The Imminent Demise of TNA Wrestling

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrote this entry a month or so ago and have been sitting on it as I wasn't sure if it was going to be worth publishing. TNA is a boat that is still teetering, and so it appears this was a worthwhile effort after all. However, things have changed a bit since I last edited the piece, namely the fact that Hulk Hogan appears to have left TNA for at least the time being as his contract was not renewed. I'm not sure how much they were paying him, but that's a sizable burden lifted off the company's back as his presence never equated to improved ratings numbers. Aside from Hogan, the list of stars who have either left TNA or not had their deals renewed includes names such as Matt Morgan, Crimson, Kid Kash, Joey Ryan, Mickie James, Lisa Marie Varon (Victoria/Tara), Ken Anderson (Mr. Kennedy), D'Lo Brown, Devon Dudley, Bruce Prichard, and Luke Gallows (Festus/DOC). Also of note is the fact that every "winner" from the TNA GutCheck Challenge (which was a contest TNA sponsored in an effort to find new talent from the independent pro wrestling scene) has been released other than 2, those being Lei'D Tapa and Wes Brisco.]

I haven't written anything on my blog about professional wrestling in quite some time. Not since May of this year, as a matter of fact, when I put together a review of Chikara Pro Wrestling's "The Ghost of You Clings" event which was held in Porterdale, Georgia (be sure to check it out for yourself, if you haven't already, via this link - The Truesdales Went Down to Georgia). I still watch wrestling several days a week, so don't start thinking that I've given up on paying attention to the goings on of events inside (and outside) the squared circle. I've hung around through what have been some fairly dark days for the wrestling business as it relates to the in-ring product and I'm not about to abandon ship now, seeing as how things are mostly on the up-tick - for World Wrestling Entertainment, at least. Not so much for their competitor, Total Non-stop Action Wrestling.

If you read the title of this blog entry, you already have an idea of where I'm going with this topic. I want to say first and foremost that I do not have a desire for TNA Wrestling to close up shop. I'm not one of these fans who thinks TNA needs to be wiped off the face of the Earth because of decisions made by the higher-ups in the company. Far from it, honestly, as I would love to find myself again in a situation like I did when I was in high school where I had to pick and choose which show I was going to watch on which night (RAW or Nitro? Smackdown or Thunder?). What's more, were TNA to fold that would mean there's one less spot for men and women to work and earn a living doing something they love; that's bad news (potentially of the dream crushing kind), no matter how you look at it.

This is not an attempt to throw dirt on the still-warm body of a company that is, as of this writing, the closest competition WWE has in both the national and global professional wrestling market. The problem is that they're number two (there are a lot of number threes - Ring of Honor and Pro Wrestling Guerrilla are the most well-known among them but quite a few regional independent companies have made strides in growing their audiences lately) and they're losing ground to number one (that being WWE). I mean that metaphorically as well as literally.

Over the course of the past couple years, WWE began a process of revamping their talent development system, which typically gets referred to simply as "developmental". There was a point in time where WWE maintained relationships with several smaller entities such as Ohio Valley Wrestling, Deep South Wrestling, and Florida Championship Wrestling. They eventually severed ties with OVW (which, ironically enough, is now used by TNA as their version of a developmental system) and DSW, then converted FCW into what has become the definitive incarnation of their NXT brand (which itself went through several iterations before settling into its current state).

From a tactical perspective, this all made sense. FCW was based in Tampa, Florida which is also where quite a few members of the WWE roster call home. (PRO-TIP: If you make a lot of money, it's a good idea to live where there's no state income tax.) The facility FCW occupied wasn't enough for WWE, though, as they wanted to hone their talent using training techniques typically reserved for professional athletes as well as state of the art production equipment for producing TV and web content. Enter Full Sail University, a "technical college" for lack of a better phrase based in Orlando specializing in educating students with a desire to work in the fields of entertainment and media.

WWE began taping NXT at Full Sail in the summer of 2012, and the product was an immediate success with wrestling fans even though it wasn't readily available in the United States (and still isn't; NXT is broadcast internationally but US fans can only see it by way of the Hulu Plus streaming service). Why was it so successful? In my eyes, it was for two reasons.

1) A renewed focus on in-ring action as opposed to excessive talking, promos, and backstage segments
2) An opportunity for fans like myself to finally see top independent stars compete under the bright lights of WWE

Obviously there's no good to putting all this effort into developing talent if there's no talent to work with. This is why WWE made the brilliant move to begin signing some of the best talent available on the independent circuit. Guys like Chris Hero, El Generico, Pac, and a host of others. They may not be on television anytime soon but their being signed means they also won't be on a competitor's programming thanks to developmental deals with WWE making them exclusive to the company.

I am a confessed huge fan of NXT. I dig the show and its format, so much so that there have been times where I've woken up early on the day a new episode gets released just to watch it before I have to get ready to go to work. It's very reminiscent of the kind of wrestling TV shows I watched as a kid, and the talent featured there is fantastic.

The icing on the cake of WWE's Florida initiative was the assembly of the WWE Performance Center (also in Orlando), a pro wrestling mega-gym that's about as robust as could be in terms of serving as an all-around training facility for up and coming WWE Superstars. The Performance Center features exercise and recovery suites, 7 training rings, production areas, and more.

With the opening of the Performance Center, WWE's position in central Florida became cemented. This is relevant to the discussion here because there was a point in time in the history of professional wrestling where large companies existed all over the nation in a territorial system. Borders were established and promoters mostly kept to within their own confines. This system was destroyed, most would agree, when Vince McMahon, Jr. began taking the best talent from each territory and bringing them into his World Wrestling Federation. It's fitting, then, that McMahon would continue his reign by claiming central Florida for his own.

Why Orlando? Because that's where TNA lives - well, lived, I should say, seeing as how they've effectively been run out of town by the Goliath that is WWE.

TNA Wrestling started out more than 10 years ago as a subsidiary of the National Wrestling Alliance, and at that time was called NWA-TNA. The company started off by running weekly pay-per-view events from Nashville, Tennessee which is still considered to be their base of operations. In 2004, they made a bold leap towards advancing themselves as they moved into a sound stage on the property of Universal Studios Orlando which they referred to as the Impact Zone. It was a great opportunity because it meant they would have access to a self-contained production facility. Even better, because of the fact that the stage was connected to one of the most popular theme parks in the world it meant TNA would have easy access to an audience. Not necessarily always a pro wrestling audience or one that was paying for tickets (I believe the only events held in the Impact Zone for which tickets were sold were pay-per-views), but tourists who couldn't resist the allure of participating in an actual TV taping. No one complained because butts in seats look better than empty seats on TV, obviously.

Around March of this year, TNA announced that they were going to be leaving Universal, choosing instead to take their TV tapings on the road. That's not a bad idea, so long as the company can afford to endure the costs of travel related to mobile production - money, in other words, and that's where TNA either is or isn't in trouble these days depending on what you read.

[SIDE NOTE: According to BestOfOrlando.com, there are rumors that a restaurant currently in operation inside the Universal CityWalk (which is a shopping and dining district situated between the Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure theme parks) will be closing soon; this space would then be renovated in order to become a combination of a pro wrestling-themed restaurant and a physical location for the WWE Hall of Fame.]

When the announcement was made that TNA would be leaving the Impact Zone, the stated reasoning for the move was that it was a cost-cutting measure. In addition, they reduced the number of live pay-per-view events for 2013 from 12 down to 5 and there have been quite a few terminations of personnel, both on-air talent and people working behind the scenes. No big deal, right? Plenty of companies have had to tighten the old belt here lately as the economy in this country still isn't out of the tank yet.

It was revealed within the past two months that TNA has recently been several weeks to a month late in paying some of their talent. That's bad, and from a historical perspective it's been an indicator of the beginning of the end for wrestling promotions as this happened in both ECW and WCW. We all know how things turned out for those two companies.

You need look no further than the audiences that attend TNA's live events for validation of my statements. I challenge you to watch an episode of Impact and count the number of people you see in the crowd wearing WWE-branded apparel or how many kids are sporting a replica WWE championship belt. Now look at how many people in the crowd are wearing TNA apparel. It's a lopsided ratio if ever there was one.

This would come off as an iffy move from the standpoint of a company forcing its fans into a mold (which isn't anything new in terms of wrestling; for years WWE has policed signs fans bring into their TV tapings - I know because I've had several signs confiscated), but if I were in charge of TNA's live events I would push for a policy which states no one comes into our show wearing another company's gear. (A great way to respond to negative comments about this would be to offer that patron a free shirt featuring the logo or likeness of their favorite TNA wrestler - free stuff tends to silence complainers and when you're already purging millions of dollars a year on talent dropping a $5 shirt every so often isn't going to hurt.) I'm sorry but you don't give the competition any sort of a freebie, not even so much as a logo on a t-shirt.

Like I said earlier, TNA is considered to be the #2 company in the world but they're not gaining ground on the competition. You can blame that on any number of things, from their overall strategy to hiring aging stars (Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Sting, Scott Steiner - I could go on but you get the idea) as opposed to focusing on the continued development of young talent, to trying too hard to make their product something that's too similar to WWE. The bottom line is that unless they right the ship soon, the whole thing is going to go under and it will go down in history as being one of the most tragic demises in the whole of professional wrestling.

Notice I'm not being so bold as to suggest ways of fixing this debacle. I think it can be done but I'm just a fan with a blog, remember - what do I know?

The Medieval Times Experience - Myrtle Beach, SC Edition

I don't remember the exact date of the first show I went to at Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina but I do know that it was with my family during one of our vacations to the coast. I want to say it was in the late 1990s when I was still in my teens and not long after this particular Medieval Times location had been launched. Ours is one of the newer castles, having opened its doors - er, drawbridge (Yeah, that's it!) in 1996.

I was a fan instantly after that first exposure as the whole of the experience was amazing to me; it appealed to multiple aspects of my personality seeing as how I've always been interested in medieval warfare and I don't know any little boy (even those of us who happen to be masquerading as grown men) who doesn't get a kick out of action sequences like those from movies involving things like horses, swordplay and fisticuffs. I guess it tickles that same part of my childish brain that draws me to something like professional wrestling.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I've become one of their best customers, however I will tell you that I've been to at least 6 performances at this particular location over the course of roughly the past 5 years which represents the length of time that my wife & I have been together (we dated for about 2 years and have been married a little more than 3). Yes, my wife comes with me to Medieval Times - yes, she enjoys the experience just as much as I do or at least I think she does. She may only be in it for the tomato bisque; I'm fine with that, so long as it means I don't have to be the creepy guy who comes to Medieval Times by himself.

In case you weren't aware, Medieval Times is an action-packed dinner show the setting of which is that of medieval Spain involving knights of the realm who compete in a jousting tournament but also highlights such things as horsemanship and falconry. Why Spain and not England or somewhere else in Europe? Because the Medieval Times brand actually began in Majorca, Spain back in 1973. The brand would migrate to the United States a decade later when the first North American castle debuted - that being the Kissimmee, Florida location - in 1983. 8 more locations have opened since then, each of which run multiple performances per week year round. It's a huge operation that employs a multitude of individuals and South Carolina is fortunate to have a castle to call its own.

The Medieval Times experience begins the moment you walk through the doors. In our case, we typically will go to the castle to procure our tickets although you can just as easily purchase them online or by phone in advance. I kind of like that opportunity to see the interior of the space when it's not packed from wall to wall with patrons. You get a much better sense of just how large the facility actually is.

A Google Maps view of the building - smart idea to make the roof a billboard as Myrtle Beach's airport is nearby.

A ground-level view of the Myrtle Beach castle's entrance - sadly, there is no moat.

I will say this upfront about Medieval Times; the tickets are not cheap. A non-discounted adult ticket will set you back $50.95. (That's for the 2013 season at the Myrtle Beach castle, the admission fee varies from one location to another.) I say "non-discounted" because there are ways of getting a lower cost ticket as you can find coupons available locally or you can sometimes get discount codes online via the Medieval Times website as well as others. (There are pagodas in most of the nearby shopping malls that offer discounted tickets but you have to hear the sales pitch for whatever product they're hawking in order to get the deal.) I think the coupons may get you as much as $10-$15 off, which isn't bad by any means. What's more, if you take the time to sign up for the King's Court (their email distribution service) you'll get a free ticket for your birthday that can be used throughout your birth month. This is what my wife & I did for our most recent visit to the Myrtle Beach location as my wife's birthday happens to be during the month of September. Her freebie combined with the fact that all regular tickets had been discounted to $35 in celebration of Medieval Times' 30th year of operation meant the two of us got dinner and the show for around $40. Take it from me, that's a sweet deal!

Notice that I used the phrase "regular tickets" towards the end of that last paragraph. The base ticket price will get you in the door with a spot in one of the standard seating areas with a full 3 course meal (more on the vittles later). There are upgrades available in the form of what are referred to as Royalty packages. You can choose from either the Royalty package or the King's Royalty package. (I'm not going to take the time to detail what they include, rather if you want more information on them visit this page.) We opted for the King's Royalty package earlier this year more so than anything because we'd never done it before. It was nice and the included group photo was quite good but when you consider the fact that it's an extra $20 per person, it's not something that I would necessarily encourage you to do. If you want to make it a memorable evening, maybe, but even so I think most people would have a hard time justifying the extra expense considering what you get in return.

Once you have your tickets in hand and you prepare to enter the castle you are recognized as a lord or lady of the realm, meaning the admissions staff will assign you to a seating section denoted by the color of armor your unique knight happens to wear. There are 6 knights; Green, Red, Red & Yellow, Black & White, Blue, and Yellow. I believe they have names (I was right!) and they're meant to represent geographical regions of Spain from the era. More importantly is the fact that this is the stage in the procession where you receive your crown, which of course must be worn at all times lest ye be mistaken for a commoner whilst on the grounds.

PRO TIP: The castle will open roughly an hour and fifteen minutes prior to showtime. The time that you arrive and are processed through admissions is the determining factor as to what knight for who you'll be cheering. Guests are seated in such a way as to make the sections comparable in terms of their population so that they don't wind up having 20 people cheering for the Blue knight and 160 cheering for the Black & White knight. Sometimes the admissions staff will be able to accommodate a seating request but not always. In other words, don't arrive at 5:40 PM for a 6 PM show thinking you will be able to sit wherever you want.

From there you'll be ushered into a photography area where you'll be posed with either the King or his daughter, the Princess. The photos are not included in standard admission; if you would like to keep your photo you'll have to pay for it when a member of the staff brings them around during the tournament, unless that is you opted for one of the Royalty upgrades that involve your photo. The quality of these pictures is usually fairly high although the skills of the photographer you get will vary. I'm not certain but I want to say they will set you back in the area of $15.

From there you're able to make your way into the Great Hall, which is more or less an assembly area where all the lords & ladies of the realm (that's you, remember - staff at Medieval Times will always address a patron as either "My Lord" or "My Lady") gather prior to the tournament. You'll notice a pattern has started to emerge here as every stage I've described thus far has presented a variety of situations where guests can be separated from their money with haste. The Great Hall is perhaps the most prolific example of this as it contains a number of bars and souvenir stands.

A panoramic view of the Great Hall; from left to right, the torture chamber, main entrance, gift shop, and bar.

The second floor of the Great Hall; from left to right, the dance floor, Red/Black & White/Yellow entrance, bar, Green/Red & Yellow/Blue entrance, gift shop and restrooms

The bars are full service, offering both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. You can get your beverage served in a number of various collectable mugs, goblets, etc., all of which are available at an additional charge. Truth be told, to my knowledge there are no cups for which you will not be charged. The most low-end cup you can get is a plastic cup that has a series of animated holograms on it. Obviously you don't have to buy a drink but to give you some idea of how much markup we're talking about when it comes to the price of beverages due to their being served as described, on our most recent visit I paid $17 for a Sam Adams' Oktoberfest draft and a virgin strawberry daiquiri.

The souvenir stands are loaded with overpriced baubles, generally speaking - everything from children's toys to replica swords and shields. I've never seen anyone buy a sword so for all I know the blades there now are the same ones that were there when the castle first opened.

Also in the Great Hall is the Torture Chamber, a display of - you guessed it - medieval torture devices that can be viewed for - you guessed it - an additional fee. (I do not think Torture Chamber admission comes with any of the seating packages, even the King's Royalty. It's been a while since we went through the Torture Chamber, but I want to say admission to it was around $2.) All I will say about it is that it's a brief exhibit featuring items that range from the perverse to being downright ghastly in nature. I find it amazing the sort of things we humans have managed to come up with over the ages in the name of harming one another.

In wrapping up my comments about the Great Hall, I'll mention that guests celebrating a special event may choose to participate in a knighting ceremony where the King will declare the individual an official knight of the realm. ("Special event" meaning virtually anything under the sun - I've seen people get knighted for anything from graduating college to their first visit to Medieval Times. One cool thing we saw on our most recent visit during the knighting ceremony was a guy proposing to his girlfriend while she was being knighted.) This, too, comes at an additional charge of around $20 but I believe you get a commemorative photo as well as a printed scroll.

I've talked about expenses a lot up until this point. For the sake of looking at this from a logistical perspective, here's an example of what you might be spending for an evening at Medieval Times; these figures are all based on two adults with regular admission.

- Admission: $50.95 x 2 = $101.90 (not counting tax)
- Commemorative Photo w/King or Princess: $15
- Beverages: $20 ($3 tip included)
- Knighting Ceremony: $20
- Torture Chamber Admission: $2 x 2 = $4
- GRAND TOTAL: $160.90

It's entirely possible to spend upwards of $200 for an evening at Medieval Times, and that's for only two people. For what it's worth, that $200 would make for a very memorable experience, especially if you were taking a child, but it's not necessary to spend that much. My wife & I typically go for the most bare-bones combination possible and we have never had a bad experience.

Finally, after much fanfare and celebration in the Great Hall, you'll be called to your section inside the arena. There's a procession to it as one section at a time will be allowed in so as to not cause a stampede. I may be wrong but I believe the order of entry at the Myrtle Beach castle is usually this: Green, Red, Red & Yellow, Black & White, Blue, Yellow.

A panoramic view of the arena - to the right you can see one of the servers giving instruction on who to boo

The arena is massive - I have no idea how many guests the place could hold at maximum capacity but I would hazard a guess and say there's seating for at least 1,000 souls therein. (As you enter the arena, pay attention to areas that appear to be draped off; these are auxiliary seating sections that are kept covered when not in use.) It could rival certain small-to-medium athletic facilities meant for sporting events, and along those lines I would estimate that the actual floor of the arena where the action takes place is roughly the same size as a hockey rink or basketball court. Once you're seated, all you need to do is settle in and get comfortable because the main event of the evening is about to unfold before you - it's a double-header as you've got a feast as well as a tournament to enjoy!

Your server will introduce you to the particulars of the meal by making you aware of several factors, most notably that you'll be dining without the aid of silverware. Don't worry, you don't need it - and yes, plenty of wet and dry napkins will be available for when you're done. The only metal objects you'll come in contact with are the plates and bowls upon which your food will be served. When it comes to your beverage, you have a choice of Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, tea, or water and there will be two rounds of whatever you choose (your initial fill-up plus one refill, in other words). Alcoholic beverages are not included in the meal and your server will not bring you one, however you do have the option of either going back out to the bars in the Great Hall or waiting until a barmaid (yes, you read that right) comes by offering to fetch you something.

In regard to the service you receive during the meal, the folks attending to you are waiters and waitresses who happen to be serving potentially upwards of 50 people at a time. While they are more than able to attend to your specific needs, do realize that they've got a lot of mouths to serve. At the same time, also realize that they are working very hard in dim lighting to make you as happy as possible - tipping is always appreciated.

The meal itself consists of three courses - an appetizer, the main course, and desert. The appetizer comes in the form of a piping hot bowl of tomato bisque served with a piece of buttery garlic toast (I believe the style of bread varies from one location to another; in our castle it's more or less a piece of Texas toast with garlic & herbs). Remember how in the previous paragraph I mentioned that the plates and bowls are metal? Keep that in mind when you reach for the blistering handle of your soup bowl and prepare to press your tender lips against its scalding hot rim. I'm not kidding here as you could easily burn yourself. (PRO TIP: To avoid burning your fingers, wrap your napkin around the handle of your soup bowl.) Your main course is a combination of three items, those being a spare rib, half of a roasted chicken, and half of an herb-crusted baked potato. The chicken is the real star of the show for me but the ribs are fantastic as well. Last but not least, for desert you'll receive an apple turnover as well as a cup of coffee if you would like one.

Your place setting at Medieval Times; the metal plates are great but DO NOT bang them against one another.

Finally, it's time to get down as only 6 medieval knights know how! The tournament festivities begin with introductions for the King and his court as well as each knight. Handling the introductions in Myrtle Beach is none other than Sir David of Macedonia, a performer who has been at this particular location for almost as long as I've been coming to Medieval Times if not longer (Sir David is something of an emcee of the entire nights proceedings as he also welcomes guests and does announcements in the Great Hall). Next you're treated to a series of examples of horsemanship featuring some incredible work by handler and horse alike. It really can't be overstated as to how amazing these animals are when seen in an environment like this. In between these segments of the program you'll also witness a display of falconry, which is an ancient technique where hunters would employ trained birds of prey.

Prior to the knights engaging in the joust, they'll go through a series of challenging skill-based games several of which involve using a lance to skewer a small ring suspended from a scaffold. That's a task that comes off to me as trying to thread a needle while hanging out the window of a car. Similarly, the knights take aim while on horseback with a javelin as they ride full speed towards a small target hung above their entry point to the arena. In addition, the knights will participate in a relay race as well as a challenge whereby they have to ride side-by-side with one of their rivals, keeping pace while tossing a small flagpole between one another. It goes without saying that the knights are tremendous athletes who truly are in command of their physical conditioning and horsemanship. When a knight is successful in one of these challenges, he receives several flowers from the Princess which he'll then distribute to certain of the ladies in his gallery.

The joust and the combat that follows is the main attraction of the tournament, needless to say. It's very exciting to see the knights set lance to shield, as Sir David would say, but the real kicker for me is the swordplay as the knights use a variety of medieval weaponry against one another, all in the name of winning the tournament. This is where I can draw a lot of comparisons between this show and professional wrestling as the outcome of the tournament is, of course, predetermined. What, you thought these guys are just going out there and winging it? No, there's a script in play and a plot does unfold during the course of the tournament. I won't go into detail regarding what the story involves so as to not give it away. All I will say is that I've seen several iterations of the Medieval Times show and the most recent revision that's out now is the best one yet (I can remember when the program involved a wizard and the Green knight was always a villain - not so anymore, thankfully).

A panoramic view of the arena with the knights and their servants during the introductions.

As it stands, you've got 1-in-6 odds of cheering for the knight who wins the tournament and is recognized as the champion of the realm. I honestly don't know that we've ever cheered for the knight who won, although I could be wrong. At this point we're just trying to make sure that we've been seated once in at least every section, and we're 5/6's of the way to that goal as the only section we've never sat in is that of the Yellow knight.

All things totaled, the Medieval Times experience is incredibly unique and it's something that I feel anyone who visits Myrtle Beach should do at least once. Yes, it's a gimmicky dinner show and it's expensive, but so is everything else in Myrtle Beach. Besides, if you're in Myrtle Beach you're more than likely on vacation - if you can't cut loose and do something fun while you're on vacation, you probably need expensive pharmacology and perhaps a psychiatrist. Or maybe just more rum - either way, take it from me when I say that Medieval Times is a great night out that you and your family can enjoy together.

Adventures in Jewelry Repair, Oddly Worded Advertisements, and Flaming Lean Pockets!

When I sat down to start writing this entry, I looked back over my posts from the past because I thought I had begun using a specific title for submissions like this one which are a big bag of randomness with no real cohesive core topic other than that they're all my personal life experiences or observations made during said experiences. Low and behold, I apparently never came up with a recurring title for this sort of thing. I need to work on that - I have my Movie Review Round-Up series (which is more than likely MIA for the time being seeing as how the Summer movie season is over), and I know I'm going to have future publications that fall into this category of being completely disjointed in nature, so it only makes sense to try and develop a moniker to label them as such. They would seem to play into the title of this here blog, Redbeard's Rambling. Rambling for the Sake of Rambling? Random Rambles/Rambling? I like both of those but I'm going to see what else I can come up with; if you, my dear reader, have any suggestions feel free to contact me with them. But for now, on with the show!

Adventures in Jewelry Repair

When I purchased my wife's engagement ring and wedding band from Reeds Jewelers, I popped for an optional extended warranty plan along with it. I figured if I was already paying close to $2,000 for a piece of jewelry I might as well take a few extra steps to take special care of the thing seeing as how it's a big investment in my eyes, albeit one that is physically very small. The warranty covers more or less everything under the sun when it comes to repairs, however it does nothing for us regarding replacement were it to be lost or stolen. The way it was described to me, the warranty is so thorough that if the rings were shattered into pieces so long as we could return the stones and metal they would be able to make the ring whole. (Trust me, I'm in no rush to test that claim.) Other items also included on the coverage were resizing, rhodium plating, cleaning, and the like. General maintenance, in other words, all things geared towards keeping that rock on my wife's finger shining like it were brand new.

And it's a good thing that I did choose to purchase this warranty because my wife managed to dislodge one of the stones from the setting of her engagement ring not long after I'd given it to her. How, I have no idea - I just remember the day it happened as being full of tears (for her) and thoughts along the lines of (earmuffs, kids) "Well, what the f#&^ am I supposed to do now?" from me. Fortunately, by the grace of the good Lord above, she found the stone and we were able to get it repaired. What's more, the jeweler at Reeds who did the repairs went so far as to modify the ring so that the stones were, as he put it, "sitting in a basket".

My wife's ring, prior to getting its "basket" modification

"Basket" sounds better in this context as opposed to cage or box, I guess, right?

The one oddity to the warranty is that it requires us to bring the rings into a Reeds location once every six months so that it can be inspected for any potential issues. They even gave us a little pamphlet to keep up with as the clerk performing the inspection notates their having seen the ring in it. My wife and I have been married for more than 3 years now and we've been faithful to that requirement as every six months I find myself having to wander into a store that is essentially a mine field. "We're just here to get the rings checked", I say to myself while we're there. "Keep her on track and don't let her wander around, lest you find yourself dropping another couple grand on overpriced baubles..." Don't get me wrong - it's not that I don't want my wife to have nice things, I just know that there are a lot more useful things in this world than jewelry that could be purchased with that same money (this logical approach to spending brought to you by my overwhelming sense of buyer's remorse).

Low and behold, we were due to bring the ring in this month so the wife and I made our way to the nearest Reeds Jewelers, that being the one within Columbiana Centre near the Harbison Boulevard area of Columbia, South Carolina. (Side note: A fascist was clearly involved in the organization of this mall, else "center" would've been spelled correctly.) It's an okay mall as malls go (very glamorous, lots of white and tile surfaces and plenty of shops smelling of wretched colognes with EDM blaring over their sound systems) but I haven't had much use for shopping malls since video arcades went the way of the Dodo bird. Nevertheless, the mall serves a purpose, and for us on this evening it was to facilitate the continued brilliance of one piece of jewelry.

We entered the store (which is conveniently located near one of the entrances to the mall) and my wife handed over her rings to the nearest clerk who was a young Caucasian woman, more than likely in her early 20s, with brown hair just past her shoulders. She looked like your typical college-aged girl, one who'd probably played sports at some point in her life. She was wearing a low-cut, somewhat tight-fitting dress with white, yellow, and blue stripes that ended just where it would have to in order to defend her modesty.

Why did I go into such detail in describing this clerk? Because quite honestly I'm old enough and wise enough to know a gimmicky retail trap when I see one. Stores like this don't hire girls like her because of their abilities in salesmanship, they hire them because they know some poor schmuck is going to buy something he can't afford because the pretty girl behind the counter told him it looks nice. I saw it happen myself when my wife and I were shopping for her ring. We were in a different store but it was the same set up; attractive girl leaning over jewelry displays showing ample amounts of cleavage gets a guy to buy, you guessed it, a high-end engagement ring and all the while he's staring at her chest like his life depended on it. It's hilarious while it's also demeaning - such is life.

My wife has passed off her ring and the clerk has taken it into the repair shop area of the store for inspection. A few minutes later the clerk returns. Much to my wife's dismay, she informs us that one of the stones is loose and the ring will need to be serviced. Wifey doesn't like to be without her bling, you see, and I don't blame her. Be that as it may, I'm not worried because we've done what we were supposed to and this is exactly the sort of thing that the warranty is supposed to catch. Then the clerk says something along the lines of "There will be a charge for this kind of service..."

Despite what Tits McShortdress believed to be accurate, there would be no charge for tightening the setting. It took a few extra minutes and the assistance of an older, more experienced member of the sales staff (who was a guy - I point that out just because) to verify what my wife and I already knew. I somewhat had the impression that they thought they might be able to get one over on us - no dice, I'm afraid. As it stands, we'll be able to pick the ring up soon and I'm sure it will be immaculate. If it isn't, lets just say I've been playing enough Grand Theft Auto 5 lately to know how to handle the matter.

Oddly Worded Advertisements

Generally speaking, I loathe advertisements. As in to a point where while I'm watching TV I will change the channel from a program I enjoy just to go to another channel with a show I have little to no interest in for the mere fact that they aren't running an ad at the time. This strategy doesn't work consistently, though, because those sneaky networks are in cahoots with one another in that nowadays they all seem to go to commercial at the same time. Hence the reason why I keep my phone or tablet nearby so that I can browse Facebook or Twitter - where I get a completely different set of ads, which I can at least scroll past with haste.

Speaking of online ads, YouTube and Hulu Plus present their own set of annoyances when it comes to the forced consumption of advertising. Hulu Plus is a paid subscription-based service, yet users are still subjected to ads and I have no idea why; you would think since people are paying to get to their content the need for ads would've been eliminated, but no, you still get ads. What's unique about Hulu Plus is the fact that when you're watching via their website and an ad comes on you have the ability to tell Hulu Plus whether or not the ad is pertinent to you. I find this hilarious because I click "no" every time purely out of spite - it hasn't yielded any real change in things, but it does make me feel better, if only for a moment, about having potentially influenced their system.

I tend to watch a fair amount of random videos via the YouTube app on one of my mobile devices. Typically there will be one or two ads per session that get tacked onto the opening of whatever clip it is I happen to be watching. These ads are usually short in length but they are incredibly redundant. I am not kidding when I say that I have been served with the same Booking.com ad no less than 50 times here lately. I would never in my life use Booking.com, simply because of having been inundated with their crappy ad.

I'm going to assume that my brain is an advancement in the continued evolution of our species seeing as how I have the innate ability to not permit advertising to influence my buying habits. I've searched my recent memory and the only product for which I've willfully submitted to allowing its corresponding ad to influence me is that of Dollar Shave Club, which is a product line I actually recommend highly. Great razors at a low cost shipped to your home every month - what's not to love about that?

I've turned my dislike for advertising into an opportunity for humor here recently as I've begun noticing that companies are using adjectives in their scripts that strike me as being too odd to ignore. For example, why is it that suddenly so many fast food chains are obsessed with making sure that you know they're using "real" ingredients? I guess recent revelations that "beef" from eateries like Taco Bell and McDonald's is more akin to Soylent Green than legitimate beef has made them paranoid. As if that's supposed to make customers feel better about eating a highly processed food product loaded with preservatives and additives. What's funnier to me are the ads for products like iced cream or breakfast bars - they contain "real iced cream", "real oats", and "real fruit". As opposed to what, exactly? Fake iced cream? Fake oats? Fake fruit? Have things gotten so bad in our culture that we now have to be convinced as consumers that we're not ingesting flavored plastics or something?

Flaming Lean Pockets

I could probably count on one hand the number of times I've eaten a Hot Pocket over the course of my life. I've eaten plenty of food items that have had the distinction of being nuked in a microwave instead of cooked by more traditional means, but Hot Pockets were never one of those go-to things that ranked high up on my list of instant eats. For one, they aren't exactly appetizing to me - the dough is nothing like a pizza crust and the contents are so hot your palette can't process what their flavor is. I'm not one to eat something merely because of convenience, so just the fact that they can be ready in a hurry does nothing for me. Does that make me a snob? Maybe, but at least I can say with satisfaction that I'm unwilling to compromise certain things, one of them being what I decide to shove into my pie hole.

That said, earlier this month prior to heading out to attend a local independent professional wrestling card (see blog entry "WrestleForce Presents Fall Brawl 4 - A Date with Fate") I wanted to get a bite to eat but I didn't want fast food and I didn't want to engage in a full sit down meal. We tend to keep a fairly well stocked pantry at home but there wasn't a whole lot therein this day that struck my fancy either. I remembered that my wife had recently picked up a box of Lean Pockets (pepperoni pizza flavored, I believe) and I figured "Why not?"

I retrieved one of the Lean Pockets from the box in the freezer of our refrigerator. I put the box away then realized that there were no instructions on how to revive the thing from its cryogenic slumber printed on its individual packaging. I will fully admit that I didn't want to have to dig the box back out of the freezer - it wasn't that I was in a hurry or that the box was buried deep within the chill chest, I was just too lazy to go look at the instructions on the box myself. So what did I do? I asked my wife, "Hey, baby - how long do you have to put these Lean Pockets in the microwave?" She's cooked several of them since buying that box so I expected her to have that information.

"I don't know...", she said. "7 minutes, maybe? Look at the box!"

In hindsight, I should've known better than to go along with anything she said that followed "I don't know". Not doing so was the first mistake I made that day. Nevertheless, I put the Lean Pocket into the microwave, set the timer for 7 minutes, and turned it on then walked back to our bedroom to chat with my wife while it was warming up. That was the second mistake I made that day.

I was in our bedroom maybe 3 or 4 minutes before I went to walk back towards the kitchen. Our home is laid out in such a way that there's a hallway which leads from the front of the house where the living room/kitchen are to the back of the house where all the bedrooms are. When I came out of our bedroom and looked towards the kitchen, all I could see was a plume of smoke pouring out of the kitchen and into the living room...

I run to the kitchen and immediately open the door to the microwave. There was so much smoke that I couldn't tell when I got near it whether the light inside was from the bulb that illuminates the interior of the device or if the Lean Pocket was on fire. Fortunately, the pastry wasn't ablaze however it had been cooked to the point of being not much more than a charcoal briquette shaped like a Lean Pocket.

The aftermath of this incident has been lingering for more than a week now as the smoke got into every room of the house but especially the kitchen and living room. We attempted to air out the space as much as possible by opening up the windows and back door as well as turning on all the fans, including that of our air conditioner. I was trying to aid matters by using a beach towel to fan the smoke out the windows - I don't know how much good it did but the haze did eventually go away. The smell has dissipated with time and a lot of air freshener but we get treated to a less than subtle reminder of my folly whenever we use the microwave as the exhaust fan belches out air that's scented with smoke.

I learned two things from this experience.

1) Never walk away from food that you are in the process of cooking, regardless of whether you're using a stove, microwave, or any other implement of food preparation
2) Never rely on your wife when it comes to accurate information regarding cooking times for microwavable products

I'm sorry, honey - it's going to take a lot for you to re-earn my trust, because of course this wasn't my fault.

WrestleForce presents Fall Brawl 4 - A Date With Fate

I don't get out to as many independent professional wrestling cards as I would like. ("Independent" pro wrestling, in case you weren't aware, being the so-called minor leagues of the sport where guys and gals either working as weekend warriors or hoping to someday earn a living off wrestling hone their craft.) If I had it my way, I'd go to one per week but I admit that that's an unreasonable desire. Even though there are typically a couple of shows going on in the Carolinas each week, they always seem to be held in far off corners of the region that make getting to them without dropping an arm and a leg on gas money and associated necessities rather difficult if not impossible. Fortunately, the Internet has made things a bit easier as I can read results and check out photos online - be that as it may, I still miss sitting in an old gymnasium or armory, hearing the clang of steel on steel, eating crock pot hot dogs with slightly warm sodas, and watching the show unfold live before me.

A few years ago my then-girlfriend, now-wife and I were driving from our home in Orangeburg, South Carolina to Charlotte, North Carolina every two weeks for shows by a now defunct promotion called NWA Charlotte. We had a good time with those but the expenses (monetary and otherwise) of going up and down the road became a real burden (expenses - and other matters - were an issue for NWA CLT as well seeing as how they closed their doors less than a year after opening). Getting to the show I attended this past weekend didn't pose any of those challenges (the traffic-related headache caused by the South Carolina State University/Benedict College football game notwithstanding) as it took place a mere 30 minutes up the road in Columbia, SC at The Loose Cockaboose Bar & Grill (located in the shadows of Williams-Brice Stadium) where WrestleForce presented Fall Brawl 4 - A Date With Fate.

Three things I will mention right off the top in talking about this event:

1) Yes, this show was held at a bar.
2) Yes, the matches took place outside.
3) Yes, it was raining that evening.

Only in the world of independent pro wrestling will you ever see those three factors meet up and still yield what was a successful and mostly entertaining event. Here are the results and my thoughts on each match.

Match #1 - Eric Bradford defeated Brandon Paradise

If you watched the first season of Redneck Island on CMT, you've seen Eric Bradford before as he was one of the members of that cast. Only people who are familiar with the Carolinas wrestling scene will get this reference, but now that Bradford has longer hair he has a rather striking resemblance to a slightly chubbier Zack Salvation.

Pretty good opening bout. Both of these guys have been around for years and they're plenty capable. Bradford got a heel's reception even though his gimmick has him playing up his past as a cheerleader for the University of South Carolina. I've mostly only seen Paradise work in tag team matches; that scenario favors him as he's a skilled athlete but he doesn't come off as being naturally charismatic.

Match #2 - Anthony Henry defeated Josh Magnum

Henry was originally supposed to have had a match with former ECW/TNA star Christian York but York was unable to make the event. Henry came out and demanded a match, going so far as to begin calling out people from the crowd for a challenge. Low and behold, Josh Magnum just happened to be in the crowd - and wearing knee pads under his blue jeans, no less.

Magnum is known in the Carolinas as being a daredevil when it comes to his willingness to put his body on the line for the sake of his matches, and that mentality hasn't left him even though these days he's more or less retired from active competition. Henry got the best of him as a failed swanton bomb off the top of a nearby rooftop proved to be Magnum's undoing. This was one of the better (if not the best) matches on the card, in my opinion.

Match #3 - Hammer defeated Hexx

I'm not completely up to snuff when it comes to WrestleForce's storylines, but I gather these two were in the past aligned together as members of a faction called the Twisted Metal Rebels. I've seen Hexx wrestle in the past when he was doing a masked gimmick where he called himself Hexxon - that character was kind of a knock off of a character like Abyss from TNA, and ironically enough people in this crowd were heckling him for his current look being a knock off of that of Necro Butcher.

Hammer won via disqualification when Hexx brought a chair into the mix, violently whopping Hammer repeatedly across the back with it. Not a whole lot else to write home about here as this was definitely a piece to an evolving story that served its purpose in extending the feud.

Match #4 - Sixx vs. Cerebus ended in no contest

This was a match billed as being a battle of monsters. Sixx has long terrorized the Carolinas as a masked fiend, wreaking havoc upon any who would dare get in his way. Cerebus, also known as "The Lycan Assassin" (he was also previously known as Wolfie D from PG-13 and Slash from The New Church - talk about an identity crisis), is in a similar category as he's a sizable man who comes to the ring wearing armor and appears to have fangs.

I can't not mention that Cerebus' "armor" looks more like something that would've been worn by a villain from a 1980s laser tag TV show thanks to the blue light-up piece at its center. These two characters are from the goofier side of wrestling, where the gimmick is of the utmost importance. I don't have a problem with wrestlers using stuff like this these days, but at the same time it's difficult to ignore the corniness of it.

That said, I like matches like this because they wind up being brawls. They're fun to watch because of their unpredictability, even though in this case it didn't actually have much of a point seeing as how within 10 minutes the two of them disappeared behind the curtain never to be seen again.

Match #5 - WF Tag Team Championship Match (held under elimination rules): Steven Walters defeated Judgement (Crimson & Jon Malus), The Flock (Sick Boy & Lodi), The Fortunate Sons (Billy Brash & Jesse Windham), Playboy's House of Style (BJ Hancock & Michael Frehley), and Brady Pierce & Jake James

There was a lot going on here, suffice to say. The order of entry was: 1) Pierce & James, 2) Playboy's House of Style, 3) The Fortunate Sons, 4) Judgement, 5) The Flock, 6) Steven Walters.

Steven Walters and John Skyler were crowned champions after Walters defeated Crimson & Jon Malus on his own; Skyler did not appear until after the match was over. Walters & Skyler had been gaining some notoriety as a tag team attraction, working under the team name of The Love/Hate Machine, but I've noticed that they've been doing an angle very similar to this in just about every promotion for which they've been employed. They're obviously splitting up, and that begs the question - who's Shawn and who's Marty (here I go again making a wrestling reference that not everyone will get)?

I'd like to say this next bit as an aside to this match because of one of the involved competitors. There are those in the wrestling business who make a big deal out of steroid usage and how those substances should be frowned upon because they provide an unnatural edge in an industry where success is as much about physical appearance as anything. I tend to agree with this sentiment. Even though wrestling isn't a legitimate sport like football or baseball, steroids can be dangerous when used improperly. What's more, while they can make a guy who has a few physical gifts look like a younger version of Randy Orton, they can also make that same guy look like a walking advertisement for acne medication and male breast augmentation. Please lay off the gas, kid - I'd be fine if I never saw another bleeding pustule on some guys back for the rest of my life.

Match #6 - Triple-Threat Women's Match: Nita Monet defeated Mia Svensson and Pandora (with Reby Sky as referee)

Female wrestlers don't always receive the same level of respect and attention that their male counterparts get, and that's upsetting generally speaking. There are some very talented wrestlers out there who just happen to be women and the fact that audiences dismiss their additions to this great form of performance art is troubling to me.

I got the impression that that's what happened with this match as the crowd was not at all buying what these three ladies were selling. The biggest draw to the contest seemed to be the presence of Reby Sky, former Playboy model and fiance to former WWE Superstar Matt Hardy (who would be appearing later on the card in the main event). Truth be told, the rain had been coming down at a slight drizzle up until this match as it began to fall harder and with increasing volume. That coupled with the fact that the show had been going for close to 3 hours probably lead to the crowd being less than interested in a match that was ultimately not much more than a special attraction.

To make matters worse, the day was giving way to night and darkness was enveloping The Loose Cockaboose. There appeared to be lights available outside the club but none of them were used, for whatever reason. So not only are we, as fans, now watching wrestling while sitting in the rain - we're watching very poorly lit wrestling while sitting in the rain.

Match #7 - WF Championship Match: Chase Stevens (champion, w/Judgement) defeated Matt Hardy

The show began around 5 PM and by the time the main event rolled around it was almost 7:30 PM. Not exactly a late night but as I've stated before now, it was raining off and on the entire time and the precipitation was increasing. The worsening darkness wasn't helping matters at all. I don't mind sitting in the rain, personally, and the only place I was going after this show was Taco Bell for a late dinner so I have nothing to especially complain about (forgive me if my commentary makes it sound that way; I'm merely setting the stage, as it were, in describing conditions). However, I'm going to look at this from the perspective of a typical wrestling fan, one who potentially has never been to a WrestleForce event previously. I'm wet, it's dark, I'm in a bar, and all I want is to see Matt Hardy wrestle - was this worth my $10 and whatever I'm out in terms of the cost of getting to/from the event? More importantly, have I seen anything here this evening that is going to make me want to see another WrestleForce show?

Regardless, this bout was fairly basic in that it had all the makings of a classic wrestling scenario involving an outnumbered good guy in the form of Matt Hardy facing seemingly ridiculous odds but coming out to face his adversaries (those being Chase Stevens flanked by Jon Malus and Crimson) with the courage of a lion nevertheless.

I will say this about Matt Hardy, not that it hasn't been said elsewhere obviously - he throws a fantastic punch! This is an aspect of pro wrestling that goes overlooked so often but the ability to do little things well, like delivering a realistic looking punch, can turn an average wrestler into a star. Hardy throws them like few others I've seen and I admire that a lot.

Chase Stevens is one of a lot of guys who are out there working independent shows right now who could realistically be in a promotion like WWE or TNA but isn't. He's got a good look, he's got charisma, and he's got talent. There's not much I don't like about him or his work as I've seen him around the Carolinas going as far back as 2007 when he and Andy Douglas were still working as a tag team in the form of The Naturals. They had some really great matches back then, most notably against the likes of Team Macktion (Kirby & TJ Mack) as well as the Elite Icons (Jake Manning & Joey Silvia).

Overall Thoughts

As indie shows go, this one wasn't too bad but it was plagued by a lot of things that took away from the experience in general.

For starters, The Loose Cockaboose is a good watering hole to go watch a game, but it's a small bar with limited parking. On a day like this one where there was an event being held at Williams-Brice Stadium, parking was more or less nonexistent as there were folks going to the game making use of the spaces to which TLC patrons would've normally had access. Had I not arrived as early as I had, I wouldn't have had anywhere to park. There's no signage directing traffic to one lot or another, and I wasn't out there to check but I somehow doubt there was ever an attendant in the lot to direct people on where to go once the lots near TLC were at capacity.

I don't get having the show at a bar. It's not that I'm against night clubs or establishments like TLC (trust me, bar shows can be a lot of fun), it's that the environment can be more than a little off-putting to the core audience wrestling shows should attract. Women and children should be the first ones off a sinking ship - likewise, they should be your target audience for an event like this. Why? Because if the kids want to come to the show, they have to bring their parents and you know they're going to want a drink or snacks; you increase your ticket sales and invite opportunities for concessions. Similarly, women (and some guys) want to see sweaty, glistening, muscular, attractive men (don't be shy, ladies, it's okay to admit it); even if they're married or dating a guy, if there's a dude on a show they have the hots for they're going to come to the show. There were a few kids at Fall Brawl 4 (which was odd because, again, this was a bar) but I can't help thinking there would've been a much larger crowd on hand had this been held at a rec center or other more socially acceptable venue.

Speaking of concessions, for this event you had drinks served at the bar and I believe hot dogs and hamburgers from the grill. They have Coke and various other non-alcoholic beverages (energy drinks, mostly) but here again you have the issue of the show being held at a bar. You're going to force a Mom or Dad who may not drink booze to wade through 20 guys liquored up on cheap suds, some of whom are smoking, in order to get to the bar so that they can order a couple sodas for their kids? Not exactly a welcoming environment.

Next, I go back to what I'll just refer to as "production issues". The advertised time for the doors to open was 4 PM and they didn't open until 5 PM. Late starts aren't anything new to this type of show, so that was no real surprise nor is it a big deal for me. I've just grown to expect late starts and late finishes because no one in indie wrestling seems to be able to run a timely event. The rain didn't especially bother me either seeing as how I actually find sitting in the rain rather refreshing. My legitimate concern is the lack of lighting, and this plays into how the late start affected the show as a whole.

As a promoter, you have to realize we're getting to the time of year where the days are shorter. That being the case, you should either have your ducks in a row as far as keeping things on a schedule is concerned so you don't wind up forcing your fans to watch a show in darkness or cut out some of the extraneous stuff from the line-up. There were two intermissions during this show and a couple segments that could've been trimmed for brevity's sake.

Perhaps more importantly, a promoter should realize that darkness and moisture create a lot of potential safety issues for fans and talent alike. If the venue can't supply proper lighting, buy or rent some industrial shop lighting. It doesn't have to be elaborate, it just has to work. What's that, Mr. Promoter? You don't have the budget for it? So you would sooner pay the medical bills of a fan who slipped and fell onto the concrete at ringside because they couldn't see the puddle of water they were walking into because you ran an outdoor event at night with no lights? Do you really want to be the guy who ran a show with a wet ring and slick ropes that wound up leading to an injury for an internationally known star like Matt Hardy?

Why am I being so critical? Because I think of things like this. It's in my nature to analyze logistics and to consider ways of improving an experience. If I were a pro wrestling promoter, that's what I would be concerned about - providing an experience that a fan will want to have again and again. Repeat business, in other words. I admit that it's easy for me to nitpick this sort of thing (while offering solutions at the same time) because I'm on the outside looking in. What do I know about anything, though, right? I'm just a guy with a blog who has been paying money to go to shows like this for better than 15 years.

All that having been said, WrestleForce has announced their next show, All Or Nothing, which will be held at The Hangar in Cayce, SC on Sunday October 20. For more information on WrestleForce, check out their offerings via the links below.

http://www.WrestleForce.net/
https://www.facebook.com/WrestleForce
https://twitter.com/WrestleForce
http://www.youtube.com/user/wrestleforce

A Trip to Asheville, NC and a Tour of Biltmore Estate

You don't have to do much more than pay attention to my blog to get an idea for how much my wife Jill and I love to travel. Granted, we don't go to way, way off locations or foreign lands but we do tend to stay on the road a good bit, especially in the warmer months when the weather typically affords more opportunities for getting out and about. (The summer of 2013 has been a complete oddity in that regard; I don't recall ever having the sort of rainfall we had throughout the bulk of late June and early July.) We've never shied away from the chance to take a fall or winter road trip, though, as one of the most memorable jaunts we've ever been on - in my mind, at least - was back in October of 2009 when we made our way up Interstate 26 into Asheville, North Carolina to visit the Biltmore Estate. (I won't go into much detail regarding why it was memorable right now other than to say that the story happens at night and that it involves our old GPS unit and an attempt to find a movie theater.) We hadn't been back there since then, and since my wife's birthday also happens to coincide with one of our mutual days off, that being Labor Day, I couldn't think of a better way of spending the weekend.

Taking a trip for us typically begins with dropping off Roddy, our beloved miniature dachshund, with one of our relatives. For this trip, that meant he got to visit his "grandparents" up in Lugoff, South Carolina, that being Jill's parents. I know not everyone sees a dog as being a member of the family but I have for a while now. Not having any legitimate siblings and being from a very small family, I've learned to appreciate what family I have and for me that includes those members who happen to be particularly hairy and walk around on all-fours.

Having safely deposited Roddy with his caretakers, we loaded up the car on the morning of August 31st and hit the road. Our selection of vehicles currently consists of my wife's Ford Focus (AKA, Frannie) and my Chevrolet Silverado (AKA, Agent Orange - it has a somewhat unique burnt orange factory paint job). We tend to take the Focus on trips like this for no other reason than it's much better on gas than my Silverado. It's not the most comfortable of cars for a guy my size to drive or ride in (my knees don't meet the center console all that well and folding myself up to get in the door is a bit of a chore), but what it may lack in luxury it more than makes up for with economy. Plus, it has a deceptively large and spacious trunk, meaning it's never particularly difficult to pack.

We left home fairly early that morning, early enough that stopping for breakfast seemed like the logical thing to do. (Side Note: I hate eating while driving as well as eating while riding. Apparently I'm not coordinated enough to do both without getting food down the front of my shirt.) I, personally, had been having a real hankering for Shoney's breakfast. I'm a sucker for scrambled eggs and pudding (that being traditional, Southern liver pudding - hey, don't knock it until you've tried it, smart guy), but as luck would have it our route wouldn't be putting us on a direct collision course with one of their restaurants. Instead, we stopped at a Waffle House near Newberry, SC and I have to say this may have been the finest meal I've ever had at a Waffle House.

I feel like I have to point out the quality of our experience because I've eaten at Waffle House a lot in my life. It's convenient fare when you're coming home late at night from a concert, sporting event, or what have you. I have the distinction of having been in a Waffle House that had a bomb threat called into it. (No, really, I'm serious.) What's more, on our first trip to Asheville Jill and I stopped into a Waffle House for breakfast and we saw a group of patrons request a cup of scalding hot water. Why? Because they wanted to use it in order to sanitize their silverware. (Like I said - no, really, I'm serious.)

That said, I had a 3-egg Fiesta Omelet (which comes with cheese, ham, onions, tomatoes and jalapeno peppers) with hash browns done the only way God intended them to be - that being covered, peppered and diced. Jill had a combo that involved a blueberry waffle, and it was quite tasty as she let me try a bite of it. It was a fantastic meal and a great way to kick off our trek.

The holiday traffic on the interstate wasn't too bad, which was a pleasant surprise. It began to thicken up as we approached our next stop (other than the welcome center coming into North Carolina; restroom/stretch breaks are good for the mind, body, and spirit), that being Hendersonville, NC. Hendersonville is home to the North Carolina Apple Festival, an annual event held every Labor Day. We didn't get into the bulk of that traffic, however we did get tied up somewhat as we stopped by McAbee's Fruit Stand to pick up some fresh gala apples. (Next door to McAbee's is a shop called Bloomfield's which was once known as the Dish Barn - I'll let your imagination wander as to what sort of offerings that can be found therein.) They're some of the sweetest apples I've ever tasted and way more inexpensive than what you'll find at your average grocery store - we bought a peck and a half for $10.

A plaque outside the North Carolina Welcome Center commemorating the Blue Star Memorial Highway

 

A map of the state made from various textiles inside the North Carolina Welcome Center

McAbee's Fruit Stand in Hendersonville, NC - some of the best apples you'll ever taste

Apples in hand, we continued onward towards Asheville. If you've never had the occasion to do it, I cannot emphasize enough how unique of a driving experience going up a mountain can be. I've only done it a handful of times and the variance between it and your average daily commute is very refreshing, not only in terms of being able to see breathtaking natural scenery but also maneuvering through the variances of terrain inherent to traveling through a region like this. There's lots of hills, curves, and what have you, in other words, and I like driving on them.

Not too far from Asheville proper is the Western North Carolina Farmers Market. It's a blast to look around a place like this because it's so much more than just fresh fruits and vegetables. We found a vendor that had an assortment of pickled veggies, among them being pickled watermelon rind. After having developed a taste for it during my recent trip to Atlanta, GA (see blog entry "I Went to Atlanta for a Week"), I couldn't not buy a jar of theirs. (Like I said with the liver pudding, don't knock it until you've tried it!) We also got a few bags of pumpkin seeds, guacamole bites (tortilla snacks dusted with an avocado-flavored mix of spices), and homemade Amish peanut butter (it's basically fresh peanut butter with marshmallow fluff blended into the mix - yeah, try and wrap your head around that concoction).

One item we had while at the farmers market that wasn't what we were hoping for wound up being our mid-day snack. (When we've had a big breakfast we'll sometimes skip lunch in favor of a morsel to tide us over until supper.) There's a bake shop inside the farmers market that specializes in breads and various confections. We had intended to get a bite to eat from the sandwich shop next door, but they were closed by the time we sought out sustenance. We selected what I believe was some kind of an apple turnover. While it wasn't terrible, to my palette the dough tasted like fried chicken breading and the filling wasn't all that sweet. The worst part about it was that it was ridiculously greasy - that and the fried chicken taste make me think they needed to change the oil in their fryer because even fried foods shouldn't come out like that.

A downpour came through the area while we were at the farmers market. The rain was fashionably late this day - I say that because invariably it seems like every time we take a road trip it's going to rain at least part of the time. Fortunately, the rain didn't last long enough to cause any real issues as we took that time to sit on a bench and enjoy the moment.

Our home away from home for this trip was a Days Inn, the same Days Inn we stayed in the first time we came to Asheville. We enjoyed our initial stay thanks to the accommodations being affordable and comfortable, as well as the fact that this location also gives patrons a free breakfast buffet with everything from grits to danishes. The room we had this time around was alright, even though it wasn't as nice as we'd hoped it would be. Apparently this Days Inn is in the process of renovating their rooms, and ours was one that hadn't yet been renovated. The room wasn't the most posh either of us have ever stayed in (a control knob on the air conditioner was broken, the bed was mostly caved-in, and the shower had next to no water pressure and also would go from scalding hot to ice cold at random - on the plus side, the TV was an excellent Samsung model and the WiFi was blazing fast) but it worked well enough.

What I can never get over when it comes to hotels is how their rates change on a daily basis. Case in point, the room we had cost us right at $90 a night and this was with a AAA discount. This was a holiday rate, of course - the day after we would leave, the rate for that same room dropped to around $50 a night. Go figure.

For dinner that night we set up shop at a nearby Buffalo Wild Wings location as we wanted some grub but we also wanted to watch the football game of the weekend, that being the University of Georgia Bulldogs versus the Cow Tech - um, Clemson University Tigers (yeah, that's it). Never having watched a game at a BWW, we figured we'd do well to show up early in advance of kickoff. We'd finished our meal by the time the game began, but the game would be only part of the entertainment we'd get that evening. As it would turn out, the restaurant became packed with Clemson and Georgia faithful. It was like a scene from Gangs of New York, UGA red on one side and Clemmy orange on the other. There was a point where I thought sure we'd see a knife fight break out between the two sides, which is why we left around halftime. We didn't want to be witnesses to collegiate sectarian violence and we needed to get our rest as we'd be touring Biltmore Estate bright and early the next morning.

Built in the late 1890s, Biltmore Estate was once the home of George Washington Vanderbilt II and his descendants still own the property. To this date, it stands as the largest private residence in the United States (even though no one lives there anymore, although members of Vanderbilt's family still live in their own homes located on the grounds of the estate). In addition to the house, also featured are the stables (which now host a series of shops and eateries), the gardens, a winery, and a resort and shopping district known as Antler Village.

Touring Biltmore Estate is like a trip back in time as the home has been expertly preserved in order to display the extravagance of life for the Vanderbilts. The home has everything from an indoor pool to a quite medieval-looking dining hall. (PRO TIP: There are no available restrooms inside the home, so if you need to take a squirt or a squat make sure you do it before you begin your tour.) There are so many more features to it than what I could ever fully describe here, it's a landmark that you have to see for yourself in order to fully appreciate.

While the home was wired for electricity when it was built, one thing that it did not come equipped with is anything resembling air conditioning. Even though we were in a higher elevation during a time of year I thought would yield cooler temperatures than what we're accustomed to in the midlands of South Carolina, the day we were on the Biltmore grounds was one of the warmer days we've had as of late. It goes without saying then that walking around inside the home was rather uncomfortable seeing as how the only form of AC to be had therein were shop fans scattered throughout. (I will commend the family and maintainers of the property for recognizing the need for restroom facilities and water fountains as they are prevalently available all over the grounds - just not inside the house itself.) I chalk it up to having an authentic experience to the life of the Vanderbilts as my sweat has now mixed with theirs.

An amusing visual - it was amusing to me, anyway - that I noted during our tour of the house was the sight of visitors who were taking an audio guided tour. What made it funny was the fact that the devices used to present the guided tour look a whole heck of a lot like handsets from an office desk phone. If you saw them and didn't know what was going on, it wouldn't have been out of the ordinary to wonder "Why is everyone on the phone? How do you guys have a signal in here?"

After our tour of the home we went through the gardens and the gift shop that's beneath the hot houses, which are essentially green houses but much larger. We didn't go through the hot houses because: 1) We'd been through them previously and 2) we were already plenty hot as is. I sat in a very expensive chair in the gift shop and we sampled a delicious variety of fruity syrups that can be mixed into lemonade in order to create a completely different beverage.

We hoofed it back to the house with haste (easier said than done; from where we were in the gardens to the house is an all-uphill walk of about one-third of a mile) as we had to be back there by 2 PM in order to meet up with our group for the Architect's Tour.

Biltmore offers several bonus tours that aren't included on general admission to the grounds which gets you into several areas of the home that are otherwise off limits. The Architect's Tour begins in one of the courtyards near the front entrance of the home then takes you inside and up the grand staircase to the fourth floor. Once you're there, you get to see a scale model of Biltmore and architectural blueprints that were used for reference during construction (the walls of this room are adorned with a variety of prints of European cathedrals and other similar buildings as these were inspirations for Biltmore's design). Next you're welcomed into what was described to us as being Vanderbilt's "man cave" - a room that is fairly small compared to most in the home but one that definitely fits the description as it was filled with books and wooden decor. We were ushered up a spiral staircase in the corner of the room (having broad shoulders made getting up that thing fairly interesting) then onto a catwalk encircling the perimeter of the room. From the catwalk, we were lead outside the home onto what is essentially a ledge; there was no risk of falling though because we were securely tucked in by the masonry of the railing (here again, being a bigger guy made getting out there somewhat of a challenge). Back inside the man cave and one more time onto the catwalk and we were outside the home again, onto an observatory platform (it can be seen from the ground if you look up above the grand staircase where the American flag flies). There's a huge metal dome on this platform that serves as an anchor for a gigantic metal chandelier that hangs above the grand staircase (it was incredibly hot, as you might imagine). The last portion of the tour granted us access into an area just below the roof where we could see how the stone shingles where tied together and attached to the home using wire. This was an awesome thing to see and I'm certainly glad we opted for this as it was well worth the additional cost.

Members of our tour group getting some knowledge from our guide

The view from the ledge outside the man cave - you can't tell how steep the roof is until you've seen it from this angle.

Another view from the ledge, this one looking down over the atrium courtyard.

The dome above the grand staircase - this thing was hot enough that you could've literally cooked an egg on it.

The view from the observatory platform down on another tour group.

The final leg of our day on the grounds at Biltmore consisted of spending time around Antler Village, which is a relatively new addition to the area. Antler Village holds the winery, various shops, the Biltmore resort, and a handful of other attractions. We were somewhat interested in taking a winery tour but we didn't not only because of time constraints but also because quite frankly neither of us have thus far been able to develop much of a taste for wine. (I'm a beer drinker, personally, and my wife prefers fruity cocktails.) Instead, we went through some of the shops and killed a bit of time until we were due for supper at Cedric's Tavern.

As it turns out, Vanderbilt had a beloved Saint Bernard whose name was Cedric. Therein lies the inspiration for Cedric's Tavern, a pub with an old world, English feel to its presentation and menu. Not long after we were seated our waiter brought out a batch of pretzel rolls with a compound butter made with grain mustard; sounds weird but take it from me, it was really tasty. I like to take the opportunity to try new and different eats when we're traveling and Cedric's menu presented an item I couldn't pass up - tavern deviled eggs. I'm not typically a fan of deviled eggs as the consistency of the boiled egg white doesn't jive with my mouth at all (I'm not a big fan of any not-quite-solid but not-quite-liquid food - Jello, yogurt, etc.), but I had to try these. Why? Because they're served with candied bacon, that's why. They were without a doubt the best deviled eggs I've ever tasted, which may not be saying much given my lack of exposure to them but even so it's worth pointing out. Jill and I both selected the fish & chips for our main course, which came with mushy peas (it's an English thing - think refried beans but with green peas), french fries and tartar sauce. Mine was a truly massive piece of deep fried fish perfection which I washed down with a nice pint of Cedric's Pale Ale. (I knew I wanted to try one of their resident brews but I wasn't sure which to pick; our waiter was generous enough to bring me out a sample of both so that I could choose after having tasted them.) When we made our reservation at Cedric's we mentioned that we were in town for my wife's birthday - no, the wait staff didn't sing to her, but our waiter did bring her a trio of frozen ice cream truffles with "Happy Birthday" written in chocolate syrup on the plate. Like the rest of the meal, they were a real treat and I can't say enough about how great of a way Cedric's Tavern was to cap off what had been a long day at Biltmore Estate. Our waiter made the occasion especially memorable as he was helpful, attentive, and conversational without being pushy or trite. You cannot overvalue staff like him and how they can make a dining experience all the more better.

So ended another great road trip for us and another set of memories I never hope to lose. Not to get sentimental here, but writing this blog and looking back on those days has genuinely made me value a trip like this one. It's the kind of event that not everyone gets to have even once in their lifetime and here we've been twice in less than 4 years. I consider myself to be very fortunate and incredibly blessed to be able to do things like this and to have someone like my wife along with me for the ride. It's a special thing, and it's made more so by the fact that we always manage to find a way to make our trips into adventures by doing things like the Architect's Tour. It's not so much the tour itself but, for me, the fact that we did it and we did it together that gives it real meaning.