We've Been a Bit Busy

Before I begin, I'd like to note that I'm aware of the fact it's been almost a full calendar year since last I added anything to this here blog o' mine. Hopefully no one's been using this journal as a means of knowing whether or not I'm still alive and kicking - if you were, I can certainly see why you might have thought I'd fallen off the face of the Earth but I also want to say thanks for waiting around all this time. It's been too long, don't you think? Yes, I do too.

So, where do I begin? I guess the most obvious answer would be to handle this linearly, so as to keep a logical order of events flowing. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened to me two weeks ago which is why I wouldn't dare engage in some kind of Quinton Tarantino-esque re-telling of the past year where the ending takes place before the beginning and the middle is filled with random exposition. My issues with brevity are well known by this point, however I feel like my advanced usage of Twitter may have helped in that regard. We'll keep an eye on that, though - drat, I'm already well past 140 characters.

We Bought A House

Around the point in time that I last wrote an entry, my wife and I were in the beginning stages of house-hunting. Renting was no longer a desirable arrangement for us as we wanted something of our own instead of continuing to pour money into something which would never be that. Don't get me wrong, we enjoyed the house we were renting. It had been my home for almost 3 years by the time Jill and I were married, and we'd been living there together for nearly 2 more years when we began seriously looking into financing options and available properties.

I will be blunt in saying that our search for the house that would become our home was not a completely enjoyable experience. Things in the realm of real estate are altogether different than how they were several years ago, or at least that's what we were told throughout the process. Neither my wife nor I had ever gone through this sort of transaction previously, thus we had nothing to which we could compare it. Apparently a whole bunch of backhanded dealings by bankers, investors, real estate agents, and the like lead the powers that be to recognize a need for change which is why things are much more tightly run these days.

My wife and I became frustrated with our search at one moment in particular. We'd found a house that we both liked (although in hindsight I would say Jill liked it far more than I did) in a neighborhood where people we already knew lived which was in our price range. It needed some work in terms of updating but I think we both felt like it had solid potential. After talking with our agent we submitted an offer that was a bit below the original asking price. The owners then came back with a counter offer; we thought we could get them to come down more since it was an older home that we'd have to put some sweat equity into, so we made a counter to their counter. At that point the owners offered us a price that was higher than the original asking price - yes, you read that correctly. They were now willing to sell it to us at a price HIGHER than they had listed it. Essentially they were blowing us off, which wasn't a huge bother to me truth be told as I'd begun to have serious misgivings about that particular property. It was nice but not worth what we'd have wound up paying for it.

As an aside to this, I can tell you that the house in question was never sold; from what I've been able to gather the owners instead decided to take it off the market.

We continued searching and our frustrations mounted. It just didn't seem like there were many houses within our price range in the area that appealed to us enough to actually want to buy them. (There were some that we probably could've afforded that were above the ceiling we'd set for ourselves but it wouldn't have been reasonable to pursue them; the last thing we wanted was for our new home to become an immediate financial burden.) I feel like this upset my wife greatly because having a home of our own in her eyes (mine as well) was something of a gateway to us beginning our own family, and I agreed with her completely.

Honestly, we more or less stopped looking for a while. We'd literally seen all there was to see, from beautiful homes we'd have loved to have to houses that looked like they'd been better off demolished. (We viewed one home which had been repossessed; apparently the previous owners decided to ransack the place prior to leaving and we toured it in its as-is condition.) I was in a state of mind where I was content with what we had, that if something came along we'd look into it but no longer was I all that interested in the pursuit.

I forget the date but one afternoon I took some time while working at my desk to look at real estate listings in the off chance something new would have become available. I noticed a new listing in Saint Matthews, a nearby town I've known all my life seeing as how my Aunt & Uncle are residents there. It was a home built in 2006 at a corner lot on about half an acre of land. It looked to be well-maintained and equipped with everything we'd hope to find in our first home. What blew me away, though, was that the asking price was set at $119,000 which was well-within our price range.

By way of fate, coincidence, or whatever you'd like to call it, Jill had seen the listing as well - we wanted to check it out immediately so we contacted our agent and he arranged the viewing. (He happened to be the listing agent for the property, so scheduling for us to tour it was a snap.) After seeing the house in person we both wanted to move in so we entered an offer of $115,000. Our offer was accepted within 24 hours - I'll never forget when we found out as we were walking around the electronics section of Walmart. Jill got the call and it was all we could do not to start celebrating there in amongst the cell phones and DVD players.

We sought out pre-approval for our loan before we ever began looking at houses, and this was a big help in terms of looking at numbers when we would try to plot out what we might be paying per month based on the asking price of a house. (We knew what the bank said we could spend but we knew we didn't want to get anywhere near that.) Unfortunately, our loan officer decided to leave the bank we'd been working with while we were still in the middle of ironing out the transaction. I'm not going to harp on this because clerical mistakes do happen in every line of work, but I will say that there were quite a few occasions where we were called into the bank to fill out corrected documentation because the person who'd taken over for our previous loan officer had botched them. It was all handled ultimately but suffice to say that something of this magnitude is not when you want to find out a supposed "premiere lender" has trouble with numbers.

Be that as it may, we were fortunate to be able to work with a number of great professionals who assisted us tremendously in ironing out matters related to the business end of things, main among them Manny Andre with the Century 21 office in Orangeburg, SC. I can't say enough about how thorough he was in dealing with us as our agent; he was there every time we had a question or concern, coached us through every step of the process, and provided a wealth of information along the way about houses, how things work within the industry, and the whole gamut of potentialities we might've been facing. I would strongly encourage anyone in the Orangeburg/Calhoun area who's looking to buy a home contact him for assistance - he hasn't started mailing me my royalty checks yet for all the clients I've steered his way but I'm confident they'll arrive, at some point.

The Moving Process Sucks 

We closed on our house June 1, 2012. Knowing when we'd be moving out, we began the process of packing up all our belongings in anticipation of the move. You'd never think from the amount of stuff we pulled out of the house we'd been renting that only two people had lived there - more like a half dozen or so it seemed.

I rented a Uhaul for the occasion but obtaining the thing and returning it was something of a chore. I made the reservation online for a truck that would be larger than we actually needed - I figure if it's worth doing, it's worth over-doing. I wound up having to get a relative to drive me 30 miles out of town in order to pick up the truck, which according to Uhaul's dispatch operator was the only one of its size within a reasonable distance. More details regarding why this particular Uhaul experience was painful will be divulged later on.

I drove the Uhaul to our soon-to-be former abode where we had a small army of friends & family over to help us load and unload our wares. Jill and I truly appreciated all the assistance we had that day because without it the process would've taken days instead of just the better part of an afternoon. I have to admit that I promised those folks a barbeque at our house which hasn't come to fruition yet; one more thing for me to work on and look forward to having, I guess.

Now back to my Uhaul debacle. When we were finished unloading the truck, I dropped it off at the nearest local "rental office" I could find. "Rental office" is in quotes because while this joint is officially in business with Uhaul it consists of a guy who has about as many teeth as I do fingers working out of an old building guarded by what looked like a German shepherd who's had a very bad upbringing. I was told doing so would be perfectly fine by the agent who leased the truck to me that morning so I assumed I had wrapped things up in returning their property.

I began getting phone calls from an unknown number the evening I returned the truck. I ignored them at first as I figured it was just someone mistakenly calling me, then they finally left a voice mail. The message was from the guy at the "rental office" I'd dropped the truck off at earlier in the day. He told me that I had to come pick up the truck as soon as possible else I'd be charged a significant return fee, fuel surcharge, etc., etc. - I don't know how much money we were talking about but he made it seem like it would be quite sizable. (Bear in mind that it's almost 10 PM when this conversation is taking place.) I ask him why and he describes to me that the lease agreement I signed was for a round trip rental, meaning I had to return the truck to the same dealership from which I'd leased it. This wasn't what I had been told when I picked up the truck - for that matter, I had no idea Uhaul even had such a thing as a round trip option - but I had no ability to argue with this guy about it seeing as how he wasn't involved in that transaction.

My only recourse was to pick up the truck in the morning from where I'd dropped it off and return it to its point of origin, which is exactly what I did. I wound up having to put more gas in the truck (you have to return it with the same amount of gas in it when you picked it up), incur the bother of having a family member drive 60 miles round trip to get me back home, and in the end I was billed for an additional day's rental.

Suffice to say what I learned from this experience is to make sure what you're agreeing to before you drive off with someone else's property.

This wasn't the only moving we'd wind up doing.

Saying Goodbye to 200 Colonial Avenue

My Grandma passed away in July of 2011. She and my Mom had lived together in the home where I grew up for years after I'd moved away for work, but the house had become a burden upon them in more than one way. The house is 2,500 square feet (tri-level with 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths) situated on a piece of land just shy of an acre. It was way more house than they needed or cared to continue keeping up, so they'd put it up for sale. Unfortunately when they initially listed it was when the housing market was at its deepest lows thanks to the economic recession, which meant that people weren't looking to buy a home. It sat on the market for almost 2 years before it was finally purchased by a family with kids enough to fill it up and make use of all it has to offer. Their timing couldn't have been more coincidental as they wanted to move in to my family's old home at just about the same time that Jill & I would be moving into our new home.

We were elated that my Mom would get out from under the issues she had related to maintaining the house by herself. The financial and physical burden it had placed on her was a tremendous weight but she'd bore it just as she has so many others throughout her life. Still, it was an emotional process in emptying what had been our family's home and a time consuming one as well. There were lots of old memories stirred up in the process, believe you me. Things that hadn't seen the light of day for years suddenly being pulled to the forefront of your mind. People tend to collect a lot of stuff after living somewhere better than 30 years, but after many trips to Goodwill and at least one yard sale a majority of it was whittled down to only that which was deemed necessary or otherwise needful.

It was a real stroke of luck that this happened when it did as my Mom was able to move into our old house in Orangeburg. The house we'd been renting is perfectly suited to her needs as it affords her and her dog Chewie plenty of room and privacy. There was a bit of overlap between when my Mom moved out and when our old house would be ready for her as it needed a coat of paint and she wanted to put down fresh flooring as well (the carpet that was there while Jill & I had lived there was ancient, green and in need of replacement). She lived with my Aunt & Uncle during the time in between and her belongings took up temporary residence at a nearby storage rental unit.

When the day came to move Mom's belongings I found myself driving yet another Uhaul truck, this time from Rock Hill, South Carolina to Lancaster to pack it up before finishing off the day in Saint Matthews. I found myself identifying with my fellow truckers, to the point where I felt like I should begin a new diet consisting of beef jerky, black coffee and speed. The truck I drove that day was the same size as the one I'd rented to move my wife & I into our new home - the difference this time around being that we'd wind up using every bit of space the truck had to offer and then some.

As I mentioned earlier, we put her stuff into a storage unit temporarily until our old house was ready for her to move in. The concept of loading the Uhaul to then unload it knowing that we'd eventually have to move it all again seemed like an incredibly daunting task but with a lot of lifting, patience and help from friends & loved ones we got it done.

It's been about 7 months since we moved - it certainly doesn't seem like it's been that long. There was a couple days in there where I was fairly distraught about the whole ordeal but I think I hid it well. For the first time in my life I felt like I didn't have a home town anymore. I didn't have a reason to go back to Lancaster, a sensation I'd never felt. It took a while but I began to realize that the old adage of "home is where the heart is" holds truth. It doesn't matter where a house is, what matters is where your family is.

The Space Between

Almost immediately after we'd finished up the move it was time for our annual trip to Myrtle Beach with Jill's side of the family. This vacation has become something I look forward to every year as it's a fun-filled week of time away from work spent with family in a locale that couldn't be more picturesque. We rent a spot within Pirateland Campground that's owned by some friends of Jill & her family; it's located on a small inlet which makes it ripe for fishing (we haven't caught anything yet but we know they're out there by the splashes they make) and nature-watching. Some traditions we've built over the years are our trips to Medieval Times, the House of Blues, and the Annual Truesdale Myrtle Beach Putt-Putt Challenge Championship. To save time on describing what the ATMBPPCC is, Jill & I play a best of 5 series of putt-putt matches at various courses around Myrtle Beach and whoever wins the most matches gets the title. Jill bested me in 2012 and in so doing gets the rights to the trophy for one calendar year. A new pastime that I grew fond of thanks to this trip is the game of cornhole, or bean bag toss as it's referred to by some. Every camper slot seemed to have their own set of boards which made me want my own as well, except I wanted to build my own which I finally did just a few weeks ago - free time has been a valuable commodity for us over the past year, you see.

Around the early-middle portion of 2012 I began writing album reviews for a site specializing in critiquing releases by bands subscribing to the genre of heavy metal and its associates called The NewReview (check it out at http://thenewreview.net/). The site is owned and operated by a couple friends of mine that I got to know during my college years through the music scene in and around Myrtle Beach. It was a great opportunity for me as it allowed me the chance to do two things I've grown to love, those being to write and listen to music. This was a hobby, though, and as 2012 progressed it wound turn out that I needed to focus elsewhere. I left my position on their staff towards the end of the year.

I Got A New Job

My employment with Orangeburg County government was the reason why I originally moved to the midlands. If I had never taken the job I would've never met my wife; if I had never met my wife, we wouldn't own the home that we do. There are a whole bunch of other "if not for this" scenarios I could add but I think you get the idea that things (in my experience, at least) happen for a reason. By the latter stages of 2012, I had been with Orangeburg for almost 5 years and they'd been a great 5 years. Orangeburg afforded me the chance to grow professionally and learn more about real-world IT support than I ever did in a classroom. More importantly, Orangeburg allowed me to meet some of my closest and best friends. For those reasons it made the decision to leave Orangeburg all the more difficult.

I'd seen that Calhoun County government was in search of an IT director; I wasn't necessarily looking for a new job as I was fairly content with where I was but I weighed my options anyway. Saint Matthews, our new hometown, is a part of Calhoun County and their administrative offices are within 10 minutes of our home, meaning getting the job would immediately cut down on my fuel usage. There was a significant increase in salary from my position with Orangeburg to what was being offered in Calhoun. I'd have essentially the same benefits in terms of health insurance and retirement investing as those I'd enjoyed in Orangeburg. Everything seemed great on paper, like a real win-win situation, which is why I submitted my application and carried through with the interview process. All the while I knew that if I landed the position I'd have to say a whole lot of goodbyes, and that was going to be the most difficult part of it all.

I will admit to thinking I had a snowball's chance in Hell of getting the gig (a 32 year old guy with less than 10 years of experience in the industry just didn't seem like a top contender in my mind), so when it was offered to me I genuinely didn't know what to do. I'm not one to burn bridges which is why I did what I felt was best by informing my superiors at Orangeburg of the opportunity that had been presented to me. They made a gracious and generous counter-offer, which I will point out is something that they did not have to do. As I said before, I enjoyed my time in Orangeburg and more than that I will forever be grateful to them for allowing me the chance to be a part of their operation. I opted to take the position with Calhoun, though, because (much like when I left a previous job to move to Orangeburg) I felt like I would be missing out on a big step forward in terms of my career if I didn't accept it.

The last day in my old office was tough. It's the people you encounter and build relationships with that you miss the most and who are often the biggest pieces of collateral damage when it comes to the changes life inevitably brings. It's not as though I moved across the continent and would never see my friends in Orangeburg ever again; even so, there's a fair amount of adjustment involved when you're accustomed to seeing the same group of people every day then they're suddenly no longer a part of your life.

It's been said that life goes on with or without you - you either stay where you are or you learn to adapt. I'm still adapting to my new surroundings but I'd say they fit quite nicely. Every day is a new challenge, but every challenge is a chance to grow. I'm going to stop with this section now because the more I write, the more I'm starting to sound like someone who comes up with slogans for motivational posters.

Walt Disney World is Awesome

Jill & I have developed something of a tradition when it comes to taking a vacation around the second week of November. Why such an odd time of year for a vacation, you ask? She's a government employee as well, you see, and we government types have fairly consistent schedules when it comes to holidays that are observed every year, Veterans Day being one of those. The strategy being that you take a vacation when you're already going to have a day off anyway so that you wind up using that much less annual leave time.

In 2011 we took a Carnival cruise to the western Caribbean and enjoyed every minute of it - even the night when the boat was sailing at what felt like mach 2 because we were rushing back to port due to there being a passenger with a medical emergency on board. That was the second cruise we'd taken in two years, the first being our honeymoon, and while we love those trips we wanted to do something different this time around.

I will fully admit that when we got married my ideas for the honeymoon were Hawaii or Walt Disney World. I don't think I ever really thought of Hawaii as being a realistic option because of the expense. I more or less included it because I figured if my wife didn't want to get involved in that much travel Disney would win by default and I'd have wound up getting my way regardless. The cruise was her idea and it was a great experience, but be that as it may I still wanted to get her into the House that Mickey Built before we take the next hurdle in life as a couple, that being starting a family and having kids. Fortunately, it didn't take any arm-twisting at all for me to get Jill's interest up in going to WDW as she wanted to go just as much as I did.

My family & I went to Disney every year when I was a kid, or so it seemed, and I have always adored it. I've seen those parks expand and evolve over time; I probably know more about their development than an average person realistically should, a fact about me that my wife found out about thanks to me spouting off trivia about them ad nauseum. It had been close to 4 years since I'd been to WDW by this point, however it had been probably 20 years since Jill had last visited - that point made, I really think she may have been looking forward to the trip more than I was.

We booked our vacation directly through Disney and we opted to stay at the Pop Century, one of their value resorts which is on the lower end of the spectrum as it relates to hotels run by Mickey & Co. I can tell you with absolute honesty that the low-rent section in Disney is nicer than most 4 star joints, so don't let the classification fool you. We knew going into this adventure that we were going to be in our room to sleep and not much else, and that's the thing I've always tried to keep in mind when booking a hotel - they all look pretty much the same when your eyes are closed.

I had spotted a deal on the Disney Resorts Facebook page that offered a free quick service meal plan which would include two quick service meals and a snack per day for each of us. Quick service in Disney terminology refers to, as it was described to us, any meal that you pick up on a tray; it's their equivalent to fast food, more or less, but this is unlike any fast food you'll see anywhere else in the world. The quality is second to none, the options are vast, and the fact that we were getting what amounted to a package worth several hundred dollars for free was unbelievable.

To anyone who may be reading this and thinking about going to Disney, keep the last two paragraphs in mind when planning your trip. If you luck up you can get 7 days at a value resort with your theme park tickets and a whole bunch of awesome food included for around $1,700. It may sound like a lot but if you book in advance you can make a deposit and pay off your balance over time. Please don't snub your nose at free food either because trust me when I say that unless you bring your own you're likely to drop a good chunk of coin on sustenance during your stay.

The trip itself was every bit as magical as we'd hoped it would be. I could spend days on end talking about our experiences but I'm going to sum up every bit of it in one picture.

That's my wife while riding the Flight of the Hippogriff attraction at Harry Potter World within Universal Studios' Islands of Adventure theme park. I love to see her smile and there were plenty of those to be had during our time in Walt Disney World. That's what life is all about for me now - striving to live not just a content existence but one where joy can be found in every moment.

Our time with the Mouse flew by - something that seems to happen with all our vacations - but I know we'll get back there someday and make a whole bunch more memories.

The Holiday Season (aka, The Chaos Season)

Thanksgiving was upon us almost as soon as we got back from Disney. We hosted our first family Thanksgiving dinner at our new home, and it was quite the spread as we had everything from deviled eggs to fried turkey. There would be many more epic meals throughout the weeks that followed as it seemed like we were on the road every weekend from roughly the end of November up through the beginning of January. My wife and I are fortunate in that our families are all within driving distance, so while we may log a lot of miles in getting from here to there at least we aren't like many other families who wind up spending more time around the holidays sitting in airports or dealing with other travel-related woes than with their loved ones.

My Mom's birthday is in December and she would be celebrating her 60th in 2012. Since it was a definite special occasion, we took her to a local restaurant that offers a style of cuisine that's quickly become one of our favorites, that being a Brazilian steakhouse. I had been introduced to them earlier in 2012 when a good friend of mine and I visited one while we were attending a software conference in Greensboro, NC. This particular restaurant is called Cowboy Brazilian Steakhouse (note that that's the correct spelling; they don't use a plural or possessive form of the pronoun) and it's in the heart of downtown Columbia. I don't think I can give credence to the food with mere words; do yourself a favor and search out a restaurant of this kind near you. If you're a meat eater like me, trust me, it's some of the best food you'll ever have.

I planned a quick trip to Charleston for Jill & I the weekend before Christmas. Charleston is within a 90 minute drive for us and we love visiting that area. We go down to the low country (as it's referred to here in South Carolina) a couple times a year but the days we spend there always seem to get cut short because of having to drive to and fro. For this reason, I thought it would be great if we spent the night. I booked us a room and we got into town fairly early in the day that morning. We normally wander around the historic city market as there's an amazing assortment of shops and restaurants to enjoy in the area, and we began this trip there.

It was while walking around the market that I got a call from my Uncle notifying me that my Mom had been injured while stopping at a gas station in Kershaw county. She and my Aunt had been on their way to Lancaster to see some friends and members of our extended family when they decided to take a restroom break. Mom doesn't remember what happened to cause the fall but she wound up taking a tumble that resulted in her suffering a laceration to her lower lip and an upper humeral fracture on her left side. To put that in more simplified terms, she broke the part of the bone in your upper arm that connects to the shoulder socket.

Luckily enough, Mom wasn't alone when she got hurt. Like I said, my Aunt was traveling with her that day and she was a great ally in helping my Mom through the process of getting treatment. My Uncle coordinated the flow of information amongst everyone as the situation changed throughout the day. Jill's Mom & Dad were brought into the ordeal. We'd dropped off our dog at my Mom's house since she'd agreed to keep him overnight while we were out of town, so Jill's Mom came and got him then took him to their home for safe keeping. I felt bad that we were out of town when this all happened, but there was nothing we could've done to help. I've talked with my Mom about the calamity she went through that day and she agrees with me, which makes me feel better in light of it all.

Mom has since had surgery to repair the damage and is going through physical therapy now. She has a lot of work ahead of her in getting back to being fully functional, but I know how strong my Mom is. She's endured divorce, raised a child as a single mother, taught elementary school for more than 30 years, had both knees replaced, successfully fought breast cancer and undergone a double mastectomy, lost both of her parents, and now this. No, her name isn't Job, it's Barbara - she's my Mom, I love her, and I know her spirit and her body will endure this trial as well.

We had originally planned to host Christmas festivities at our house but with Mom's injury it wound up being more convenient if we all came to her. Me, Jill, my Aunt & Uncle, my Mom and her dog all celebrated Christmas together (yes, Chewie opens his own presents). It was a house packed with family and that's the way it should be.

Jill & I have a unique arrangement as we get to open presents 3 times seeing as how we celebrate once with my family, again with her family, then a third time with just the two of us - well, three of us counting our dog Roddy. It was a really special feeling to have Christmas in our own home. It's one more thing that only a few years ago a part of me never thought I'd get to do.

To Infinity...

I'm going to go ahead and be blunt about this. Right now I have no idea what comes next for my wife & I. I mean I have things in mind that I'd like to do but to say we have definitive plans for what we're going to be doing with ourselves in the near future is totally up in the air. (The only definitive venture we're plotting now is trying to start a family - bow-chicka-bow-wow.) That's not a bad thing, though, because I'm discovering living life one day at a time to be fairly rewarding. We're one month into 2013 and life is about as good as it's ever been for us. We're both gainfully employed, we have our own home, we're healthy, and we have a fantastic relationship. I wake up every morning feeling thankful for all that I have and all that I am, pleased with another opportunity to go out into the world. I have everything that I need and so much more. I think that's about the best way I could end this update entry, by simply being appreciative.

And so much for that brevity thing, huh? It's overrated.

Zombie-proof house?

I've seen quite a few articles on the web in the past few weeks regarding a house that has been erected (tee-hee) on the outskirts of Warsaw, Poland.  The house was constructed by design firm KWK Promes with the intention of delivering a home for a client who was interested in maximum security.  "Maximum security" for most people would pertain to fending off potential home invasions or vandalism, however in this case "maximum security" would seem to involve surviving something just short of direct contact with a mid-to-high yield nuclear weapon judging by the look of the house.

In essence, they carved a house out of a block of concrete.  Here's a description of the so-called "Safe House" from its developers (additional text and pictures available at HomeDSGN).

The clients’ top priority was to gain the feeling of maximum security in their future house, which determined the building’s outlook and performance. The house took the form of a cuboid in which parts of the exterior walls are movable.

When the house opens up to the garden, eastern and western side walls move towards the exterior fence creating a courtyard.

After crossing the gate one has to wait in this safety zone before being let inside the house. In the same time, there is no risk of children escaping to the street area in an uncontrolled way while playing in the garden.

The innovation of this idea consists in the interference of the movable walls with the urban structure of the plot. Consequently, when the house is closed (at night for example) the safe zone is limited to the house’s outline. In the daytime, as a result of the walls opening, it extends to the garden surrounding the house.

The sliding walls are not dependent on the form of the building. That is why this patent can be applied to both modern and traditional, single – and multi – storeyed houses covered with roofs of different geometry.

This universal solution we came up with gives a new type of building where not the form but the way of functioning is the most important. The name: “safe house” gains a new meaning now.

Accomplishment of this idea required the use of technically complex solutions. The most significant are the sliding walls (both 2,2 m high, 22 and 15 m long), which allow to interfere with the urban structure and determine the safe zone of the plot.

They are not the only mobile elements of the building. Apart from these, there are large shutters (all 2,8 m high, with a width ranging up to 3,5 m, opening up to 180 degrees) and a drawbridge leading to the roof terrace above the swimming pool.

The southern elevation is closed by an enormous roll-down gate of 14 and 6 m manufactured by a company normally supplying shipyards and air companies. It is made with white anodized aluminum which makes it possible to  function as a movie projection screen.

All the movable elements are based on built-in electronic engines, that guarantee safe  operation.

Wide glazings behind the movable walls let the building acquire energy during the day (winter) or prevent the sun’s heat from going into the house (summer).  At night, when the house is closed, the thick outer layer helps the building to accumulate the gained energy.  Such a solution together with the hybrid heat system (most of the energy is gained from renewable sources – heat pump and solar systems supported with gas heating) and mechanical ventilation with heat recovery makes the house become an intelligent passive building.

Every day the house acts in a similar way – it wakes up every morning to close up after the dusk. This routine reminds of the processes occurring in nature – the house resembles a plant in its day and night cycle.

The house resembles a plant, eh?  I'd say it resembles a cinder block, actually, but who am I to judge?  I don't think a more fruity spin than that could've possibly been applied to such an industrial-looking structure.  I've seen prisons that come of as being more warm and cushy than this thing.

Be that as it may, when the minions of the Internet caught wind of the existence of this home they went into a tizzy over the idea of a house that could - in theory - assist you and your loved ones in overcoming the perils of the almost-certain-to-happen-within-our-lifetime zombie apocalypse while also maintaining a dwelling that is absolutely posh in the process.  Indeed, fanboys with massive nerd-love for everything George Romero's ever created were seemingly salivating over the idea of repelling legions of the undead from the assured safety of this house. (I have to admit the possibility of mowing down a throng of zombies with a machine gun turret sounds awesome.) However, much like the hundreds if not thousands of hapless victims of zombie lore who thought they were doing everything right only to have their entrails ripped out by a hungry ghoul, I don't think they've thought this house through quite well enough for it to be dubbed zombie proof.

At first glance, the house definitely appears to be a secure structure in terms of its construction.  Reinforced concrete, while not a typical construction material in the housing market, is a great choice when it comes to options for preventing penetration (tee-hee).  Short of an attack using military-grade weaponry, I would have to agree that this home could take just about anything when fully closed.  I question the choice of creating a perimeter wall that does not appear (judging by the available photos of the site) to completely surround the property; this does nothing but create a mild hindrance to potential adversaries.  Aside from this, the primary areas of concern I have when examining its design are the roll-up security door and exposed glass around the pool as well as that of the connecting pathway to the pool.

Why?  When the zombie apocalypse comes, it will be a virulent outbreak the likes of which has not been seen on this planet since the era of such diseases as the black plague where significant portions of the world's population were affected.  Invariably, the people (those who aren't infected) will look to their governments for aid, and invariably their governments will fail to be able to assist them all.  Knowing that they are on their own, otherwise law-abiding people will degenerate into a state of lawlessness.  Looting and violence will be rampant as people accept that they must do whatever is necessary to survive, up to and including murder for the sake of acquiring supplies.  This being the case, one would have to assume that said vandals might have the wherewithal to organize and have the capacity to execute a strategical assault upon a compound like this one.  Assuming these vandals had access to heavy equipment like bulldozers or, God forbid, armored vehicles such as a tank, the perimeter walls, the roll-up door, and the glass are going to be about as effective in deterring an attack as a saltine cracker will be against a sandblaster.

As an aside to this, I'd like to revisit a portion of the description of the house pertaining to the shutters and their functionality that stood out to me.

All the movable elements are based on built-in electronic engines, that guarantee safe  operation.

If this were a movie, the mention of "guaranteed safe operation" would be a moment of foreboding on an epic scale. (I'm talking foreboding on the level of an admittedly impossible scenario where the designer of the Titanic claims his creation is an unsinkable ship while having a conversation with the crew of the Apollo 13 space mission.) It would be the point in the film we're reminded of 30 minutes later in the picture when a wayward bumble bee flies into the apparatus and renders it completely inoperable, leaving us all standing around with dumbfounded expressions on our faces as we realize that our impenetrable fortress of "guaranteed" survival suddenly has a lot in common with a piece of Swiss cheese.  Is there a manual override to the system? (Even if there was, in the event of an attack I highly doubt it would be something that could be engaged quickly enough to head off the danger at hand as it would take a lot of effort to move all those pieces at once.) Likewise, what are we to do if we seal ourselves in then some time later go to disengage the mechanism only to find that none of the gears are turning?  Have we unwittingly entombed ourselves?  Will performing maintenance on the system require an engineering background or will knowledge of small engine repair suffice?

Following our example, we have now created a scenario where the home has been effectively breached - this without even directly involving our original intended opponents, the zombie horde.  As someone living inside the "safe house" at this point, we must shift our strategy accordingly and hope that our cinder block of a house can be salvaged.  Does the home have internal defensive structures?  Can an effective perimeter be established?  Are there safe areas within the home that can serve as a fallback point?  Do these safe areas provide us access to supplies that might be required for use in a prolonged assault or allow us to in some way communicate to the outside world in the unlikely event that military troops or police forces arrive?  These are all pertinent and relevant questions which will have hopefully been addressed in the design phase of the home because if we as survivors are trying to make rush decisions in the midst of combat we are almost certainly doomed.

Much like situations involving being stranded in a foreign landscape (such as a vehicular failure that leaves you in an isolated condition with limited supplies), enduring an assault by zombies boils down to two factors: Survivability and sustainability.  Survivability pertains such things as having shelter and tools that will aid you in navigating a harsh landscape, whereas sustainability is the process of maintaining those items which are crucial to life like food and water.  Lets examine both aspects as they relate to this home.

• Survivability

In planning a true zombie-proof dwelling, there are many factors to consider.  The potential end of mankind as we have known it will come with haste, so quickly that an attempt to develop a plan of survival after the fact will be extremely difficult if not altogether pointless.  The basics of a survival plan for successfully outlasting the zombie apocalypse would include stockpiling of necessary goods like food (preferably MREs - Meals Ready to Eat - but also taking into account the potential for growing your own food supply; I'll touch on this later in the Sustainability section), water, medicine, fuel, batteries, tools, building materials (lumber, concrete, and the like for the purpose of assembling barricades or performing structural repairs when needed), weapons, ammunition, etc.  This inventory would be large as we may be forced to exist cut off from the outside for years.  The question then becomes where to put it all?

In configuring a home like this, it would be wise to incorporate a sprawling subterranean element with separate compartments for each set of materials so that, for example, if a mishap occurs with our weapons cache we won't have inadvertently ruined our food supply.  This ultimate basement of sorts would need to be secure yet accessible, which is a challenging combination of characteristics to implement; arguably more challenging than the effort needed to assemble our stockpile of supplies.

Maintaining some sort of communication with the outside world will be vital, not only in terms of being aware of what's going on out there but also potentially keeping in contact with others who could provide critical information or assistance.  Radios capable of communicating on civilian and emergency frequencies, networking equipment for connecting to the Internet via a hardline or cellular transmission, and satellite phones make for an idealistic combination as there is an amount of redundancy in place.  We should never forget the simplest of options in this regard, though.  There's nothing elegant about signal flares and bonfires but it is difficult to discredit their effectiveness in alerting potential rescue operations of our whereabouts (a certain amount of restraint should be used in deploying these as there's a chance it could inadvertently alert looters or the undead to our whereabouts).

We're going to need energy in the form of fuel (gasoline, diesel, bio-diesel, etc.), electricity, natural gas, batteries, or what have you to keep crucial systems within the home functional.  Along the same lines, generators would be helpful although they aren't a permanent solution to our consumption needs as they, themselves, require fuel to function. (Renewable energy sources such as solar power and wind turbines would be ideal for use in this circumstance, and setting up a collection farm for these resources somewhere on our compound is a paramount concern.  This is one topic that stands to be worthy of discussion in terms of both Survivability and Sustainability.)

Pacifism will more than likely not be an option when the zombie outbreak occurs.  There will be acts of violence all around you and the time will inevitably come where you will be forced to defend yourself either from uninfected intruders or the living dead.  Since our adversaries present similar but different weaknesses, a combination of armaments - guns and blades - would be preferable.

In terms of firepower, your immediate desire might be to go for automatic weapons with laser siting and a compliment of attached accessories.  What you'd wind up with is a fancy rifle that you more than likely aren't going to be able to maintain or re-arm all that easily.  A better option would be to equip yourself with simplistic guns which make use of readily available ammunition.  A .38 caliber revolver, a semi-automatic .22 caliber rifle, and a pump-action shotgun make for a solid combination of weapons that don't require formal military training to maintain and for which ammunition will be much easier to locate.  These will be adequate for defensive purposes but also for hunting. (Crossbows or compound bows aren't necessarily bad choices as they have their uses; carrying enough arrows or bolts to be effective could become cumbersome, though, and I question the stopping power of a bow & arrow against more than one attacking zombie.)

When it comes to dispatching the undead, remember that removing the ghoul's head or otherwise destroying its brain are the only methods of guaranteed destruction.  Hits to the torso or extremities of a zombie may impede its mobility but will not eliminate the threat it poses. (A crawling zombie is just as deadly as a walking one.) It is recommended that head-shots be your primary objective as well as that you maintain as much distance as possible between yourself and your targets.  Close-quarters combat with the living dead should be avoided if at all possible, however should you find yourself in this situation (perhaps having been forced into it by way of a limited supply of ammunition) a bladed weapon may be your best option.  Machetes, hatchets, and axes are readily available, relatively light weight, easy to use, and stand the best chance of helping you keep yourself alive during an encounter.  More exotic weapons like swords should be avoided; unless you happen to be trained on how to properly use one, that is, and that the weapon in question was constructed with the intention of being used in combat (replica swords are typically made of low-grade materials that are not battle-ready and stand a good chance of failing catastrophically).

Dealing with an assault by human forces stands to be more challenging than dealing with the living dead for a number of reasons, primary among them being that zombies don't have the ability to develop a strategic plan of attack.  Their hunger is all that drives them and their only true methodology is to rely on overwhelming numbers rather than clever maneuvers to achieve their goal (if you can call eating a person's brain a goal, that is).  This being the case, the tried and true advantages typically sought in warfare will hold for our compound, those being to know our surroundings and to maintain the high ground.  It might not seem that these facets of combat offer much hope but they are our best options seeing as how we'll have limited, if any, reconnaissance information relating to the forces we'll be facing.  Being overly aggressive is to be overly risky, after all.

• Sustainability

It goes without saying that along with the end of humanity so too shall many of our modern creature comforts follow suit.  Sure, I'd like to think that once the zombies begin to overrun segments of our landscape that those areas which haven't yet been touched might still be able to function and provide us with access to things like Wendy's hamburgers but I have a feeling that people barely making minimum wage aren't going to be willing to risk being eaten alive for the sake of serving up greasy fast food.  This being the case, in order to prepare for the rise of the undead we're going to have to be able to maintain ourselves with adequate sustenance.

Gathering a stockpile of canned goods is an obvious strategy.  Earlier in this piece I mentioned MREs, which have been used for decades by soldiers fighting on the front lines.  They consist of foods that have been freeze-dried or are otherwise loaded with so many preservatives that they last virtually forever.  Unfortunately, while they are great for long-term storage they aren't necessarily all that palatable.  Nevertheless, if ever there was a situation where beggars can't be choosers, this is it.  MREs are readily available from any number of vendors including local military surplus stores, making them incredibly easy to obtain.

The potential for existing on nothing but MREs for years is a potentiality most folks would just as soon avoid.  That said, it is advisable to consider the possibility of living off the land surrounding our compound.  Hunting missions could be considered if game is prevalent, however hunting is generally inadvisable.  The chances of encountering a throng of living dead would be too great, and even if you were able to escape into a deer stand or some other contraption your adversaries could easily outlast you making the effort nearly pointless.  In contrast to this, the notion of growing crops is quite sound.  Establishing an area of the compound to serve as something of a farm or greenhouse should be explored as fresh vegetables will provide a wealth of nutrition.

Having access to fresh, clean drinking water is absolutely vital as the chances of dying from inadequate hydration are much greater than dying of starvation.  Our compound will need water collection and filtration systems so that rainwater could be gathered.  On the off chance that our home is located near a source of fresh water, and assuming it isn't affected by some sort of contamination, it would also stand as an opportunity for keeping ourselves from drying out.


A major consideration in developing the systems within our compound will be what sort of resources they'll require to function.  Electricity will more than likely be our primary source of power as fossil fuels are almost out of the question (unless our compound sits on an oil well and refinery, that is).  Solar panels and wind turbines are fantastic pieces of equipment in that they require very little in the way of maintenance and stand to yield sufficient energy to power our compound's necessary systems.


I realize that this is a lot of information to process and it's basically all for giggles seeing as how the notion of a genuine zombie outbreak is just plain fantastical.  Granted, when faced with an element of realistic calamity we more than likely aren't going to have access to a home resembling anything remotely similar to this supposed "zombie-proof" dwelling.  These are, however, useful (not to mention incredibly idealistic) recommendations that could be used in developing a survival strategy for dealing with natural disasters.  They are proof that with adequate planning we as human beings can use our skills of adaptability to survive just about anything.  Preparedness is an asset not to be dismissed so easily as the idea of the dead rising up out of the ground to walk again.


Now please excuse me while I attempt to adapt myself to the taste of MRE peanut butter...