenario and he more than likely made what I make in a year off that one advert. I can only imagine the kind of coin that gets spent on these things, between production costs and the money spent on airtime. Nevertheless, it reminded me of an opinionated statement, which may or may not have been uttered by the one and only George Carlin, a man who not only understood comedy but had some tremendously wise moments of social commentary.

I mentioned earlier in this entry my feelings of being somewhat disenfranchised by the candidates running in this particular primary, but I never specified why. (Before I get into that, let me say that despite my misgivings I will vote in this primary and the full election in November. Not doing so would be a great disservice to the fact that the right to vote remains one of the purest symbols of liberty from oppression that we as American citizens have.) I feel for the first time in my life what I have heard others speak of when it comes to why they don't vote, and that is a sense of absolute disconnect between myself and the people I have to choose from to represent me in Washington, D.C. Never before has it struck me how they are all mostly rich businessmen, lawyers, or otherwise well-to-do individuals, and many of them are from families with established ties to politics. I'm not rich, I'm not a businessman or a lawyer, I'd say that I do alright at best, and my family is about as far removed from politics as we are from the surface of Mars. I think more people should be able to participate in politics without having hundreds of thousands of dollars and a garrison of yes men at their disposal. It's my opinion that that's the way it was intended to be when our democracy was established. Like a great many other things since then, the ideal of freedom through representation has been tampered with along the way. I guess only now am I old enough or wise enough to realize this.

Star Wars Weekends 2014 - Part 3

The Magic Kingdom has had a lot of changes made to it over the past several years what with all the construction that's been underway in creating New Fantasyland, an expansion of the existing Fantasyland section of the park. (There's still construction happening but it's at the front of the park near Cinderella's castle; the project there is geared towards adding more walkways so as to alleviate congestion as well as to give more room to spectators for viewing parades and fireworks.) The final piece of that effort is the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train roller coaster attraction, which we were able to ride even though the official opening date for it wasn't until May 28. If we're going to be guinea pigs, at least we were guinea pigs for Disney!

Truth be told, we weren't sure we were going to be able to ride the Mine Train. We got in line as soon as we entered the park because we didn't think FastPasses were available for it - low & behold, after we'd been in line about 30 minutes, FastPasses became available. (If you don't know what FastPasses are, please do your own research; the system is much too complex for me to quickly surmise here!) We quickly grabbed a pair of them for later in the afternoon. When we returned and entered the FastPass queue we got turned around because the ride had a malfunction and had to close. We were told to come back in about an hour and that our FastPasses would be honored at that time (Jill became immediately paranoid at this). Sure enough, about an hour and a half later, the ride re-opened and we were able to get on.

[SIDE NOTE: While we were waiting for the ride to re-open, we ventured over to Gaston's Pub to cool off with some of LeFou's Brew. No, it's not an alcoholic beverage, it's a frozen beverage made from apple juice that's topped with a passion fruit foam. The result looks kind of like a beer but of course it tastes nothing like it.

A lot of people compare LeFou's Brew to Butterbeer which is available at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter inside Universal Studio's Islands of Adventure park. Personally, I think Butterbeer is better as I love butterscotch and that's the primary flavoring behind Butterbeer. That's not to say LeFou's Brew is bad, though, as it was quite tasty & refreshing on what was an extremely hot day.

Speaking of heat, that is my one complaint with how New Fantasyland is arranged. There are almost no areas where someone can go to get some shade to try and cool off. There are few trees and what seating areas are available are either concrete made to resemble stone (meaning that sitting on them is like baking your tush on hot rocks) or too few & far between to give fair service to patrons.]

Jill & I both feel like we've watched this ride come up out of the dirt as we can remember when it wasn't much more than a hole in the ground. The area around the Mine Train is so intricately decorated that you truly lose track of the fact you're in a theme park. Disney does an amazing job of making their experiences immersive and this is another great example of the kind of work the Imagineers do.

I almost wish we had been in the standby line instead of the FastPass queue because there are interactive elements in the standby line to which the FastPass queue apparently doesn't get access. Even so, I think we waited in line about 20 minutes, tops, before we were on the ride.

I'm a bigger guy and I always have concerns about getting on rides like this because I have long legs and the lap bars won't conform to my anatomy. Case in point, I can't ride Space Mountain. I can get in the car but when the lap bar comes down it hits my knees and won't go any further. There are a few rides at Universal Studios Orlando I've hesitated to get on because they, unlike Disney, offer tester seats outside certain attractions so you don't waste your time waiting in line for a ride you may not be able to get on. The Mine Train presented a challenge to me because the lap bar is a U-shaped. The tips of the bar connect at the floor of the car then the restraint swings forward to hold you in place. Your knees/legs have to fit into the restraint and I had a real time forcing mine into the gap. (I had to squeeze my legs together as tightly as I could then pull down on the bar to get it in place.) It made for a very uncomfortable ride and the sides of my knees are sore as a result. I don't know why these ride vehicles can't be made larger. It boggles my mind that the designers seem to think most people are 5'6", weigh less than 200 lbs., and have rear-ends that are less than 18 inches wide.

My personal issues aside, the ride itself was fun but very short. The portion where you see the Dwarfs inside the mine seemed especially quick. By comparison, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and Everest are at least twice as long as the Mine Train, so in terms of bang-for-your-buck I would say there are better rides out there. Regardless, it was quite cool to be able to partake in a brand new ride that wasn't even technically open.

The other big event of our day at the Magic Kingdom was Jill's visit to Princess Fairytale Hall to meet Anna & Elsa, characters from the hugely popular Disney animated film Frozen. Fairytale Hall is another relatively new addition to Fantasyland; the presentation therein is that guests are invited inside to meet any number of Disney princesses (or queens as is the case with Elsa). Anna & Elsa have been residents at Fairytale Hall for a number of months now and you need no further proof of their popularity than to look at the standby line wait times - it's not uncommon to see 300 minutes on the signage outside the attraction. I'm not sure if that means it's a legitimate 5 hour wait or if that's just as big of a number as the sign can display. We wouldn't have to worry about that, though, because we had FastPasses which Jill had booked several months (yes, months - they get snatched up that quickly) in advance.

The experience at Fairytale Hall is definitely geared towards those young at heart and Jill fits that bill. She and I are still kids even though we look grown up, and you need look no further than her reactions to getting to spend time with Anna & Elsa for proof of this.

And yes, she took a selfie with them as well (Anna & Elsa referred to it as an "us-sie")...

No, I didn't get my picture taken with them. Why? By that point in the day I probably smelled like the inside of a gym locker, and if I had gone to meet them I'd have probably spent the whole time pestering Elsa with questions about how she's way more powerful than anyone seems to realize.

We had dinner that evening at Tony's Restaurant, an Italian eatery taken directly out of Lady & the Tramp. I have to share with you that our waitress there (who was an Asian woman named Jing) did something I've never had any other member of the service industry do. I ordered the New York strip and asked that it be cooked medium as I like a warm, pink center on my steaks. A member of the kitchen staff delivered our food and our waitress arrived not long thereafter but before I'd had a chance to cut into the steak. She looked directly at my steak and I could tell by her expression that something was wrong. She said that the steak had been butterflied to speed cooking and that it was more than likely overdone. This was the plate in question.

I am not one to send food back unless there's something clearly wrong. To her credit, she was 100% correct in her statement as the steak was overcooked (not horribly so, mind you, just more than I would've preferred). I allowed her to take it back as she wanted us to have the best experience possible. The second steak she brought out could not have been more perfect.

The meat was tender, succulent, and juicy. The herb butter it was basted with added to the flavor but the beef was still the real star of this show. I haven't had many steaks in my life that could top this one and I have eaten a LOT of steak in my day. It goes without saying, though, that I greatly appreciated our waitress's effort. She is a shining example of what a top quality server should be and I felt privileged to have had her assistance.

We finished off our meal by sharing two deserts, the chef's special cheesecake (the plate was adorned with an image of Lady & the Tramp made from powdered cocoa) and tiramisu.

By this point in the day the weather had started to sour, not only with rain but with thunder & lightning. Instead of trying to wait out the storm to try and get a few more rides in (it was in the area of 9 PM but the Magic Kingdom typically doesn't close until at least 1 AM) we spent some time wandering through the shops along Main Street. Inside the Crystal Arts Shop, we found an example of hidden things there are to do and see around the Magic Kingdom (and all the Disney parks, for that matter) in the form of an artist who was giving a demonstration on glass blowing. In less than 30 minutes, he completed a Frozen-themed vase from nothing more than raw materials right before our very eyes.

The ride back to our hotel that evening was a little sad, truth be told. That's the disappointing thing about vacations, at some point they come to an end. The reality of the matter just hurts a little more when it's a Disney vacation that's ending, I guess. We made the long drive back home the next day.

So much of what makes Disney appealing, to me, is the fine details. The little things that add so much to whatever it is you're being a part of in the moment. When a Make a Wish child is allowed to go to the front of every line. When a waitress goes out of her way to make sure your experience is memorable. When Minnie Mouse leans in to give you a kiss and you can hear a smooch sound come from the character. Okay, I admit that last one's a little creepy but you get the idea. There aren't many other companies that go to the lengths that Disney does to make magical memories for their customers - I, for one, am a huge fan of how they do business and I can't say enough about how amazing this trip was. It was too short, that's for sure, as Jill & I both have said to each other in the days since we returned "When are we going back?"

I don't know but I'd bet it will be sooner than later.

Star Wars Weekends 2014 - Part 2

Unfortunately for us, our neighbors in the hotel weren't all that kind in maintaining a quiet atmosphere. We could hear children running and yelling outside (this shouldn't have come as a surprise since the Magic Kingdom was open for 24 hours that day) and it sounded as if there was a baby crying in one of the adjacent rooms. I know we were both up until at least midnight and I was up at several points during the night. Come to think of it, I'm not sure that I ever got into a deep sleep. I knew it would make things tough on us the next day since our wake-up call was at 6 AM, but we were going to make the best of it regardless.

One of the best things about staying on property at the Walt Disney World Resort is that as a guest you're provided with transportation all around the resort. You have access to buses, the monorail, boats, and probably other methods of conveyance I don't know about. Point is, you never have issues getting from where you are to where you want to be. The buses typically run on a schedule to where you can expect to see one roughly every 20 minutes.

Maybe it was just my anticipation of wanting to get to Hollywood Studios as early as possible, but on the morning of May 24 it felt like they were running more than a little late. We were in line outside the hotel by 6:45 AM; I believe the bus arrived near 7:15 AM and we were dropped off around 7:40 AM. By the time we got there a sizable crowd had already gathered at the front gate, however it wasn't as huge of a crowd as I'd expected. Again it seemed like it took forever for us to get through admissions - I take the blame for that as I picked the ticketing lane we got into. Fortunately we were inside the park for the first treat of the day, "Storm the Gates"!

We immediately headed for Pixar Place so that we could get in line for Toy Story Midway Mania. If you didn't know, TSMM is arguably the most popular ride in any of the Walt Disney World parks. It's not unusual to see wait times for it upwards of 90 minutes. We had a FastPass for the ride later in the day but we wanted to get on it first thing so we could do it twice. I think we may have waited 10 minutes, tops, which boggles my mind.

Next we went to Darth's Mall (Get it? Darth Maul - Darth's Mall?), a pop-up shopping mall filled with - you guessed it - Star Wars merchandise. You'll find apparel, toys, and plenty of accessories therein, most of which was emblazoned with either the SWW logo or the logo for the upcoming Star Wars: Rebels animated show. There is a character meet & greet area in Darth's Mall and we were able to spend time with Darth Goofy as well as Jedi Mickey and Princess Minnie. Also in Darth's Mall is Ackbar's Snack Bar (as in Admiral Ackbar), an eatery offering themed beverages & snacks. This year the hot item was a Storm Trooper stein, which they were sold out of when we were there. They also had popcorn buckets shaped like Darth Vader's helmet, churros, cupcakes, frozen beverages, and a pair of specialty drinks called the Dark Side and the Force which could be served with or without alcohol. Not only was it too early for vodka and rum, it was also much too hot which is why we sampled the non-alcoholic versions.

Both were quite refreshing but I enjoyed the Force more so than the Dark Side. (Side Note: The Dark Side came with a glowing Death Star "ice cube" and the Force came with a light-up lightsaber.) I can't say that they paired too well with our cupcakes, however I will say that the Vader cupcake was amazing. It was like a German chocolate cupcake with a combination of chocolate and peanut butter flavored toppings.

The great thing about SWW is that there's a lot going on throughout the day, and yet the horrible thing about SWW is that there's almost too much going on throughout the day. What I mean by that is it felt like we were running from one area of the park to another for the rest of the day so that we could try to make it to certain events. The scorching heat only made matters worse (local news outlets were reporting that the days we were in Orlando were the warmest they've seen so far in 2014). I don't believe I've perspired as much as I did that day in a very long time. To Disney's credit, there are water fountains everywhere and park guests can bring canteens in from outside (which we always do), so they have obviously realized they have an obligation to protect their customers from heat-related injuries by offering water.

We rode a several more rides (Star Tours, The Great Movie Ride, and the Tower of Terror) and saw a special preview of the upcoming film Maleficent, starring Angelina Jolie. We didn't get to some of my favorites like the Back Lot Tour, the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular, or Lights, Motors, Action, but we definitely had a full day. There were an assortment of meet & greet spots set up throughout the park so that fans could interact with a number of characters including Darth Maul, Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Jango Fett, Storm Troopers, Clone Troopers, and more. My favorite moment of the day, though, was getting to see Stars of the Saga, a live variety show of sorts hosted by James Arnold Taylor (the voice actor who gave life to Obi-Wan Kenobi in the Clone Wars animated series) and featuring appearances by Jeremy Bulloch (Boba Fett) and Warwick Davis (Wicket).

We waited in line for almost 90 minutes to be assured that we'd get a seat in the theater for Stars of the Saga and I'm glad that we did. It's a one of a kind show and those three made for a very entertaining combination of personalities.

For supper that evening we dined at the 50's Prime Time Cafe, which is a real hoot of a dining experience I'd recommend to anyone who might visit Hollywood Studios. The gimmick is that the interior dining rooms are all decorated to resemble kitchens or diners from the 1950s. The staff take things further by addressing everyone as "you kids", the kitchen staff are collectively known as "Mom", and you better eat your vegetables and keep your elbows off the table else you won't get any desert. Jill & I started off our meal with an order of beer battered onion rings served with horseradish sauce. (I've noticed the kitchens at Disney use horseradish regularly; you won't find any complaints from me about that as I love the flavor.) We both selected the Mom's Favorite Recipes sampler as our main course. It comes with fried chicken, pot roast, meatloaf, mashed potatoes, sauteed green beans, and collard greens.

I don't eat fried chicken often (all the KFCs in our area closed last year, believe it or not) but that there was some of the best fried chicken I've ever had!

Our day at Hollywood Studios ended with the Symphony in the Stars fireworks show and a ride on the Tower of Terror. I get a kick out of that ride regardless of what time of day I ride it but it's especially awesome at night. (PRO-TIP: If you want to feel what it's like to free fall, leave a little bit of slack in your seat belt.) I think Rod Serling would be impressed with it.

Speaking of impressions, I can't say enough about how much fun the whole day was there at Hollywood Studios for Star Wars Weekends. It would've been nice to have had more than one day there to get the full experience of all there is to do at the park normally plus all there is during SWW. That's as good of a review as I guess anyone can give of something like this - to emphasize that it would've been great to have been able to stay longer.

Trust me when I say we didn't have any issues sleeping that night. We took luke-warm showers to wash off the grime of the day (a rather grotesque mixture of sweat residue, body oils, and sunblock) and I'm fairly certain we were both asleep by the time our heads hit our pillows. Good thing, too, because we had another busy day ahead of us, this time at the Magic Kingdom.

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES IN PART 3!

Star Wars Weekends 2014 - Part 1

Like most people who grew up in the 80s, I am a huge fan of Star Wars. I had the toys when I was a kid, I still have replica armor from the various classes of Imperial troopers, and I have multiple copies of the movies - you know, because there was that awkward moment in time where George Lucas thought he should go back and "improve" the original trilogy. I've been to a few fan conventions in my life but one event that I've always wanted to attend yet never had the opportunity to get to is Star Wars Weekends, an annual month-long celebration of all things Star Wars running from mid-May to mid-June held at Disney's Hollywood Studios located in the Walt Disney World Resort.

SWW has been something I've wanted to check out for a very long time. It's Disney and it's Star Wars, who wouldn't want to be a part of that? The event was first held back in 1997, way before LucasFilm was sold to Walt Disney (it was not held in 2002 but has been ever since 2003). Hollywood Studios was the natural choice to host SWW seeing as how the park features a Star Wars-themed ride called Star Tours which has been in operation almost as long as the park itself (the original version of Star Tours was taken offline in 2010 so that it could be updated; the ride re-opened with its current configuration roughly half way through 2011) and the park also hosts the Jedi Academy, an interactive live show where young prospective Padawans can train with a Jedi Master. There have been rumors that Star Wars' presence at Hollywood Studios could expand even further in the future but whether or not that will ever come to fruition remains to be seen.

A few months ago, my loving wife caught me off guard when she hatched a plan for us to make a trip to Walt Disney World on Memorial Day weekend during the 2014 edition of SWW. Suffice to say, I was surprised - when someone does something for you because they love you is the best kind of surprise.

We've become seasoned veterans as it pertains to making trips to Walt Disney World (see my previous entry "10 Things That Will Help You Survive a Walt Disney World Vacation"), and we were both looking forward to spending more time in the Mouse's House. This would be a shorter trip than our previous visits, though, with only 2 full days at the Disney theme parks. We anticipated that this trip would be a whirlwind of an adventure, packed to the gills with memories, and that's exactly what we got!

Having packed the car, we departed from our base of operations in Saint Matthews, South Carolina after work on the evening of May 22. Jill was behind the wheel, I had shotgun. We got hungry not long after we crossed over into Georgia so we stopped in Pooler, GA for a bite to eat. We didn't intend to go there but we wound up chowing down at a pizzeria called Stevi B's, which is a chain neither of us had ever heard of. It's like Pizza Inn or Cici's Pizza in that there's a buffet but you can also request a custom-made pizza or order one of their specialty pizzas. I don't know that we'll be near one of their locations again any time soon but the hot wing pizza is enough to make me want to return.

To split up the drive into more manageable segments whenever we make this trip we've gotten into a habit of stopping in Kingsland, Georgia, a town that is literally half way between our home and our destination in Orlando, Florida. We've stayed in a number of hotels in Kingsland and for this occasion we'd booked a room at the Red Roof Inn.

I don't know what it is about staying in hotels but it's something I enjoy for whatever reason. Maybe it's because I feel like I don't have to worry about messes we may make or that it reminds me of sleeping over with friends. This particular Red Roof Inn was perfectly adequate - no frills but it presented all we needed for an overnight stay while on the road.

We awoke Friday morning and went down to the hotel lobby for breakfast. (There was a Shoney's in Kingsland, which we ate at on one of our first stops there, but for whatever reason it has closed.) Freebies are never easy to turn down, even on something that can be a toss up like a continental breakfasts; sometimes you luck up and get a selection of hot items with proteins, then sometimes you feel lucky because you got the last box of Fruit Loops. That morning we had your typical continental affair, that being a ton of carbohydrates. I had a waffle and a bagel while Jill had cereal (much to her chagrin, there was no fresh fruit to be had). We choked down our food with what little bit of juice & milk was available as the coffee maker had gone kaput at some point during the morning (truth be told, I'd made a cup of black sludge that passed for coffee using our in-room coffee maker while Jill was getting ready). Several patrons complained and the staffer at the front desk didn't seem to know what to do.

In the days since we've returned from this trip, I received an email from Red Roof Inn with a link to a survey asking for my input on our experience. I relayed what happened with the coffee maker and also suggested that it would be great if they offered a wider selection at breakfast beyond various types of bread. This was the response that I received.

I don't know quite what to make of that other than I am almost certain whoever wrote it doesn't have English as their first language.

With our bellies full of dough, we returned to the interstate, heading south on I-95. We weren't on the road for long, though, as Kingsland is only a few miles from the Florida state line. You can't enter Florida without making a stop at their welcome center because they offer free samples of fresh orange and grapefruit juice. I don't drink grapefruit juice that often but I always get a cup when I'm there - I love that sweet, tangy, peppery flavor.

Jacksonville can be a tricky area to get through and I expected it to be especially so seeing as how we were traveling on a holiday weekend but it wasn't all that bad aside from a few construction zones. Construction was an issue as we got onto I-4 past Daytona as well. It seems as though that stretch of road has been a construction zone for several years, though, and likely will continue to be for several more from the look of the terrain.

For us, driving to Orlando could be summed up like this: Drive south for 4 and a half hours then turn west and drive for 2 and a half more. That's really all the route is until you get close to where we were going, in this case the Pop Century Resort.

[SIDE NOTE: When last we were at Walt Disney World, we stayed at the All-Star Sports Resort. The food court at the hotel was undergoing refurbishment while we were there so we would go to breakfast at either the All-Star Movies or All-Star Music Resort. It was during this stay that my wife developed an affinity for Minute Maid Lite Pomegranate Lemonade. Apparently this is a product that's made exclusively for the Disney parks as you can't find it anywhere else. Trust me, we looked! As such, my wife had a plan to get herself a stash of it when we returned - the plan involved a sanitized gallon milk jug and some skillful pouring. Unfortunately it turned out that the Pop Century food court did not have the drink on tap at their soda fountains. Such is life, but I have a feeling whenever we book our next trip we'll be back at one of the All-Star resorts.]

We arrived at the hotel around 1:30 PM. This would be our second stay at Pop Century, a hotel that is classified as a value resort by Disney standards. That may make it sound cheap but believe me when I tell you that a cheap Disney hotel is nicer than most any hotel you will ever stay in. The rooms aren't palatial and there's no mini-bar but the beds are comfortable, the air conditioning works great, and the showers are hot. What more do you really need from a hotel, especially when you're only going to be in your room long enough to sleep and bathe?

Not our room but an example of one at Pop Century

After we got checked in (a process during which we managed to witness a patron get into an argument with a member of the concierge staff and I unwittingly gave a stiff hip check to a 7 year old resulting in bar-b-que sauce on my pants), we dropped off our stuff in our room then went over to the Blizzard Beach water park to play a round of miniature golf at Winter Summerland, where Santa & his elves go to get away from the chill of the North Pole. We played the Winter course and, somewhat unsurprisingly and despite my having hit several holes in one, Jill won.

We came back to our room to freshen up a bit after our golf outing as we didn't have much time until our dinner reservation was due. This night we would be dining at Raglan Road, an Irish pub and restaurant in Downtown Disney. I got a real kick out of the experience at Raglan Road as it is definitely a scene where a party could break out at any moment, although I will say that if you want to have a quiet evening with the one you love this probably isn't the place to go. Between the music, dancers, and crowd the noise inside was just this side of deafening. Be that as it may, the food and drinks were fantastic. We started off with an appetizer that could've been a main course, a combination they call Appetizers D'Lirrah - sausages, fried scallops, wings, and ribs. For her dinner Jill chose the Mighty Mixed Grill, a platter loaded with several different meats and mashed potatoes. I had the braised beef, which was similar to traditional pot roast only this was so much more tender than any pot roast I've ever had. It was served with roasted carrots & parsnips and a big dollop of horseradish mashed potatoes (my new favorite kind of mashed potatoes). Finishing up the meal with desert (as if we needed more to eat by that point), we each ordered a unique dish so that we could share and each get a taste of something different. (This became a trend at supper over the next few days.) Jill ordered the Ger's bread pudding and I had Dundon's Delight, a pavlova with raspberries and vanilla ice cream. The bread pudding was amazing - like eating a bowl of sweet, buttery fresh bread - and the Delight was great even though I had no idea what it was when it was brought to our table (good thing I like meringue).

When we were done eating we wandered through the gift shop where we picked up a Raglan Road magnet and a print of the Truesdale family coat of arms. It was too cool looking not to bring home. The shops at Downtown Disney are nice but they were extremely crowded that evening and we needed to get some rest - for in the morning we would have to be up bright & early so that we could be at Disney's Hollywood Studios!

THE ADVENTURE CONTINUES IN PART 2!

The Sudden Proliferation of Bad Pro Wrestling Posters

I've been going to independent professional wrestling events in the Carolinas since the late 1990s (I use the fully qualified version of that era as opposed to "the 90s" because you never know, someone may be reading this at or beyond the year 2090). I still remember the first show I ever attended which was at the South Middle School gymnasium in Lancaster, South Carolina. "The Boogie Woogie Man" Jimmy Valiant was there, and he more or less conned me into buying one of his autographed 8x10s. That right there is what you call a hustle.

Suffice to say that in the span of time from here to there, I've seen a lot. Some good, some not so good, some great, and some just plain awful. For the most part I've learned to accept the negative with the positive; truth be told these days the pluses do seem to outweigh the minuses, and that's absolutely fantastic. Be that as it may, there are a handful of things that occur in relation to indie wrestling that truly bother me, and unfortunately I've encountered them all too often for my own comfort. They bother me to the point that when I see them either at a show or online I literally become physically ill for a brief moment, after which I immediately develop the urge to give someone a knife-edge chop to the throat.



Why do they bother me so? Because I love professional wrestling. I'm being completely serious when I say that I wish the people who are responsible for its further ruination would realize what kind of harm they're doing by not working harder to create a better product. They got into this business, surely they must respect it and love it as much as I do? Not hardly, from the look of what I've seen from some promotions.

Trust me, I know I'm opening myself up to criticism here because I'm sure someone will read this and say to themselves, "Well if he thinks he's so smart, then why isn't he running shows?" The answer to that is simple - even if I had the kind of money it would take to run a promotion properly, I more than likely wouldn't be doing it. Promotion is a genuine money pit and these days there's very little reward in it if, in fact, you are lucky enough to create something lucrative and sustainable. Sure, I probably could do it but the risks far outweigh the rewards.

Like I said, there are a handful of issues common to indie pro wrestling that bother me. The one that gets under my skin quicker than any other is when promotions use replica championship belts from World Wrestling Entertainment, World Championship Wrestling, or TNA/Impact Wrestling to represent their outfit. (I never thought I'd see it but believe it or not there's a company in South Carolina right now that's using a slightly modified version of the current TNA belt [seen here] as their championship. Previously they'd used a WWE Championship belt [like this one] for their top prize. To make matters worse, this same company uses a replica WWE Intercontinental title [this version] as their "southern states championship" [a descriptor that makes zero sense seeing as how they only run shows in one state] and a pair of WCW World Heavyweight Championship replicas [otherwise known as the "big gold"] as their tag team championship belts.) Nevermind the fact that replica belts are cheap and typically poorly made, what I find insulting about a promotion using them is the fact that in doing so they expect their fan base to not be knowledgeable enough to realize what's going on. Wrestling may be near the bottom of the totem pole when it comes to well-respected forms of performance art, but what this boils down to is that I don't appreciate being made to feel like an idiot. Suspension of disbelief is one thing, asking your audience to choke on what amounts to a cleverly disguised lie is something else.

Investing in a custom made belt is specifically that - an investment. I wish more promotions would take the extra step of having their own belts. It adds so much to the presentation and authenticity of the experience for a fan like myself as it conveys a sense of how valuable that title is. If you'd like to see examples of what a great belt maker can produce, check out Dave Millican Belts or Top Rope Belts. I'm a bit of a "belt mark", truth be told, but the kind of work groups like DMB and TPR produce is nothing short of art in my opinion.

On the ladder of things that get my dander up about indie pro wrestling, directly below replica championship belts are poorly designed event posters. To me, the most basic form of promotion other than word of mouth is an event poster. It should be eye-catching without being too exotic in its layout (read, it shouldn't be too busy) and informative instead of vague or otherwise devoid of pertinent details. There aren't many excuses for turning in a bad poster seeing as how a better-than-average camera won't set you back too badly and editing software isn't that expensive (Paint.net, GIMP, and event Photoshop CS2 are free). Trust me when I say that it can be a bit of a juggling act in trying to find a happy medium but it can be done and there are a lot of companies that do it quite well. For example, here are a few posters that represent what a great event poster should be.

 

This poster was for OMEGA Championship Wrestling's "CHAOS IN CAMERON" event, which my wife & I were lucky enough to be able to attend. What makes this a solid poster? Three things:

1) You've got eye-grabbing graphics - what's more eye-grabbing than a logo that's on fire? Maybe a logo with boobs on it, but that wouldn't be prudent as we're going for family entertainment here.

2) The talent on display all look like a million bucks; that's as much a testament to their physical conditioning as it is to the fact that someone took the time to make sure quality stock photos of each of those athletes were available.

3) The pertinent details regarding the event (date/time/location) are plainly visible in an obvious location that is complimentary to the rest of the design.

Notice as well that the color choices made in composing this poster allow for everything to be seen without one area or another winding up looking fudged, blurry, or over-saturated. This is a fantastic poster, one that would definitely make me want to attend the event.

That kind of poster takes some real skill to pull off. I don't know who put it together but they're obviously talented when it comes to image editing. As an example of what a quality poster can be that's not as involved, I give you this poster from G.O.U.G.E. - Gimmicks Only Underground Grappling Entertainment.

I dig this poster for the fact that it is colorful and fun, which is 100% indicative of the kind of wrestling you'll see at a G.O.U.G.E. event. It's much more simplistic than the OMEGA poster, clearly, but it's just as effective in its delivery.

Finally, as a third example of a good wrestling poster, here is one from Premiere Wrestling Xperience.

I like this poster a lot as the bold graphics are neat, although I will say that this one is on the precipice of being a little too involved. There's a lot going on here between the text at the bottom and images of 11 guys in the upper half. Even so, this poster is successful in that it gets your attention, shows off the talent, and lets you know the what, where, and when.

This next poster from a recent WrestleForce show is a 'tweener. What I mean by that is that it isn't necessarily bad but it isn't necessarily good either.

There are a couple issues here. For starters, it comes off like whoever designed it is fairly new to Photoshop because they've gone a little nuts with filters and saturation. That may sound like nonsense to you but it relates to how the images of their talent look washed out and not all that clear. The background looks like a black chalkboard that hasn't been washed in quite some time. The color choices aren't terrible but the green "Spring Fling" logo on top of the green Matrix-esque pattern in the header make for a muddy combination. To its credit, the details are there and there's obviously been an effort to showing off the talent.

Now, dear readers, is when we get into the realm of bad indie wrestling posters. I feel as though I have to preface what follows by telling you that these posters are real. They represent promotions that either were or are currently running shows. I have not edited them in any way, shape, or form - what you see is what they have made available as advertising.

Hoo-boy...First up, this offering from Southern Wrestling Alliance.

This looks cheap and poorly made. I probably could have whipped this up when I was 18 using nothing but MS Paint. The most egregious failure here (other than the typo - admission to this event is 6 "doolars" - and the fact that the background gradient goes from lime Jell-O green to bile green) is that the images of the talent are just plain bad. If I ran a promotion I would have a photo area set up where everyone on the roster would have to come at least once so that I could get a set of current stock photos for use in promotional materials. (All you need is a sheet or some other background to have them stand against that's a solid color; the software will allow you to separate them from the background rather easily so that the resulting image can be used in material like this.) Lastly, I think at least 2 of the sponsor images at the bottom are, in fact, photos of business cards.

What's worse than a yucky green background on a wrestling poster? Lightning.

I'm sure there's a website somewhere that specializes in graphics like that. I wouldn't be at all bothered if the server hosting it exploded and all back-ups were lost in a fire. Again, it looks cheap, and it makes me think these guys are all hacks because if they were any better they'd be working somewhere that could afford to make a better poster. (That's harsh, I admit, but it's honest.) On the plus side, they included a picture of the venue so at the very least if you for some reason actually wanted to go to this show you shouldn't get lost.

Sometimes when a person is putting together a poster they have good intentions but the execution gets botched. That's what's going on in this next image which is a poster for Disciples of Christ Wrestling.

This is a mess, on a number of levels, and it's an example of why adhering to a consistent theme is crucial when laying out a poster. The background looks like a pool of water that's been polluted with some sort of foulness. I can only assume the wolf/lamb/ring image is a part of the DCW logo - it doesn't make much sense, period, but I'm trying my best to figure out why it's there in the context of the thing. I assume the Lions Club is sponsoring this event because they're featured quite prominently, so prominently in fact that their logo is bigger than any of the images of the DCW talent. Actually, that might be on purpose because if you get a closer look at those guys do any of them strike you as being wrestlers you'd pay to see? Do they strike you as wrestlers at all? A lot of people who buy wrestling boots should be buying wrestling tickets, and DCW might be an entire promotion where that's true.

I don't want to come off like I'm making fun of someone who's apparently suffering from a debilitating illness but this next one has the misfortune of putting an ugly face on what's hopefully a good deed.

WASP Championship Wrestling - I don't like them already based on nothing other than the name. Wasps are some of the most ornery critters in the entire animal kingdom. One got into our house not too long ago and I felt as though I would've been justified in using a shotgun to kill it, even at the expense of perforating our cabinets.

My personal feelings about wasps aside, I don't know where to begin here. A mustard-yellow background - at least it's not lightning or chain link fencing, I guess. The text regarding the benefit information is poorly written, loaded with grammatical errors (some punctuation would've been great), and there are a handful of misspellings. As for the rest of the poster, the images are all horribly grainy. They look as if they were scanned at low resolution settings, printed on an old inkjet, and then scanned again at even lower resolution settings. I would sooner mail the guy for which the benefit is being held a money order for $6 than I would go to the show, quite frankly.

I've poked fun at the way the talent is presented on several of these posters. I don't get to do that with the poster below because there is no talent presented on the poster - yes, you could take that statement a couple of different ways, all of which are valid in this instance.

When I first looked at this poster I thought I had a flyer for a hardware store, what with the ladders, table, and rope. Apparently the name of this promotion is Pro Wrestling. That's it. You were looking for pro wrestling, well guess what - here it is, Pro Wrestling. They're so new and so cutting edge that they didn't want to burden themselves by trying to adhere to a standard that might be set forth by having created a unique identity for themselves. (Oh, great - pro wrestling for hipsters!) Likewise, they wanted to be so modern and forward-thinking with their advertising that they didn't see the need to show off any of their talent. That would've been too pretentious, obviously.

Last and definitely least, I give you the poster that recently set a few threads on Facebook afire. 

To begin, the reason for it having caused such a stir is the fact that TNA/Impact Wrestling star Gunner was vocal on social media that he would not be at this show and that his likeness was being used to promote the event despite his having no involvement. He was never booked for this event but you wouldn't know that by the look of the poster. (Nikita Koloff, from what I've read, did appear as advertised.)

This doesn't happen that frequently anymore but it does happen. Scumbag promoters will do things like this in order to sell tickets then their excuse to a disappointed fan will be the "card subject to change" clause that seems to accompany ever wrestling event by default. (Or as was done by one local promoter a few years ago who advertised Samoa Joe as being on one of his events, you could claim the star no-showed [even going so far as to arrive late to your own venue, with the story being that you were at the airport waiting for "The Samoan Submission Machine" to arrive] only to have it revealed later that you never paid his appearance fee or booked his travel.) That phrase used to be in place because there were times where talent had travel issues or injuries and couldn't make it - in this situation it's there because the jerk running the show knew he wasn't going to draw a crowd unless he could get the people to believe there were known wrestlers on the card. It's pathetic and people like this should be run put of business; sadly enough, they're usually the ones who manage to hang around the longest.

One of the other talents shown on this particular poster is a guy who calls himself Rex Rumble. I mentioned in a previous paragraph how one of the posters featured talent that didn't quite look like anyone that would be worth paying to see. (Get a membership to a gym and a tanning salon, for crying out loud - maybe go to "GNC" and get some "supplements", if you know what I'm saying?) Notice that the image on the poster of Rex makes him appear to be a tough guy, as he has his fists clinched, ready to fight. If you squint real hard, you might even say he could pass for someone whose look was inspired by Kevin Nash.

Here's a more, shall we say, honest picture of him.

 

Yeah, people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and I'm certainly not the one to be criticizing people about their physiques, but I'm also not squeezing my voluptuous beer gut into an Under Armour-style shirt and wrapping my arms in electrical tape up to my elbows so I can go play fight with my buddies.

Beyond that, I'll say that this poster looks more like a page out of a high school football program than anything. (That or one of those athletics schedule posters you find at gas stations. You know the type - the schedule gets about 2 inches of space and the rest of the poster is nothing but ads.) Sponsors are great but you can't put that many corporate logos on a poster. It detracts from the purpose of the thing, which is to promote the event. Give those businesses an opportunity to hang banners at the venue, sure, but don't saturate a poster with that nonsense.

I've written this entry with a tongue in cheek approach, and I hope that's detectable. I'm reaching a point in my life where even though I love wrestling I'm beyond being able to take any of it seriously. No matter how much people like myself would appreciate it, Ric Flair and Ricky Steamboat can't go for 60 minutes anymore. Arn & Ole Anderson aren't going to come to a ring and make you believe that they're capable of crippling their opponents. Bret Hart isn't going to be having any more 5-star bouts with the likes of Mr. Perfect or Steve Austin. As much as it pains me, I've accepted these things. Similarly, I've accepted that there's no better way to handle the goofball side of pro wrestling than by treating it as such. If Mystery Science Theater 3000 taught me anything, it's that there's fun to be had in pointing out the ridiculousness of what some people would call art, so that's exactly what I'll continue to do - have fun and make the best of what's left of indie pro wrestling in the Carolinas.