Movie Review Round-Up #4 - Walt Disney, Tonto & Some Hobbits Save the Snow Queen

And here I thought I was done with movie reviews for a while - turns out my wife & I have seen quite a few moving pictures here lately, mainly because of the fact that we received a handful of gift cards to Regal Cinemas as Christmas gifts. (I was an AMC man growing up in Lancaster, SC - a city that exists in the shadows of Charlotte, NC - but Regal seems to dominate the theatrical landscape here in the midlands of South Carolina.) Therein lies a decent question to ponder: Would we have seen some of these films if we weren't able to get in for free? Going to the cinema is an expensive prospect seeing as how getting to a theater isn't exactly a 5 minute drive for us, unfortunately. Chances are we would have in the case of Frozen as both my wife and myself are suckers for anything with the Disney logo situated somewhere in the poster art. Similarly, Saving Mr. Banks was an almost automatic selection because you can't go wrong with Tom Hanks. He's essentially the Peyton Manning of Hollywood (Or maybe Peyton Manning is the Tom Hanks of professional football?) in that unless something extraordinarily unusual happens you can count on his performance alone being worth the price of admission.

Then we have The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey and The Lone Ranger, two titles we viewed at home. In the case of The Hobbit, I purchased it on Blu-ray right after it became available and it had been sitting on our entertainment center ever since (yes, that puts it there almost a solid calendar year). I can give no other justification for the delay than the fact I'd simply not taken the time to invest 3 hours of my time in the film. That and we both wanted to watch it so we could hopefully then go to the theater to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. As for The Lone Ranger, it fell into that most bothersome category of movie, that being the sort of flick that you're watching because you're halfway expecting it to be horrible due to what others have said/written about it and you want to either verify or discredit those experiences for yourself.

As an aside to this introduction, I'll note that this turned into a very Disney-heavy Movie Review Round-Up as 3 of the 4 films I'll be talking about originated from the House of the Mouse. I have no real reasoning for pointing this out other than to brag on the fact that my wife & I will be going to Walt Disney World again in May, this time for the 2014 edition of Star Wars Weekends at Disney's Hollywood Studios!

Frozen

Based loosely on a Hans Christian Andersen story called The Snow Queen, Frozen follows the story of Elsa and Anna, a pair of Norwegian sisters born into royalty, the former of happening to have been cursed (as her parents would have her believe) with the power to manipulate ice. Unfortunately she has difficult in controlling these powers and inadvertently injures her younger sister with them while they were playing. Their parents seek out the aid of a troll king who is able to heal Anna, taking away her memories of Elsa's abilities in the process. 

The most glaring issues that Frozen contains, to me, are plot related. They're the kind of problems that children may or may not pick up on but as an adult they stick out like a patch of yellow snow on an otherwise brilliant drift. My biggest gripe is that there's no origin story given to Elsa's powers. We are never told where they come from or why she has them and Anna doesn't, we can only assume it's some sort of supposed curse that befalls an individual every once in a while. As I watched the film I kept saying to myself that she's more or less Ice Man from MARVEL's X-MEN comic books, only she never has the blessing of meeting her equivalent to Professor Xavier.

Therein lies the source of my X-MEN comparisons; Elsa's powers might otherwise be thought of as a mutation in another mythology, not far from that of a character like Iceman. The difference between the two being that Iceman was fortunate enough to be encouraged to hone his abilities by the likes of Professor Xavier and that Elsa's powers appear to be incredibly vast. She's not just controlling ice, she has the capacity to create sentient life - Olaf and the castle guardian are examples of this. The implications of that never get touched upon in this particular narrative, although that's perhaps too deep for what's supposed to be a kid's movie.

In the grand scheme of Disney films, Frozen ranks up there with Beauty and the Beast as well as The Little Mermaid in terms of being captivating stories featuring brilliant vocal performances both in terms of dialogue and in song. It really is a fantastic picture for kids of all ages - if you're an adult, just do yourself a favor by not doing what I did in trying to analyze the thing, nearly forgetting to be entertained in the process.

3.75/5 Professor Xaviers

Saving Mr. Banks

When Walt Disney sought the motion picture rights to Mary Poppins, he wound up confronting author P.L. Travers head on, a woman who was seemingly unwilling to let go of her creation for fear that Disney would tarnish what it meant - not so much to the world, but to Travers herself.

I will be blunt in saying that I am not typically one to watch a film that would be best categorized as a comedy-drama. Likewise, romantic comedies aren't generally my mason jar of sweet iced tea, if you catch my drift. (It's like listening to a Nickelback album - you already know what you're going to get when you turn the thing on because they're all more or less the same.) However, I will be blunt again in saying that a movie like this is worth watching regardless of what your personal tastes may dictate because of the players involved. The combination of Emma Thompson's emulation of P.L. Travers and Tom Hanks' portrayal of Walt Disney makes for a masterful mix of talent. When you throw in the likes of Paul Giamatti and Colin Farrell as accessories, it's fairly difficult to go wrong. They aren't heavy-handed or overbearing in trying to impersonate the individuals they're hoping to represent, rather they all succeed in breathing life into them.

I'm sure that there are those who would look to discredit the historical accuracy of aspects to the plot of Saving Mr. Banks. I can't argue with such criticisms because my knowledge of the history behind this film is slim to none, although I will say that the dynamic tension leading up to the eventual reveal of Travers' reasoning for being so defensive in regard to Mary Poppins treatment by others is a real treat. It's a mixture of storytelling, acting, and editing that make it what it is - a movie that will tug at your heart yet still find a way to make you laugh.

4/5 Mouse Ear Hats

The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey

Long before Frodo, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli set off to destroy the ring of power before the dark lord Sauron could reclaim it, there was another mythical quest across Middle Earth involving elves, Hobbits, and sorcery - only this one involved a dragon and the struggle of a small band of dwarfs hoping to take back their homeland.

Based on J. R. R. Tolkien's classic novel, The Hobbit - An Unexpected Journey represents the first act of what will eventually be a trilogy of films.

I am a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I could watch those movies just about any day of the week and be just as entertained as I was the first time I saw them. The cast was so strong for that trio of pictures that I cannot think of anyone I would see replaced in the lineup with other actors. Unfortunately, the cast is one of the biggest problems I have with An Unexpected Journey but its also a reflection of the differences in this story versus that of the Lord of the Rings. There is no Aragorn/Viggo Mortensen here - what I mean by that is there's no primary hero clearly identified, even though some would argue that would be Martin Freeman as a younger version of Bilbo Baggins. (He may be the main character but he's not the charismatic center of the cast; perhaps I'm hoping for too much in expecting to see another similar warrior-type to what was had before.) Instead there's a whole bunch of potential leads none of whom we genuinely get that much of an opportunity with which to bond, and some of whom are almost unlikeable.

With this story, we have a crew of characters in the dwarfs who are almost always together. While they each appear unique in terms of their style, none of them truly have a chance to stick out from the rest aside from Thorin Oakenshield played by Richard Armitage. (I am not lying when I tell you that I could not recall a single one of the dwarf's names other than Oakenshield.) The problem with him is that he comes off as a giant prick right up until the end of the film. By that point, I had pretty well lost interest in anything he had to say; the sudden recovery seemed too forced, at least for me.

My wife & I watched An Unexpected Journey on Blu-ray at home and we're hoping to see the Desolation of Smaug before it leaves theaters. While I may not have enjoyed this film as much as I have some of director Peter Jackson's other offerings set in Middle Earth, I am looking forward to seeing what comes next as I hope the inclusion of Orlando Bloom who returns as Legolas will be a nice shot in the arm to invigorate the story.

3/5 The Preciouses

The Lone Ranger

The concept of a solitary sentinel fighting for justice isn't a novel one, especially not these days where it seems as though every superhero could be described as such. But where did that ideal begin? Probably with an actual member of society who was so inspired at some point in human history if you really want to try and nail it down, but in terms of popular culture the roots of such characters go back to one man, that being the Lone Ranger who first appeared on American airwaves back in 1933 and who has been an iconic figure ever since.

Unfortunately for modern audiences, the Lone Ranger's legacy isn't what it once was thanks to this mess of a film.

Disney and director Gore Verbinski had been on an amazing "winning" streak thanks to the overwhelming success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies they assembled. With over $1 billion made at the box office, it seemed like the combination of Disney, Verbinski, and star Johnny Depp could do no wrong. Apparently all it took to break the streak was to have Depp play a Native American with a dead bird on his head.

In all honesty, the aesthetic choice of how to represent Tonto in this iteration of the Lone Ranger mythology is about the least troublesome aspect of the overall production. (Depp, to his credit, is his usual over-the-top self here; he's entertaining, I just wish the material he has to work with had been better.) The plot is so tremendously bloated and unnecessarily complex that it's at times difficult to follow but still horribly campy in what it tries to accomplish. To make matters worse, Armie Hammer is tasked with playing a heroic and vivacious action hero even though Armie Hammer has the personality of a loaf of white bread. Then to make matters even more worse, the action sequences are as over the top as any I've ever seen. They're not quite 28-mile-long-runway stupid (as was the case with Fast & Furious 6), but even so I cannot get out of my head how the state of movie-making seems to be that it's required to take anything plausible pertaining to action and throw it out the window.

I imagine the creative meetings for The Lone Ranger went something like this...

Writer: Okay, we've got an idea for a sequence where Ranger, Tonto, and some guys are fighting on a moving train.
Producer: That's not good enough.
Writer: What do you mean?
Producer: That's too simplistic, it needs more...More of everything.
Writer: Alright, what if the train is speeding out of control?
Producer: Not bad, still too vanilla though.
Writer: Um, how about the fight takes place on a speeding, out of control train that gets split into two sections and weaves back & forth between a pair of tracks causing the actors to have to do stunts that no human being could possibly survive or even logically perform?
Producer: Yeah, yeah...Add some explosions and a bridge, now we're talking!

If this movie had a giant mechanical spider it would be Wild, Wild West all over again. Disney had a real opportunity to make what could've been a great western, a real revenge tale involving classic characters. All it would've needed is a more serious tone and a better angle of how best to depict the origin of the Ranger. Instead we're left with this schlock-fest that has very few redeeming qualities.

1.5/5 Loaves of White Bread

A Movie That Actually Deserves to be Remade

Almost 2 years ago, I published an entry to my blog titled "Rise of the Planet of Silly Remakes" (which you can revisit by clicking here). In that edition, I more or less lambasted the film industry for its reliance upon remakes of previous works to sustain itself. It's been a trend of theirs for upwards of a decade now to take an aging property and put it in a shiny new wrapper in order to sell that product to a new generation of moviegoers. I continue to ask the question: Why do this? What's the point of overwriting an existing movie with an updated version? Is there something so wrong with those movies that they can't be left as is? What did they ever do to you, huh?

I targeted 2011's Rise of the Planet of the Apes specifically in that blog as it came off to me as being a terribly unnecessary effort seeing as how there had already been one attempt to relaunch the Planet of the Apes mythology ten years earlier with Tim Burton leading Mark Wahlberg into a film that some thought was okay but most felt was rather iffy at best. Burton's incarnation was strong, visually speaking, however the plot was convoluted as it involved concepts of religion versus science and the conclusion was an absolutely ridiculous try at recapturing the twist ending of the original film.

Here again I ask did the world really need either of these movies? No, it didn't, quite frankly, although I will admit that Andy Serkis' work in Rise is quite worthy of praise. There is a film from my childhood that could greatly benefit from a remake, though, as it is one that made significant use of computer generated imagery when that sort of technology was in its infancy. (Much like TRON, but the film I'm talking about believe it or not was released prior to Disney's tech-driven masterpiece.) With the kind of magic that modern artists can create using digital techniques, a director with enough passion to treat the project seriously, and a cast that's believable in their roles I feel like this could be an opportunity to create a true epic.

Hollywood, I humbly request that you remake - The Last Starfighter!

If you've never seen The Last Starfighter and you're in your late 20s to early 30s, I immediately want to question the quality of your childhood. I might go so far as to encourage you to call your parents and tell them they failed you, as a matter of fact.

For me, The Last Starfighter is a movie that is remarkable in that it represents the era of film making from which it came (meaning that it's still watchable even though the special effects aren't that fantastic compared to what's possible today) and because of the fact that it has all the makings of a great piece of science fiction. There were a handful of movies that came out around the same time as TLS in the mid-1980s that I, to this day, can sit down and watch with glee because they're just that awesome. TLS, Flight of the Navigator, Space Camp, Explorers - put me in front of a television with those films playing back to back and you can forget about me doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

The plot of The Last Starfighter revolves around a young man named Alex Rogan played by actor Lance Guest, who you may also know from such films as Halloween 2 and JAWS: The Revenge (I'm somewhat ashamed that I used to really like JAWS: The Revenge - I blame Michael Caine's small but poignant role in the movie for that). Alex is a small town teenager who lives in a trailer park with his Mom, Jane (Barbara Bosson) and younger brother, Louis (Chris Hebert). Alex is a handyman at the trailer park and because of his responsibilities to the tenants thereof he doesn't have the most superlative social life. When he's not working or at home with his family, he spends most of his free time either with his girlfriend Maggie (Catherine Mary Stewart) or playing an arcade game called Starfighter. Alex has become tremendously skilled at the game - his abilities have not gone unnoticed by the population of the trailer park, and a few other folks who aren't exactly locals have taken note as well.

As it turns out, Starfighter is actually a testing platform deployed by an alliance of alien races known as the Rylan Star League whose base of operations exists on their home world of Rylos. It's purpose is to identify any nearby players who may be qualified to pilot Gunstars - think an F-14 Tomcat fighter jet but intended for use in outer space. The Rylans are engaged in war with the Ko-Dan Empire; they've heretofore relied upon a defensive array of satellites which they refer to as the Frontier in order to protect themselves from the Ko-Dan armada. The Ko-Dan are being aided by Xur, a Rylan traitor who has given the Ko-Dan a means to circumvent the Frontier thereby endangering all of Rylos and its inhabitants.

Having displayed great aptitude while playing Starfighter, Alex is recruited by the Star League. At first Alex is reluctant to accept the great burden that's been put upon him - it isn't until his family are attacked by a shape-shifting Ko-Dan assassin that he realizes if these evil forces aren't stopped now it will only be a matter of time before they make their way to Earth.

There were two major problems with The Last Starfighter, as I see it: 1) Filmmaking technology of the time didn't allow for a fully realized interpretation of the story, and 2) there wasn't enough effort put into making the audience care about the Rylans. The former is something that can easily be remedied these days seeing as how I think most Art Institute students are required to do a project involving spaceships and various planetoids during the first semester of their freshman year. This is the sort of thing that's old bag by now, is what I mean to say, and what's more I don't think there's a whole lot that needs to be done in the way of re-imagining the Gunstar or the Ko-Dan armada. The designs themselves are unique enough to still be workable, but that's not to say that they couldn't use a little "beefing up" in order to take advantage of the kind of graphical rendering engines in use by Hollywood now.

An updated interpretation of a Gunstar

Regarding the Rylan's and the fact that I, for one, never truly cared all that much about them as a kid watching The Last Starfighter, I don't feel as though there was an occasion where we as an audience see how genuinely evil the Ko-Dan are. We're spectators to the action, meaning we need a visible and hopefully obvious reason to dislike a villain. We never get that in the original version of the film - for that matter, it isn't until the Ko-Dan show up on Earth that Alex, the would-be hero of the Frontier, seems to care all that much about what happens on Rylos. That's kind of a dick move (I will say that the Rylan's didn't exactly inspire Alex to join their cause by chanting "VICTORY OR DEATH!" as he and the other Gunstar crew members are being briefed), but it's not his fault that the movie was written the way that it was.

Casting this remake is the real challenge as there are several roles within this mythology that require younger players and quite frankly I'm not all that up on the who's who amongst the youth of Hollywood. That said, here's my ideal cast for a remake of The Last Starfighter.

Alex Rogan - Josh Hutcherson

Most avid movie-watchers will recognize Josh Hutcherson from his role as Peeta in the Hunger Games, a franchise which is as hot as any. His involvement there will no doubt secure him a position of adulation from fans of the series and create an opportunity for him to go on to bigger roles in the future, roles where he'll be the lead and not a supporting character.

He's an ideal choice for the part. He's the right age and he has that classic, all-American look about him in that he's handsome but without the overbearingly good looks of a model.

The issue that I can see erupting from attempting to cast Josh as Alex is the notion that he may not, as an artist, want to dedicate himself to the realm of science fiction by getting involved with another project that could potentially grow into two or three pictures. He may want to delve into more dramatic waters and I can certainly understand that. It doesn't seem like he's quite to that point yet, though, seeing as how he's been willingly attached to the Journey to the Center of the Earth series for the better part of a decade. Getting on board with this production of The Last Starfighter would be a big step up from that and a great shot for him to show his range as a potential leading man.

Maggie Gordon - Anna Kendrick

Have you ever watched a movie that you thought you were going to hate only to come away from it having thoroughly enjoyed the experience? That was me after having watched the 2012 musical comedy Pitch Perfect - a film about rival glee clubs at a university competing for notoriety and, of course, love. Anna Kendrick starred in that movie and I've been a fan of hers ever since.

The role of Maggie isn't a terribly involved one, or at least it wasn't in the original version of TLS. She was more or less an area of concern for Beta Alex, which was a robotic clone of Alex left behind by the Rylans that was intended to keep his family and friends from realizing the real Alex was gone.

If you ask me (and you inadvertently did by starting to read this blog), Kendrick is ideal for this role as it would get her out of the realm of musicals and into something with a greater scope. In this version of TLS, I'd like to see her part highlighted by increased involvement in some way. The trick is getting around a premise of the plot which really leads into the potentiality for there to be more than just one film here seeing as how the original version of TLS ends (*SPOILER ALERT*) with Alex and Maggie flying off into the twilight in a Gunstar bound for Rylos, which is still in need of defending.

Lord Kril - Ron Perlman

I don't know anyone who doesn't dig Ron Perlman. The guy is the quintessential dual-threat as he has been blessed with amazing acting abilities but also one of the most recognizable and commanding voices in Hollywood. Add to those the fact that he doesn't seem to mind roles requiring intensive make-up effects and you've got precisely the man need to play Lord Kril.

In the original version of TLS, Lord Kril doesn't do much other than stand around at a command module and look imposing. That's kind of the Ko-Dan as a whole, to be frank - you never see them doing much other than laboring away at their individual stations (although I guess that makes sense since they're a fleet instead of ground-based). That would change in my version of TLS as the Ko-Dan should be a genuinely frightening example of what an intergalactic alien military force could be, and Kril should be the absolute worst of them. Not in a sense that he's a slimy, misshapen creature, rather that he's an ugly, intense, intelligent, and driven being whose black heart (assuming the Ko-Dan have hearts, that is) is filled with the need to lay waste to those who would refuse to bow down to his might.

Perlman has the perfect combination of an already imposing look with the added bonus of being able to rattle the windows with his one-of-a-kind voice. Get him into some updated make-up for Kril (I prefer practical make-up as opposed to trying to do the character with CGI) and he'll be ready to go to the set.

Centauri - Jeffrey Dean Morgan

I am somewhat embarassed to admit that I tend to get JDM confused with Javier Bardem. They do have a resemblance to one another, you have to admit.

Regardless of my cognitive issues, Morgan is my pick for Centauri because of the fact that I would want to reconfigure the character so that he's more of a covert agent of Rylos, for lack of a better descriptor. I can see him getting involved in some grittier action with K-Dan assassins than his predecessor Robert Preston did (who was 66 years old when TLS was released; sadly, he would pass away a mere 3 years later after having developed lung cancer), and being able to pull off the physical aspects of the role thanks to his size and physique. While Centauri isn't necessarily the leader of the Rylans, in my mind for the sake of the story he's Lord Kril's foil in terms of being the Batman to his Joker, if you catch my meaning.

Morgan has established himself as being able to handle this kind of work thanks to his being involved with The Losers, a movie I got a real kick out of and have always thought was under-appreciated. People know him from Grey's Anatomy and various other TV projects, but in the realm of geek-dom he's most loved for having brought life to the Comedian, an essential character in The Watchmen.

Grig - Simon Pegg

I, like a lot of other folks, have been a huge fan of Simon Pegg ever since he and Nick Frost graced the screen together as a bumbling pair of English guys trying to survive the zombie apocalypse in Shaun of the Dead. Pegg has such a unique comedic delivery and a fantastic ability to emote - he's the only one I'd want playing Grig, a reptilian alien who's an engineer responsible for maintaining the vital systems on board the Gunstar he and Alex will be piloting. He's the R2D2 of TLS, if you will.

Grig is the kind of character that most studios would likely want to produce using CGI. I feel like a broken record here, but I think CGI would be a real waste of talent in regard to Pegg seeing as how his capability to breathe life into the character would be removed by way of not physically being involved. I don't want him for his voice, I want him because I want him to be Grig.

I have to take a moment to mention actor Dan O'Herlihy, who played Grig in the original TLS. O'Herlihy isn't a household name but he's been in a handful of movies that count among some of my favorites, those being The Last Starfighter and RoboCop 1 & 2. He also has the distinction of having been in Halloween 3: Season of the Witch, a movie that gets brought up all the time as being one of the worst horror films ever made. It had nothing to do with Michael Myers, so in the realm of that franchise you've got 1, 2, 3 which is completely irrelevant to everything else Halloween, 4, 5, and what have you. It made no sense whatsoever, other than to try and take advantage of the Halloween name.

Xur - Benedict Cumberbatch

In terms of actors who reached "flavor of the week" status in 2013, Benedict Cumberbatch was close to the top of the list. His breakout performance as Khan in Star Trek Into Darkness was an astounding piece of work as he managed to do what few thespians tasked with handling the role of a villain can do, that being make the audience understand his inspirations thereby creating an antagonist who is identifiable and sympathetic but still terrifying.

Much like Heath Ledger did with his brilliant work as the Joker in The Dark Knight, Cumberbatch made moviegoers be at times more interested in the charismatic villain than they were in the heroes of the cast. Having said that, I don't want him to do that with Xur - quite the contrary, as a matter of fact. Xur is the kind of guy who is desperate for power and he's willing to do anything up to and including exterminating his own home world to get it. He's a slimy, backstabbing curse upon those who would've otherwise been his friends and family, all because of the fact that in his mind he should be the one running the show.

Much like the praise I gave to Ron Perlman earlier in this piece, Cumberbatch is worthy of recognition for his vocal abilities. His voice has a lot in common with that of Jeremy Irons, to my ears. This is the sort of God-given talent that you just can't develop and it adds so much to his repertoire as a performer.

An aspect of The Last Starfighter that I have always adored is the score. TLS was made at a point in time where composers like John Williams were crafting iconic themes for movies such as Star Wars and Indiana Jones. In that same vein is the work of Craig Safan who has the distinction, in my eyes, of having been essentially a one-hit wonder when it comes to his career of making music for movies. He turned in a real masterpiece for TLS in delivering as classic a theme as any and has more or less done nothing else all that worthy of note since then. With that in mind, I do not think there's much that could be done in trying to improve what he's already assembled other than to refresh the arrangement. No, that doesn't mean translating it over to dub step - that would be the antithesis of what I'm trying to accomplish here. All I'm looking for is a modern take on the theme.

It goes without saying that I think this has the makings of a real hit. (Of course, I'm biased, but if ever there was an arena where cheering on the home team is to be expected it's here within the confines of my own blog!) To me, The Last Starfighter deserves a second chance - not to say that the original film is bad, rather that it could be better than it is without necessarily disposing of what's come before. There's a certain amount of hero worship in this, you see, because people like me care enough about the source material to want new eyes to see it just with a clearer sense of vision and a renewed purpose.

Movie Review Round-Up #3 - Robots, Demons, and Mutants (Oh My!)

The 2013 Summer movie season is winding down, and I'd have to say that overall this one has been more or less middle of the road in terms of the quality of films I've had a chance to watch. To me, there just hasn't been anything out thus far that has been so epic in its presentation as to make it the definable movie of the season. That's not to say the movies I've seen so far have all stunk; far from it, as there have been several really good movies (Man of Steel, Despicable Me 2, and Star Trek Into Darkness) but nothing that's been absolutely great. There's been no Avengers or Dark Knight, is what I'm really getting at. Those are the kind of movies that make the bothersome task of going to the movies worthwhile for me seeing as how I can't bring myself to spend money on something like Grownups 2 or We're the Millers. That's the reason why I have Netflix, so that when I can't sleep I can watch something formulaic and repetitive that will put me down for a few more hours.

Pacific Rim

In the not-so-distant future, gigantic monsters from an alternate dimension have begun rising up out of the Pacific ocean using a gateway between their world and ours. Traditional machines of war prove to be ineffective against these great beasts called Kaijus, which is why the governments of the world begin building huge robotic avatars known as Jaegers to be piloted by 2-man teams. The Jaegers were effective initially but the Kaiju threat has grown worse and worse, and the Jaeger fleet has has all but been demolished. Down to a handful of Jaegers and pilots, humanity is making its last stand.

There's nothing about this movie I didn't love, quite frankly. It's robots and monsters fighting, how could every 13 year old boy (or a 33 year old man who still acts like a 13 year old boy a lot of the time) not get a kick out of this? There's more to it than that, though, as the stunning imagery and special effects (produced by the wizards at Industrial Light and Magic) are a great compliment to a well-rounded story featuring characters that are somewhat stock in terms of their construction but still unique.

The cast is lead by Charlie Hunnam (known mostly for his work in Sons of Anarchy) who plays Jaeger pilot Raleigh Beckett, a man haunted by the death of his brother who was killed when the two were engaged in combat with a Kaiju. Idris Elba takes the role of Stacker Pentecost who's the commander of what remains of the Jaeger program. He's assisted by Mako Maori, played by Japanese actress Rinko Kikuchi. Ron Perlman is involved here as well, taking the part of Hannibal Chau a black market dealer in Kaiju parts who's something of a snake oil salesman. Charlie Day rounds out the core group as Dr. Newton Geiszler, a scientist working the the Jaeger program on ways to find the Kaiju's weaknesses.

I can't not mention a young actress by the name of Mana Ashida, who appears as Mako when she was a child. I won't spoil the scenario here in case you haven't seen Pacific Rim. She's not on screen for very long but her performance was brilliant, as far as I'm concerned.

One of the biggest compliments I can pay director Guillermo del Toro for how he constructed this film is to say that there was never a point in time while I was watching Pacific Rim where I thought we truly had the upper hand. There's never a moment where you genuinely feel like mankind or the Jaegers are going to run completely rough-shot over the Kaiju, and that's significant because in so many action movies there never winds up being any sense of peril for the heroes. There's never a situation where you, as a viewer, stop and think "Wow, how the heck are they going to get out of this?" Pacific Rim makes you do that about half a dozen times, and the tension it builds is a great additive to the experience.

4/5 Robot Jox References

Elysium

Almost 150 years into the future, Earth has become so polluted and overpopulated that the most wealthy among the human race abandoned the planet, choosing instead to live on an orbiting space station called Elysium where there is no crime, no war, and no disease. Every day is a struggle for survival for the people who have no choice but to remain on Earth, as the criminals are almost as bad as the robotic infantry put in place to enforce the law.

Elysium's plot follows the plight of Max Da Costa, (Matt Damon) an ex-con living in the ruination that is what remains of Los Angeles looking to redeem himself by earning a living working in a factory that manufactures androids. He becomes exposed to a lethal dose of radiation while on the job - given only days to live, he's presented with the opportunity to get to Elysium and save himself. Little does he realize, at least initially, that he actually has a chance to save everyone.

There is a lot of cool stuff going on in this movie from a technical standpoint. You've got ships capable of space flight, futuristic weapons, humanoid robots with fluid movements, and soldiers equipped with powered exoskeletons. What's more, it all looks great - especially Elysium itself. The problem is that there's not enough emotional substance of characterization behind it all. You wind up with a visually compelling piece of work that doesn't leave any impact on the audience.

The realm of science fiction can be a dark place and there are plenty of films that do a great job of making a case for a less than likeable character becoming a heroic figure, but Elysium spends too much time trying to make the audience care about a guy who, quite frankly, has few redeeming qualities. Much of Elysium's plot centers around Max's effort to save himself after he gets irradiated. Up until the moment he's injured we've not gotten any sort of context that makes him into a likeable or sympathetic person. He's been a thug since he was a child; not a Robin Hood sort of thug, either. He's not even an effective anti-hero because when he's presented with the opportunity to save the dying daughter of a woman he loves (and has loved since childhood) he's still primarily concerned with getting himself into a med-bay (you could make the argument that he's trying to get the agents of Elysium who are chasing him away from her home, but I doubt that's his true inspiration for fleeing). Not until it dawns on him that he more than likely isn't going to survive this journey does his cause shift to aiding the little girl, and by then it's too little too late to make a difference in the mind of a viewer.

I loved District 9 for the fact that it was an amazing piece of allegory that gave a rather stunning perspective on apartheid in South Africa. Blomkamp has tried again to make his audience care about a cultural phenomenon using allegorical means, this time shedding light on the concept of healthcare becoming something only the richest among us can obtain. It's a painful truth, but the fact of the matter is that Elysium comes across as being very heavy handed in its message, almost to the point of being preachy. I'm not disagreeing with the message, mind you, I'm merely of the opinion that politics and entertainment don't always make for the best bedfellows.

And is it me, or is it a little bit ironic that Blomkamp made a movie involving a ring-shaped world considering he was supposed to have directed a movie based on the HALO video games?

3/5 Guilty Sparks

Evil Dead

The lazy critic in me enjoys reviewing movies like Evil Dead, simply because of the fact that recapping their plot doesn't require much effort.

This is your classic "kids go into the woods and get terrorized by some demonic beast until all but maybe 1 or 2 of them are alive" type of movie. It's been done to the point of becoming formulaic, and in the case of Evil Dead it's a gimmick that feels even more redundant seeing as how this is a re-make. What's more, it's a re-make of what has to be one of the campiest horror films ever made, that being director Sam Raimi's Evil Dead which was released in 1981 (it's the movie that introduced Bruce Campbell to the world, though, so it's still awesome). The 2013 edition attempts to ramp up the experience by shedding the inadvertent silliness that was so abundant in the original, instead opting for good old blood and guts horror.

The plot of this incarnation of Evil Dead is based around a group of kids in their late teens or early 20s who've all come out to a remote cabin in the woods in order to have an intervention with one of their friends, a girl who's developed an addiction to heroin. It turns out that the cabin has been used for a variety of activities related to the occult and Satanic rituals, so of course when one of the characters finds a book that's wrapped in barbed wire and heavy plastic he immediately begins reading the thing. He winds up unleashing a demonic entity that inhabits the girl they were trying to help, thus setting off a rather nasty slew of events for all involved.

If you're a fan of practical special effects, those being the kind that rely on prostheses and make-up as opposed to computer generated imagery, you'll enjoy the effort put into this film. I have to say it's refreshing to see this sort of thing. Artists can do amazing things with CGI, it's true, but CGI is too clean looking in my opinion for a movie like this. It needs to be dirty, gory, and sick. You just can't get that out of CGI.

2/5 Bifrucated Tongues

The Wolverine

The Wolverine serves as a follow-up to X-Men: Origins - Wolverine and X-Men: The Last Stand, this time peeling back the history of Logan as it relates to the occasions during his long and tumultuous life where he found himself in Japan. According to this mythology, Logan was a POW being held near Nagasaki and was present when the Fat Man atomic bomb was dropped. He was able to save a man named Yashida, one of his captors, from the blast. Fast forward to present day - Wolverine has done his best to drop off the grid as he's haunted by memories and dreams of his lost love, Jean Grey, choosing to live the life of a hermit in the Canadian wilderness. His seclusion is interrupted when he's found by a young woman named Yukio who has come to bring him back to Japan as Yashida is dying of cancer and wants to thank Logan for saving him all those years ago. It turns out that Yashida knows of Logan's pain and offers him the one thing he has never thought possible - a noble death.

Hugh Jackman has made the role of Wolverine his defining work, and he continues to be the linchpin of the entire X-Men film franchise. How many other actors can say they've been able to successfully carry an entire series? (Certain media outlets are claiming Fox has offered him $100 million to continue on with the character in 4 more movies - that sounds like a lot of money until you consider how much cash he and the other merry mutants have raked in for the company.) The work he's done with this character is quite marvelous (See what I did there? X-Men, comics, MARVEL, marvelous?) and I highly doubt the series would be where it is if not for his charismatic abilities to make Logan the sympathetic warrior that he is.

Therein lies one of my problems with this movie. It is incredibly overbearing in trying to convey Wolverine as being in this epic state of depression. That's an understandable move - he wound up having to kill the woman he loved, for crying out loud, he's got a reason to be sad. Add to that the fact that he spends a majority of the film having to deal with being in a compromising position thanks to his healing abilities being suppressed, and you've got a version of Wolverine that's just not Wolverine for lack of a better way of putting it.

What I'm getting at is I don't like emo Wolverine. I like feral, berserker Wolverine. Chaos is just more entertaining, I guess.

I will be forthright in saying that, in hindsight, this movie feels a lot like nothing more than a transitional piece meant to bridge a gap left between X-Men: The Last Stand and the coming X-Men: Days of Future Past. I didn't dislike it, I simply don't think this was that big of a moment in the grand scheme of things. That said, Fox could've simply had Jackman suit up for the post-credits Easter egg scene, put that out around Comic Con or some other similar event, and been done with it.

3/5 Bone Claws

The Darndest Things Happen Inside a Movie Theater

My wife and I recently went to one of our favorite movie theaters, that being the Columbiana Grande Stadium 14, to see Man of Steel. Columbiana Grande is a state-of-the-art theater equipped with all the modern amenities theater-goers expect nowadays, including digital projection, 3D systems, online ticketing, and just about every snack food you can think of up to and including mini corn dogs by Nathan's. (They're amazing, quite frankly - get it, corn dog, hot dog, frankfurter, frank? The jokes aren't as funny when I have to explain them.) I would go there more often than we do as I've always enjoyed the cinema, however the fact that it's about an hour's drive from where we live makes trips that frequent illogical considering the price of fuel and whatnot. Unfortunately we're not blessed with a local movie theater; there was a small, 4-screen theater in Orangeburg but it closed last year, so now our only alternative for new releases is to drive to Columbia or Lexington. Aside from the exorbitant prices for tickets and refreshments, I find that the only unpleasant (albeit sometimes entertaining) thing about going to the movies is the fact that there are other people in the theater besides just my wife and I.

Typically, we tend to wait a few weeks after they've debuted to see new movies in order to allow for the initial hubbub about the thing to die down. In the case of Man of Steel, we went after only a week's passing which wasn't so bad in all honesty. Don't get me wrong, the house was nearly packed but we arrived early enough that getting a good seat wasn't a challenge. A "good seat" for us is either a spot on the end of a row or, better yet, a loveseat row (that being a row made up of only 2 seats). There are only a few of these loveseat rows within certain theaters at Columbiana Grande, hence why early arrival is necessary if you hope to get one of them. We even have a preference when it comes to which loveseat we take. One of the loveseats is situated directly above the theater's entrance, meaning you not only get a nice, semi-private section to yourselves but you also get the added benefit of a shelf upon which you may rest your snack, beverage, cell phone or what have you. Beware, though, as this shelf can be treacherous!

Case in point, for our Man of Steel screening we both got a tray of nachos. The nachos come in a bag, which is both good and bad; good in that you get a consistent, sanitary serving but bad in that you have to get the chips into the tray yourself while sitting elbow to elbow with God only knows who. I make it sound like you're having to replicate the scene from Mission: Impossible where Tom Cruise is dangling from the ceiling like a fish on a hook even though it's about as simple as can be. I'm always cautious about bag opening, though, because I'm prone to yanking them open too forcefully and sending the contents flying in every direction. Instead of having to use my lap as a staging area for my nachos, I made good use of the shelf by carefully positioning the tray in a safe zone (i.e., far enough back from the edge so that the tray wouldn't fall over thereby dousing some unsuspecting theater patron with molten cheesy goodness), popped open the bag of nachos and arranged them in my tray. Unfortunately, I may have been too eager to get to my nachos as I sent one chip flying off the shelf - fortunately, there wasn't anyone coming into the theater at that moment, so I didn't have to go through that embarrassment.

At least my spillage was minor and didn't involve liquid...

I think everyone who's been to a movie lately realizes how big beverage servings have become. This isn't a new trend, though, seeing as how the same is true of cups you get at any fast food restaurant. I got a large soda before we went in to see Man of Steel - I don't remember how much it cost but it came with free refills which is why after the movie was over I decided to get my cup topped off. One more for the road, as it were. I didn't drink all of the refill (the cup barely fit into the holder in my truck) so when we got home I brought the cup into the house and left it on the kitchen counter. The following morning I took the top off the cup and looked down into the murky, now severely watered down and totally devoid of carbonation left-over Coke. I couldn't help but wonder how much fluid that was as I poured it down the drain. I got out one of our measuring cups (a 1 cup/8 fluid ounce measuring cup) and used water to calculate how many cups my movie theater cup would hold. Turns out this behemoth, without ice and filled to the brim, can hold 6 cups or 48 ounces of fluid. That's the equivalent of 4 cans of soda. And people wonder why things like diabetes and obesity are so prevalent nowadays.

I wrote all that to say this - two people dropped their beverages during the movie, one who was near the front of the theater and another who happened to be sitting directly behind us in a loveseat row. I didn't freak out when I heard the cup hit the floor, thereby jettisoning its contents in a deluge, even though I had a bad feeling my feet were about to get wet. I can honestly say we never felt or saw as much as a dribble of cola on our row, which I can only attribute to some sort of containment apparatus separating the upper and lower rows. There's the off chance that the folks sitting behind us may have expertly deployed whatever napkins they had to try and sop up the spill. (Hopefully the victims of the other spill were as lucky as we were.) Whatever the case, I'm just glad I didn't walk out of that theater with shoes left sticky from almost half a gallon of soda.

The topic of children and movie theaters is a touchy subject. As a theater owner/operator, you can't not allow someone who is capable of buying a ticket into your establishment (a justifiable exception being people who are under the influence or who might pose a danger to themselves and others). Doing so would be contrary to everything for which our capitalistic society stands. This is why business people and theater patrons alike have to hope that parents and their children don't do anything while watching a movie that would inspire violence. I can't tell you how many times I've had a perfectly good cinematic experience get ruined by some kid or their parental unit(s). At this point, it's almost like an understood, expected casualty of war. You know when you buy your ticket that there's a chance you're going to walk out of that theater having thought about whether or not you could justifiably gut-punch a child or otherwise wish a plague of boils upon their mom & dad for having brought them out of the house in the first place.

Personally, I think parents have to know their child before making the decision to bring them to a theater. This means realizing that kids of a certain age shouldn't be in a theater, period, specifically babies or any child so immature that they stand to have an emotional outburst during the picture. Not only is this a potential distraction to others inside the theater but what are you, as a parent, getting out of going to the movies if you have to spend 20-30 minutes in the lobby trying to satiate Junior's shivering fits? It doesn't make sense from either point of view, is what I'm getting at.

Older kids who are either undisciplined or just plain unsupervised is a different matter entirely. Babies can't help that they're babies but kids who are old enough to know better and act-out anyway should be dealt with in a way that is efficient and effective. In an ideal world, they'd get one warning then out comes the duct tape (the stuff is truly limitless in its use). In reality, we're left having to wonder why their parents aren't doing their jobs. Theater etiquette should be taught at an early age, and refresher courses should be offered to adults seeing as how there are a lot of people out there who have no idea what it means to observe courtesy towards others while watching a movie.

I'm not attempting to say that I was a perfect child or that I never did anything to disrupt the moving-going experience of someone else. Sure, I acted out as a child while at the movies and even in church. You want to know what happened to me when I did? Grandpa's finger meeting the back of my skull in a flicking motion that was, in all honesty, like getting hit with a Louisville Slugger. It hurt and I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I'm a grown man and I know that if he hadn't cared enough to direct my behavior I might be in a very different position right now. My point being that children should be loved and nurtured but that they also need discipline in some form or another. How would the world be different right now if the word discipline had never become unjustifiably synonymous with abuse, we'll never know.

There's that pesky soap box again, always getting underneath me when I'm trying to write...

I just spent three paragraphs harping on why kids and movie theaters don't mix, whereas I could write a piece the size of a senior thesis as to why a lot of adults shouldn't ever be allowed to set foot inside a theater. Seeing as how the length of this blog entry is getting out of hand, instead of charging a multi-pronged assault on those theater patrons who are old enough to know but too ignorant to do so, I'll focus on one aspect of their behavior which is consistently and persistently disruptive, that being the usage of cellular phones.

Movie theater chains have done what they can, for the most part, through signage and various pre-movie public service announcement campaigns in an attempt to dissuade customers from whipping out their phone during a screening. (Not only have they made a point to state how annoying it is for someone to engage in a conversation during a movie, they've also gone so far as to tie in visibly using a phone to potential copyright infringement. Plus, they tack on the incredibly intimidating and overly emphatic seal of the National Intellectual Property Rights Coordination Center, just for good measure.) The only problem with this strategy is that it trusts people to police themselves when people are, pardon my French, assholes by in large meaning they don't care about ruining the experience of someone else. They've apparently never been distracted from a pivotal scene in a movie by the veritable spotlight that blasts upwards out of someone's lap into the darkness of the theater after they've activated the screen of their phone. I see this happen all the time and I'm never sure what's going on; that could be someone checking their Twitter feed or it could be the people of Gotham City sending out a distress signal to Batman. The bottom line here, in my opinion, is that if you're so important that you can't be separated from your phone for 2 or 3 hours you probably have no business being in a theater. By all means, stay home - the world may need you at a moment's notice!

Even with my musings and complaints about how people can affect a night at the theater, I must admit there's something about the communal experience of taking in a film together as a group (or mob, as is sometimes the case). The shared reactions and emotions are quite the thing to behold. I guess you could say that it's part of the magic of the movies. All I know for sure is that I'm glad I don't have to go to the movies by myself anymore, thanks to the cute little blonde girl I call my wife being by my side. I never do get tired of how it feels when she squeezes my hand during a tense moment of a film. It reminds me that she's there, it reminds me that we're together, and it reminds me that we'll always be connected.

Movie Review Round-Up - A Furiously Tangled Trek Into the Oblivion of Iron Man 3

It's summer time which means it's also movie time, and for that reason it's one of my favorite times of year. I could do without the heat and humidity seeing as how it tends to turn me from being a big, hairy beast into a big, hairy sweaty beast with questionable hygiene. It's 138 degrees outside this time of year and there are bugs whereas in any given theater it's 70 degrees and there are nachos readily available. Sure, there are annoying little kids and their unqualified and ineffective parents to deal with (sadly I've had experiences in theaters that have left me questioning how some adults have lived as long as they have and wanting to punch a child), but is it any wonder why I'd sooner stay inside and watch movies?

Star Trek Into Darkness

Picking up where JJ Abrams' reboot of the classic Star Trek mythology left off, Into Darkness sees Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto), and their cohorts plunged into battle with a foe that is both mysterious and familiar. Through perceived acts of terror, this villain reveals that Star Fleet has realized a threat exists in the form of the Klingons and that scientific exploration is no longer the sole purpose of their operations.

Pine and Quinto are the obvious headliners of this movie but for my money Benedict Cumberbatch is the true star. His portrayal of Khan is absolutely brilliant - he has an amazing voice, which is a lot like that of Jeremy Irons only somehow more visceral in its delivery. Like all great villains, he has charisma to rival that of his protagonist counterparts. Combine that with the fact that his character's back story involves a legitimate effort at revenge and you can see why there are points in this that I was genuinely pulling for Khan instead of the crew of the Enterprise.

Longtime Trek fans will quickly realize that the plot of Into Darkness is something of a re-hashing of 1982's Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. This take on Khan is more relevant to today's audiences as the concept of a character seeking vengeance on an assumed political or government entity is certainly identifiable.

One of few issues I have with the movie is the finale of Into Darkness in that it tidies up a bit too well. There was an effort to send everyone home happy here, or so it seems. That and the fact that there are still parts of the Enterprise's interior that look altogether too much like a boiler room are all that bothered me. I'm looking forward to seeing where this new Trek is headed, even though it may be a while before we see another one since Abrams' focus is now on a different universe, one far, far away from this.

/5 Tribles

Iron Man 3

The world has changed for Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) since his encounter with other-worldly beings in The Avengers. He's a man so distraught with fear over being unable to protect the one person he cares for more than life itself (Pepper Potts/Gwyneth Paltrow), he's dedicated his every waking moment to advancing his Iron Man armory by building dozens of specialized configurations. Try as he might to use what he knows to satiate his fears, they're realized when Stark encounters an international terrorist known as the Mandarin.

I don't get Stark as a haunted man who's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, even though it's a topical subject that's gotten a lot of attention now that so many members of our Armed Forces are returning home from combat with symptoms of PTSD. Downey is still the only person I ever want to see play Tony Stark, I just think the well is running dry on Iron Man now that he's done his job in serving as a conduit for The Avengers to assemble. What's more, the relationships that exist between these characters doesn't feel as fluid as it has in the past.

I hate to say this - IM3 is my least favorite of the Iron Man franchise. There was a lot of fanfare about Shane Black (who's best known for having created the Lethal Weapon series) coming aboard to take the helm once Jon Favreau decided not to return as director after having lead the first two films, but I don't think Black's writing or directorial style have improved matters. If anything, he's managed to take the canon a few steps backwards. IM3 has too many moving parts that aren't that interesting. This is particularly disappointing because there's a decent chance this is the last dedicated Iron Man film starring Downey, Jr.

/5 Shellheads

Tangled


Tangled is Disney's interpretation of the Grimm fairy tale Rapunzel, and like many of the Disney translations this story has been modified to make it more consumable for younger audiences. By that I mean it has a happier ending where evil has been vanquished and good prevails, as opposed to almost everyone involved dying a horribly tragic death. But what else should we expect? This is Disney, after all.

Rapunzel (Mandy Moore) is in her late teens here and, like most girls her age, she's beginning to feel the urge to strike out on her own. In Rapunzel's case, her need is more legitimate than most seeing as how she's been held captive under the pretense that the outside world is a terribly dangerous place by the woman she thinks is her mother, Gothel (Donna Murphy), in a tower where the only other being she has contact with is her pet chameleon Pascal. Her desire to flee is enabled when a bungling burglar (Flynn Rider/Zachary Levi) finds his way into the tower. He inadvertently sets off a series of events that not only gets Rapunzel out of the tower but reveals her true identity as well.

I think a lot of people are under the impression that Disney and Pixar are the same entity but in watching Tangled I can tell you that a number of differences can be spotted. The style of animation, most notably, but what stands out the most is the writing. I'm of the opinion that Pixar's films are some of the best written movies, animated or otherwise, you'll ever see. I'm not saying that material like Tangled isn't penned well but the fact that this is an adaptation versus a novel concept does hurt it somewhat as there's already a "tower" in place from the start which confines where these characters can go.

There's not an overwhelming sense of star power here, and I appreciate that. It seems like a lot of A-list Hollywood talent do an animated feature for the heck of it. Here, you have a main character voiced by Mandy Moore, a singer and actress who's more than capable of handling the musical elements while also breathing life into Rapunzel. Zachary Levi does a great job with Rider as he's not only the comedic center of the film but also a character with a number of dramatic scenes as well. Donna Murphy is yet another evil pseudo-mother in the annals of Disney mythology; she doesn't have that much to hang her hat on as the character isn't as involved as some of their other villainous matriarchs have been.

This may seem odd but my two favorite characters from Tangled are ones that have no actual lines: Pascal the chameleon and Maximus the horse. Seriously, they're fantastic - I'd probably watch an "Adventures of Pascal & Maximus" if it ever happened.

 /5 Frying Pans

Fast & Furious 6


I have to apologize to anyone who's a fan of this series because I don't particularly see the need to spend a whole lot of time reviewing this movie. When you are talking about a franchise that's on it's sixth iteration, it stands to reason that the movies have become paint-by-number in terms of their assembly and that's exactly the case here. There are criminals, there are cops, there are fast cars, and a whole heaping helping of absurdity to tie it together.

Vin Diesel and essentially all the other original members of the Fast & Furious cast have returned. Their characters have more or less sunk into lives of hiding in order to stave off heat from various international crime fighting organizations, but as it turns out it's those same groups that were hunting them that now need their help. There's a new bad guy in town, one with a similar penchant for being fast and furious about it, and there's apparently no better team to throw at this new threat than an aging group of street racers.

I'm one to talk when it comes to criticizing movies and TV shows where an ability to suspend what's plausible in this realm of existence is necessary, seeing as how that's more or less everything that I watch. Be that as it may, Fast & Furious 6 has a number of scenes where you have to take everything you've ever learned about physics and the durability of the human body and throw it out the window. More than that, you have to take it and light it on fire with kerosene - it's that crazy, and it's that distracting. For example, if Fast & Furious 6 is to be believed, there exists a runway somewhere in Europe that is approximately 300 miles long.

Don't worry, they're already working on Fast & Furious 7 which will add Jason Statham to the cast.

/5 Vin Diesels

Oblivion

In the not so distant future, humanity has fled planet Earth as a result of the rock we once called home having been ravaged by an alien race (who went so far as to blow up the moon, just for good measure) that sought to annihilate our species and strip-mine the globe of any useful resources. We were somehow able to overcome the odds and defeat the invaders but we did so at the cost of losing what once was our home world as Earth is too far gone to remain habitable. Now only a few humans remain on Earth, support crews in place to oversee a mining operation to provide fuel for the colonizing effort on one of Saturn's moons (where the survivors of our kind are holed up) and protect it from attacks by alien survivors, now known as Scavs (short for "scavengers").

Tom Cruise leads the cast of Oblivion as he plays Jack, a character who is a mechanic but also a soldier, tasked with maintaining a batch of automated mining platforms and a squadron of airborne drones that protect them from Scav attacks. Imagine Ethan Hunt from the Mission: Impossible series but with more knowledge of engines than international espionage. He's flanked by Victoria (Andrea Riseborough), whose role in the operation is similar to that of technical advisor and overwatch, meaning she's Jack's eyes and ears when he's out in the wasteland.

Visually speaking, Oblivion shares much with director Joseph Kosinski's only other film, that being TRON: Legacy. That's not a complaint as I loved Legacy and I can't wait to see what Kosinski does with the announced sequel to that film.

I don't feel like I can justifiably get into discussing the remainder of the cast because, to put it quite simply, there's a whole lot of ways I could spoil the plot and I don't have enough cleverness within me to skirt the material without blatantly stating what happens. That said, I will tell you that while there are a number of twists to this story the sum of the entire thing is very derivative. There are elements of films like Moon, Terminator, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Independence Day, and a sprinkling of classic Twilight Zone episodes. It's not a bad mix of inspiration as sci-fi goes these days but the more the movie goes on the more imitative it seems to become.

/5 evil super computers

Fantasy Movie Casting: "The Dresden Files"

Several years ago I was introduced to a series of novels by author Jim Butcher titled "The Dresden Files".  TDF follows the adventures of Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden (named after 3 famous stage magicians - Harry Houdini, Harry Blackstone, Sr., and David Copperfield) who works as a paranormal investigator in Chicago, Illinois and who is also a very powerful wizard.  Swords and sorcery with a modern twist, as it were.  I fell in love with the mythology, thanks mostly to Butcher's wit and excellent sense of storytelling, and quickly absorbed the material, reading the first twelve books of the series in relatively short order (I have the thirteenth book - "Ghost Story" - at home now) and I eagerly await the opportunity to see where the group of characters making up this series will be taken to with each new iteration.

The popularity of the novels made it a hot commodity and as such a television series was developed.  I'd not gotten into the world of Harry Dresden when the TV series originally aired on the Sci Fi Channel in 2007 (Side Note - It still bothers me that the Sci Fi Channel is now the SyFy Channel...I know, it's a gimmick, but it looks dumb and if pronounced literally it would sound like siff-ee.) and I've not yet bothered to watch any episodes of the series (it only ran for one season) mainly because it appears that there were significant liberties taken with the source material in adapting it for TV.  I'm not entirely opposed to alterations being made when it comes to translating a work of literature to a medium like television because there are many logistical issues that can stand in the way of successfully doing so.  However, I take great exception to the practice when characters are altered entirely because some random producer feels their vision will work better than the original incarnation.  This being the case, I felt like I - speaking on behalf of Dresden fans everywhere - should do Hollywood a favor and submit what is, in my eyes, a definitive cast that would do great justice to bringing "The Dresden Files" to the silver screen.

Please note that this list of characters contains only a select few of the primary cast of recurring characters.  To me, these are the characters holding the most significant roles within the saga.  As you might imagine with a series that is now better than a decade old, the supporting players are numerous (more than 60, according to a Wikipedia article on the subject) and if I were to try and cast them all I'd never make it through to the end.

HARRY DRESDEN - Bradley Cooper

Dresden is a heroically tragic figure as he quite regularly gets his ass handed to him in fights which he's gotten caught up in thanks to his sense of fierce loyalty to friends and allies.  Truth be told, there has been at least one scenario in every Dresden novel where I've thought to myself, "Jim Butcher must really hate this guy else he wouldn't write him into these situations..." (This is, of course, a classic tactic for building an audience's appreciation for a hero.) Nevertheless, through it all he maintains a relentless drive to do what's right and his razor sharp sarcastic humor.

I feel like Bradley Cooper - who also happens to share many of Harry's physical characteristics - could quite simply dye his hair black, get into wardrobe, and be fully capable of bringing Dresden to life.  Cooper has the charisma and acting ability to carry the weight of being a leading man, but he hasn't yet had a career-defining role that would forever put him into the upper echelon of actors who're adored for their efforts.  For these reasons, he's an ideal choice to play the part of Harry Dresden.

KARRIN MURPHY - Jennifer Aniston

Karrin Murphy (more often referred to simply as Murphy) is a veteran of the Chicago Police Department who - despite her abilities as an officer - has been relegated to managing the special investigations division.  She, much like Dresden, has stuck her nose a little too deep into the business of others, her superiors specifically, and doing so has wound up killing her career.  SI is essentially a "catch-all" office responsible for handling cases deemed out of the ordinary or in some way related to the paranormal.  A dedication to her work and the realization that some things going on in the world around her can't be explained by other means is what puts her on a path to encountering Harry.

When I began thinking about actresses who could take on Karrin Murphy, there were only a few who came to mind and an admittedly sinister ulterior motive (which will be revealed later) is what ultimately lead me to my choice.  Jennifer Aniston has never been involved in a big budget action flick or anything related the science fiction/fantasy genre, and that's what makes me think she'd be ideal.  A part like this would be a true shot in the arm for her career as it would be a big step away from the parts for which she's become known - a real opportunity to stretch her legs, as it were.

BOB - Bill Murray

Bob isn't so much a who as he is a what.  Bob is an air spirit of intellect with no tactile form; he exists within an enchanted human skull that Dresden keeps in his laboratory.  When active, Bob's essence glows with an orange hue from the eye sockets of the skull.  It's difficult to describe Bob and his abilities; to put it in terms of technological analogy, Bob is like a massive hard drive filled with information about people, creatures, places, and events in our realm as well as the Nevernever (which is a dimension beyond our own from whence beings like Bob originate).  He's a vast resource of knowledge that Harry makes use of quite regularly (wizards and electronics don't get along; since Harry can do damage to machines like computers by just being around them, having Bob around is invaluable).  As such, you might think he's a real downer to be around but the opposite is quite true as Bob appreciates Harry's humor, has a fondness for romance novels, and absolutely loves boobs.

The role of Bob would be a pure voiceover assignment.  So why Bill Murray?  By in large, Bob is a wise-cracking smart aleck who is able to trade quips with Harry like no one else in the Dresden-verse.  Personally, when I think of actors who've made a career out of being wise-cracking smart alecks, Bill Murray is pretty close to the top of the list.  What may present a challenge here is that there have been occasions where Bob's personality shifts entirely, usually based on who's taken possession of him, as he's gone from happy go lucky to downright homicidal within the course of one story.  Call it an opportunity for Murray to expand his range - I think he could pull it off.

SUSAN RODRIGUEZ - Jessica Biel

Every hero who is surrounded by tragedy will almost certainly owe at least some of his heartache to a romantic relationship gone sour, and this is exactly the case for Harry Dresden.  Susan Rodriguez initially encounters Dresden while working as a reporter for a tabloid newspaper specializing in all-things paranormal.  Their relationship quickly goes from cordial to coital (See what I did there?) and the two seem nearly inseparable - that is until Susan is bitten by a vampire of the Red Court (in the Dresden-verse there are two vampire "families", the Red Court and the White Court; neither are particularly cheery but the reds are by far the most horrible).

The potential for chemistry between actors, especially those who will be engaged in an on-screen romantic relationship, is an important consideration to make when casting.  As you may or may not be aware, Jessica Biel and Bradley Cooper have swapped spit (it dawned on me whilst writing this particular paragraph that the phrase "swapped spit" doesn't get used nearly enough) previously as they were an item in The A-Team.  The role wouldn't necessarily be physically demanding at first but that changes as Susan metamorphoses from her human form to that of an individual fighting to maintain her humanity by denying the hunger of the demon inside her after she's attacked by vampires.  Biel has had exposure to action and vampires in Blade: Trinity, making her even more ideal for the part.

THOMAS RAITH - Chris Hemsworth

Thomas Raith is a vampire of the White Court and an heir to the throne of their kingdom, for lack of a better term.  Thomas' lineage is somewhat complicated by the fact that he's the offspring of a vampire (his father, Lord Raith) and a human woman (a fact which will also complicate his relationship with Dresden).  Unlike Red Court vampires, those of the White Court don't sap the life force of their victims via physical attacks.  Rather they rely on their inherent natural beauty to woo humans into their presence, making them feel a sensation of bliss derived from intense sexual arousal which takes away all other needs and desires, and essentially drain energy from their captives by way of an outpouring of emotion.

Thomas has been described by Harry as being the "Lost Greek God of Body Cologne" and "the High Priest of Bowflex".  Anyone who's seen Chris Hemsworth's recent work in Thor knows that the guy is not only a talented actor but that he also happens to be in incredible physical condition.  I think he'd make a valuable addition to the cast and add much to the depth of the presentation.

LARA RAITH - Angelina Jolie

Lara Raith is Thomas Raith's elder sister.  Her beauty is only outmatched by her ability to manipulate those around her as she has proven time and time again to be a masterful schemer in the art of seduction.  Having taken an intense interest in usurping the potential power beheld by her siblings, Lara has over time been able to all but assume control of the White Court (her father remains his kingship but is not more than a figurehead).  She and Harry have crossed paths on multiple occasions and have maintained something of a workable relationship as both characters know their ends may only be met by way of means the other can provide.

Remember when I wrote earlier in this piece about casting Jennifer Aniston for a reason?  Well, here's that ulterior motive I mentioned.  I'm fairly certain that simply having Aniston and Jolie in the same film would make people interested in seeing it.  I'm not recommending her for the part solely because of a desire to take advantage of the human interest angle, though, as Jolie is an ideal candidate to portray Lara (even though it would mean her being known as two Lara's - Raith and Croft).  Her work in Beowulf is evidence that she can devour scenes while handling the role of a villainess.

EBENEZAR MCCOY - Tommy Lee Jones

Ebenezar McCoy is an incredibly powerful wizard and senior member of the White Council, a governing body (The White Council itself is presided over by the Merlin - who isn't the original Merlin but rather a wizard given the title of Merlin. Confused yet?) that presides over all individuals recognized as having a talent for wizardry and witchcraft by enforcing the seven Laws of Magic.  McCoy is also Harry Dresden's mentor and almost certainly Harry's most powerful ally.  McCoy functions as something of a moral compass for Harry but their relationship is damaged when it is revealed that Ebenezar is the White Council's "blackstaff" - a designation given to a wizard of the White Council to function outside of the laws of magic, meaning he has been given free reign to do anything necessary in order to protect the interests of the White Council (and I do mean anything).

McCoy is one of my favorite characters of the series.  He's one of several characters that I always look forward to learning more about and seeing as how McCoy is more than 200 years old (wizards can live to be an extraordinary age but they are not immortal or any less susceptible to injury than you or I) there's plenty more to tell than what's been told thus far.  That said, I could think of no one else I'd sooner see play McCoy than Tommy Lee Jones who, not surprisingly, is one of my favorite actors.  The grizzled yet still emotionally identifiable presentation that Jones brings to his performances has made him an icon in my eyes and there is literally no one else I would have in the role - as in if I were actually able to cast this film and he said no I'd more than likely say to the producer, "MOVIE'S OFF, CANCEL KRAFT SERVICES, EVERYONE GO HOME!"

MICHAEL CARPENTER - Ray Stevenson

Michael Carpenter is one of three individuals who are recognized as being Knights of the Cross, an ancient organization given the divine right to carry enchanted swords embedded with one of the nails used to crucify Jesus Christ. (Michael's sword, Amoracchius, is believed to be Excalibur, the mythical Sword in the Stone as it was at one point in time entrusted to Merlin - as in the original Merlin not some other guy.) Michael, not surprisingly, is a devout Christian and quite often rubs Harry the wrong way with his persistent trust that through all trials God's will holds what's best for each of us.  Despite this, Michael knows that at Harry's center is a desire to do what's right, and Harry values Michael's friendship and council.

Ray Stevenson isn't exactly a household name.  He's had some mainstream exposure with roles in movies such as Punisher: War Zone, King Arthur, and The Book of Eli (if you haven't seen Eli, do yourself a favor and do so - very profound movie that hasn't been fully appreciated yet, in my opinion).  Why Stevenson?  It's a role that would allow him to establish himself as being more than a bit-player, for one, as most of his gigs have been as supporting cast up to this point.  Michael Carpenter is a pillar of a man, resolute in his beliefs and sturdy to his core.  Stevenson, with his gravel-y voice, domineering physical presence, and rugged good looks is an ideal choice.

CHARITY CARPENTER - Gillian Anderson

Charity Carpenter, Michael's wife, is just shy of being worthy of the old battleaxe tag so many strong-willed women have been burdened with.  However, being the wife of a Knight of the Cross and mother to seven (yes, SEVEN) children gives her the right to be who she is - a protective woman willing to do anything to preserve the safety of her family.  She at first tolerates Harry's presence around Michael, thinking him to be a source of great danger (and rightfully so), but her stance softens with time after she realizes that Harry would lay down his own life for a member of her family.  It will be revealed that she, like many characters within the Dresden-verse, is harboring a deep secret of which not even her husband is aware.

By a show of hands, who amongst you reading this has never seen an episode of The X-Files?  How awesome was that show?!  I miss the ongoing adventures of Mulder and Scully, for crying out loud!  That said, I think it's time Gillian Anderson got back on the horse and did something with a large scope and feel to it.  She's been keeping busy with smaller projects since the curtain closed on X-Files and now that she's a three-time mother and a bit older (wow, I felt bad having to write that she's qualified because she's older - Hollywood is a fickle beast) I feel like she'd be able to pour her personal experiences into the role.  On top of that, her geek-icon status would do well to attract audiences, making her welcome addition to the cast for an entirely different reason.

MOLLY CARPENTER - Chloe Moretz

Molly Carpenter is the oldest child of Michael and Charity Carpenter.  A rebellious teenager, Molly inadvertently breaks one of the Laws of Magic by using a form of mind control (an ability which Molly was able to cultivate on her own after having noticed her abilities) to help several of her friends kick their drug addictions and having done so draws the attention of the White Council.  Regardless of her noble intentions, the White Council identifies her use of black magic as a potential threat and thereby seeks to punish her accordingly - by chopping off her head (the White Council isn't exactly lenient when it comes to dealing with apparent heretics; they believe that once a person has taken a path away from harnessing their powers through proper training ["proper training" being techniques and values endorsed by the White Council, thereby conditioning the beliefs system of a particular individual] that they're more or less an enemy combatant).  Harry, McCoy, Michael, and others come to her aid and manage to prevent her demise, after which she becomes Harry's apprentice.

The character of Molly is one that we literally watch as she grows up and matures from one novel to the next.  This being the case, it would be a welcome idea to cast an actress who - for the sake of consistency - could maintain her presence in the series without the role having to be re-cast every so often.  At 14 years of age presently Chloe Moretz, perhaps better known as Hit Girl from Kick Ass, is exactly that.  Moretz is a blossoming talent and the role of Molly would give her a chance to establish herself within a character that will grow significantly over the course of the series.

"GENTLEMAN" JOHNNY MARCONE - George Clooney

 A crime lord whose rise to power has landed him in control of Chicago's underworld, "Gentleman" Johnny Marcone presents a man who is most accurately described as being a double-edged sword.  On the one hand, as a mafioso, he's an adversary of Dresden - be that as it may, Marcone and Dresden often find themselves working together.  Like most mob bosses of legend, Marcone isn't afraid of getting his hands dirty if it means protecting his interests.  On the other hand, Marcone has shown that while he may be a criminal he is not without some sense of morality.  Marcone feels great remorse for injuries suffered by a young girl who happened to be caught in the crossfire during an attempt to murder him by a rival gang, and has gone to great lengths to provide care for her after the fact.

Marcone, in my mind, is equal parts savvy businessman and criminal genius but the line between one and the other is often blurred.  George Clooney has the capacity to capture the look of both aspects of Marcone's personality, but more importantly he is more than talented enough to play a cool, calculating mastermind of the underworld.  You may think I would point to his swing as Danny Ocean in the Oceans 11 films, however for this I actually think his work in From Dusk Til Dawn would be a more appropriate source of justification.  Therein his character is a violent felon confronted with supernatural baddies (vampires) who finds himself having to help a group of people he wouldn't have normally cared less about in order to save his own skin, and in the end he shows signs of compassion for those who've fought alongside him.

WALDO BUTTERS - Neil Grayston

It seems that every courageous hero must, by default, have a bumbling, cowardly yet able to be inspired sidekick.  Waldo Butters is exactly that for Harry Dresden.  A medical examiner by trade and one-man polka band by the grace of the Almighty (as Michael Carpenter might say), Butters landed himself in psychiatric treatment after having performed autopsies on the remains of several vampires which he declared in his reports as being "human-like but not human".  He was allowed to resume his work but demoted for his efforts.  He's since become Harry's go-to resource for medical attention (Have I mentioned that Dresden gets beat up, and frequently?) as Dresden trusts Butters because of his having been thrust into the world of the paranormal.

Unless you're a frequent viewer of Eureka on the SyFy Channel you more than likely have no idea who Neil Grayston is.  In Eureka, Grayston plays Douglas Fargo who's a brilliant but socially awkward scientist.  Grayston is another example of a young actor whose career could greatly benefit from a role in a big-time production such as this as it would be a recurring part in an expansive universe.  Butters is a beloved character by fans of the Dresden novels and I feel like Grayston is a genuinely likeable guy, which is just another feather in his cap when it comes to his involvement with the project.