My wife and I recently went to one of our favorite movie theaters, that being the Columbiana Grande Stadium 14, to see Man of Steel. Columbiana Grande is a state-of-the-art theater equipped with all the modern amenities theater-goers expect nowadays, including digital projection, 3D systems, online ticketing, and just about every snack food you can think of up to and including mini corn dogs by Nathan's. (They're amazing, quite frankly - get it, corn dog, hot dog, frankfurter, frank? The jokes aren't as funny when I have to explain them.) I would go there more often than we do as I've always enjoyed the cinema, however the fact that it's about an hour's drive from where we live makes trips that frequent illogical considering the price of fuel and whatnot. Unfortunately we're not blessed with a local movie theater; there was a small, 4-screen theater in Orangeburg but it closed last year, so now our only alternative for new releases is to drive to Columbia or Lexington. Aside from the exorbitant prices for tickets and refreshments, I find that the only unpleasant (albeit sometimes entertaining) thing about going to the movies is the fact that there are other people in the theater besides just my wife and I.
Typically, we tend to wait a few weeks after they've debuted to see new movies in order to allow for the initial hubbub about the thing to die down. In the case of Man of Steel, we went after only a week's passing which wasn't so bad in all honesty. Don't get me wrong, the house was nearly packed but we arrived early enough that getting a good seat wasn't a challenge. A "good seat" for us is either a spot on the end of a row or, better yet, a loveseat row (that being a row made up of only 2 seats). There are only a few of these loveseat rows within certain theaters at Columbiana Grande, hence why early arrival is necessary if you hope to get one of them. We even have a preference when it comes to which loveseat we take. One of the loveseats is situated directly above the theater's entrance, meaning you not only get a nice, semi-private section to yourselves but you also get the added benefit of a shelf upon which you may rest your snack, beverage, cell phone or what have you. Beware, though, as this shelf can be treacherous!
Case in point, for our Man of Steel screening we both got a tray of nachos. The nachos come in a bag, which is both good and bad; good in that you get a consistent, sanitary serving but bad in that you have to get the chips into the tray yourself while sitting elbow to elbow with God only knows who. I make it sound like you're having to replicate the scene from Mission: Impossible where Tom Cruise is dangling from the ceiling like a fish on a hook even though it's about as simple as can be. I'm always cautious about bag opening, though, because I'm prone to yanking them open too forcefully and sending the contents flying in every direction. Instead of having to use my lap as a staging area for my nachos, I made good use of the shelf by carefully positioning the tray in a safe zone (i.e., far enough back from the edge so that the tray wouldn't fall over thereby dousing some unsuspecting theater patron with molten cheesy goodness), popped open the bag of nachos and arranged them in my tray. Unfortunately, I may have been too eager to get to my nachos as I sent one chip flying off the shelf - fortunately, there wasn't anyone coming into the theater at that moment, so I didn't have to go through that embarrassment.
At least my spillage was minor and didn't involve liquid...
I think everyone who's been to a movie lately realizes how big beverage servings have become. This isn't a new trend, though, seeing as how the same is true of cups you get at any fast food restaurant. I got a large soda before we went in to see Man of Steel - I don't remember how much it cost but it came with free refills which is why after the movie was over I decided to get my cup topped off. One more for the road, as it were. I didn't drink all of the refill (the cup barely fit into the holder in my truck) so when we got home I brought the cup into the house and left it on the kitchen counter. The following morning I took the top off the cup and looked down into the murky, now severely watered down and totally devoid of carbonation left-over Coke. I couldn't help but wonder how much fluid that was as I poured it down the drain. I got out one of our measuring cups (a 1 cup/8 fluid ounce measuring cup) and used water to calculate how many cups my movie theater cup would hold. Turns out this behemoth, without ice and filled to the brim, can hold 6 cups or 48 ounces of fluid. That's the equivalent of 4 cans of soda. And people wonder why things like diabetes and obesity are so prevalent nowadays.
I wrote all that to say this - two people dropped their beverages during the movie, one who was near the front of the theater and another who happened to be sitting directly behind us in a loveseat row. I didn't freak out when I heard the cup hit the floor, thereby jettisoning its contents in a deluge, even though I had a bad feeling my feet were about to get wet. I can honestly say we never felt or saw as much as a dribble of cola on our row, which I can only attribute to some sort of containment apparatus separating the upper and lower rows. There's the off chance that the folks sitting behind us may have expertly deployed whatever napkins they had to try and sop up the spill. (Hopefully the victims of the other spill were as lucky as we were.) Whatever the case, I'm just glad I didn't walk out of that theater with shoes left sticky from almost half a gallon of soda.
The topic of children and movie theaters is a touchy subject. As a theater owner/operator, you can't not allow someone who is capable of buying a ticket into your establishment (a justifiable exception being people who are under the influence or who might pose a danger to themselves and others). Doing so would be contrary to everything for which our capitalistic society stands. This is why business people and theater patrons alike have to hope that parents and their children don't do anything while watching a movie that would inspire violence. I can't tell you how many times I've had a perfectly good cinematic experience get ruined by some kid or their parental unit(s). At this point, it's almost like an understood, expected casualty of war. You know when you buy your ticket that there's a chance you're going to walk out of that theater having thought about whether or not you could justifiably gut-punch a child or otherwise wish a plague of boils upon their mom & dad for having brought them out of the house in the first place.
Personally, I think parents have to know their child before making the decision to bring them to a theater. This means realizing that kids of a certain age shouldn't be in a theater, period, specifically babies or any child so immature that they stand to have an emotional outburst during the picture. Not only is this a potential distraction to others inside the theater but what are you, as a parent, getting out of going to the movies if you have to spend 20-30 minutes in the lobby trying to satiate Junior's shivering fits? It doesn't make sense from either point of view, is what I'm getting at.
Older kids who are either undisciplined or just plain unsupervised is a different matter entirely. Babies can't help that they're babies but kids who are old enough to know better and act-out anyway should be dealt with in a way that is efficient and effective. In an ideal world, they'd get one warning then out comes the duct tape (the stuff is truly limitless in its use). In reality, we're left having to wonder why their parents aren't doing their jobs. Theater etiquette should be taught at an early age, and refresher courses should be offered to adults seeing as how there are a lot of people out there who have no idea what it means to observe courtesy towards others while watching a movie.
I'm not attempting to say that I was a perfect child or that I never did anything to disrupt the moving-going experience of someone else. Sure, I acted out as a child while at the movies and even in church. You want
to know what happened to me when I did? Grandpa's finger meeting the back
of my skull in a flicking motion that was, in all honesty, like getting
hit with a Louisville Slugger. It hurt and I didn't appreciate it at the time, but I'm a grown man and I know that if he hadn't cared enough to direct my behavior I might be in a very different position right now. My point being that children should be loved and nurtured but that they also need discipline in some form or another. How would the world be different right now if the word discipline had never become unjustifiably synonymous with abuse, we'll never know.
There's that pesky soap box again, always getting underneath me when I'm trying to write...
I just spent three paragraphs harping on why kids and movie theaters don't mix, whereas I could write a piece the size of a senior thesis as to why a lot of adults shouldn't ever be allowed to set foot inside a theater. Seeing as how the length of this blog entry is getting out of hand, instead of charging a multi-pronged assault on those theater patrons who are old enough to know but too ignorant to do so, I'll focus on one aspect of their behavior which is consistently and persistently disruptive, that being the usage of cellular phones.
Movie theater chains have done what they can, for the most part, through signage and various pre-movie public service announcement campaigns in an attempt to dissuade customers from whipping out their phone during a screening. (Not only have they made a point to state how annoying it is for someone to engage in a conversation during a movie, they've also gone so far as to tie in visibly using a phone to potential copyright infringement. Plus, they tack on the incredibly intimidating and overly emphatic seal of the National Intellectual Property Rights Coordination Center, just for good measure.) The only problem with this strategy is that it trusts people to police themselves when people are, pardon my French, assholes by in large meaning they don't care about ruining the experience of someone else. They've apparently never been distracted from a pivotal scene in a movie by the veritable spotlight that blasts upwards out of someone's lap into the darkness of the theater after they've activated the screen of their phone. I see this happen all the time and I'm never sure what's going on; that could be someone checking their Twitter feed or it could be the people of Gotham City sending out a distress signal to Batman. The bottom line here, in my opinion, is that if you're so important that you can't be separated from your phone for 2 or 3 hours you probably have no business being in a theater. By all means, stay home - the world may need you at a moment's notice!
Even with my musings and complaints about how people can affect a night at the theater, I must admit there's something about the communal experience of taking in a film together as a group (or mob, as is sometimes the case). The shared reactions and emotions are quite the thing to behold. I guess you could say that it's part of the magic of the movies. All I know for sure is that I'm glad I don't have to go to the movies by myself anymore, thanks to the cute little blonde girl I call my wife being by my side. I never do get tired of how it feels when she squeezes my hand during a tense moment of a film. It reminds me that she's there, it reminds me that we're together, and it reminds me that we'll always be connected.
No comments:
Post a Comment