[SIDE NOTE: If you're familiar with my typical commentary style, with this particular topic you might be expecting me to make light of stereotypes or otherwise pigeon-hole people into personality categories which may not be entirely accurate for the sake of comedy. Congratulations, you just pigeon-holed yours beardly - welcome to the club! (Sadly, there will be no punch nor pie...)
I realize that my doing so may offend some people who take their training regimen seriously, however these are my observances and while I haven't engaged in a Freudian-esque study of personalities I feel like I've spent enough time around this particular population to have formed an educated (albeit admittedly misguided) opinion. Thus, if you should find yourself feeling unfairly categorized, I'm sorry that you can't take a joke.]
+ Athletes
This category doesn't require much in the way of exposition as they are exactly what you'd expect - men and women who either are or were at one point in their lives involved in competitive sports, and who are working in an effort to hone their abilities. They spend untold hours in the gym lifting weights and improving their cardiovascular conditioning. Their bodies are amazing examples of human achievement in the realm of physical fitness.
I have a significant respect for athletes as they've dedicated their very existence, in some cases, to a specific activity and are quite skilled in most cases. I also happen to loathe them because of the fact that I am an envious, out-of-shape, armchair-everything with self-image issues who hasn't been involved in competitive sports since youth league basketball (which was during a period in time where young players like myself were made to wear white shorts that hung just above the middle of the thigh as part of our uniforms). I was a monster back then, I tell you - a veritable Dwight Howard amongst 9 year-olds! Proof of this is the fact that my most vivid memory from my playing days was when I got a rebound on defense then proceeded to score a bucket for our opponents by taking a shot while everyone else ran to the other side of the court.
Clearly, I missed my calling.
+ Gym Rats
Not far removed from the "Athletes" category is the "Gym Rats", the primary difference being essentially their attitudes, personality, or presentation. They may or may not have, at some point in their lives, been an athlete or otherwise involved in some form of competitive play. As such, they are admirably attempting to maintain their fitness level but not necessarily hoping to improve their abilities. However, unlike athletes - who approach their workout with a sense of seriousness and near professionalism - these are people who come to the gym to work out and who want you to know that they are there to work out.
Their presence will be reasonably easy to spot. Their workout attire will typically be of designer quality, often including labels of top brands like Nike and Under Armor (shirts with chest-thumping motivational slogans are popular amongst this classification). They will be equipped with the latest and greatest of media playing devices, which will also be displayed prominently as components of their attire. The fact that most exercise rooms are adorned with mirrors (why they are a mainstay in gyms is something I've never figured out) allows them a chance to preen and posture, not only for the sake of their own egos but also to assert themselves as being an alpha amongst deltas, for lack of a better phrase.
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| Spot me, bro - SPOT ME! |
You will hear them talking above everyone else in the room, more than likely, and the context of their conversations (held with people whom they may or may not even be acquaintances of) will involve topics such as exercise techniques, rep counts, discussion on the use and effectiveness of various dietary supplements (sometimes including the use of steroids), and almost certainly talk of how well they're doing with it all (I guess you can't knock their positivity, arrogant though it may be). Indeed, it is their gym - we just happen to be paying dues to use it.
+ The Health-Conscious
Undoubtedly the most population-dense category, the "Health-Conscious" are your average Joe's (and Jill's) who realize that they might be able to better themselves and their quality of life by engaging in a bit of regular calisthenics. There's nothing flashy or distinguishable about them as they are your typical, everyday people trying to do the best they can with what they've got. They may enlist the assistance of physical trainers in an effort to overcome their not having been involved in exercise programs previously, but they are also likely to have done their own independent research in attempting to develop an exercise routine that will benefit them.
My wife and I definitely fall into this particular group as we're both at a stage in life where we realize that we're not kids anymore and that we could enjoy what will hopefully be many years together if we make strides to improve our bodies through exercise and physical activity. I have to say that my wife has done a phenomenal job in making strides at being a more healthy individual. In addition to regularly working out, she also subscribes to Weight Watchers and their program has been an immense help to her in identifying healthy decisions as it relates to our diet. I say "our" because of the fact that she prepares most of our meals, meaning I'm kind of involved by proxy. She's been on the Weight Watchers program for around 6 months and has lost just shy of 50 pounds, which is a remarkable feat and a stellar example of willpower, needless to say.
Seeing her processes for choosing what to eat as well as what constitutes an adequate portion has made me more conscientious about the foods I eat but also how much I'm eating. I'll willfully admit to never having been encouraged in this regard during my youth as my family isn't exactly made up of what you'd call "light eaters". We're a husky bunch and while there's nothing necessarily wrong with that there are moments where I look at myself in the mirror and wish someone would've come along and slapped the bag of Doritos off my lap. But, as the Green Goblin once said, "We are who we choose to be..." - I'm responsible for myself, ultimately, and while I can't change the past I can hopefully affect the future.
+ Socialites
I have a fair amount of friends (483, according to Facebook) and I'm sure you do, too. Life would be very boring without these relationships, needless to say, and I would never encourage someone to be a social recluse (unless you're of the hermit/uni-bomber variety, then so be it) but there are occasions where people's attempts at connecting with one another can be an impediment to progress. "Progress", in this case, being the fact that I can't use the arm curl machine because you're sitting on it while you and your buddy are busy chatting each other up instead of actually doing any work. Hence the class of gym folk I've dubbed "Socialites".
"Socialites" have the potential to share characteristics with other groups. Consistent exposure to their kind will allow you to identify the differences, perhaps the most noticeable of which is that their workouts don't consist of much actual work. You may see them spend 5 minutes on an elliptical machine followed by 30 minutes yammering on to another of their ilk or some unfortunate soul who just so happened to have gotten snared in by their aura of friendliness and who doesn't have the capacity to shrug them out of their life. Therein lies their trickery; they may come off as being an "Athlete" or "Health-Conscious" when in reality they're in the gym because it allows them to work the one well-defined muscle group they have, that being about the jaw and throat.
Arguably the most annoying aspect of the "Socialite" is that they are also prone to being the sort of person who has a stubborn growth coming out one or other of their ears which extends all the way down to the corresponding hand on that side of their body. By that I mean they can't stop yakking on their precious cell phone to save their lives! The more evolved among them may have adapted to wear a Bluetooth headset, which doesn't so much improve their standing among the rest of gym-folk culture as it does make them appear to be insane seeing as how they look as if they're talking aloud to themselves (or, more accurately, the voices in their heads) 9/10's of the time.
I haven't mentioned up until now that there are a set of posted rules of use in the exercise room at the YMCA, one of them being to respect the fact that other people may want to use a piece of equipment by not treating it like it's a bar stool at the pub. (There's also one against cell phone usage, ironically enough.) The difficulty with a rule like this is that very few people genuinely want to be perceived as a douche-bag, and an attempt at enforcing this one would more than likely land you in exactly that group (at least it would in the eyes of the guilty offender whereas they might be heralded as a national hero by the rest of us). I'm assuming this is why I've never seen a member of the YMCA's staff be so forward as to encourage a patron to move along for the sake of someone else. Be that as it may, a rule that doesn't get enforced isn't a "rule" (I would settle for a mild suggestion at this point) and you shouldn't take the job if you don't want to handle the duties.
+ Hangers-On
Closely associated to the "Socialite" is the classification known as the "Hangers-On". You might say that the two have something of a symbiotic relationship as the "Hangers-On" often rely greatly upon their proximity to "Socialites" in order to gain access to the gym environment. They are hardly ever paying members, rather they make use of freebies or cheap day-passes, thus displaying their generally non-committal state of mind. For while a "Hanger-On" will exude a certain amount of dedication to their current "Socialite", they are prone to being fickle. Should they identify a more agreeable "Socialite" to which they may attach themselves in order to improve their existence, they will not hesitate to do so.
Whether or not the colored wristbands the "Hangers-On" are issued by the YMCA are for the purpose of limiting their access to certain areas of the facility or for marking them as not yet being one of us (said with a droning monotone) remains to be seen. The latter would seem to be the more likely as it would alert staff that this person is a potential client, meaning if they do their part to woo them accordingly it could wind up that this temporary visitor might decide to become a full member, thereby willingly parting with greater than $50 per month for the right to walk through the front door as they please. Of course, the "Socialite" to which they are attached may have some bearing on this decision as well; in fact, I postulate that the level of inter-dependence between the "Socialite" and "Hanger-On" in question is the determining factor. What are bros for, after all?
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