10 Things That Will Help You Survive a Walt Disney World Vacation

My wife and I have just recently returned to the "real world" after having spent a week at the All-Star Sports Resort at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida. It was a fantastic trip - a truly magical combination of experiences and happenings that we're both incredibly happy and humbled to have been able to take part in. This was our second trip to the House that the Mouse built (as a couple, that is) and by now we consider ourselves to be seasoned veterans when it comes to being a guest therein. We know the ins & outs of what there is to be had and, what's more, I'd like to think that we know how to make the best of any situation we might encounter.

I bring that last bit up because of the fact that one of the prevailing memories I have from this particular trek are the folks we saw who did not look like they were having a good time at all. (In my opinion, not having fun is a difficult thing to do around those parts - I sincerely believe that if you're having a bad time at Disney you're probably the one to blame.) From the sourpuss expressions to children screaming in disagreement, from grown-ups arguing with each other to kids in strollers being unwittingly used as battering rams to get through crowds, my wife and I have pretty well seen the worst of what being at Disney World can bring out in people. To be quite honest, it's kind of scary. Case in point, we witnessed a family squabble over how a check for a meal would be divvied up while having dinner at Liberty Tree Tavern in the Magic Kingdom and we also saw a couple get into a physical altercation while at Epcot Center.

Walt Disney World, despite all its beauty and grand assemblage, can be trying on a person's constitution. On any given day you're likely to be dealing with massive crowds, humid weather, transit issues, and ride queues with waits so long that you could conceivably pass the time by catching up on episodes of your favorite TV shows.

That said, instead of putting together a recap of our vacation in blog form (which I sort of did last year after our first Walt Disney World vacation - click here for that entry, then skip down to the section titled "Walt Disney World is Awesome") I thought I would do my best to share some tips with you, dear reader, on how you can best make your way through time spent in "the happiest place on Earth" without developing a sincere desire to commit an act of violence upon a member of your own family.

10) Bring Only What You Need To Survive

If you get the reference, give yourself 10 points and a gold star for the day

With this, I'm talking about stuff but I'm relating the point to two environments. The first is what you bring with you on vacation in general. Clothes, toiletries, medication - essential items necessary for each of us to function from one day to the next. The second and arguably more important point is what you bring with you when you go to the theme parks.

Almost every group or family that comes into the theme parks has at least one individual burdened with carrying a backpack of some variety. Bringing a backpack is a great idea. You can keep all your stuff together in one neat and fashionable package. However, problems arise when people bring more than what they need.

Don't bring your iPhone, your iPad, your biggest, thickest jacket, 3 pairs of flip flops, 9 bags of chips, a copy of War & Peace, and a 6 pack of Diet Dr. Pepper. Leave that crap at home - you're going to the Magic Kingdom, not on an aid mission to Haiti, for crying out loud. Along these same lines, I'll point out that any bag brought into the theme parks is subject to inspection prior to entry, meaning if you bring a bag expect it to be searched before you get so far as the ticket booth.

So what do you need? In the case of my wife and I, that's 2 bottles of water (you can bring in bottled water so long as it's sealed), our cameras, and a wallet. (Yes, we have our cell phones but we usually keep them in a pocket as you want to have quick access to it for photos and video or whenever the urgent need to tweet sets in.) That's a fairly light load, which isn't a bad thing because it means the person carrying the bag isn't going to be worn out from lugging it before lunch and it will also leave room to store any acquired baggage like purchases. Depending on the day and the park you're visiting, necessities might also include things like a change of clothes, a towel, rain gear, sun block, etc.

The bag also makes a difference. Your average backpack is great, but I would suggest something made from nylon as it's resistant to moisture and stains. We carry a Sitka Gearslinger made by Maxpedition - it's a great bag that's come in handy for a number of years.

9) Footwear is Your Friend

It's hot in Florida about 90% of the year. By "hot", I mean the temperature is at or above 85° and that's not even considering the sort of humidity you can expect to encounter which only exacerbates the situation. Sandals and flip-flops may sound like a good idea, however I would contend that they're actually a horrible choice if you're going to be spending your days pounding the pavement at the theme parks.

Running or cross training shoes are a great choice as they provide cushion and support. They also grant protection against things like rain (as well as other forms of moisture) and debris but also stroller strikes (more on strollers later) and sunburn. (Trust me when I say that you should consider yourself lucky if you've never had sunburn on your feet - it happened to me on our honeymoon!) Additionally, I will say that investing in good socks with padded soles can really do great things for your feet.

SIDE NOTE: I had the misfortune of coming down with what's referred to as golfer's vasculitis during our most recent trip. I include this here because golfer's vasculitis is a randomly occurring heat rash that typically affects the lower extremities of golfers but also commonly affects that of visitors to Walt Disney World. It happened to me the day we were at Epcot Center; I noticed the trademark red splotches and that my ankles were swelling. By the time we got back to our room, I'd begun to have chills. I was slightly worried about what was happening but as it turns out this is something you more or less just have to endure as it will eventually go away on its own.

8) Buses Be Crazy

My wife & I choose to stay on the Walt Disney World property at one of the resorts. One of the biggest benefits to doing this is the fact that you have free transportation to any of the Disney facilities provided to you in the form of a transit system of buses, boats, and monorails that will ferry you to and fro at no additional cost. You can literally park your car and not drive again for the entire duration of your stay (so long as you don't desire to leave the compound, as it were). Every morning we would look forward to boarding a bus near the lobby of our resort as we knew it wouldn't be long before we'd be at the front door of the park we'd be visiting that day. Each resort has its own designated bus stop with pick-up points for each of the theme parks; in turn, the theme parks have pick-up points for each of the resorts and, in some cases, certain of the other parks as well.

As great as the transportation services are, they are not without their share of quirks. The buses don't run on a schedule but there are enough of them in circulation that you can count on one showing up at a given pick-up/drop off point at least once every 20 minutes. That doesn't mean you're guaranteed a spot on said bus, though, as there are often situations during busier times where a bus will fill up. That said, we find that it's usually best practice to allow yourself a 30-45 minute window based on where you want to be and when for bus service.

The tricky aspect of Disney transportation is when you wind up having to transfer from your resort to a theme park in order to get to another resort. This happened to us this year on one evening in particular as we had dinner reservations for the Hoop-Dee-Doo Musical Revue at Pioneer Hall in the Fort Wilderness Lodge. To get to Fort Wilderness we would first take a bus from our resort over to the Magic Kingdom, and from the Magic Kingdom we took a boat to Fort Wilderness. We thought we were going to have to take another bus but Pioneer Hall wound up being within walking distance of where the boat dropped us off. We made it to where we were going in time, but the point of this is to say that leaving early is a good idea because you never know when delays might crop up.

Believe me when I say that these buses will take on passengers until they are nearly bursting at the seams. The Disney buses are equipped with handrails that are intended to let patrons stand in the aisles safely while riding. I wound up standing quite a bit during our most recent trip; it's not that bad, although I will point out that these buses don't exactly stop on a dime. When the driver engages the brakes, you'd best be holding on tightly else you're going to wind up in someone's lap or on the floor.

If you get into a hurry, though, and you feel like you'd be best served by driving to wherever it is you're going on the grounds, as a resort guest you do receive complementary parking at each of the parks. The only issue here is the fact that you don't get any kind of preferential parking, meaning you might get to the park quicker but you might also wind up in a lot about a mile from the front gate.

7) Hygiene, Please

I can't think of a gentle lead-in to this comment. Some people stink and I don't know whether or not they realize it. Several times during our most recent trip we would be in amongst a crowd of people and I found myself overcome with the stench of body odor. I'm talking about the kind of funk that not even an entire can of Axe body spray could cover up.

Before I go further, I know there are medical conditions that can cause a person to give off an odor; I'm not talking to those individuals. There's a difference between having an ailment and having poor hygiene. This is to the people who either don't bathe or think they can get one more wear out of their favorite shirt even though they had it on when the rode the Khali River Rapids and that was 2 days ago. If you're staying in a Disney resort, there's no reason for you not to bathe with soap and shampoo at least once a day because every room gets stocked daily with plenty of both. Please do the rest of us a favor - give yourself the classic "pit sniff" test and if you get a whiff of something foul, take 10 minutes to scrub off the cheese before you forcibly introduce your musk to the rest of us.

6) Don't Be Normal

How often do you get a chance to cut loose these days? Chances are if you're a working stiff like most of us are, the answer is not nearly often enough.

That's one of the best parts about being on vacation, and on a Disney vacation it gets even better. Where else in the world is it okay for a grown man to wear a set of mouse ears? Or a baseball hat shaped like Pluto? Or to have their picture taken with characters like Buzz Lightyear and Mr. Incredible?

Vacation is about having fun and there are very few occasions in the real world to do the sort of things that being in Walt Disney World allow. Did you grow up adoring a certain character? Go out of your way to get to a character meeting involving them! (Trust me when I say that the characters do an amazing job of creating a unique, one-on-one encounter with everyone they meet.) Bring silly t-shirts, wear Crocs with socks every day, or something of the sort - take full advantage of the opportunity, in other words, because when you leave it's back to wearing the monkey suit (a phrase I use to affectionately refer to the sort of clothes I'm expected to wear to work).

5) "Value" is NOT Synonymous With "Cheap"

I think people have the opinion that taking a Walt Disney World vacation is only slightly less expensive than taking a trip to the moon. I don't know where this comes from because the truth of the matter is that we've been able to do it two years straight now and at a tremendous bargain.

I will be upfront in saying that the time of year you want to visit the Mouse will dictate greatly the kind of offers that are available for staying in the resorts. For example, we have gone the week of Veteran's Day for two reasons: 1) We both have Veteran's Day as one of our paid holidays, and 2) by booking that time of year we were able to get a package that included the cost of staying in the resort, theme park tickets, and a free dining plan. Yes, you read that last part right - a FREE dining plan.

For our trips, we've thus far opted to stay in what Disney refers to as their "value" resorts (we were in the Pop Century Resort last year and this year we were at the All-Star Sports Resort), which puts them at the bottom of the spectrum as they also offer "moderate" and "deluxe" accommodations. Trust me when I tell you that this is a great way to save money. Sure, you could opt for nicer digs, but the fact of the matter is that we are typically in our room long enough to sleep, bathe, and get dressed. (PRO-TIP: All hotel rooms look the same when your eyes are closed!) The rest of the time we're out and about enjoying our vacation. Why pay more for a higher-end room?

The view from our front door at the Touchdown building of Disney's All-Star Sports Resort

What's more, I don't find there to be that big of a difference between the moderate and value rooms, at least not the ones I've experienced. I stayed in the Coronado Springs resort in 2008 when I was attending a conference - it's a moderate resort and I could not tell you anything about that room which was superior to the ones we've had on our recent vacations. All the rooms I've seen have been spacious and equipped with all the necessary amenities (including refrigerators).

I mentioned the free dining plan. In selecting a value resort, the offer included a free dining plan featuring what Disney calls "quick service" meals, which is more or less their descriptor for fast food. (If we'd have selected a moderate or deluxe resort we'd have gotten what they call "table service" meals, which involves more traditional, sit-down and order style restaurants.) The plan gives each guest an allotment of meals and snacks; in this situation, we received 2 meals and 1 snack per day which was fine for us as we brought breakfast items like Pop Tarts with us and kept them in our room. Don't let that fool you, though. Just because it's fast food doesn't mean all you have to choose from is hamburgers and hot dogs (although you could conceivably get that). When we were at Epcot Center we had lunch at the Seasons restaurant that's located inside The Land pavilion. My wife had a bone-in, seared pork chop that was probably 1.5 inches thick smothered in a tomato barbeque sauce and served with garlic mashed potatoes. She also had her beverage and a strawberry shortcake desert. It was the kind of meal that would've cost you upwards of $20 in a steakhouse but it cost us absolutely nothing! That's just one example of the kind of food you can expect to encounter while at Disney.

This was my lunch at Be Our Guest - IT WAS FREE!

We had a 7-day reservation with a 5-day theme park ticket package. So how much did all this vacationing actually cost us?

Right at $1,300.

You can't get a hotel room for a week in most resort towns for that kind of money and yet we had our room, our park tickets, and we got fed. Also, since we booked in advance we were able to pay an initial deposit of $200 then we had up until 90 days prior to our vacation to pay off the balance. It takes some budgeting and planning, but the point of all this is to say that YES, you can take your family to Disney without breaking the bank!

4) Pace Yourself

Something that any seasoned Disney veteran will tell you as a beginner is that it's important to understand in advance just how much there is to do and see at any of the theme parks. There is so much more to these facilities than what one day will allow for, even with certain of them opening early and staying operational later for resort guests. (Did I mention that if you stay in the resort you get access to Extra Magic Hours, a program wherein at least one park opens early and/or stays open late just for resort guests? No? Well, there, I did it.) The fact of the matter is you've got to have goals for your day and you've got to understand that you will get eaten alive by the grandiose nature of the thing if you try to do too much.

You'll see it on the faces of your fellow guests. It's a look that is equal parts 3-day binge hangover and post-awesome sex fatigue. Their bodies are utterly exhausted and yet they ache for more of what's put them into said condition.

How do you avoid this? (I know some of you reading this might not want to, given my description; that's fine, just pack plenty of energy drinks and consider getting a B-12 injection.) It may be unavoidable but the best means I've discovered are to set realistic expectations for your day. Make a list of the attractions you're most interested in experiencing, like a top 3-5, and have that as your goal. Anything you do on top of that is thick, luscious icing on top of an already bountiful cake.

Another part of this discussion is the concept of overexertion. I don't care if you're a triathlete, you're going to get tired while you're at Disney. It's vital that you take a few moments each day to rest and recover. Sit on a bench and get in a bit of people watching (trust me, it's more entertaining than it sounds). There are water fountains everywhere - use them in lieu of drinking 15 Cokes a day and stay hydrated.

3) Plan Ahead

It wasn't that long ago that Disney World guests were more or less forced to wing it in terms of trying to plot out their adventures with a schedule. You had to wait until you arrived on property to get an idea of what the park hours were, what were the show times, and if there were any ride closures to be concerned about. That's not the case anymore as Disney has done some fantastic things in making smartphone users the kings of their own virtual kingdoms.

Near the end of 2012, Disney launched the My Disney Experience app for Android and iPhone (sadly, and for whatever reason, no version exists for Windows phones). The app allows resort guests to manage literally every aspect of their vacation - from dining reservations to ride wait times, it's all in there.

Before I go further, I feel like I need to describe that for almost every attraction (meaning rides as well as shows) there are two lines - standby and FastPass+. Standby is your traditional first come, first served queue. FastPass+ is a line only accessible by patrons who have booked a reserved spot on a ride during a given time frame (usually an hour). Everyone gets the same ride experience, however FastPass+ patrons get preferred access when it comes to who gets seated first. In other words, if I'm a standby patron I might have to wait 30-45 minutes to get on a ride whereas if I'm a FastPass+ patron  I might have to wait 5-10 minutes to get on a ride.

"How does one get this FastPass+?", you ask. Read on, dear reader!

FastPass+ is an evolution of Disney's original FastPass system which saw park guests use their ticket in order to access a kiosk nearby a given attraction that would then spit out a paper ticket with a time on it. This time was when you, as a patron, were guaranteed a quick jump to the front of the line. Problem is and always has been the fact that only so many FastPass-es and FastPass+-es get issued per day. What that means is that preferred access to particularly popular rides is sometimes difficult if not impossible to get. In turn, this means a patron might wind up spending upwards of an hour waiting to get on a ride. This is especially true for one ride in particular, Toy Story Midway Mania at Disney's Hollywood Studios. It's a fun ride but FastPass-es for it are almost always gone within an hour of the park opening and the standby line is commonly posted as being anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes.

(SIDE NOTE: Is it a fair system? Kind of, but not really. It's been implemented in the hope that more patrons get to partake in more experiences, but I think it's wound up being a deal where more people spend more time in one line as opposed to less time in 5 lines.)

Using the app and FastPass+, patrons can schedule a window of time during which they'll be able to access a ride weeks in advance. All but gone are the days of having to run from one ride to another as soon as you get inside a park - the older paper ticket kiosks are still there for some attractions but they're in the process of being phased out. You'll more than likely still have a brief wait even with FastPass+ reservations but it will be significantly less than that of the poor sods relegated to kicking it in the standby line.

Trust me when I tell you that my wife had a ball in using this app as she was able to secure for us a range of FastPass+ reservations. The fact that it can provide up to the second wait times for rides as well as use GPS to locate your exact position on a map of the park makes it the perfect companion for a trip to any of the Disney parks and a great tool for scheduling your day.

2) Realize That Unique is Often Better Than Expensive

I mentioned earlier how much our vacation cost us. I think we're fairly frugal people and we like to get the most bang for our buck. It goes without saying, though, that if you want to do so you can spend untold thousands of dollars on a vacation like this (between your room, food, purchases, and other amenities). The thing is, just because you spent a lot of money doesn't mean you got the most out of your opportunity or, perhaps more importantly, that you were able to make lasting, valuable memories with people you love.

One of my favorite moments from our 2013 vacation was when we took several classes at the Animation Academy within Disney's Hollywood Studios. DHS when it first opened was called Disney-MGM Studios; the partnership with MGM eventually soured and they were dropped from inclusion. At one point in the history of the park, inside of it existed a functional animation studio - this was back when animators made cartoons and films using pencils, paper, paint, and cells. That studio has since been emptied of its easels, but the spirit of animation survives as in its place now sits the Animation Academy where park guests can come to learn how to draw some of their favorite Disney characters.

The classes are about 20 minutes in length and they feature instruction from an actual Disney animator. They don't cost anything extra, either, as it's included in standard park admission. If you can't draw at all you're more than likely not going to come out of the class as a Rembrandt but at the very least you'll come away from it with your own drawing, however good or bad it may be. More importantly, as was the case for my wife & I, you'll leave with a fresh set of memories involving time spent doing something fun and unique with a person (or people) you adore. It's the kind of experience that tends to get lost in all the hubbub of a vacation like this - I'm glad we took the time to make it a part of our plans.

1) Exercise Patience

You can ruin a Disney vacation by not observing just a little bit of patience. To that end, there are three things you have to accept when on a Walt Disney World vacation.

1. At some point during your stay, you will suffer an injury to your lower extremities as a result of having been struck by a stroller or motorized wheelchair (I'm convinced that certain people use these devices more as battering rams to make their way through crowds than as a method of conveyance)
2. You will spend significantly more time waiting to get on rides than you will spend on said rides
3. You're in the same boat as the guy or girl next to you - no point in whining or arguing because none of that will make it better

What I'm getting at here, especially with the third item in that list, is the notion that the lines and delays are unavoidable. You have to accept it but you can also do something about it. Play a game on your phone that's good for a group (we saw several folks playing Heads Up!), have random and rambling conversations about nothing in particular, or debate the subtleties of how Episodes I-III of the Star Wars franchise would've been better (or worse) if Jar-Jar Binks had been killed early on in a horribly bloody lightsaber accident. It's not that hard, and chances are once you get the ball rolling your time spent in queue won't seem that bad because you've got something to effectively occupy the time.

When we were on our 2012 vacation, we saw two families almost get into a fist fight while at the Magic Kingdom waiting to see the Main Street Electrical Parade. They were arguing over the fact that one group had taken up a position that was in front of the other. Maybe it's just me, but that didn't seem like grounds for a man to verbally threaten a woman with physical violence. The whole scene could've been avoided if cooler heads had prevailed - as it was, we wound up watching the parade on eggshells wondering when the first punch was going to be thrown.

Things happen on vacation just as they do when you're at home or at work. Don't be overly dramatic about it, whatever may come. Room keys malfunction, MagicBands don't always work, and occasionally the lady at the lunch counter serves you up a chicken sandwich instead of a bacon cheeseburger. Deal with it with tact and professionalism, not drama and spite. It frustrates me to no end to watch grown men and women make a scene out of an issue that's not exactly life-altering in its scope. You may think Walt Disney himself has something against you but I can assure he doesn't.

In wrapping this up, let me reiterate an opinion of ours that I hope has permeated this blog - when it comes to vacation destinations, we'd sooner go to Walt Disney World than just about anywhere else. Even going two years in a row as we have, we've managed to find new things to do and enjoy while also revisiting our favorite attractions. I don't know that we'll be back in 2014 but if we receive a similar offer we'll definitely consider it. Otherwise, and Lord willing, we may find ourselves on another big boat floating somewhere out in the Caribbean.

WWE Live at Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, SC (November 6, 2013)

[Author's Note: This is an expanded version of an event report I submitted to the professional wrestling news website Pro Wrestling Insider, PWInsider.com. They published my original piece, which you can view at this link.]

It might seem somewhat childish, but I'm a 33-year old man who still enjoys watching professional wrestling. "Rasslin", as it's sometimes referred to down here in the South - it's the sort of thing that gets you a funny look when you admit to being into it as an adult because, much like cartoons, it's one of those things that society expects to be appealing only to kids. Fact of the matter is, though, I've watched it ever since I was a young lad and I see no reason to stop. Sure there are times where the stuff that makes it to television makes me slap my head because of how ridiculous it is (wrestling is a "soap opera for men" is a phrase I've heard, which is mostly accurate), but the reality of it is that this is a form of entertainment and at this point I'm working on better than 20 years of knowledge regarding the continuity of this story. Not that the plot will ever end, but leaving now would be akin to watching Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back but never bothering to check out Return of the Jedi.

What's more, a common interest in pro wrestling is one of the things that my wife & I share. She informed me of her fondness of it when we first got together and consequently I've used that to my advantage as I've dragged her to some, shall we say, incredibly questionable venues thanks to our mutually confessed adulation of wrestling. That brings us to the event we attended this past Wednesday, November 6, 2013 - an edition of WWE Live held at the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, South Carolina.

This was taken by a photographer at The State newspaper as we entered the building.

We arrived about an hour before the 7:30 PM bell time. I'm a stickler for this sort of thing as I am always paranoid about things like parking and getting through security without being rushed to make it to our seats in time for the show to begin. There were a couple dozen guys in the parking lot literally coming up to people in cars, sometimes following them to their parking spaces as they were still making their way into the lot, trying to sell fake WWE t-shirts and posters. This isn't an uncommon practice as I've seen it numerous times at various buildings; it's kind of funny because their products are always terrible quality but I guess people still buy them else they wouldn't be out there. (Suffice to say the stuff they're selling is illegal seeing as how the logos and likenesses they use are intellectual properties protected by copyright laws.) After we waded through them we got to the doors, and to my amazement the arena was already open by the time we got there. No queue, no delay, we went straight in. For that matter there wasn't even security at the gate - no wands, no bag checks.

Suddenly I got the feeling this might not be the most extravagant of WWE events. What I mean by that is it didn't exude the big time feel that I've had in the past when going to their shows. Actually, I had concerns about that going into the thing as far back as when I bought our tickets. Reason being, that same day WWE was set to begin a week-long European tour, meaning that while our show was happening a majority of the WWE roster was already in a different part of the world. What that meant for us, potentially, was a show featuring what could best be described as leftover talent. Not to say that they aren't good, just that the event stood to be lacking in star power.

When we got inside we browsed the merch booth and noticed something new. Seems as though WWE has gotten into the idea of selling professional photos of fans holding a replica of the newly redesigned WWE title. I didn't look to see how much the pictures cost but it's probably much cheaper than buying an actual replica belt as a keepsake.

PRO-TIP: I bought our tickets as part of a pre-sale event, and because of this I was able to get us front row seats right up against the railing near where the wrestlers make their way to the ring. I surprised Jill with them as I'd kept them hidden right up until we went through the gates. Pre-sales are usually promoted by event venues via some sort of mailing list, so if you are a fan of concerts and performances and want to get the best seats possible you'd do well to sign up with your local venues. I will tell you, though, that these pre-sales can be a blessing and a curse when it comes to being a patron. On the one hand, if you get in early enough on the pre-sale you can get some fantastic seats like I did. However, sometimes venues only open up certain sections in the arena for the pre-sale, meaning it may look like there are no good or ideal seats left when in reality there are likely still some to be had. To make matters worse, a lot of times some of the best seats get reserved for giveaways and other promotions, meaning the general public essentially never has a fair shot at them. There are a lot of tricks to this business, needless to say!

We found our seats and took a few pictures at ringside. We noticed that it looked like a slim crowd at that point but in my mind I likened the situation to Gamecock football games in that Columbia crowds seem to be late on arrival as a matter of principle. My wife went to the restroom before the show began and when she came back she said there weren't very many people on the concourse at the concession stands. By the time the show started, the floor seats were mostly full but there was what I'd call a "splash" of fans scattered around the lower bowl of the arena. I think Colonial Life holds somewhere around 10,000 at maximum capacity - I'd say there were less than 2,500 in attendance that night.

Tony Chimel was our ring announcer. I don't know why but I thought he'd been released from his contract with WWE at some point in the past (not an uncommon thing for them; almost every year after Wrestlemania there are a series of cuts made to the roster, usually for budgetary reasons but others as well). Regardless, he informed us that we'd have a chance to determine the stipulation to be added to the main event by tweeting or texting our preference. I have to hand it to WWE - involving the fans using social media and technology is pretty awesome, even if it oftentimes seems as though they make the choice an obvious one. ("Okay, guys - who do you want to see face Randy Orton? Hornswoggle, The Brooklyn Brawler, or John Cena...VOTE NOW!") We would get to choose between a street fight or no disqualification rules being added to the CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family tag team match. As an old school fan who's been around long enough to know I kind of shook my head over this because no disqualification technically could be the same thing as a street fight. I say that even though I know well enough by now that looking for logic in pro wrestling is like looking for a specific grain of sand on a beach.

1) The Primetime Players (Darren Young & Titus O'Neil) vs. Hunico & Comacho

Hunico made fun of a kid sitting behind us who was wearing a Sin Cara mask (which looks like this). If you don't get that reference, there was a point in time where there were two Sin Cara's - the real one and the fake one, who was Hunico in disguise. This was a good opener, albeit a classically structured tag team match where Darren Young played the good guy in distress who finally made a tag to Titus O'Neil who promptly laid waste to Hunico and Comacho. The Primetime Players won and got things off to a spirited start.

2) Jinder Majal vs. The Great Khali

Jinder came to the ring using his old entrance music from when he was a singles competitor - I guess he still is a singles competitor, but it seemed odd that he'd be using it since he's part of a group called 3 Man Band (along with Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre, who would be appearing later on in the show). I made the comment to my wife that he looked rather militant with his all-black garb; I doubt this wasn't intentional, seeing as how an Arabic character in professional wrestling is almost universally recognized as being a villain.

It pains me to watch Khali. At better than 7 feet tall, he's a physical specimen but he has severe limitations when it comes to mobility and dexterity. This was more or less every Khali match you've ever seen. He delivers a couple overhand chops to the bare chest of Majal then he gets some heat when he botches a kick to the corner (which looks awful because he doesn't kick, he just throws his leg over the rope), and finally he makes the comeback for the win.

3) Brie Bella w/Nikki vs. AJ Lee (WWE Diva's Champion) w/Tamina

This was advertised as being a Diva's Championship match but AJ got on the microphone immediately as she entered the ring and announced that she would not be defending the title tonight. This was a solid match, which was a great thing to see since WWE's female wrestlers are often criticized as being one of the low points of a given card. Brie got the victory after Tamina attempted to get involved only to have Nikki yank her off the apron.

Trust me when I say that the aesthetic differences between the Bellas, who are identical twin sisters, are especially noticeable up close. Nikki is more enhanced than her sister is, if you catch my meaning. Also, during this match there was some dude perched beside me on the other side of the railing who seemed to be trying to take pictures of the Bellas with an iPhone. I'm not sure who he was or what that was about, though.

4) Intercontinental Championship Match - Curtis Axel (c) vs. R-Truth

Axel, who has an incredible lineage as he is the grandson of Larry "The Axe" Hennig and the son of "Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig, ran down the crowd as being beneath him before the match. R-Truth came out to his usual pre-match antics, rapping and dancing on his way to the ring and getting the support of the fans in the process.

Curtis looked good coming off of a recent hip injury, although I want to be critical of the fact that his physique isn't anything to be especially proud of. I say that because here lately there have been a number of stories published by wrestling news websites regarding a talent named Khasius Ohno (who is better known as Chris Hero) who was more or less demoted from his position in the company for supposedly not focusing intently enough on developing his physical appearance. Why does a guy like him get thrown under the bus but not Axel?

Truth came off well here because it never felt like he wasn't capable of winning the match - right up until he finally lost, that is.

- Intermission -

5) Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre vs. The Usos

I can't lie, Drew & Slater are entertaining in the role of bandmates in the 3 Man Band gimmick. In the realm of potentially awful creative ideas that have been thrust upon otherwise solid wrestlers, that's the kind of thing that could end careers but these guys have found a way to make it fun if nothing else. The Usos, on the other hand, do nothing for me. Their work just seems sloppy and I do not get their appeal, at all. That said, the Usos won after what was a fairly competitive match with all parties getting involved.

6) Ryback vs. Justin Gabriel

When Gabriel came out I was hoping it wouldn't be Ryback as his opponent. To give those of you who don't follow wrestling an idea of why I didn't want it to be Ryback, Justin is a high-flying cruiserweight and Ryback would be considered a super-heavyweight who's so muscular that he looks like he could throw a Volkswagen through a brick wall. I didn't want to see a squash match this late in the card ("squash match" being wrestling vernacular for a match designed to make one competitor look better by having him soundly beat what is typically an inferior opponent), but but sure enough it was Ryback.

Ryback came out and tried to get the crowd against him by running down the University of South Carolina Gamecocks football team and how they're going to get beaten down by the University of Florida Gators in a few weeks. I'd like to have seen him say that to Jadeveon Clowney - that would've been entertaining, likely more entertaining than this match as a matter of fact.

The match went about how you'd expect it. Gabriel had a few fleeting moments of hope but couldn't get past Ryback, the guy who (WARNING - STRING OF WRESTLING & POP CULTURE REFERENCES APPROACHING) looks like Bill Goldberg wearing Rob Van Dam's singlet with randomly-placed Team Rocket logos on his gear.

7) Tag Team Street Fight - CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family (Luke Harper & Eric Rowan w/Bray Wyatt)

At this point, my wife & I got a little upset because we realized the card on this night was, in fact, subject to change (that little phrase has adorned every wrestling poster that I've ever seen, and for obvious reasons). In promoting the event, WWE and the Colonial Life Arena had advertised appearances by Kane, Paul Heyman, as well as Cody Rhodes and Goldust who are the current WWE Tag Team Champions. Not that we didn't look forward to the main event, but we were hoping to see Kane and The Rhodes Brothers. This goes back to my notion of this show not being all that loaded with star power, but hey - CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are a good get any day of the week as far as I'm concerned.

This match was the highlight of the night. The street fight stipulation won the fan vote (real shocker, that) but they never really took advantage of those rules - no brawling in the crowd or what have you. There was a point in wrestling's history where a match like this would've involved blood as it's a great tool that, when used appropriately, can add to the drama of a contest. That doesn't happen as often anymore as athletic commissions have had their say in trying to limit the dangers of exposing athletes and fans to blood-bourne pathogens.

There was some great work at the start of the match where it looked like Punk & Bryan would establish control early on but Harper & Rowan managed to get the upper hand by isolating Bryan, who took the bulk of the punishment from Bray's disciples. The Wyatt's introduced a kendo stick to the match, beating down both Punk & Bryan but Punk found his own kendo and evened things up. The finish came after Harper ran himself into a table that the Wyatt's had set in one of the corners after which Punk hit him with his signature finishing maneuver, the GTS (Go To Sleep).

 

After the match Bryan & Punk spent a good bit of time going around ringside, meeting with fans, taking pictures and signing autographs. I "slapped hands" with them and I will admit that in that moment I was a small child who just happened to be shaped like a grown man.

Overall I'd say that this show was quite entertaining but it was also very rushed. It started on time at 7:30 PM and even with the intermission it was done around 9:30-9:45. I guess these guys all had planes to catch in order to join the rest of the crew across the pond.